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Kimkatya's Kalamitous Kavern Kontaining Krap Kontent

There was nothing more emblematic, if less directly threatening than the democratic uprisings in the North-East and the South-East, of the failure of John Prescott's English Devolution than the seven year fall of the South-West Assembly. Built to appease the minor calls for Cornish regionalism with an extra sprinkle of ensuring progressive control in the South-West, a new assembly was declared in the great city of Exeter. Andrew George, first elected in 1997 for the Cornish constituency of St. Ives, was brought into power under the Liberal Democrats, thanks to extensive Labour tactical voting and the popular incumbency of Blair's greater second landslide.

As the years went by for the George regime, there were almost constant rumblings in the Eastern part of the region that George was mostly focused on old Kernow, especially considering his dealings with his old comrades in the Cornish regionalists. After all, what does a Cornish regionalist know about farming in Salisbury? As the Abolition movement, given the catchy name "Abolish!" was set up in regional assemblies nation-wide, they immediately gained a large following among communities disillusioned with control from Exeter. And of course, the Tories, under Somerset-born hard-right former parliamentarian Ann Widdecombe began courting the farmers and the second-home owners. The Labour leader, Dawn Primorolo, was widely considered to have been planted there to get rid of her, and she resigned in 2006 to try (and fail) to re-enter the Commons, before being given a peerage for her efforts.

2008 came, and 2008 hit hard. The Libdems were expecting to maintain their majority, but some canvassers could feel the disillusionment in their bases in Bristol and Cornwall, and the Tories swept in with a narrow plurality. Widdecombe of course put out feelers to Abolish! which were gladly accepted if they could work towards centralising power back to Westminster. Unfortunately, the best-laid plans of Widdecombe and Abolish were not to be seen through, as the genuine regionalist element within the Tories struck back with force, delaying all plans until an unnamed "later date". Abolish, not being the most patient of sorts, dropped from the coalition two years in, and Widdecombe resigned effective immediately as Leader of the South-West England Conservative Group.

The unfortunate thing is that Widdecombe's successor, whiz-kid and semi-regionalist George Eustice, could probably have taken back the reins of government, were it not for the unfortunate fact that it was leaked that his chosen new coalition partners were Mebyon Kernow, the Cornish regionalists.

This was not a good idea.

Immediately, those who had gravitated towards the Tories felt abandoned, and turned towards the next best thing, now lead by the woman who they had previously voted for. Widdecombe was called a turncoat every which way, but she lead Abolish into a full majority in the next election. And so it became. Abolish did as it said it would, and held a referendum to abolish the South-West Assembly. And Prescott's dream was done for a generation.
 
HACKNEY CENTRAL, LONDON
NEW YEARS’ DAY, THE YEAR 3001
“Hey Curtis, did you know that the new year actually takes place...


Curtis missed the stairs. As part of the big modernisation project, the corporation managing the building got rid of the stairs, and replaced them with new airlifts. Instead of simply walking down the stairs, you would be floated down on a cushion of air. The problem with this, of course, was that it immediately messed up any hairdo you had set up for yourself, leading to a major “Anti-Airlift” movement among those who cared. Curtis didn’t, but he always liked stairs. No one had them anymore. As he exited the airlift into the foyer, shaking his ruffled hair, he saw himself faced with what appeared to be a giant headless brown ferret with two blinking eyes coming from the center of it’s torso, wearing a hat. Curtis sighed, and tried to push past.

The ferret unraveled, twisting out into what appeared to be a legged blanket, it’s limbs moving strangely independently from the rest of its body, it’s eyes reaching out from stalks. A strained but clear voice rumbled from it, echoing throughout the room. “Curtis, I thought it would be better if I saw you in person.”
Curtis snickered. “Fuck’s sake, again? You know, Ferris, this is the third time this year that I have said to you that, no, I don’t want to get back together. I don’t do relationships anymore, and for another thing, us being together made me realise that faster than you would think.” Ferris slinked back.
“Let me finish. I’ve accepted it. I just want my stuff back.”
Curtis sighed. “Listen, I’ve got something to do, so come back to me this evening, at four or five, I’ll get you your stuff, and then can you please fuck off?”
Ferris did what Curtis understood as a grimace. “Yeah, got it.”

