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AH Run-downs, summaries and general gubbins

Uhura's Mazda

{{{The Independents}}}
Published by SLP
Location
Tamaki Makaurau
MEPs elected for Libertas UK - Alliance for Democracy in 2009
  • East Midlands: Richard Elvin (Libertas)
  • East of England: Robin Page (UK First)
  • London: George Hargreaves (Christian Party)
  • North West England: Steve Radford (Liberal Party)
  • South East England: Steve Uncles (English Democrats)
  • South West England: Sir Ranulph Fiennes (Countryside Party)
  • Yorkshire and the Humber: Peter Davies (English Democrats)
UKIP reached its apogee in the European elections of 2004, with a hard-hitting billboard campaign and a candidate people had actually heard of in Robert Kilroy-Silk. In the months and years after that May, though, things fell apart for UKIP. First Kilroy attracted headlines with his quixotic quest for the UKIP leadership, then new Tory leader David Cameron pledged to take the party out of the Commission majority, and then the BNP started to surge electorally, leaving Knapman's party spinning its wheels on the starting line.

The final death knell for UKIP was the formation of the Alliance for Democracy, an electoral coalition formed by the English Democrats, the Continuity Liberals, Veritas (only after the departure of Kilroy), the Countryside Party, the Christian Party, the Jury Team, the Pensioners' Party and various other Eurosceptic micro-parties. This Alliance boasted two reasonably well-known candidates, in the explorer Ranulph Fiennes and the guy who presented One Man and His Dog, Robin Page, and therefore attracted significant column inches.

Their manifesto was timely: not only did the AfD key into the knee-jerk Euroscepticism inherent in the British (or, in deference to the largest member of the Alliance, English) psyche, they also made an impact with their policies to limit deficit spending, toughen sentences for violent criminals, cut benefits for the undeserving poor, and - most significantly - cut down on politicians' expenses. This anti-politician stance was useful not only in contrasting with the major parties, whose snouts were revealed to be extremely trough-adjacent by the press in a major scandal, but also in calling out the lifestyles of certain UKIP MEPs.

The final member of the AfD arrived in election year itself, as Declan Ganley's ego-trip Europarty, Libertas.eu, persuaded the AfD to accept its UK affiliate as a member in return for a large donation. This assisted the AfD in achieving 9% of the vote and 7 MEPs, although many voters seem to have been put off by the masturbatory nature of the Libertas name on the ballot paper, if the designs drawn on spoilt ballots can be taken as an indication.

These 7 seats brought the AfD slightly ahead of UKIP, on 5, and the BNP on 4. But their failure to wipe out UKIP bred more failure. The Alliance refused to countenance joining the same Euro group as either of their rivals on the Right, largely for ease of differentiation and to avoid allying with any unsavoury characters. But as the Tories refused to let them join their own new group, the AfD were forced to remain Non-Inscrits and subsist on less speaking time than other MEPs - and it was now vital to be able to put eyecatching speeches on the new medium of YouTube in order to remain relevant among the sort of obsessive, Extremely Online loners who A) watch Eurosceptic speeches on YouTube and B) form the core of the party activist class.

Furthermore, the decision to remain Non-Inscrits caused further trouble as Richard Elvin defected from the AfD to join the French Libertas MEP in UKIP's group, upon the orders of Ganley. This was the first of a wave of defections, with Peter Davies becoming an Independent and Hargreaves and Radford taking their parties out of the Alliance before their term was up. When Robin Page challenged Fiennes for the parliamentary leadership in 2013, they were put in a ridiculous situation of having to beg for the casting vote of Steve Uncles, the third remaining MEP. Page lost and defected back to UKIP, which was glad to see him as it was suffering from a similar level of shrinkage itself in its final years.

Needless to say, neither UKIP nor the AfD were returned in the 2014 elections, bringing a fascinating tale to a close - a rare example of micro-parties not only being able to work together for more than six months, but also achieve genuine electoral success by dint of this co-operation.
 

