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AH Run-downs, summaries and general gubbins

S

Sideways

Your favourite shitposter's favourite shitposter
Published by SLP
Location
Lesser Dumnonia/Greater Cornwall
Pronouns
She/Her
After @Turquoise Blue did one of these for her most recent List I've wanted to do the same for mine. This is from immediately after the Russian invasion. You'll get the gist of it from this I think

5th November 2018: Party Run-Down:
​
Major Parties
Conservative: They've found the perfect excuse to kick Labour's rationing proposals into the long grass...
Labour: Have finally agreed to the Tory's National Government proposal. The Tories haven't wanted to give them defence/Home Office/Foreign Affairs briefs because of the legacy of Corbynism, but equally haven't wanted to give them things like Education that could help them rebuild in postwar times. So... the next cabinet reshuffle could be quite interesting [Russian soldiers are literally barracked in Downing Street]
Liberal: Have already been working with the Tories in a war-time coalition. So the big question facing them today, as Soviet Tanks disembark in London, is whether they might lose the Welsh Office or the Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancashire position when Labour joins the cabinet.

National Parties
SNP: Have said they'd take part in the National government in exchange for the Scottish Office which... is still not going to happen. Especially after that e-mail that sort of not very subtly asked about what side Scottish police forces would be on if there was UDI.
Plaid Cymru: Adam Price has literally said he wants UDI, because he really doesn't get the game Plaid are meant to be playing right now.

Other Parties
Green: The perennial vote of no-confidence in David Attenborough seems to be gaining ground, since he was appointed to the useless position of Minister for Climate Change in a war-time government. He's basically the CND's most senior snitch and I don't think anyone actually wants the old eugenics supporting dinosaur around.
Communist Party of Great Britain: The Party in exile in starting to sound pretty happy on the illegal radio stations. Apparently. I mean, that's what I'm told. I'd never listen to illegal radio stations. Of course not. The very idea!
Peter Mandelson's Social Democratic Party: One of the few MPs whose constituencies is actually under occupation. Peter is apparently already in Canada. How surprising. Never saw that coming.
Lutfar Rahman: Has gone very very very quiet. No surprise there.

Northern Ireland
DUP: Mostly getting Sinn Fein to condemn violence against unionists while not condemning violence against Republicans
Sinn Fein: Definitely definitely not planning for what will happen if the invasion goes any worse than it has already.
SDLP: Nobody cares. There's literally an invasion going on I'm not looking these people up. Seriously I could be bombed and die just this once I'm not going to try to make some funny quip about some pointless thing in Northern Ireland
UUP: I really like the nightclub photos on the side of Irish news articles. It's like, massive sectarian violence but also, are thicker eyebrows coming back in? Gods. I hope so. Thin eyebrows are literally the worst.
IGNU: The Irish Green and New Ulster Parties are calling for calm. Interesting tactic. Let's see how that plays out!

Minor Parties
Anti-Federalist Party: Are mostly spending this week trying to justify the French invasion of the Netherlands while calling on America to nuke Russia. It's some interesting intellectual gymnastics
British National Party: Internal fights between the pro-Putin faction and the rabidly anti-Communist faction.
Socialist Worker's Party: Seem to have had some kind of internal coup and now support the Russian invasion. The home office is going to regret letting this lot roam free.
Feminist Initiative - The Women's Social and Political Union: There was a very very brief campaign to give transwomen white feathers to indicate that they're only changing gender to avoid fighting in WW3. Never mind that the draft is an Equality Act exemption or that, you know, women are being drafted to front-line service too. We're literally being invaded can we not talk about the GRA consultation for a minute?
Aaaand: I'm stopping here. We're literally being invaded and a lot of the smaller parties aren't updating and those that are... well... my updates on them has t have me on some watch-list already.
 
Sideways said:
Feminist Initiative - The Women's Social and Political Union: There was a very very brief campaign to give transwomen white feathers to indicate that they're only changing gender to avoid fighting in WW3. Never mind that the draft is an Equality Act exemption or that, you know, women are being drafted to front-line service too. We're literally being invaded can we not talk about the GRA consultation for a minute?
Click to expand...

this feels so horrendously realistic
 
Youngmarshall said:
Yay, I always love this format and I'm glad to see a thread of this here. Good first entry, too, I enjoyed the increasingly done with it tone.