Curtis walked out into Churchill Street 76, the backwater of Inner Central London. The place was covered in more cans of booze and smelt more of piss than the apartment, or at least Curtis thought, as he took the walk off the road and onto the slightly more prestigious Churchill Street 35. The screens adorning the walls and windows, clearly rented out to Murdoch, suddenly lit up with the day’s news as Curtis walked past. “PRITYANIAN TORY SACKED FROM CABINET FOR INSULTING DEMIRIDIANS,” screamed the headline. Curtis sighed. God knows Demiridia had been through enough shit from British imperialism, only for the only member of the cabinet from a neighbouring planet to fucking despise them.

Curtis’s local tube station was a new, ugly thing, made out of the new indestructible glass stuff mined from that colony with the unpronounceable name. It was an entirely clear building, with the minor problem of the ugly grey boxes allotted for the toilets and the massive signs with arrows as a failed attempt to stop people walking into the walls. The tubes were packed as usual. As he darted between the crowds, Curtis managed to find his way to a tiny entranceway into the main part of the station. Curtis placed his hand on the sensor, and was surprised when he didn’t hear a beep..
“Hey.”
Curtis looked down to the electronic sensor.
“Please help me. I am in immense pain.” it said, completely neutrally.
Curtis waved his hand over to a nearby guard. “Excuse me?”
The guard looked at Curtis quizzically. “Hm?” he said, looking down at the sensor.
Curtis pointed at the sensor, continually repeating its cry for help.
“Ah, he does that sometimes. Throws a strop. Gerald, shut up.” The guard slapped the sensor lightly.
Gerald kept going. Quite a queue was beginning to build up behind Curtis, grumbling aggressively.
The guard looked towards the developing queue, and sighed.
“Attention, everyone.” he bellowed. “I’m going to need you all to disperse and use the other queues. Apologies for the inconvenience.”
The crowd groaned as it shuffled apart, and Curtis moved towards the back of the queue in the nearest sensor.

Curtis entered the door of the tube. Simple process, but it still slightly freaked himself out. There was something rather grim about being vaporised and having your consciousness travel through wires into a clone, but he supposed that was just part of living in London nowadays. He sat in the seat, which lay in a cold metal lozenge-shaped room, with wires darting people to and fro. He closed his eyes, and prepared for the slight discomfort...

And opened his eyes when none came.

“We’re sorry to announce there has been a major disturbance on the Holy God-Prince Line.”
Everyone in the tube groaned in unison.
“Please wait.”


Honestly still don't really know what i'm doing, i'm mostly putting concepts down on a page with some narrative eye-rolling.
 
Reading Crick’s Scargill and the Miners and my god it is so hard to parse the NUM conflict, I just wanted to learn about left-wingers in british labour unions.
It’s all “Scargill cited Rule 75, which meant that miners could not hold a national ballot unless they were wearing stripy socks. The Notts NUM, known firmly for their plain sock wearing, were excluded from this ballot. Therefore Miner Generica, the Notts Payment Magistrate, called a hurly-burly on Scargill, which of course meant that Rule 75 was not applicable.“
 
Reading Crick’s Scargill and the Miners and my god it is so hard to parse the NUM conflict, I just wanted to learn about left-wingers in british labour unions.
You were a fucking fool if you thought anything on British Trade Union would be simple. Let me show you the size of the books on Trade Unions and Labour in the 80s. 8B1C100C-21C5-4443-941E-C32E7F5CED50.jpegAFB828FA-FD85-4185-811D-1A3239F0C1B9.jpeg
 
You know, it's dawned on me that no one's done any HOI4 mod on the classic althist "What if Soviets controlled Europe?" question.
There's an idea there.

