So it was more a stich-up than anything else? I honestly can't see Roberts cracking under pressure like that. At the very least, he's going to want more particularized evidence about specific states(and not say "sorry charlie, all the fraud you're allegeing won't flip the EC, I'm only ordering audits in districts where fraud is alleged that could plausibly flip the EC )
Generic DOOOOM on the Campaign Trail
"I refuse to concede that I lost this election, for I am a narcissist incapable of admitting defeat even though I kinda didn't want to be president at all. This was a rigged election, which I will prove with fabricated evidence!"
-President Donald Trump on Election Night, 2020
COURTS RECOGNIZE REALITY, CERTIFY OLD DEMOCRAT AS WINNER OF PRESIDENCY
TRUMP LEAVES OFFICE, PROTESTS BY SUPPORTERS GRIP NATION
VIOLENCE HAPPENS, SOME PEOPLE DIE BECAUSE OF KOOKY CONSPIRACY THEORISTS
NEW PRESIDENT STRUGGLES TO PASS AGENDA ITEMS BECAUSE REPUBLICANS ARE ASSHOLES
MORE VIOLENCE HAPPENS, FAMOUS PERSON GETS KILLED
-Headlines in Some Newspaper in the early 2020's
"Despite Trump losing, his supporters remain radicalized enough to resort to violence. White nationalism and/or conspiracy theories are gaining major traction among his former supporters, who are increasingly gravitating towards Scary White Nationalist Guy as their source of truth."
-Left-leaning journalist in A Left-Ishh Paper, 2023
"Hello, I am Scary White Nationalist Guy. I am tired of nonwhite people and non-Christians existing in this country, but I will not admit that I believe this openly. Instead, I will say I hate globalism and want to put this country first. I also may or may not believe in QAnon, Pizzagate, that 9/11 was an inside job, that the Earth is flat or that we are hiding aliens in Area 51. Hell, maybe I am Q. Those parts are not important though. All you need to know is I am running for president and I will win because I have the power of author fiat on my side."
-Scary White Nationalist Guy announcing his bid for the presidency, 2023
"As a respectable moderate Republican, I do not believe Scary White Nationalist Guy is a good choice for the presidency. He is not a respectable moderate and hates big corporations because he thinks they are run by the Jews. I owe a lot of my political success to those corporations so I have to oppose him, but I will also acknowledge that racism is bad if it gets me more positive press. Vote for me, not him."
-Respectable Moderate in a campaign stump speech in New Hampshire, 2023
"I do not believe Scary White Nationalist Guy is someone we want as our standard bearer. We only should nominate someone who embraces socially acceptable levels of racism, not someone who wants to create an ethnostate. Also I want to invade Iran and he does not."
"I hear your points, Wishy-Washy Republican, but allow me to retort: you, sir, are a cuckservative puppet of Israel."
"Alas, this will damage my campaign. Do not worry, however, I will ultimately endorse your campaign despite this exchange because I am an amoral politician who will go whichever way benefits myself politically."
-Exchange between Wishy-Washy Republican and Scary White Nationalist Guy at the first GOP debate, August 2, 2023
"Despite being an obviously insane candidate for office, Scary White Nationalist Guy is currently leading the polls. His supporters are all also scary. The Republican leadership cannot stop him at this time and he will likely triumph in the primaries. Even so, however, he will likely fail to win the election as he is insane. However, we ought to worry about him and his supporters engaging in acts of violence aimed at overturning the results should they lose."
-Different Left-Leaning Journalist in Slightly Further Left Publication, November 9, 2023
"I am firmly opposed to Scary White Nationalist Guy, obviously. I have to be. If I can't gain traction, I will support Respectable Moderate to stop him."
-Token Minority Republican, November 22, 2023
"I am obviously a bad person and since Scary White Nationalist Guy is also a bad person, I am endorsing him because I feel like it."
-Former President Donald Trump on Twitter, December 1, 2023
"We will work tirelessly to defeat any Republican nominated, but especially Scary White Nationalist Guy. I am a favorite of this website and so you will root for me far more than if I were a lame centrist presidential candidate. I want to implement universal healthcare and a Green New Deal and all that other cool stuff you like. But, realistically, you know that I cannot win given this is a dystopia. But you will be sad when I lose anyway."