You seem to have left the communist entry unfinished mind.
Click to expand...

I saw that and fixed it. But yes, probably the most realistic thing about this is that this is exactly what my run-down would look like. I'm imagining literally seeing missiles overhead and being like, "shit, if they launch a nuclear attack on us I'll have to re-write the major party updates".
 
Sideways said:
After @Turquoise Blue did one of these for her most recent List I've wanted to do the same for mine. This is from immediately after the Russian invasion. You'll get the gist of it from this I think

5th November 2018: Party Run-Down:
​
Major Parties
Conservative: They've found the perfect excuse to kick Labour's rationing proposals into the long grass...
Labour: Have finally agreed to the Tory's National Government proposal. The Tories haven't wanted to give them defence/Home Office/Foreign Affairs briefs because of the legacy of Corbynism, but equally haven't wanted to give them things like Education that could help them rebuild in postwar times. So... the next cabinet reshuffle could be quite interesting [Russian soldiers are literally barracked in Downing Street]
Liberal: Have already been working with the Tories in a war-time coalition. So the big question facing them today, as Soviet Tanks disembark in London, is whether they might lose the Welsh Office or the Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancashire position when Labour joins the cabinet.

National Parties
SNP: Have said they'd take part in the National government in exchange for the Scottish Office which... is still not going to happen. Especially after that e-mail that sort of not very subtly asked about what side Scottish police forces would be on if there was UDI.
Plaid Cymru: Adam Price has literally said he wants UDI, because he really doesn't get the game Plaid are meant to be playing right now.

Other Parties
Green: The perennial vote of no-confidence in David Attenborough seems to be gaining ground, since he was appointed to the useless position of Minister for Climate Change in a war-time government. He's basically the CND's most senior snitch and I don't think anyone actually wants the old eugenics supporting dinosaur around.
Communist Party of Great Britain: The Party in exile in starting to sound pretty happy on the illegal radio stations. Apparently. I mean, that's what I'm told. I'd never listen to illegal radio stations. Of course not. The very idea!
Peter Mandelson's Social Democratic Party: One of the few MPs whose constituencies is actually under occupation. Peter is apparently already in Canada. How surprising. Never saw that coming.
Lutfar Rahman: Has gone very very very quiet. No surprise there.

Northern Ireland
DUP: Mostly getting Sinn Fein to condemn violence against unionists while not condemning violence against Republicans
Sinn Fein: Definitely definitely not planning for what will happen if the invasion goes any worse than it has already.
SDLP: Nobody cares. There's literally an invasion going on I'm not looking these people up. Seriously I could be bombed and die just this once I'm not going to try to make some funny quip about some pointless thing in Northern Ireland
UUP: I really like the nightclub photos on the side of Irish news articles. It's like, massive sectarian violence but also, are thicker eyebrows coming back in? Gods. I hope so. Thin eyebrows are literally the worst.
IGNU: The Irish Green and New Ulster Parties are calling for calm. Interesting tactic. Let's see how that plays out!

Minor Parties
Anti-Federalist Party: Are mostly spending this week trying to justify the French invasion of the Netherlands while calling on America to nuke Russia. It's some interesting intellectual gymnastics
British National Party: Internal fights between the pro-Putin faction and the rabidly anti-Communist faction.
Socialist Worker's Party: Seem to have had some kind of internal coup and now support the Russian invasion. The home office is going to regret letting this lot roam free.
Feminist Initiative - The Women's Social and Political Union: There was a very very brief campaign to give transwomen white feathers to indicate that they're only changing gender to avoid fighting in WW3. Never mind that the draft is an Equality Act exemption or that, you know, women are being drafted to front-line service too. We're literally being invaded can we not talk about the GRA consultation for a minute?
Aaaand: I'm stopping here. We're literally being invaded and a lot of the smaller parties aren't updating and those that are... well... my updates on them has t have me on some watch-list already.
Click to expand...

