So it was more a stich-up than anything else? I honestly can't see Roberts cracking under pressure like that. At the very least, he's going to want more particularized evidence about specific states(and not say "sorry charlie, all the fraud you're allegeing won't flip the EC, I'm only ordering audits in districts where fraud is alleged that could plausibly flip the EC )
Generic DOOOOM on the Campaign Trail
"I refuse to concede that I lost this election, for I am a narcissist incapable of admitting defeat even though I kinda didn't want to be president at all. This was a rigged election, which I will prove with fabricated evidence!"
-President Donald Trump on Election Night, 2020
COURTS RECOGNIZE REALITY, CERTIFY OLD DEMOCRAT AS WINNER OF PRESIDENCY
TRUMP LEAVES OFFICE, PROTESTS BY SUPPORTERS GRIP NATION
VIOLENCE HAPPENS, SOME PEOPLE DIE BECAUSE OF KOOKY CONSPIRACY THEORISTS
NEW PRESIDENT STRUGGLES TO PASS AGENDA ITEMS BECAUSE REPUBLICANS ARE ASSHOLES
MORE VIOLENCE HAPPENS, FAMOUS PERSON GETS KILLED
-Headlines in Some Newspaper in the early 2020's
"Despite Trump losing, his supporters remain radicalized enough to resort to violence. White nationalism and/or conspiracy theories are gaining major traction among his former supporters, who are increasingly gravitating towards Scary White Nationalist Guy as their source of truth."
-Left-leaning journalist in A Left-Ishh Paper, 2023
"Hello, I am Scary White Nationalist Guy. I am tired of nonwhite people and non-Christians existing in this country, but I will not admit that I believe this openly. Instead, I will say I hate globalism and want to put this country first. I also may or may not believe in QAnon, Pizzagate, that 9/11 was an inside job, that the Earth is flat or that we are hiding aliens in Area 51. Hell, maybe I am Q. Those parts are not important though. All you need to know is I am running for president and I will win because I have the power of author fiat on my side."
-Scary White Nationalist Guy announcing his bid for the presidency, 2023
"As a respectable moderate Republican, I do not believe Scary White Nationalist Guy is a good choice for the presidency. He is not a respectable moderate and hates big corporations because he thinks they are run by the Jews. I owe a lot of my political success to those corporations so I have to oppose him, but I will also acknowledge that racism is bad if it gets me more positive press. Vote for me, not him."
-Respectable Moderate in a campaign stump speech in New Hampshire, 2023
"I do not believe Scary White Nationalist Guy is someone we want as our standard bearer. We only should nominate someone who embraces socially acceptable levels of racism, not someone who wants to create an ethnostate. Also I want to invade Iran and he does not."
"I hear your points, Wishy-Washy Republican, but allow me to retort: you, sir, are a cuckservative puppet of Israel."
"Alas, this will damage my campaign. Do not worry, however, I will ultimately endorse your campaign despite this exchange because I am an amoral politician who will go whichever way benefits myself politically."
-Exchange between Wishy-Washy Republican and Scary White Nationalist Guy at the first GOP debate, August 2, 2023
"Despite being an obviously insane candidate for office, Scary White Nationalist Guy is currently leading the polls. His supporters are all also scary. The Republican leadership cannot stop him at this time and he will likely triumph in the primaries. Even so, however, he will likely fail to win the election as he is insane. However, we ought to worry about him and his supporters engaging in acts of violence aimed at overturning the results should they lose."
-Different Left-Leaning Journalist in Slightly Further Left Publication, November 9, 2023
"I am firmly opposed to Scary White Nationalist Guy, obviously. I have to be. If I can't gain traction, I will support Respectable Moderate to stop him."
-Token Minority Republican, November 22, 2023
"I am obviously a bad person and since Scary White Nationalist Guy is also a bad person, I am endorsing him because I feel like it."
