The cameras focused on Katty Kay once again. "When it became clear that Mr Obama's ambitious reforms could not be stopped, there were many commentators who thought that the American two-party system was, nonetheless, too entrenched to see a true multi-party system form." To her side, imagery of the former status quo appeared: the silhouette of the continental United States, divided into a blue half and a red half with a jagged fault-line down the middle. Each half had a faint, translucent white-grey silhouette of a donkey and an elephant, respectively, pointing towards each other as though facing off. "Perhaps some nuance might appear, the internal factions within the parties might become true parties, but the overall situation would be the same...
"However, this impression was rudely shattered in the heady summer of last year, 2015, which seems very long ago now - when the press were called to the lobby of Trump Tower in New York City..."
Rich (BB code):
FL-25
Lib 92,255 34.9%
Con 72,277 27.3%
Nat 40,226 15.2%
Prog 34,413 13%
Cst 18,815 7.1%
All 6,366 2.4%
Fus 0 0%
Total 264,353
MCs elected:
Lib
Con
Lib
"Sorry to interrupt you there, Katty. That was one of Florida's districts with the most Cuban exiles, just like Conservative co-leader Marco Rubio, and perhaps he has played a part in getting their vote out in this, his home state."
Unruffled, Kay nodded. "As I was saying, Mr Trump's announcement..."
The screen zoomed in to show footage that, though less than two years old, seemed to carry a debatably mythic quality to it, like a contested Star Wars sequel. As Kay had said, the gilded lobby of Trump Tower was filled with the assembled press. A golden escalator, like some prosperity gospel loony's image of Jacob's Ladder, occupied centre stage. At its feet sat a lectern backed by American flags, on it an orange clenched-fist logo and a slogan reading 'FOR THE NATION'.
The BBC archive reel had obviously cut out interstitial material, awkward pauses, and the paramedics being called at one point. Still, the audience watched the same familiar images they had witnessed so many months ago. Trump, tie firmly taped into place, his debatable hair like the prow of a battleship, descended the escalator like something from a Ferengi religious text. The image was barely spoilt when he tripped halfway down, fell head over heels into a railing and over the side, only to be saved by his snagged suspenders and catapulted into the air. He bounced, with surprising parkour athleticism, on a horizontal flagpole and landed with a perfect, if unintentional, Fosbury flop straight into a gigantic taco bowl next to the lectern.
Delicious guacamole spattered the entire rank of nonplussed journalists like Vulcan blood; the NYT correspondent thoughtfully put his finger in his mouth and sucked. The impact force had shattered the edible tortilla shell, and Trump dragged himself from the wreckage, covered in cream cheese and salsa. "That," he pronounced, "was a bigly Mexican conspiracy! I love Club Penguin!" Confused applause.
More flashes of edits from the BBC archive team, so the viewers didn't get to see Trump getting licked clean by a group of conspiracy theorists, nor him actually stepping over to the golden statue of Lady Columbia wearing a g-string and not much else, only the line "I'm going to grab this country by the [BEEP]." They also cut out the line where he misidentified her as Liberty and then unfavourably compared the statue's attractiveness to that of his daughter.
"Obama wants to change this country. Well, let me tell you, this is a great country, it's the best country. And we're gonna change that. This will be a new party. I've done new parties before. The Reform Party. That was a great party. Ross Perot. Great guy. Little guy. Great little guy. But this will be the best party, 'cause it'll be Donald J. Trump's party. The best. I make great deals. I make great parties. The best parties. National Party. National. That's a word. I know words. I have the best words. And this will be the best party. It'll be great." Despite the BBC editor's best efforts, there was only so much repetition that could be cut out. "The Chinese and the Mexicans. They're gonna be jealous of this party, because it's the best party. Lemme tell you, when we get to Washington, I tell you what we're gonna talk about doing."
Trump angrily beat his fist on the lectern in time with his words. "We're gonna talk about building a wall. We're gonna talk about stopping the Mexicans from comin' here. We're gonna talk about stopping the Chinese from takin' our industry. We're gonna talk about makin' America great again. At no point will we ever do any of these things. Obama is a scam. Obama spends half his time playin' golf. I'm gonna get that percent higher. Belgium did 9/11. And let me tlel you, when you go home tonight and sleep with your wives, at that moment of sweet climax, I want you to picture my face. Thank you, and may God bless the United States of America." More confused applause. The screen froze on the image of Trump's self-satisfied face, slightly spoiled by the piece of lettuce still hanging from one ear.