That was fantastic! Darkly funny and rather believable.
 
Sideways said:
It's for all and everyone who wants to do a party run-down, or anything else that falls into the "run-down" format
Click to expand...

Noice.

Here we go then

Rose Cottage: The Worldbuilding no one asked for

16th October 2018: Party Run-Down (I'm feeling lazy so heres parties with seats in the Commons)

Major Parties
Conservative: PM Hunt has confirmed that an in-out referendum on the EU will be held in June 2019 to "solve the European question once and for all". Although the fact we had a second Scottish referendum within three years leaves me sceptical.
Labour: Never mind the Doncaster North result! They have a leader now! look! They're a woman, did they mention that?! I should feel better about this but Yvette Cooper is just so boring!
Liberal Democrat: Are... just there, y'know? I mean I like Jo Swinson, I really do but I've got nothing. JFC Sideways makes this look easy

National Parties
SNP: Angus Robertson used his conference speech to announce that the solution to the SNP's seats being halved is *checks notes* #Indyref3
Plaid Cymru: maent yn eistedd yno. ti'n gwybod? Rwy'n golygu, rwy'n hoffi Leanne Wood. fuck Sideways yn gwneud y golwg hon yn hawdd

Other Parties
Green: Polling in double digits! Possibly capable of winning a third seat! At this rate they'll have a majority government by *counts fingers* twenty seventy six
UKIP: Their two MPs have both condemned the EU Referendum for saying it isn't happening soon enough. UKIP are the excited children on Christmas Eve of politics

Northern Ireland
DUP: Are torn between feeling powerful at the tiny Tory majority meaning they might be called on to make a deal and pissed off Hunt secured a majority and they lost out on all that supply and confidence money
Sinn Fein: *their phone is ringing off the hook from endless phone calls from Labour asking them to take their seats*
 
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So are these supposed to be comedic or are more serious lists allowed? Not very familiar with this format.
 
d32123 said:
So are these supposed to be comedic or are more serious lists allowed? Not very familiar with this format.
Click to expand...

A certain amount of snark helps a list along, I find. I only like to write a sentence or two on each pparty about the mot recent thing. But there's no right or wrong way to do this.
 
Democratic Front of the Japanese People's Republic (日本人民共和国民主戦線) (Nihon Jimmin Kyowakoku Minshu Sensen)

Constituent Parties

Japanese Workers' Party (日本労働党) (Nihon Rodoto)

The preeminent party of the Democratic Front and the People's Republic, the Japanese Workers' Party is a Marxist-Leninist party and the sole representative of the North Japanese proletariat. It formed as a merger of the Communist Party, the Socialist Party, and the Japanese People's Emancipation League. Attempts to start a JWP branch in South Japan have been foiled by their strict anti-communist laws.

Liberal Democratic Party of Japan （日本自由民主党）(Nihon Jiyuminshuto)

The LDP represents the interests of the patriotic and anti-fascist North Japanese petty bourgeoisie. It pledges full loyalty to both socialism and the JWP. Membership has shrunk over the years, especially as ties to South Japanese liberal parties have all but ended.

Democratic Farmers' Party of Japan (日本民主農民党）(Nihon Minshunominto)

The DFP represents the interests of the North Japanese farmers and peasants. It has strong ties to other peasant-agrarian parties throughout the communist world. Membership has also declined as North Japan has urbanized, though the party maintains a visible presence in the countryside.

National Democratic Party of Japan (日本民主国民党) (Nihon Kokuminshuto)

The NDP is a progressive Japanese nationalist party composed primarily of military veterans and former fascists. It is vehemently anti-American and routinely holds demonstrations in Sapporo under the direction of the JWP against the continued American occupation of South Japan.



Constituent Mass Organizations

Democratic Trade Union Federation of Japan (日本民主全国総工会) (Nihon Minshuzenkoku Shokokai)

The DTUF is a mass organization of all organized labor in North Japan. It was founded as a direct replacement for the fascist Industrial Association for Serving the Nation. Under the leadership of the JWP, the DTUF organizes all North Japanese workers into national industrial unions

Democratic Youth League of Japan (日本民主青年同盟) (Nihon Minshu Seinen Domei)

The Democratic Youth League is a mass organization of all North Japanese teenagers and young adults age 14 through 28. It acts as the youth wing of the JWP and has membership of over three-fourths of young people in the People's Republic.