-Beloved Progressive Candidate in a campaign appearance, December 9, 2023
SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY WINS IOWA
REASONABLE MODERATE WINS NEW HAMPSHIRE, WISHY-WASHY REPUBLICAN UNDERPERFORMS POLLS
SUPPORTERS OF SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY ASSAULT OPPONENTS WITHOUT ANY PUSHBACK, POLICE DO NOTHING
FBI INVESTIGATES OBVIOUSLY TRUE REPORTS OF RUSSIAN SUPPORT FOR SWNG OCCURRING ONLINE
HATED CELEBRITY ENDORSES SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY FOR NO REASON
BELOVED PROGRESSIVE CANDIDATE SECURES ENOUGH SUPPORT TO BECOME PRESUMPTIVE NOMINEE OVER GENERIC CENTER-LEFT OPPONENT
WISHY-WASHY REPUBLICAN ENDORSED BY REASONABLE MODERATE IN LAST MINUTE, DOOMED ATTEMPT TO STOP SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST
INTERNET IS FULL OF SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY PROPAGANDA
WISHY-WASHY REPUBLICAN CONCEDES DEFEAT, ENDORSES SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY SAYING 'I'M A COWARD'
-Headlines of Notable Moderate Newspaper With Strong Pedigree, January-June 2024
"I am now the nominee. This speech at the RNC is going to feature some generic conservative talking points. Tax cuts. Global warming is a lie. Strong national defense. Control our borders. But now I am going to say some scary shit. Maybe it's the 14 Words. Maybe it's WWG1WGA. Maybe I'll drop a racial slur or two. But this speech isn't meant to be realistic. It's meant to solidify that, yes, I am an absolute piece of shit. Yes, I will attempt to do evil things as president. And yes, my victory is inevitable because the mere fact I got nominated is proof this is a dystopia."
-Scary White Nationalist Guy at the RNC, June 15, 2024
"The military and police lean to the right. Due to this, they are overlooking Scary White Nationalist Guy's radicalizing of people to acts of violence or unwarranted aggression. This is very concerning. It could mean they help overthrow the government if Beloved Progressive Candidate wins. Don't worry, though, the FBI is immune to this."
-Respectable Centrist Journalist in Known Centrist Newspaper, June 20, 2024
"Hello, I am someone you are familiar with. Maybe I am a celebrity. Maybe I am a businessman. Maybe I am a politician-either a centrist Democrat or, worse, Tulsi Gabbard because this site hates her a lot. Either way, I am running for president. As to why? Because I can and there has to be some way to make Scary White Nationalist Guy win without winning the popular vote and this was the best way the author came up with. Fuck you all."
-A Narcissistic Asshole announcing his/her independent bid for the presidency, July 4, 2024
"Scary White Nationalist Guy is scary and a white nationalist. If he wins, many of us will die."
"These claims are uncredible. You are uncredible news. You are a disgrace and if elected I will make communism illegal and define communism as including any advocacy for universal healthcare."
"I am also here trying to #BothSides the debate."
"You are going to murder many people-"
"False. If you're not a WASP you aren't a person, therefore no people are gonna die. Also, if I lose, I will violently overthrow the government so I can become president anyway."
-Exchange between Beloved Progressive Candidate, Scary White Nationalist Guy and A Narcissistic Asshole at the first presidential debate, September 28, 2024
"I am a relatable Midwesterner. That means I have progressive tendencies and centrist ones, but am not also racist. Scary White Nationalist Guy is a racist who will not succeed in bringing your jobs back. So you should vote for Beloved Progressive Candidate."
-Some Midwesterner at a campaign appearance in Michigan, October 1, 2024
ASSHOLE TERRORIST MURDERS MEMBERS OF A MINORITY GROUP, SUPPORTED SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY ONLINE
SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY CLAIMS THAT MURDERS WERE 'FALSE-FLAG OR SOME SHIT'
DESPITE THE ABOVE, SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY'S NUMBERS REMAIN COMPLETELY UNCHANGED FOR SOME REASON
OBVIOUS RUSSIAN MEDDLING HAPPENS, REVEALING SOME SCANDAL THAT IS EITHER COMPLETELY FALSE OR IS NOT AS BAD AS BEING AN ETHNONATIONALIST
BELOVED PROGRESSIVE CANDIDATE'S NUMBERS DIP AS A RESULT OF THE MEDDLING-WTF?
-Headlines of That One Paper Your Dad Reads, October 2024
"And with most votes counted, we can confirm Scary White Nationalist Guy is going to win the presidency while losing the popular vote. Wow, what a truly original and unprecedented conclusion!"
-A Journalist Aware of the Fourth Wall on CNN, November 5, 2024
"I am in a secret meeting with my friends right now. I am gloating about my victory and confirming I will do evil things as president. However, you will not find out exactly what they are unless and until someone does a sequel presidents list or something."
-Scary White Nationalist Guy, November 6, 2024
Generic DOOOOOM Continued
"This wikibox gave the creator an undeserved sense of superiority because of how well it was received. For this reason, there is now going to be another wikibox. As a reminder, I am the president and I will now be mentioned doing specific crimes against humanity in the writeup. Also please ignore the 2016 in the infobox."