-Former President Donald Trump on Twitter, December 1, 2023
"We will work tirelessly to defeat any Republican nominated, but especially Scary White Nationalist Guy. I am a favorite of this website and so you will root for me far more than if I were a lame centrist presidential candidate. I want to implement universal healthcare and a Green New Deal and all that other cool stuff you like. But, realistically, you know that I cannot win given this is a dystopia. But you will be sad when I lose anyway."
-Beloved Progressive Candidate in a campaign appearance, December 9, 2023
SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY WINS IOWA
REASONABLE MODERATE WINS NEW HAMPSHIRE, WISHY-WASHY REPUBLICAN UNDERPERFORMS POLLS
SUPPORTERS OF SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY ASSAULT OPPONENTS WITHOUT ANY PUSHBACK, POLICE DO NOTHING
FBI INVESTIGATES OBVIOUSLY TRUE REPORTS OF RUSSIAN SUPPORT FOR SWNG OCCURRING ONLINE
HATED CELEBRITY ENDORSES SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY FOR NO REASON
BELOVED PROGRESSIVE CANDIDATE SECURES ENOUGH SUPPORT TO BECOME PRESUMPTIVE NOMINEE OVER GENERIC CENTER-LEFT OPPONENT
WISHY-WASHY REPUBLICAN ENDORSED BY REASONABLE MODERATE IN LAST MINUTE, DOOMED ATTEMPT TO STOP SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST
INTERNET IS FULL OF SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY PROPAGANDA
WISHY-WASHY REPUBLICAN CONCEDES DEFEAT, ENDORSES SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY SAYING 'I'M A COWARD'
-Headlines of Notable Moderate Newspaper With Strong Pedigree, January-June 2024
"I am now the nominee. This speech at the RNC is going to feature some generic conservative talking points. Tax cuts. Global warming is a lie. Strong national defense. Control our borders. But now I am going to say some scary shit. Maybe it's the 14 Words. Maybe it's WWG1WGA. Maybe I'll drop a racial slur or two. But this speech isn't meant to be realistic. It's meant to solidify that, yes, I am an absolute piece of shit. Yes, I will attempt to do evil things as president. And yes, my victory is inevitable because the mere fact I got nominated is proof this is a dystopia."
-Scary White Nationalist Guy at the RNC, June 15, 2024
"The military and police lean to the right. Due to this, they are overlooking Scary White Nationalist Guy's radicalizing of people to acts of violence or unwarranted aggression. This is very concerning. It could mean they help overthrow the government if Beloved Progressive Candidate wins. Don't worry, though, the FBI is immune to this."
-Respectable Centrist Journalist in Known Centrist Newspaper, June 20, 2024
"Hello, I am someone you are familiar with. Maybe I am a celebrity. Maybe I am a businessman. Maybe I am a politician-either a centrist Democrat or, worse, Tulsi Gabbard because this site hates her a lot. Either way, I am running for president. As to why? Because I can and there has to be some way to make Scary White Nationalist Guy win without winning the popular vote and this was the best way the author came up with. Fuck you all."
-A Narcissistic Asshole announcing his/her independent bid for the presidency, July 4, 2024
"Scary White Nationalist Guy is scary and a white nationalist. If he wins, many of us will die."
"These claims are uncredible. You are uncredible news. You are a disgrace and if elected I will make communism illegal and define communism as including any advocacy for universal healthcare."
"I am also here trying to #BothSides the debate."
"You are going to murder many people-"
"False. If you're not a WASP you aren't a person, therefore no people are gonna die. Also, if I lose, I will violently overthrow the government so I can become president anyway."
-Exchange between Beloved Progressive Candidate, Scary White Nationalist Guy and A Narcissistic Asshole at the first presidential debate, September 28, 2024
"I am a relatable Midwesterner. That means I have progressive tendencies and centrist ones, but am not also racist. Scary White Nationalist Guy is a racist who will not succeed in bringing your jobs back. So you should vote for Beloved Progressive Candidate."