Yokai Man

Well-known member
MEPs elected for Libertas UK - Alliance for Democracy in 2009
  • East Midlands: Richard Elvin (Libertas)
  • East of England: Robin Page (UK First)
  • London: George Hargreaves (Christian Party)
  • North West England: Steve Radford (Liberal Party)
  • South East England: Steve Uncles (English Democrats)
  • South West England: Sir Ranulph Fiennes (Countryside Party)
  • Yorkshire and the Humber: Peter Davies (English Democrats)
UKIP reached its apogee in the European elections of 2004, with a hard-hitting billboard campaign and a candidate people had actually heard of in Robert Kilroy-Silk. In the months and years after that May, though, things fell apart for UKIP. First Kilroy attracted headlines with his quixotic quest for the UKIP leadership, then new Tory leader David Cameron pledged to take the party out of the Commission majority, and then the BNP started to surge electorally, leaving Knapman's party spinning its wheels on the starting line.

The final death knell for UKIP was the formation of the Alliance for Democracy, an electoral coalition formed by the English Democrats, the Continuity Liberals, Veritas (only after the departure of Kilroy), the Countryside Party, the Christian Party, the Jury Team, the Pensioners' Party and various other Eurosceptic micro-parties. This Alliance boasted two reasonably well-known candidates, in the explorer Ranulph Fiennes and the guy who presented One Man and His Dog, Robin Page, and therefore attracted significant column inches.

Their manifesto was timely: not only did the AfD key into the knee-jerk Euroscepticism inherent in the British (or, in deference to the largest member of the Alliance, English) psyche, they also made an impact with their policies to limit deficit spending, toughen sentences for violent criminals, cut benefits for the undeserving poor, and - most significantly - cut down on politicians' expenses. This anti-politician stance was useful not only in contrasting with the major parties, whose snouts were revealed to be extremely trough-adjacent by the press in a major scandal, but also in calling out the lifestyles of certain UKIP MEPs.

The final member of the AfD arrived in election year itself, as Declan Ganley's ego-trip Europarty, Libertas.eu, persuaded the AfD to accept its UK affiliate as a member in return for a large donation. This assisted the AfD in achieving 9% of the vote and 7 MEPs, although many voters seem to have been put off by the masturbatory nature of the Libertas name on the ballot paper, if the designs drawn on spoilt ballots can be taken as an indication.

These 7 seats brought the AfD slightly ahead of UKIP, on 5, and the BNP on 4. But their failure to wipe out UKIP bred more failure. The Alliance refused to countenance joining the same Euro group as either of their rivals on the Right, largely for ease of differentiation and to avoid allying with any unsavoury characters. But as the Tories refused to let them join their own new group, the AfD were forced to remain Non-Inscrits and subsist on less speaking time than other MEPs - and it was now vital to be able to put eyecatching speeches on the new medium of YouTube in order to remain relevant among the sort of obsessive, Extremely Online loners who A) watch Eurosceptic speeches on YouTube and B) form the core of the party activist class.

Furthermore, the decision to remain Non-Inscrits caused further trouble as Richard Elvin defected from the AfD to join the French Libertas MEP in UKIP's group, upon the orders of Ganley. This was the first of a wave of defections, with Peter Davies becoming an Independent and Hargreaves and Radford taking their parties out of the Alliance before their term was up. When Robin Page challenged Fiennes for the parliamentary leadership in 2013, they were put in a ridiculous situation of having to beg for the casting vote of Steve Uncles, the third remaining MEP. Page lost and defected back to UKIP, which was glad to see him as it was suffering from a similar level of shrinkage itself in its final years.

Needless to say, neither UKIP nor the AfD were returned in the 2014 elections, bringing a fascinating tale to a close - a rare example of micro-parties not only being able to work together for more than six months, but also achieve genuine electoral success by dint of this co-operation.
Well done,sir.
 

Tsar of New Zealand

Exceeding his yearly quota
Location
Wellington
New Zealand House of Representatives, 7 June 2019

The Government

National: The comparisons to Theresa May are worn out by this stage, but more valid than ever. Hard to tell at this point whether the party is abandoning Bill or he's abandoning the party - he certainly surprised everyone by agreeing the latest suicide stats are a sign of failure when John Campbell hauled him over the coals for it on Seven Sharp the other night, and all three of the pundits in this country who matter are already writing Coleman's obituary. At the same time, the party is nosing under 40 percent in the polls for the first time since (checks notes) the last time Bill was leader, and Judith Collins remains a steadfastly unflushable turd clinging to the side of the proverbial bowl.