Sanzo Nosaka Young Pioneer Organization (野坂参三少年先鋒隊) (Nosaka Sanzo Shonen Senpotai)

The Young Pioneers are the North Japanese pioneer mass organization. They act as the school-age wing of the JWP and are subordinate to the Democratic Youth League. Membership is near universal for North Japanese schoolchildren ages 6 through 14.

Democratic Women's League of Japan (日本民主女性同盟) (Nihon Minshu Josei Domei)

The Democratic Women's League is a mass organization of North Japanese women. Socialist, feminist, and anti-fascist, the DWL educates and advocates for the rights of women. It promotes women's independence and plays a prominent role in bringing North Japanese women into the industrial workplace and the People's Army.

Takiji Kobayashi Japanese Cultural Association (小林多喜二日本文化協会) (Kobayashi Takiji Nihon Bunka Kyokai)

The Japanese Cultural Association is a mass organization of North Japanese cultural workers. For the last seventy years, it has worked tirelessly to promote proletarian Japanese culture, with numerous subordinate mass organizations under its command.

Japanese Athletics Association (日本遊戯協会) (Nihon Yugi Kyokai)

The Japanese Athletics Association organizes all sport in North Japan. While soccer is the most popular sport in North Japan, ice hockey and baseball are commonly played as well. Even through professional sports are legal, most North Japanese top level athletes remain amateurs.

Japanese Writers Association (日本作家協会) (Nihon Sakka Kyokai)

The Writers Association is subordinate to the Cultural Association and organizes all North Japanese writers. Socialist realism remains the most popular literary genre, with influences being taken from both Soviet literature as well as Japanese proletarian literature.

Japanese Animators Association (日本動画協会) (Nihon Doga Kyokai)

The Animators Association is the newest member of the Cultural Association, responsible for organizing and producing animation in North Japan. With the commercial success of South Japanese animation, North Japan has sought to match the industry with middling success outside of its domestic market.

Society for Japanese-Soviet Friendship (日本ソビエト友好協会) (Nihon Sobieto Yuko Kyokai)

Mass organization for promoting peace and friendship between the Soviet and Japanese peoples. Soviet culture played a prominent role in the foundation of post-war North Japanese culture, with the heavy presence of Red Army soldiers as well as engineers and planners. Russian remains the most popular foreign language to study in North Japan.

Japanese Pensioners' League (日本年金受給同盟) (Nihon Nenkin Jukyu Domei)

Mass organization for promoting the welfare of North Japan's elderly. With North Japan's rapidly aging population, this organization has come into prominence especially in servicing the large population of wounded war veterans.

Ainu People's League (アイヌ人民同盟) (Ainu Jinmin Domei)

An official Marxist anthropological study of North Japan was launched shortly after the establishment of the JPR. It challenged the traditional notion of a homogeneous Japanese society, declaring the existence of Ainu, Korean, and Chinese minorities within Japan. While these findings were controversial, the Party set about establishing linguistic and cultural rights as well as mass organizations for these groups. The APL is charged with running a network of Ainu language schools as well as organizing Ainu cultural festivals. They maintain strong ties with the Soviet Union's Ainu national minority as well.

League of Japanese Koreans (日本韓国人同盟) (Nihon Kangokujin Domei)

A mass organization was created to represent the significant population of ethnic Korean workers who opted to stay in North Japan. The LJK organizes Korean language schools and cultural festivals. Despite having bilateral ties with cultural organizations in Korea, the League is loyal to the JPR and recognizes the place of Japanese Koreans as a people within the Japanese nation. A similar mass organization was originally set up for Chinese workers within Japan, though the deterioration of relations between China and Japan led to its disbanding in the 1970s.