-Some Midwesterner at a campaign appearance in Michigan, October 1, 2024
ASSHOLE TERRORIST MURDERS MEMBERS OF A MINORITY GROUP, SUPPORTED SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY ONLINE
SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY CLAIMS THAT MURDERS WERE 'FALSE-FLAG OR SOME SHIT'
DESPITE THE ABOVE, SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY'S NUMBERS REMAIN COMPLETELY UNCHANGED FOR SOME REASON
OBVIOUS RUSSIAN MEDDLING HAPPENS, REVEALING SOME SCANDAL THAT IS EITHER COMPLETELY FALSE OR IS NOT AS BAD AS BEING AN ETHNONATIONALIST
BELOVED PROGRESSIVE CANDIDATE'S NUMBERS DIP AS A RESULT OF THE MEDDLING-WTF?
-Headlines of That One Paper Your Dad Reads, October 2024
"And with most votes counted, we can confirm Scary White Nationalist Guy is going to win the presidency while losing the popular vote. Wow, what a truly original and unprecedented conclusion!"
-A Journalist Aware of the Fourth Wall on CNN, November 5, 2024
"I am in a secret meeting with my friends right now. I am gloating about my victory and confirming I will do evil things as president. However, you will not find out exactly what they are unless and until someone does a sequel presidents list or something."
-Scary White Nationalist Guy, November 6, 2024
Generic DOOOOOM Continued
"This wikibox gave the creator an undeserved sense of superiority because of how well it was received. For this reason, there is now going to be another wikibox. As a reminder, I am the president and I will now be mentioned doing specific crimes against humanity in the writeup. Also please ignore the 2016 in the infobox."
-Scary White Nationalist Guy, January 30, 2025
SWNG SUPPORTERS MURDER 13 MEMBERS OF CONGRESS DURING THE STATE OF THE UNION AS PRESIDENT CLAPS
EXECUTIVE ORDER REPEALING BIRTHRIGHT CITIZENSHIP UPHELD BY SUPREME COURT IN 5-4 RULING, 'DEPORTATIONS IMMINENT'
IN PRESS CONFERENCE, GUTLESS COWARD IN IT FOR POWER ALONE ANNOUNCES HE HAS ACCEPTED FASCISM, LEGALLY CHANGES HIS NAME TO 'FELLOW TRAVELLER'
MASS PROTESTS AGAINST SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY OCCUR IN MANY CITIES, SOME DECLARE COMMUNES BECAUSE CHAZ WAS A THING
-Headlines of Some Mainstream Media Outlet Who Cares, January-June 2025
"This fascist bullshit cannot stand. We must act to defend our country from tyranny, regardless of the risk to ourselves. We cannot be bowed by threats of violence."
"But you cannot stop me from committing a violence. Especially not while I shout a scary far-right catchphrase of some kind." *Gunshot*
"Oh no, I am dying. This part is very sad. "
-Beloved Progressive Candidate and Some Evil Bastard, June 6, 2025
"In just the first year in office, Scary White Nationalist Guy has radically changed America. He has had his scary and evil supporters murderer his opponents with no repercussions. He has also ordered violence against peaceful protestors, African-Americans, Hispanic-Americans, immigrants, Jews, Muslims, members of leftist groups, Native Americans, members of the LGBTQ community and other marginalized groups. Thousands of people have been imprisoned without trial and hundreds are believed to have been killed on his orders. Truly this is a dark time for our nation."
-Liberal Journalist Writing from Exile in a British Paper, January 25, 2026
"Dear liberals, if you didn't want to be sent to prison why did you demand better rights for prisoners?"
-Small Face Man on Twitter, February 17, 2026
SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY BLOWS UP GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE DURING RUSH HOUR, JUSTIFIES ACTIONS WITH STATEMENT: 'I WAS BORED AND THEY WERE ALL ANTIFA ANYWAY PROBABLY'
AMIDST CUTS TO HEALTHCARE FUNDING, CORONAVIRUS REAPPEARS SUDDENLY IN CALIFORNIA, GOVERNMENT TO DO NOTHING
VIDEO OF SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY SAYING THE N WORD IN CALL PROMISING TO DO WHATEVER VLADIMIR PUTIN TELLS HIM TO DO CAUSES 1% APPROVAL RATING DROP
-Headlines of Some Lucky Newspaper Not Being Censored, 2026
"I have spent nearly two years consolidating my power. I have caused death and misery to my enemies. Despite this, we will still be holding an election in 2028 because I am that confident in my success."