Rich (BB code):
ME-02
Cst 94,490 26.8%
Prog 94,288 26.8%
Nat 56,331 16%
Lib 50,674 14.4%
Con 30,348 8.6%
All 26,211 7.4%
Fus 0 0%
Total 352,341
MCs elected:
Cst
Prog
Nat
"Thank you Katty, one moment, and that was the second district in Maine, the rural northern one. Speaking of Mr Trump's National Party, there was some polling suggesting it might do well here in Maine, but actually - quite surprisingly, I think - Mr Cruz's Constitution Party has come first, just barely ahead of the Progressives, and the Nationals are actually worse off than they are in much of New England."
"Maybe all the National activists were eaten by Stephen King."
"Maybe. It does mean we can also calculate the party that came top across Maine, and therefore the two top-up seats..."
Rich (BB code):
Maine at-large
Prog 230,303 30.9%
Cst 157,285 21.1%
Lib 127,432 17.1%
Nat 110,422 14.8%
Con 67,885 9.1%
All 52,364 7%
Fus 0 0%
Total 745,692
MCs elected:
Prog
Prog
"And the Progressives take both by quite a margin. The Progressives are certainly performing well in New England. Perhaps you can tell us about them next, Katty."
"Perhaps, if I manage to finish anything without being interrupted," Kay said firmly but not waspishly. "Anyway, as I was saying, Mr Trump's announcement there - though you could be forgiven for, er, not actually realising what he was announcing - heralded the founding of a new political party. While it mostly drew on Republican activists and themes, the Nationals, even more so than the Progressives, have broken the mould of the two-party system. The Nationals are populist, anti-immigration, critical of free trade and the neoliberal global consensus."
"In that respect, can they be viewed as another arm of the anti-establishment and anti-immigration populist movements sweeping Europe?" Neil asked, doubtless prompting several Independence Party voters to send him death threats.
"Perhaps. There are unique aspects stemming from American political culture, however. Mr Trump has shocked the former Republican Party's establishment by effectively slaying many Republican sacred cows whilst having many former Republican voters flock to his banner, as well as some traditional Democrats who have grown disquieted by the party's focus on free-trade liberalism. This is not to say Mr Trump has not moved some of his own positions to meet those voters, such as abandoning his former opposition to assault weapons and his hostility to parts of the Republican media establishment, such as Fox News. Nonetheless, the National Party is accused of being a personality cult by its opponents, drawing on activists fanatically devoted to Mr Trump's message."
"Er, from that video...exactly what
is Mr Trump's message?"
"They won't say."
Rich (BB code):
SC-02
Lib 83,711 26.8%
Con 65,593 21%
Nat 60,720 19.4%
Cst 49,672 15.9%
Prog 36,880 11.8%
All 16,049 5.1%
Fus 0 0%
Total 312,625
MCs elected:
Lib
Con
Nat
"I'm sorry...back to the South there, South Carolina. Now that's interesting. Jeremy?"
"Yes Andrew. This district was Republican-held before, and the Conservatives and Nationals are jockeying for the former Republican vote, with the Constitution Party involved too. That actually means that the Liberals have come out on top."
"But it does mean there are two right-wing MCs and only one left-wing elected, no?"
"Correct, but as we just saw in Maine, it also matters which party comes top across the whole state. If the right is so divided in South Carolina, we could see its statewide seats going to the Democrats - something which has been unthinkable since that party was, erm, the situation was different," Vine said diplomatically.
Rich (BB code):
FL-09
Lib 131,159 36.8%
Nat 65,246 18.3%
Prog 64,209 18%
Con 54,904 15.4%
Cst 29,201 8.2%
All 11,810 3.3%
Fus 0 0%
Total 356,530
MCs elected:
Lib
Lib
Nat
"Florida again, but here Mr Rubio's Conservatives do not seem to have as much home-field advantage, to use the appropriate American phrase?"
"Ah, well, this district is quite different. It includes half of Orlando, which our viewers at home will know is the only important bit of Florida, where all the theme parks are. So two seats to the Liberals, and Mr Trump's Nationals get the third seat. Maybe people who want talking anthropomorphic mice to all go back to California."
"Don't try to be clever, Jeremy."
Rich (BB code):
OH-02
Con 97,617 27.5%
Lib 78,912 22.2%
Nat 71,586 20.2%
Prog 61,861 17.4%
Cst 28,675 8.1%
All 16,218 4.6%
Fus 0 0%
Total 354,868
MCs elected:
Con
Lib
Nat
"More infighting on the right, this time in the south of Ohio. It appears Mr Kasich's personal vote may have played a role, just like Mr Rubio's, yet the third seat nonetheless goes to the Nationals once more."
Rich (BB code):
PA-12
Nat 125,686 34.6%
Fus 87,319 24%
Lib 75,446 20.8%
Prog 62,036 17.1%
All 12,652 3.5%
Cst 0 0%
Con 0 0%
Total 363,139
MCs elected:
Nat
Fus
Lib
"And another result from Pennsylvania. This is an area north of the city of Pittsburgh. As a reminder, Pennsylvania is one of only a few states which redraw its districts for this election, so we are really in the unknown here. The Nationals are well ahead, but the Fusionists have managed to pull a seat out here. And here's the map..."