-Scary White Nationalist Guy, January 30, 2025
SWNG SUPPORTERS MURDER 13 MEMBERS OF CONGRESS DURING THE STATE OF THE UNION AS PRESIDENT CLAPS
EXECUTIVE ORDER REPEALING BIRTHRIGHT CITIZENSHIP UPHELD BY SUPREME COURT IN 5-4 RULING, 'DEPORTATIONS IMMINENT'
IN PRESS CONFERENCE, GUTLESS COWARD IN IT FOR POWER ALONE ANNOUNCES HE HAS ACCEPTED FASCISM, LEGALLY CHANGES HIS NAME TO 'FELLOW TRAVELLER'
MASS PROTESTS AGAINST SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY OCCUR IN MANY CITIES, SOME DECLARE COMMUNES BECAUSE CHAZ WAS A THING
-Headlines of Some Mainstream Media Outlet Who Cares, January-June 2025
"This fascist bullshit cannot stand. We must act to defend our country from tyranny, regardless of the risk to ourselves. We cannot be bowed by threats of violence."
"But you cannot stop me from committing a violence. Especially not while I shout a scary far-right catchphrase of some kind." *Gunshot*
"Oh no, I am dying. This part is very sad. "
-Beloved Progressive Candidate and Some Evil Bastard, June 6, 2025
"In just the first year in office, Scary White Nationalist Guy has radically changed America. He has had his scary and evil supporters murderer his opponents with no repercussions. He has also ordered violence against peaceful protestors, African-Americans, Hispanic-Americans, immigrants, Jews, Muslims, members of leftist groups, Native Americans, members of the LGBTQ community and other marginalized groups. Thousands of people have been imprisoned without trial and hundreds are believed to have been killed on his orders. Truly this is a dark time for our nation."
-Liberal Journalist Writing from Exile in a British Paper, January 25, 2026
"Dear liberals, if you didn't want to be sent to prison why did you demand better rights for prisoners?"
-Small Face Man on Twitter, February 17, 2026
SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY BLOWS UP GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE DURING RUSH HOUR, JUSTIFIES ACTIONS WITH STATEMENT: 'I WAS BORED AND THEY WERE ALL ANTIFA ANYWAY PROBABLY'
AMIDST CUTS TO HEALTHCARE FUNDING, CORONAVIRUS REAPPEARS SUDDENLY IN CALIFORNIA, GOVERNMENT TO DO NOTHING
VIDEO OF SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY SAYING THE N WORD IN CALL PROMISING TO DO WHATEVER VLADIMIR PUTIN TELLS HIM TO DO CAUSES 1% APPROVAL RATING DROP
-Headlines of Some Lucky Newspaper Not Being Censored, 2026
"I have spent nearly two years consolidating my power. I have caused death and misery to my enemies. Despite this, we will still be holding an election in 2028 because I am that confident in my success."
-Scary White Nationalist Guy, January 3, 2027
"I will fulfill the promise of Beloved Progressive Candidate. For this country deserves things that are good instead of bad. I am not as much of a favorite as Beloved Progressive Candidate was but I assure you I too am a great progressive choice."
-Liked Progressive Candidate announcing their bid for the presidency, March 17, 2027
"Look, I like nice things as much as the next guy. But we must be realistic. They will never happen. Things suck. And promising to radically remake America to make it not suck is going to make us lose. We need someone who is prepared to compromise with the people who elected a guy who wears a Klan uniform to the State of the Union. We need someone with experience, even if that includes experience in supporting Republicans like George W. Bush who were actually good. We need someone who is reasonable. You know-a lame centrist. I am that lame centrist and I am proud to be your lame centrist candidate for presidnet."
-Lame Old Centrist announcing his bid for president, April 19, 2027
"What we are seeing in the Democratic primary is overall a clash of the titans. Sure, Neoliberal Lady Cop and Meme Candidate have their fans, but in the end this is a clash between Liked Progressive Candidate and Lame Old Centrist. Liked Progressive Candidate is hearkening back to Beloved Progressive Candidate's campaign, targeting young voters as well as members of various groups Scary White Nationalist Guy has been trying to subtly exterminate. Liked Progressive Candidate has claimed her rivals are tools of the system that paved the way for Scary White Nationalist Guy to come to power and don't recognize how profoundly his regime threatens everyday Americans. Meanwhile, Lame Old Centrist is seeking the support of older Democrats and moderates who took until this year to realize that fascism is actually bad. He is claiming he is the only one with a real chance of winning and has claimed the harder left sentiments of Liked Progressive Candidate are going to DOOOOM the party even more than Scary White Nationalist Guy has DOOOOMed the country."
-Center-Left Journalist in Center-Right Outlet, October 17, 2027
SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY HOLDS RALLIES IN 3 CITIES, SUPPORTERS COMMIT POGROMS IN 2\
ATTACK HELICOPTER FIRES ON LIKED PROGRESSIVE CANDIDATE RALLY IN DES MOINES, CANDIDATE UNINJURED, 32 KILLED
LAME OLD CENTRIST PROPOSES TAX CREDIT SYSTEM OF REPARATIONS TO EVERYONE CURRENTLY IMPRISONED WRONGFULLY BY THE SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY ADMINISTRATION
LAME OLD CENTRIST NARROWLY LOSES IOWA, WINS NEW HAMPSHIRE
MEME CANDIDATE DROPS OUT, ENDORSES LAME OLD CENTRIST IN MOVE THAT ANGERS ZOOMERS WHO LIKED HIM FOR THE MEMES
LIKED PROGRESSIVE CANDIDATE NARROWS THE GAP AFTER SUPER TUESDAY, REPORT OF MASS ARREST OF AMERICAN JEWS BY US GOVERNMENT
LAME OLD CENTRIST MANAGES TO CLINCH NOMINATION, GLOATS THAT 'CENTRISM ALWAYS WINS BITCHES', PICKS SOMEONE KINDA COOL I GUESS AS VP
-Headlines of Your Dad's Favorite Newspaper, February-May 2028
"Insert scary rhetoric here. Ooooo spooky."