-Scary White Nationalist Guy, January 3, 2027
"I will fulfill the promise of Beloved Progressive Candidate. For this country deserves things that are good instead of bad. I am not as much of a favorite as Beloved Progressive Candidate was but I assure you I too am a great progressive choice."
-Liked Progressive Candidate announcing their bid for the presidency, March 17, 2027
"Look, I like nice things as much as the next guy. But we must be realistic. They will never happen. Things suck. And promising to radically remake America to make it not suck is going to make us lose. We need someone who is prepared to compromise with the people who elected a guy who wears a Klan uniform to the State of the Union. We need someone with experience, even if that includes experience in supporting Republicans like George W. Bush who were actually good. We need someone who is reasonable. You know-a lame centrist. I am that lame centrist and I am proud to be your lame centrist candidate for presidnet."
-Lame Old Centrist announcing his bid for president, April 19, 2027
"What we are seeing in the Democratic primary is overall a clash of the titans. Sure, Neoliberal Lady Cop and Meme Candidate have their fans, but in the end this is a clash between Liked Progressive Candidate and Lame Old Centrist. Liked Progressive Candidate is hearkening back to Beloved Progressive Candidate's campaign, targeting young voters as well as members of various groups Scary White Nationalist Guy has been trying to subtly exterminate. Liked Progressive Candidate has claimed her rivals are tools of the system that paved the way for Scary White Nationalist Guy to come to power and don't recognize how profoundly his regime threatens everyday Americans. Meanwhile, Lame Old Centrist is seeking the support of older Democrats and moderates who took until this year to realize that fascism is actually bad. He is claiming he is the only one with a real chance of winning and has claimed the harder left sentiments of Liked Progressive Candidate are going to DOOOOM the party even more than Scary White Nationalist Guy has DOOOOMed the country."
-Center-Left Journalist in Center-Right Outlet, October 17, 2027
SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY HOLDS RALLIES IN 3 CITIES, SUPPORTERS COMMIT POGROMS IN 2\
ATTACK HELICOPTER FIRES ON LIKED PROGRESSIVE CANDIDATE RALLY IN DES MOINES, CANDIDATE UNINJURED, 32 KILLED
LAME OLD CENTRIST PROPOSES TAX CREDIT SYSTEM OF REPARATIONS TO EVERYONE CURRENTLY IMPRISONED WRONGFULLY BY THE SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY ADMINISTRATION
LAME OLD CENTRIST NARROWLY LOSES IOWA, WINS NEW HAMPSHIRE
MEME CANDIDATE DROPS OUT, ENDORSES LAME OLD CENTRIST IN MOVE THAT ANGERS ZOOMERS WHO LIKED HIM FOR THE MEMES
LIKED PROGRESSIVE CANDIDATE NARROWS THE GAP AFTER SUPER TUESDAY, REPORT OF MASS ARREST OF AMERICAN JEWS BY US GOVERNMENT
LAME OLD CENTRIST MANAGES TO CLINCH NOMINATION, GLOATS THAT 'CENTRISM ALWAYS WINS BITCHES', PICKS SOMEONE KINDA COOL I GUESS AS VP
-Headlines of Your Dad's Favorite Newspaper, February-May 2028
"Insert scary rhetoric here. Ooooo spooky."
-Scary White Nationalist Guy at the RNC, June 19, 2028
"We must reject the politics of Scary White Nationalist Guy in favor of the politics that made Scary White Nationalist Guy possible. Oh no, this is another timeline about how centrist Democrats suck and can't win elections by having them lose easily winnable elections isn't it?"
-Lame Old Centrist at the DNC, June 29, 2028
"Look, I know Lame Old Centrist is a lame old centrist. But look at Scary White Nationalist Guy's approach to government. It is fucking terrifying. I am literally begging you to not make this a heavy-handed allegory for the grave errors of centrism. Please do not."