Burakumin Liberation League (部落民 解放同盟) (Burakumin Kaiho Domei)

Although the traditional Japanese caste system has long since been abolished, the JPR recognizes the historically disadvantaged position of burakumin within Japanese society. The Burakumin Liberation League advocates for the welfare of North Japanese burakumin workers and educates the public about their issues.

Japanese Democratic Buddhist Association (日本民主仏教協会) (Nihon Minshu Bukkyo Kyokai)

Although North Japan has emerged as one of the world's most secular nations, there remains a small minority of believers within the state atheist country. The JPR recognizes the right of Buddhists, Shintoists, and Christians to worship under the purview of their respective mass organizations. Japan's numerous Buddhists sects worship under the banner of the JDBA though certain cults have been prohibited as being counterrevolutionary.

Japanese Democratic Shintoist Association (日本民主神道協会) (Nihon Minshu Shinto Kyokai)

The close association of Shinto and the Imperial regime has damaged the reputation of the religion among the masses of North Japan. Nevertheless, the JDSA maintains a system of Shinto shrines funded by both a state stipend and cultural tourism.

Japanese Democratic Christian Association (日本民主キリスト教協会) (Nihon Minshu Kirisutokyo Kyokai)

North Japan maintains a very small Christian population, with both Catholics and Protestants being placed under the same mass organization. There are a handful of historic churches that remain in North Japan, though foreign missionaries are completely banned.
 
The Most Bland Party Names Possible. Oh wait, events happened

One: The conservatives are banging on about how the moderates are leading the One Party to ruin and has threatened to go ahead with a walkout. What the hell would they call it? "One But Not One"? "One mk 2"? "One Right"? None of those sound awfully good...

TWO.The Liberals: Some people are STILL moaning about how the name isn't as good as the old "Two Party". God, get over yourselves, the new name is here to stay. Well, unless they have another tantrum like the last time rebranding was tried

Social Labour: "Social Democratic Four Party" is a shit name and I can't believe they are even considering it. Seriously, why the fuck are our parties numbered? One, Two, Three, Four, it's like we're counting. When will Five hap- oh. I've just been informed that the Five Party is actually the Five Movement and they're a weird Internet democracy thing that just got started in the Westland province. Why do we want numbers instead of names?

Three - The Real Alternative: Talking about eclipsing Social Labour to become well, "the real alternative" to the centre-right One and Two. Why do they keep going on and on about how rainbow people are awful, tho? I thought a green party would be big on liberal tolerance and all?
 
Turquoise Blue said:
Social Labour: "Social Democratic Four Party" is a shit name and I can't believe they are even considering it. Seriously, why the fuck are our parties numbered? One, Two, Three, Four, it's like we're counting. When will Five hap- oh. I've just been informed that the Five Party is actually the Five Movement and they're a weird Internet democracy thing that just got started in the Westland province. Why do we want numbers instead of names?
Click to expand...

a0c1e5faa905d3b1481af32510c0b8ca.jpg
 
The Newest State

Democratic: So fucking corrupt. I can't believe Theresa May is running for her fifth term as Governor and will win in a landslide. At least she has gone from very conservative to being vaguely liberal, which has helped, I guess. Still awful. At least she has a good left-wing running-mate

Republican: Wait, so you're telling me they rejected Caroline Jones the vaguely moderate person in favour of... wait, who? "Count Dankula"? Who is even h- oh. The guy who taught his dog to give the Hitler salute. He's the Republican candidate? Yeah, May's gonna win even more than normal

Green: Increasingly the alternative to the Democrats, there is no way that they can screw up their chance to eclipse fucking "Count Dankula". Oh. Their candidate killed a man? My fucking God. There's no way Jon Bartley can recover from that. Oh, and they now hate trans people too? Wait what

Libertarian: Daniel Hannan is their candidate yet again. They'll win one percent this time around if lucky. Who gives a fuck about the Libertarians?