-Scary White Nationalist Guy at the RNC, June 19, 2028
"We must reject the politics of Scary White Nationalist Guy in favor of the politics that made Scary White Nationalist Guy possible. Oh no, this is another timeline about how centrist Democrats suck and can't win elections by having them lose easily winnable elections isn't it?"
-Lame Old Centrist at the DNC, June 29, 2028
"Look, I know Lame Old Centrist is a lame old centrist. But look at Scary White Nationalist Guy's approach to government. It is fucking terrifying. I am literally begging you to not make this a heavy-handed allegory for the grave errors of centrism. Please do not."
-Someone Kinda Cool I Guess on Meet the Press, August 17, 2028
"I am telling you all that the DNC is guilty of using fraud to ruin Liked Progressive Candidate's chances. Her supporters should refuse to support Lame Old Centrist in protest of this and instead support me, someone diametrically opposed to her ideas."
-Scary White Nationalist Guy on Twitter, August 20, 2028
"I do not agree with this and you better shut the fuck up you Nazi."
-Liked Progressive Candidate, August 20, 2028
"Look, it's been clear for a while Liked Progressive Candidate has been steadily selling out to the establishment. And I know that Scary White Nationalist Guy has his pitfalls, that's for sure. But you know? I can survive him. Maybe you can't but that's a personal problem. And I personally hate centrists more than fascists."
-Some Dumbass Podcast Host, August 22, 2028
"Scary White Nationalist Guy has done massive damage to America. He has alienated our allies. He has uprooted our institutions. He has made my donors very unhappy. He has committed human rights violations across the country. And, worst of all, he is an asshole."
"You are a lame centrist."
-Lame Old Centrist and Scary White Nationalist Guy at the debates, October 19, 2028
IN FINAL WEEKS, POLLS TIGHTEN THANKS TO LAME OLD CENTRIST'S REPEATED LAMENESS
SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY PERSONALLY MURDERS GROUP OF OHIO VOTERS WHO SAID THEY WERE UNDECIDED OR LEANING TOWARDS LAME OLD CENTRIST, VOWS TO 'DO THE SAME TO THE REST OF Y'ALL'
YOUTUBE PSYCHIC PREDICTS APOCALYPSE IMMINENT IF SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY WINS AGAIN, RIVAL PSYCHIC PREDICTS THE SAME IF LAME OLD CENTRIST WINS
RALLIES HELD BY SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY DWARF SIZE OF RALLIES HELD BY LAME OLD CENTRIST IN FINAL WEEK
-Headlines of Serious Political Paper, October-November 2028
"OK, let's get this over with. Surprise, this timeline hates centrist Dems and makes them lose an election they should have won easily! Scary White Nationalist Guy also killed so many enemies that he won the popular vote. Damn this is a depressing timeline."
-A Journalist Aware of the Fourth Wall, November 5, 2028
"Centrism sucks kids. Don't do it."
-Lame Old Centrist, November 11, 2028
"I will now launch a nuclear war. This way the author is unable to do another pointless sequel that is probably much worse than the original. The End."
-Scary White Nationalist Guy, December 3, 2028
Alan Moore is a British comic book writer, author and occultist best known for his role as the 77th Archmagus of the Order of Illuminated Seers. Moore, a practitioner of a syncretic magical practice he refers to as 'Glyconian magic', represents the first Archmagus to root his practice in the chaos magic approach rather than a more established tradition. Moore took over the Order in 2000 following the Millennium crisis, where he led a group of sorcerers in combating a mass demonic incursion into England. Moore's defense efforts were among the most successful of members of the Order, thus earning him the position of Archmagus quickly after Castenada's death in a clash against Huitzilopotchli. Moore, as Archmagus, has defended humanity from a number of supernatural threats, including the Awakening of Typhon in 2003, the attempted Lemurian revival of 2012, an attempted takeover of the US by the Antichrist Augustus Invictus in 2018,and the Legions of the Dead's attacks in the period from 2015 to the present. Moore has been unusually public in his role as Archmagus, largely as a consequence of continuing to write novels and comics despite his position, and has been credited with mainstreaming occultism in western society after decades of suspicion.