New Zealand First: Which joke to make? The line about the Racing Minister's horses turning and eating each other, the 'off the rails' pun after Shane left in a huff when Winston couldn't squeeze enough funding out Joyce to keep the Northland Line open, or a selection from the venerable repository of old man jokes? Well, how about we split the difference and just point to their re-election chances?

The Opposition

Labour: A lot of (Labour-voting) people are claiming Jacinda is pulling a Helen Clark 2.0. These tend to be the same people who told us this time last year that Judith Collins was going to become Jenny Shipley 2.0, so your mileage may vary.
Meanwhile, Phil Twyford keeps moving from strength to strength with his attacks on Amy Adams. Turns out promising 34,000 extra homes in Auckland is only a good idea if Aucklanders can afford them, who knew?

Green: James Shaw made some political hay by going out on Parliament steps to address climate protestors, and joined their calls for a Zero Carbon Bill. Marama Davidson caused a splash by calling Paula Bennett's performance as Climate Minister "bullshit" in front of a class of highschoolers. And Julie-Anne Genter joined a cycling safety protest, to remind us she exists, too.

ACT: It would be an insult to United Future to compare David Seymour to Peter Dunne. Dunne managed to stay in government continuously for 15 years, while ACT couldn't even get back into a government that is the only reason they still exist.

Real New Zealand: Shane Jones has literally bought a literal caboose, and he is literally riding the rails to take his message to the provinces. Someone in KiwiRail is going to get an absolute bollocking from the Government for letting this happen, and they deserve to have been in the Queen's Birthday Honours.

Parties outside Parliament

The Opportunities Party: Gaweth gatecrashed a Labour branch meeting in Wellington recently to take them to task for "handwringing, limp-wristed, insubstantial policies that don't address the real questions facing New Zealand". While he has a point, I can't help but think that somewhere in the multiverse, there's a reality where Gaweth decided to fuck off and leave us in peace. I envy the denizens of that reality.

New Conservative: Have strenuously denied that they're in talks with Alfred Ngaro about an electorate deal. That's probably a good sign that they're in talks with Alfred Ngaro about an electorate deal.

Maori: Their website has been updated (for the first time in ten months) to state their disapproval of the recent Budget which cut funding for Whanau Ora. I am shocked, shocked, to hear of National betraying an old partner as soon as they've tied a knot in them and flung them behind the headboard.
 

Uhura's Mazda

{{{The Independents}}}
Published by SLP
Location
Tamaki Makaurau
New Zealand House of Representatives, 7 June 2019

The Government

National: The comparisons to Theresa May are worn out by this stage, but more valid than ever. Hard to tell at this point whether the party is abandoning Bill or he's abandoning the party - he certainly surprised everyone by agreeing the latest suicide stats are a sign of failure when John Campbell hauled him over the coals for it on Seven Sharp the other night, and all three of the pundits in this country who matter are already writing Coleman's obituary. At the same time, the party is nosing under 40 percent in the polls for the first time since (checks notes) the last time Bill was leader, and Judith Collins remains a steadfastly unflushable turd clinging to the side of the proverbial bowl.

New Zealand First: Which joke to make? The line about the Racing Minister's horses turning and eating each other, the 'off the rails' pun after Shane left in a huff when Winston couldn't squeeze enough funding out Joyce to keep the Northland Line open, or a selection from the venerable repository of old man jokes? Well, how about we split the difference and just point to their re-election chances?

The Opposition

Labour: A lot of (Labour-voting) people are claiming Jacinda is pulling a Helen Clark 2.0. These tend to be the same people who told us this time last year that Judith Collins was going to become Jenny Shipley 2.0, so your mileage may vary.
Meanwhile, Phil Twyford keeps moving from strength to strength with his attacks on Amy Adams. Turns out promising 34,000 extra homes in Auckland is only a good idea if Aucklanders can afford them, who knew?

Green: James Shaw made some political hay by going out on Parliament steps to address climate protestors, and joined their calls for a Zero Carbon Bill. Marama Davidson caused a splash by calling Paula Bennett's performance as Climate Minister "bullshit" in front of a class of highschoolers. And Julie-Anne Genter joined a cycling safety protest, to remind us she exists, too.