The central issue is that I really don't know enough about individual conflicts of the cold war and I'm too anxious to bullshit any of it, and also it would require doing hoi4 code, which is mostly tedious with rare bursts of satisfaction.
 
The Devolved Leaders of East Anglia
2004-: Alan Partridge (Conservative)
def: Everyone
==============================
my alan partridge fanfiction, a very alan coup, coming soon to a test thread near you

and by that i mean im going to spam @Comrade TruthTeller's with near daily updates
 
this is the most excited I have ever been for an upcoming TL since Part VIII of LTTW.
that was a joke, although I did have an idea for a faux-serious crossover political drama featuring Fernando Partridge with subtext about how Graham Linehan is a twat
 
that was a joke, although I did have an idea for a faux-serious crossover political drama featuring Fernando Partridge with subtext about how Graham Linehan is a twat

Well now I have to do it, then.

Knowing Me, Knowing EU: How One Failure-Ridden Radio Norwich Presenter took the UK out of Europe.

Of course, since Partridge originates from The Day Today, I can technically pull in Brass Eye here as well...
 
And now, a format I have stolen shamelessly from @Turquoise Blue, but less interesting.
1615570862626.png
1615570934199.png
FACT SHEET - UNITED KINGDOM
Country NameThe United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland
DemonymBritish (Britain, Northern Ireland)
English (England)
Scottish (Scotland)
Welsh (Wales)
Northern Irish (Northern Ireland)
Official LanguageEnglish
GovernmentDe Jure Constitutional Monarchy, De Facto Civilian Dictatorship
Head of StateHM Queen Elizabeth II (Since 1952)
Head of GovernmentTony Blair (L) since 1997
Government StatusEnforced Single-Party Civilian Dictatorship (Labour Party)
ReligionProtestant Christianity
Crisis LevelMedium
Possible Threat Towards DemocracyThe British have been allies since the start, and our intervention was to ensure their eyes didn't wander towards the lucrative deals of the Chinese and the Russians like the French.

However, our security has been publicly assaulted as of late, and certain union officials, having broke affiliations with the Labour Party are pursuing a general strike. The British military, of course remains stationed nationwide, and despite Chancellor Adonis pumping billions into arms, their assistance is beginning to slow.

The effect this could have on the pursual of democracy is to be seen.
 
So I've been watching a lot of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine lately, and I was thinking

Assuming that there is a useredit wiki in the Star Trek universe, which, according to the conventions of Alternate History, of course there is, I was wondering if one of the events from a particular episode (Season 3, Episode 3, The House of Quark) would be made into an article. Then I got to thinking about whether it is in fact a shitty stub article with names that were just assumed to be links and was clearly edited on Quark's behalf, because Star Trek is a big universe, so naturally they can't get to everything.

It'd take a good bit of image editing but I kind of want to do it
 
trying to make a shitty "independent london post-brexit civil war" map with @VT45's base map of london with boroughs

considering making a giant london as a hoi4 map so you can zoom *all the way* into finsbury, idk, if you want to
i have no idea what to do with most of the outskirts, west london, most of south london, and greenwich and lewisham
shoot your shitty london ideas at me
1615917091282.png
dark red in lambeth and southwark is ken and some trots, orange is libdems, dark green is rahman, cyan in bromley is farage types, dark blue in barking and dagenham is BNP types, red in islington, camden, haringey and hackney is socialists, purple in hammersmith and fulham, westminster and kensington is Shirley Porter hyper-kleptocracy, and redbridge and waltham forest is something to do with iain duncan smith idk i haven't decided yet

i'm aware this is not my best work or anything, but it's a peter snow-esque bit of fun to me

if anyone has any ideas for the rest, i'd love to hear them!

actually good stuff coming eventually
 
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