This is the skeleton of something really funny. I actually cracked up when I saw the Klan Hood vs Jesus vs Charlie Sheen wikibox, so I suggest you make some more wikiboxes and really flesh this out.
I was picturing you posting this on the other site, and starting out acting like you're being kind of serious (actually saying Josh Hawley instead of Scary White Nationalist Guy &c) and getting people into it as you get sillier and sillier and your wikiboxes get dumber.
Fear, Loathing and the Occult on the Campaign Trail, 2024
"I put a spell on you
And now you're mine.
You can't stop the things I do.
I ain't lyin'."
-Winifred, Hocus Pocus
"If you think any of this wonkinessis going to deal with this dark psychic force of collectivized hatred that this president is bringing up in this country, then I'm afraid the Democrats are going to see some very dark days."
-Marianne Williamson (OTL, June 30, 2019)
"They shall soon rule where man rules now. After summer is winter and after winter summer. They wait patient and potent, for here they shall reign again."
-H.P. Lovecraft, The Dunwich Horror
"Intolerance is evidence of impotence."
-Aleister Crowley (OTL)
"When my predecessor ran for this office, he said he was going to make America great again. What he actually did was make America hate again. What you have done is showed him an important message: that the power of love, now and forever, shall triumph over hate."
-Marianne Williamson's victory speech, November 2020
MCCONNELL ANNOUNCES FILIBUSTER TO BLOCK APPOINTMENT OF KANDER TO VA
DEMOCRATIC HOUSE BALKS AT WHITE HOUSE-BACKED REPARATIONS BILL, DEFEATS IT 259-176
BOLSTERED BY 'QANON' CONSPIRACY THEORY, POLL SHOWS 47% OF TRUMP VOTERS BELIEVE WILLIAMSON IS 'CLOSET SATANIST'
LEAKS FROM WHITE HOUSE INDICATE WILLIAMSON FREQUENTLY INDULGES IN RITUALS DESCRIBED AS 'BIZARRE' OR 'OCCULT'
MIDTERM ELECTIONS SEES GOP RETAKE HOUSE DESPITE CONTROVERSIAL CANDIDATES
CONGRESSMAN-ELECT INVICTUS DENOUNCES COMMERCE SECRETARY YANG AS 'FAKE AMERICAN'
SENATE REFUSES TO HOLD HEARINGS FOR SUPREME COURT VACANCY CAUSED BY DEATH OF GINSBURG
GUNMAN ASSASSINATES CONGRESSWOMAN OCASIO-CORTEZ AT CLIMATE PROTEST IN NEW YORK
DOW DROPS 500 POINTS AFTER WILLIAMSON DECLARES RENEWED COMMITMENT TO REPARATIONS BILL
-Headlines in CNN, January 2021-February 2023
"Most of the men and women onstage with me today are good people who would easily be better than the disaster that is the Williamson administration. The one exception might be Congressman Invictus, who rejects God, disrespects the memory of survivors of the Holocaust and would be an unmitigated disaster. A man who sacrifices goats has no business being the Republican nominee."
-Texas Senator Ted Cruz during the first Republican primary debate, June 19, 2023
"Oh God, oh God, OH GOD! It was all a lie..."
-Senator Ted Cruz shortly before collapsing in the middle of a campaign speech, June 24, 2023. He would die at the hospital of acute appendicitis that had somehow escaped the attention of doctors
"Madame President? What's with the-er, what are you doing down there? What is that supposed to be?"
"There are darker forces at work in this cycle than you know, Andrew. You may not understand what I'm doing, but if you knew you would be grateful. He must not occupy this office."
-Commerce Secretary Andrew Yang and President Marianne Williamson, June 26, 2023
"The Democrats like to demonize their opponents as intolerant white men. And I suppose we are-but by their definition, this country was built by intolerant white men for intolerant white men. This country reached enormous heights thanks to the leadership of white men. Perhaps that is the best source for leadership."
-Congressman Augustus Sol Invictus at a campaign rally in Iowa, August 17, 2023
"If Invictus is the nominee, I will seriously consider mounting a third-party bid against him. That's how strongly I am opposed to him being our standard bearer."
-Governor Larry Hogan, September 8, 2023
AMIDST ALLEGATIONS OF SEXUAL MISCONDUCT, HOGAN ANNOUNCES EXIT FROM THE RACE
-Headline in The Hill, September 13, 2023
"While Williamson has indulged in some rather bizarre behavior, leaks from those close to the Invictus campaign show that he is even stranger. Invictus staffers-who have requested anonymity-have expressed concerns that Invictus is misusing campaign funds to obtain a variety of rather esoteric things. These include antique books, several livestock animals and a number of rare plants. Most staffers are bemused by this behavior, but one staffer claimed to have walked in on Invictus performing a ritualistic sacrifice of a goat while chanting in an unidentified language. The only words the staffer said he identified were 'Williamson' and 'Slaanesh.'"
