I swear I can make things that aren’t memes, it’s just the memes are so attractive...
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The 2020 Labour Party (Hell) Leadership Election
Ah, Here we are again. After former leader Robert Mellish (Fmr. Gov, Realm of the Castle of Bones) was slain by torn apart with the spores of a fungal demon, the Hell Labour Party has been without a leader.
In their place, four main contestants have emerged in this competitive race to the top.
George Brown (Reasoning for Damnation: Relentless Sexual Harassment, Exploitation of Vice (Alcohol)) The frontrunner for the election has emerged to be 1960’s deputy leader George Brown, who continues to yell over the screams of the damned his attachment to greater rights for lesser demons. The unfortunate thing is that he’s finally broken his alcohol addiction, on account that the only drink we have down here is Blood mixed with Antifreeze, which may not even extend to his palate.
Tony Benn (Reason for Damnation: Exploitation of Vice (Nicotine))
Despite multiple protests and appeals to The Lord up in the Other Place, Benn’s damnation continues, as do his leadership contests, which have been going non-stop every time the leader steps in a patch of Blood Sand or something. He supports a wide range of policies to make Hell a better place, such as draining the flesh lake for a regular lake, and perhaps making a deal with The Dark Lord Satan for worker-controlled Torture Factories.
N’Gcjaovlyk, Ender of Days, Producer of Miseries, Slayer of the Holy (Native)
The only native candidate in the leadership election, Jay, as he’s been nicknamed, is pretty reasonable for a hellspawn, supporting cutting down the torture schedule and a transition from the Damned to the Damning. Most people don’t trust him because of his role in speaking dark thoughts to that lady who tried to shoot Gerald Ford, but once you get past that he’s a pretty stand-up guy.
Oswald Mosley (Reason for Damnation: take a fuckin guess mate)
This guy. This fucking guy. Having jumped between every Party in the infinite abyss, he’s somehow ended up here again. Using his “experience” as an “advisor” to Satan as a selling point (from what I heard he mostly got him coffee), he talks about himself as the “Nationalist” candidate, and how we should all work hard for our Dark Lord yada yada. Nobody knows why he still tries.
Anyway, that’s all for this week. Vote for Jay. Hail Satan, etc.