"Some early successes for the National Party here in what is usually considered a 'blue state' formerly in the Democratic column, there will be concerns over whether Mr Trump's message about industry has cut into what is known as the 'rust belt'."
"What wonderfully exotic political terms the Americans have, can you imagine if someone tried to import them into British politics and ended up looking really stupid? Ah, never mind."
Rich (BB code):
NC-09
Lib 94,354 27.4%
Nat 82,456 24%
Cst 68,994 20.1%
Prog 52,718 15.3%
Con 35,525 10.3%
All 9,842 2.9%
Fus 0 0%
Total 343,888
MCs elected:
Lib
Nat
Cst
"And that's another seat from the Carolinas, this time the North, where the Constitution Party is again polling more strongly than expected. But, again, note that the Liberals are on top in what was a Republican district. Will that be significant for the statewide vote?"
Rich (BB code):
VT-00
Prog 154,116 48.9%
Con 51,454 16.3%
All 41,132 13.1%
Nat 33,848 10.7%
Lib 24,457 7.8%
Cst 10,060 3.2%
Fus 0 0%
Total 315,067
MCs elected:
Prog
Prog
Con
"And...well, that is a result for the books. Vermont is one of the smallest, most rural, and most liberal states in the Union...or should I say most left-wing. This is, of course, the home state of Bernie Sanders, leader of the Progressive Party, who was formerly an independent left-wing voice in Washington for many years."
"Yes, it was here that the Liberals conceded some months ago that the Progressives might win a seat...as in, one seat in the whole of the nation, Mrs Clinton is reported to have commented. The reality looks quite different, a lot of water under the bridge since then."
"Indeed. The Progressives have almost half the voteshare and two of the three seats, with the establishment Liberals way down in fifth place; vox pops here expressed a particular dislike for them. Interestingly, the third seat has gone to the Conservatives, perhaps reflecting Vermont's liberal Republican tradition--"
"Americans use 'liberal' to mean too many bloody things."
"--yes - and the Alliance were not far behind. Supposedly, according to our correspondent there, because they spread an inaccurate rumour that a vote for them was a vote for Mr Sanders."
"Remarkable. And as Vermont has only one district, I believe you can also fill in the statewide result with the same vote..."
Rich (BB code):
Vermont at-large
Prog 154,116 48.9%
Con 51,454 16.3%
All 41,132 13.1%
Nat 33,848 10.7%
Lib 24,457 7.8%
Cst 10,060 3.2%
Fus 0 0%
Total 315,067
MCs elected:
Prog
Prog
"Same results, of course, which means the Progressives get the two top-up seats too. Four full seats out of such a small state. It's greener than a Pepe meme of Caroline Lucas doing the two Kermits stare with the Dat Boi unicycling frog."
"...what does that mean?"
"I don't know, it's just something a teenager said to me."
Rich (BB code):
FL-10
Lib 123,035 39%
Prog 71,899 22.8%
Nat 51,076 16.2%
Con 37,403 11.9%
Cst 21,583 6.8%
All 10,615 3.4%
Fus 0 0%
Total 315,611
MCs elected:
Lib
Prog
Lib
"Um, well, this is the other Orlando district in Florida, the important one, and you can tell it used to vote Democratic - two seats go to the Liberals and one to the Progressives, none to the right."
"Surely this
is the happiest place on earth."
Rich (BB code):
SC-05
Lib 90,668 29.6%
Nat 70,460 23%
Con 56,396 18.4%
Cst 48,535 15.9%
Prog 28,123 9.2%
All 12,018 3.9%
Fus 0 0%
Total 306,200
MCs elected:
Lib
Nat
Con
"Well, I don't know if the people of this district would agree. Once again, another former Republican-voting part of South Carolina, but look at that split. Again, will the Liberals actually top the polls across the state?"
Rich (BB code):
IN-06
Nat 116,701 38.7%
Fus 87,428 29%
Prog 44,075 14.6%
Lib 38,423 12.7%
All 14,897 4.9%
Cst 0 0%
Con 0 0%
Total 301,524
MCs elected:
Nat
Fus
Nat
"And that's our first result from Indiana. Indiana's sixth district, in the eastern part of the state. This is the former district of Governor Mike Pence, who we heard from earlier, when he was a Congressman."
"And it's very right-wing indeed, that's almost seventy percent of the vote going to either the Nationals or the Fusionists as they fight for supremacy!"
"Quite. Well, here's the map of Ohio and Indiana as these results come in..."
"Well. As we just saw that remarkable result for the Progressives in Vermont, perhaps now Katty can tell us about that party in turn?"