-Excerpt from an article draft by Dave Weigel. The article was never published as Weigel was killed in a car accident on January 3, 2024
INVICTUS SHOCKS GOP BY WINNING IOWA, NEW HAMPSHIRE AND SOUTH CAROLINA
JUDGE DISMISSES LAWSUIT BY PENCE CAMPAIGN CLAIMING VOTING IRREGULARITIES IN MULTIPLE PRIMARIES
HALEY DROPS OUT AFTER POOR SHOWING IN NORTH CAROLINA, URGES REPUBLICANS TO BACK COTTON OVER INVICTUS
TRUMP ENDORSES COTTON FOR PRESIDENT, DENOUNCES 'ANGRY AUSTIN' AS 'ANTI-SEMITIC' AND 'A COMPLETE MORON'
COTTON STRUCK BY LIGHTNING AFTER VICTORY IN COLORADO, REPORTEDLY IN CRITICAL CONDITION
WITH VICTORY IN CALIFORNIA, INVICTUS DECLARED PRESUMPTIVE NOMINEE OVER MASS PROTESTS
-Headlines of CNN, January-June 2024
"He draws near now. All we can do is pray for light lest the darkness consume us."
-President Marianne Williamson reacting to the Republican National Convention, June 19, 2024
LIBERTARIAN NOMINEE JUSTIN AMASH ARRESTED FOR DRUNK DRIVING NIGHT AFTER TOWN HALL, CLAIMS TO HAVE BEEN DRUGGED
WILLIAMSON VOWS TO IMPLEMENT MEDICARE FOR ALL IN SECOND TERM AT DNC
JERRY FALWELL, JR. DISMISSES CONCERNS OVER INVICTUS' RELIGIOUS BELIEFS CITING INVICTUS' 'COMMITMENT TO RELIGIOUS FREEDOM'
IN OPENING OF DEBATES, INVICTUS PROMISES TO 'DESTROY BIG TECH FOREVER'
WILLIAMSON CLAIMS INVICTUS HAS 'DARKEST IMPULSES OF ANY PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE'
WILLIAMSON LEADS BY DOUBLE DIGITS IN POLLS GOING INTO ELECTION NIGHT
-Headlines of CNN, August-November 2024
"Slaanesh, Set, Nyarlathotep, Lucifer, I call upon you now. As you take the blood of my offering, so too shall I take the nation. And as I take the nation, you shall have more blood. This is my will, let it be so."
-Congressman Augustus Sol Invictus on Election Night, 2024
"I am supposed to congratulate you, I guess, Congressman. You won...barely. But know this: darkness cannot keep out light forever. Eventually love shall always win."
"Oh, that may be what they say to you, Madame President. But I think you'll see things differently soon. You see, I have friends. Powerful ones. That's how I got here. And soon...they'll be here too."
"...I will stop you."
"Best of luck with that." *Click*
-Conversation between President Williamson and Congressman Invictus, November 6, 2024 Friends on the Other Side: Fear, Loathing and the Occult in 2020's America
"Don't you disrespect me, little man.
Don't you derogate or deride.
You're in my world now, not yours
And I've got friends on the other side!"
-Dr. Facilier, The Princess and the Frog
"I have prophesied for years that I was born for a Great War; that if I did not witness the coming of the Second American Civil War I would begin it myself. Mark well: That day is fast coming upon you."
-Augustus Sol Invictus (OTL)
"2025's summer solstice, in the house of white,
One can unleash an unholy light.
The blood of a king's son must be drained
In a cup that once housed a traitor's brain.
Next onto the hand of a killer of nine,
That is where you must draw the sign.
Break the seal and Hell will be
What stretches 'cross from sea to sea."
-Unknown seer, consulting with Augustus Sol Invictus sometime in 2014
"I can certainly understand the distaste many have for some of the president's proposed cabinet picks. However, as president, he reserves the right to nominate whoever he pleases and positions like Chief of Staff are outside the purview of Congress. To censure him for this is, in my view, inappropriate and unnecessary."
-Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell reacting to the appointment of Richard Spencer as Invictus' Chief of Staff, December 30, 2024
INAUGURATION DAY RIOTS KILL 32, INJURE HUNDREDS
SENATE REJECTS NOMINATION OF FLYNN AS DEFENSE SECRETARY BY 62-37 MARGIN
IN ABOUT-FACE, GOVERNOR KEMP DENOUNCES INVICTUS AS 'SATANIC MONSTER'
TRUMP FAMILY REPORTS BARRON TRUMP MISSING, OFFER $50 MILLION REWARD FOR RETURN
SUPREME COURT RULES INVICTUS' UNILATERAL ABOLITON OF FOREIGN AID UNCONSTITUTIONAL IN 8-1 RULING
FORMER PRESIDENT WILLIAMSON HOSTING PRIVATE 'RESISTANCE RETREAT' IN DEATH VALLEY ALONGSIDE KEY POLITICAL ALLIES, REPORTS SAY
-Headlines of The Washington Post, January-March 2025
"Now do you see what we are dealing with? Do you realize the scope of what we face? Invictus is no mere white nationalist thug, though he is that as well. There are forces at work beyond what you have traditionally perceive-benevolent and malevolent. Invictus is in league with the malevolent ones. And he plans to unleash them upon us. We do not have much time: the gate must not be opened."