ACT: It would be an insult to United Future to compare David Seymour to Peter Dunne. Dunne managed to stay in government continuously for 15 years, while ACT couldn't even get back into a government that is the only reason they still exist.

Real New Zealand: Shane Jones has literally bought a literal caboose, and he is literally riding the rails to take his message to the provinces. Someone in KiwiRail is going to get an absolute bollocking from the Government for letting this happen, and they deserve to have been in the Queen's Birthday Honours.

Parties outside Parliament

The Opportunities Party: Gaweth gatecrashed a Labour branch meeting in Wellington recently to take them to task for "handwringing, limp-wristed, insubstantial policies that don't address the real questions facing New Zealand". While he has a point, I can't help but think that somewhere in the multiverse, there's a reality where Gaweth decided to fuck off and leave us in peace. I envy the denizens of that reality.

New Conservative: Have strenuously denied that they're in talks with Alfred Ngaro about an electorate deal. That's probably a good sign that they're in talks with Alfred Ngaro about an electorate deal.

Maori: Their website has been updated (for the first time in ten months) to state their disapproval of the recent Budget which cut funding for Whanau Ora. I am shocked, shocked, to hear of National betraying an old partner as soon as they've tied a knot in them and flung them behind the headboard.
Not enough micro-parties, 2/56
 

Yokai Man

Well-known member
Romania, 8 July 2009

Major Parties

PSD-“Look here ya mook,you better vote fer the Boss if you knowz what’s good fer you and da country.Okay,so maybe he and the boys MAY have stolens some milions of dineros,but everyone does it and besides I gave some of it back to you in forms of bribes and shit,so you is complisit in somes wayz.What do mean,”what about liberal democracy”,are some kind of fucking mason,its your fault for not being more coborative with uz by not voting uz eneff in the 2008 electionz and forcing us to deal with the facking opositions in the makings of a temperery techniratic guverment.Shuts up and vote fer mistah Nastase, who totes brought you into Nato and Europeand saved you from the gayz, again in December or I’ll facking crack your head open with a crowbar ya little shit.And stop asking about this “GlOBal ReCeSsION”,everything iz fine okay SHUT UP”

Alianta D.A-“Look,we know you wish an alternate to PSD and their left wing conservatism,but not all the country is like you,Middle Class Intelectual Who Supports Us.We NEED to reach out to them,we NEED a win.Hey,you hate corruption,right? We’ll deal with that in general and make this country an acceptable place to live in,so could you please ignore the equally shady things we did,the inner divisions and the fact we supported PSD’s “independent”technocratic govermment cuz we were in a deadlock in terms of seats ,we couldn’t manage to make a deal with Voiculescu and UDMR at the moment (oh yeah,ignore that as well) and also no one really wanted to deal with the global crisis thingie?Thanks dude,it’s totally gonna be worth it”

PC-“lol,like I care about your opinion,I just support whoever is in power, latch on a party the Boss made a deal with and get free seats in Parliament out of them”

UDMR-‘’ ugyanaz itt is,my good boy,except I have to deal with that kibaszott Tokes pina stealing voters from me cuz APPARENTLY they ain’t satisfied with the way I do shit.Fucking idiots,I OWN THEM VERJE MEG”

The Rest

PRM-’’IN YOUR FACE,YOU FUCKING IMPERIALIST JUDEO MASONIC FUCKS,WE JUST WON SEATS IN THE E.U PARLIAMENT.SO WHAT IF WE AIN’T IN THE PARLIAMENT ANYMORE (UNFAIRLY BY THE WAY,YOU AND THE CIA TOTALLY RIGGED THE ELECTION) OR THAT BECALI OUTRANK US,WE’RE BA-WHAT DO MEAN WE’RE BEING TICKED OUT OF OUR HEADQUATERS,YOU FUCKING MOSSAD BASTARDS”

PNG-„I AM THE EAGLE,I AM THE LION,I AM THE SALVATION OF THE LAND AND US AND STOENESCU AND THE BOSS ARE GONNA RULE ALL OVER US,YOU PAGAN FUCKS’’

PNTCD-’’please just give us a vote,we’re too desperate to care anymore about dignity.PLEASE’’
 
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