Independence: Oh yeah, those guys. They want Britain to be independent or something. I wonder who is their no- oh. It's the weirdo up in Scotland who ran several independent campaigns on "Scottish freedom". And he's now accused of sexual assault. Wow, everyone apart from May is just shit
 
100 Years Later

The United Kingdom and the Imperial Federation:

2015 - present: Jessica Prior (Liberal with Labour supply and confidence)
2014: Edmund Carr (National Unionist); Tom Allen (Labour); Paddy Noonan (Irish National Party); Kevin O'Toole (Sinn Féin); Ross McKenzie (Commonwealth)

===​

Major Parties:

Liberals: Jessica Prior is definitely qualified to handle the negotiations in Mutapa. She knows exactly what she's doing. (This is your daily reminder that the Foreign Secretary has been in Parliament for literally six months and before that he was literally just A Man who happened to be a friend of Decca's.) Also something something 'Prior Knowledge.' I'm sure that'll stick eventually.

National Unionists: Edmund Carr is still somehow Leader of the Opposition. I don’t really understand why the Nats haven’t replaced him with literally anyone else yet but I guess there's just something about aristocrats? Also, the only other replacement I can think of is literally Jack Levy. Remember when he started quoting Kipling in Assam?

Labour: Tom Allen is going to expel all members of the Fourth International from the party. What an important issue. If only there were more pressing issues at hand for Labour to deal with, like, oh, I don't know, the Germans literally committing crimes against humanity in Neuguinea while the Kaiser just pretends nothing is going on? Have we just forgotten about this?

Commonwealth: The party of Macmillan trundles on after having a solid four leaders in the last five years. And now Ross McKenzie is apparently discussing taking a cabinet post in the Prior government. I actually, honestly, think they've given up.

Home Rule Parties:

Scottish Democratic Party: Iain McKay has utterly crushed Hamish Scott - remember when he was going to be the next leader of the Nats at Westminster? - and is now nearing his fifteenth year as Premier. I don't even have a joke for this.

Y Mudiad Cymreig - The Welsh Movement: There are still Lloyd Georges in the Welsh Parliament. Still. Meanwhile, Tommy Davies is still the most overhyped MP in Westminster this side of Favour Bankole.

Irish Parties:

Irish National Party - Páirtí Náisiúnta: Porkbarrel politics will never go away, it seems. Never. Even if Paddy Noonan has been covering up rampant abuse in the priesthood. That's been going for the last twenty-five years. No, sorry, more. And he admits he knew. The INP still has a lead in the polls.

Sinn Féin: Fiona McNeill - who is going to be the next Leader of Sinn Féin, may I add - has called István Lajos an inspiration to the oppressed peoples of Europe. I’m sure the Jews and gipsies of Hungary feel exactly the same way, Fiona.

Irish Unionists: Denis Napier's smile will never not be the scariest thing ever. It reminds me of eternal darkness. Also he thinks the Pope is an alien. Oh, Ireland.

Irish Labour: Patrick Mulroney is honestly one of the best politicians around right now. I don't even have anything to say about him - he's just so wonderful a man, and he's such a faithful husband. (Yes of course I'm being sarcastic.)

Country: Michael O'Malley wants you to know that the Country Party opposes homosexuality. And Catholicism. And everything that's happened since 1900.

Minor Parties:

John Bull: Viscount Rothermere is cheerfully spouting his opinions to anyone who will listen that we ought to be aiding the Rhodesian People's Army in Mutapa because they’re not socialists or something. He’s not exactly subtle these days.

Democratic Unionists: Everyone's favourite member of the Anti-Semitic League, the self-proclaimed 'biggest racialist' in Britain, the one and only Lance Pearson, is speaking at Oxford next week. Who's coming? Probably no one.

Socialist Unity: Paul Bell has announced that he won't stand at the next election, and, honestly, I'm crushed. Remember when he pinned an Iron Cross onto Neil Robinson's lapel? Those were the days.

Agriculturalist: Billy Hoggard is a farmer. His father was a farmer. He represents farmers. Mind you, I'm not too sure what he farms in his cushy London home.

British Peace Party: The BPP might be noble if it weren't so friendly with dictatorships. Maybe people who oppose the International League aren't always the good guys? The Imperial Federation isn’t all bad guys. I wasn’t paid to say that by King Alex, I swear.
 
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