-Former President Marianne Williamson to attendees at the 'resistance retreat' in Death Valley, March 3, 2025
"W-what? What's going on? Who are-Oh Lord!"
"Not quite. But you're close. My name is Michael. God has chosen you, Brian Porter Kemp."
"C-chosen me? For what?"
"To face the darkness. The man in the White House-he is in league with the forces of Hell. He intends to bring about the end times."
"And I am to stop him?"
"No, of course not. He must open the gate. Your job is to rally the righteous to take up swords against the darkness. I shall descend to assist when the time comes, but you must be ready to lead righteous men to fight the Devil's."
"I thought good Christians would get Rap-"
"That was incorrect. Your duty is to stand against the darkness here, on Earth. When you triumph-then and only then will the last judgement begin. That is your duty."
-A conversation between the Archangel Michael and Georgia Governor Brian Kemp, February 27, 2025
"W-Dad? But you-you're dead!"
"Heh, Randy, you've grown quite a bit. I'm told you went into the dirty business I got into as well."
"Tol-but you were there, Dad. I got started because of you!"
"Ah, you see, that hasn't happened for me yet. There's a very good reason I look younger than you right now-and it's not because I'm a ghost. May I come in? We have a lot to discuss."
-Conversation between former Senator Rand Paul and former Congressman Ron Paul, April 6, 2025
"Russian state media is reporting that whistleblower Edward Snowden was found dead earlier this morning in his room. Investigations have not concluded, but it is rumored Snowden's body was missing his head. Russian authorities have indicated they believe foul play may have been involved, including possible US intelligence involvement."
-Jake Tapper, May 1, 2025
"We have failed. The gate will open. There's only one alternative option left. We must prepare for the opening."
-Former President Marianne Williamson in a communique with key allies, May 3, 2025
"I am not sure we can rely on supernatural forces to defeat other supernatural forces. From what Marianne is telling us, all forms of magic are inherently unstable. Perhaps we need to consider alternative plans-Musk and Kamski have given me some new ideas for how we can deal with the gateway."
-Andrew Yang in an email to Hawaii Governor Tulsi Gabbard, May 7, 2025
INVICTUS ISSUES PRESIDENTIAL PARDON TO DYLANN ROOF OVER PROTESTS, INVITES MASS MURDERER TO WHITE HOUSE
SENATE MAJORITY LEADER MCCONNELL ACKNOWLEDGES ROOF PARDON 'WRONG' BUT EXPRESSES RELUCTANCE TO IMPEACH
HOUSE VOTES BY 431-2 MARGIN TO INITIATE IMPEACHMENT PROCEEDINGS AGAINST INVICTUS
ORDO TEMPLI ORIENTIS ISSUES PRESS RELEASE DENOUNCING INVICTUS, WHITE NATIONALISM AS ANTITHETICAL TO THELEMITE PRINCIPLES
AMIDST ONGOING VIOLENCE IN DC, INVICTUS AND KEY ALLIES RELOCATE TO UNDISCLOSED LOCATION IN WEST VIRGINIA
-Headlines of The Washington Post, May-June 2025
The day of the ritual had come at last. The president was there with a few others-mostly fellow followers of the path of darkness, but a few others were also present. Chief of Staff Spencer, Jason Kessler, Matthew Heimbach-the few people who were loyal enough to stand by him through this. Dylann Roof was also there, albeit as a source of sacrificial energy. And then there was-
"No! You can't-" Those were the last words of Barron Trump before Invictus ran his dagger through his throat. He waited for the blood to fill the skull that had formerly belonged to Edward Snowden. As he waited, he gestured to Roof.
"You know what comes next." Roof nodded and placed his hand on top of a rock beside the alter. Spencer brought down a machete. Roof barely offered a yelp of pain-Invictus had to respect that. With the skull filled, Invictus raised it before Roof's severed hand.
"I call forth the gate to the realm of the Beast. Let fire consume the land and the people burn. The Aeon of Horus ends today. Now is the time of the Aeon of Set." As he spoke, he drew the sigil on Roof's hand.
For a terrifying second, it seemed as though it had not worked. But then the sigil began to glow. Roof's severed hand began floating. The sky began to turn orange.
And terrifying laughter echoed through the grove.
"I tried to warn you all! I told you the elites were just a bunch of Satan-"
-Last words of Alex Jones in a broadcast of Infowars, June 23, 2025
"Why are you doing this, Andrew? I'm the only reason Hell hasn't enveloped the whole planet yet!"
"I'm sorry, Madame President, but as long as anyone is using magic-I'm not convinced the world will ever be safe. Good intentions mean nothing here."
"I suppose you intend to ally with Kemp then."