-Someone Kinda Cool I Guess on Meet the Press, August 17, 2028
"I am telling you all that the DNC is guilty of using fraud to ruin Liked Progressive Candidate's chances. Her supporters should refuse to support Lame Old Centrist in protest of this and instead support me, someone diametrically opposed to her ideas."
-Scary White Nationalist Guy on Twitter, August 20, 2028
"I do not agree with this and you better shut the fuck up you Nazi."
-Liked Progressive Candidate, August 20, 2028
"Look, it's been clear for a while Liked Progressive Candidate has been steadily selling out to the establishment. And I know that Scary White Nationalist Guy has his pitfalls, that's for sure. But you know? I can survive him. Maybe you can't but that's a personal problem. And I personally hate centrists more than fascists."
-Some Dumbass Podcast Host, August 22, 2028
"Scary White Nationalist Guy has done massive damage to America. He has alienated our allies. He has uprooted our institutions. He has made my donors very unhappy. He has committed human rights violations across the country. And, worst of all, he is an asshole."
"You are a lame centrist."
-Lame Old Centrist and Scary White Nationalist Guy at the debates, October 19, 2028
IN FINAL WEEKS, POLLS TIGHTEN THANKS TO LAME OLD CENTRIST'S REPEATED LAMENESS
SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY PERSONALLY MURDERS GROUP OF OHIO VOTERS WHO SAID THEY WERE UNDECIDED OR LEANING TOWARDS LAME OLD CENTRIST, VOWS TO 'DO THE SAME TO THE REST OF Y'ALL'
YOUTUBE PSYCHIC PREDICTS APOCALYPSE IMMINENT IF SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY WINS AGAIN, RIVAL PSYCHIC PREDICTS THE SAME IF LAME OLD CENTRIST WINS
RALLIES HELD BY SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY DWARF SIZE OF RALLIES HELD BY LAME OLD CENTRIST IN FINAL WEEK
-Headlines of Serious Political Paper, October-November 2028
"OK, let's get this over with. Surprise, this timeline hates centrist Dems and makes them lose an election they should have won easily! Scary White Nationalist Guy also killed so many enemies that he won the popular vote. Damn this is a depressing timeline."
-A Journalist Aware of the Fourth Wall, November 5, 2028
"Centrism sucks kids. Don't do it."
-Lame Old Centrist, November 11, 2028
"I will now launch a nuclear war. This way the author is unable to do another pointless sequel that is probably much worse than the original. The End."
-Scary White Nationalist Guy, December 3, 2028
Alan Moore is a British comic book writer, author and occultist best known for his role as the 77th Archmagus of the Order of Illuminated Seers. Moore, a practitioner of a syncretic magical practice he refers to as 'Glyconian magic', represents the first Archmagus to root his practice in the chaos magic approach rather than a more established tradition. Moore took over the Order in 2000 following the Millennium crisis, where he led a group of sorcerers in combating a mass demonic incursion into England. Moore's defense efforts were among the most successful of members of the Order, thus earning him the position of Archmagus quickly after Castenada's death in a clash against Huitzilopotchli. Moore, as Archmagus, has defended humanity from a number of supernatural threats, including the Awakening of Typhon in 2003, the attempted Lemurian revival of 2012, an attempted takeover of the US by the Antichrist Augustus Invictus in 2018,and the Legions of the Dead's attacks in the period from 2015 to the present. Moore has been unusually public in his role as Archmagus, largely as a consequence of continuing to write novels and comics despite his position, and has been credited with mainstreaming occultism in western society after decades of suspicion.
This is the skeleton of something really funny. I actually cracked up when I saw the Klan Hood vs Jesus vs Charlie Sheen wikibox, so I suggest you make some more wikiboxes and really flesh this out.
I was picturing you posting this on the other site, and starting out acting like you're being kind of serious (actually saying Josh Hawley instead of Scary White Nationalist Guy &c) and getting people into it as you get sillier and sillier and your wikiboxes get dumber.