"No more than you plan to join with Landrieu and her zombies. And I'm not joining the Paulites either, even if their technology is fascinating. We're going to start something new."
"And if that cannot stand up to Invictus?"
"Then we die as men, not witches or warlocks."
"Very well, if that's what you truly want. I do wish you the best still."
"Same to you, Madame President."
-Conversation between Marianne Williamson and Andrew Yang, June 27, 2025
Jack Parsons is one of the more colorful figures to hold the presidency in history. Parsons, prior to entering politics, was involved in two key passion projects: American rocket scientist and the occult. Parsons helped found the Jet Propulsion Laboratory during the 1940's and assisted in developing rockets during the Second World War. Meanwhile, Parsons additionally was an acolyte of Aleister Crowley and a practitioner of the religion of Thelema. Parsons attributes his choice to enter politics to the successful completion of a ritual known as the Babalon Working alongside fellow Thelemite L. Ron Hubbard. This working, seeking to conceive a 'moonchild' to usher in a new aeon, succeeded in leading to Parsons' first wife Helen Parsons-Smith getting pregnant. While the marriage subsequently collapsed thanks to Hubbard absconding with her that same year, Parsons reportedly had visions of an amazing destiny for the newborn child, but also came to believe he had to pave the way for it to occur. Parsons determined the best way to do so was enter politics.
Parsons' first bid for office in 1950 against California Governor Earl Warren ended in failure, but proved to be a surprisingly close race for one pitting a known occultist against an established and well-liked Republican. When Parsons challenged Senator Knowland in 1952, his victory proved to be a major upset. Several in Washington condemned him as 'Satanic' and Senator McCarthy went further by accusing him of being a communist. However, Parsons proved surprisingly capable in defending himself and his reaction to McCarthy accusing him of being a communist was one of the most eloquent denunciations the senator experienced before his career was ended. Parsons proved to be a thoroughly left-wing Democrat, pushing for civil rights legislation and expansion of the welfare state.
In 1960, Parsons was a favorite son candidate in the primaries, but failed to win against another Californian favorite son, Pat Brown. Parsons became an early supporter of John F. Kennedy on the basis of a shared interest in expanding space exploration, his belief the young Kennedy would usher in an era of change and the shared experience of practicing a faith that made one a popular target of the reactionaries. However, in a narrow race, Kennedy would be defeated by Vice President Nixon. Nixon's administration saw Parsons gain increased stature as a key opponent, pressing Nixon on the failure to pass civil rights legislation, the 1961 invasion of Cuba and the president's personal corruption. In 1964, Parsons managed to seize the Democratic nomination thanks in part to the willingness of the DNC to select him over Dixiecrat George Wallace. Wallace mounted a third-party bid in retaliation, but despite Wallace flipping much of the south, Parsons triumphed comfortably in the electoral college.
Parsons' administration was rather consequential. His 'New Age for America' proposals created a national healthcare system, environmental protection laws and programs to alleviate poverty. The New Age for America also increased funding for education, the arts and scientific research. Parsons additionally withdrew troops from Cuba despite the objections of hawks and signed comprehensive civil rights legislation. Parsons was also president when the US landed on the Moon in 1970. This is not to say his administration was controversy-free or totally successful. The tail-end of his term saw a major increase in inflation occur, nearly triggering hyperinflation before the Federal Reserve implemented a tighter monetary policy. Parsons additionally alienated much of the US foreign policy establishment by having a fairly conciliatory attitude towards the USSR. In addition to negotiation of arms reductions treaties, this included Parsons saying that 'Soviet influence in Eastern Europe is natural and, for the time being, necessary', an incident that would have likely cost him election had he not said it in 1969 after winning his second term. Parsons also alienated many US allies due to his personal eccentricity and he was dogged by rumors that he was carrying out devil-worship and human sacrifice in the White House (the 1968 third-party campaign of Edwin Walker was almost entirely rooted in promoting this conspiracy theory on the basis of 'an anonymous patriot' supposedly within the White House). While Parsons did continue to carry out occult rituals in office, they were far less dramatic than the ones that had characterized him in the 1940's, instead being largely rooted in trying to 'cross the Abyss' via meditation and astral projection.
Historians have generally ranked Parsons as a good president but falling short of a great one due to his eccentric tendencies, foreign policy naivete and the inflation crisis. Nevertheless, Parsons has left a major impact on the American welfare state and laid the groundwork for much of the contemporary Democratic Party's economic agenda. Parsons has been credited with the rise of new religious movements from 1965 onwards, with faiths like Thelema, Wicca, Setianism and various neopagan faiths all taking off and gathering significant followings in the years since. The 'moonchild' Parsons and Hubbard 'invoked' (or that one of them fathered), Aleister Parsons-Smith, would go on to serve as Governor of Florida in the 1980's and was the Democratic nominee for president in 2000, but was defeated. However, Parsons-Smith went on to serve as the Secretary of Commerce in the O'Malley administration and is a rumored choice for vice president to Joaquin Castro in the 2020 election.