I for one welcome our new crustacean overlords.In 1975, dozens of giant mutant crabs - hungry for human flesh, seemingly intelligent enough to have malice - attacked the Welsh coast. Over a year later, they struck Australia.
By 1980, giant crabs were squatting at the coastlines of various countries. Sustained military action seems to have failed. We just have to live with the crabs.
Many small coastal towns in the UK and similar nations have been abandoned, with the population moved to "new towns" inland, so the more economically important settlements can be better fortified. Domestic seaside holidays are a thing of the past, causing a major recession in places like Blackpool; seasides in countries like Spain are crawling with military forces and patrol vessels. The Royal Navy has redirected a lot of its resources into the new home fleets, keeping shipping safe from crab attack; just as in WW2, a convoy system has been created. This greatly reduces the chances of the Navy being able to deploy further than Europe and overseas territories are reliant on extremely long RAF flights - the government worries Argentina thinks this isn't a realistic threat. Seaborne smuggling is a thing criminals only can do if they can't use planes, the most desperate and small-fry gangs, and carries a 1 in 3 chance of being eaten.
With the bulk of the crabs being in Wales, it's the Welsh who've suffered the most relocations and the sight of Royal Marine pillboxes in Cardiff Bay and Aberyswyth, the Welsh suffering half of all civilian deaths, and as a result there's an angry groundswell for a Welsh devolved parliament. In terms of national politics, Britain is another country where monetarist and neoliberal theories are knocked out - you can't easily argue for smaller states and extra-free markets when there's a mass of hungry crabs that want to eat you all.
A positive development is international cooperation against nuclear testing and proliferation, and a reduction of warheads. Nobody wants more giant mutants.
The police want to know who keeps abducting people and tying them down at the beach.
Well, when are you giving us the Welsh election results? That's what this was leading up to, right?With the bulk of the crabs being in Wales, it's the Welsh who've suffered the most relocations and the sight of Royal Marine pillboxes in Cardiff Bay and Aberyswyth, the Welsh suffering half of all civilian deaths, and as a result there's an angry groundswell for a Welsh devolved parliament. In terms of national politics, Britain is another country where monetarist and neoliberal theories are knocked out - you can't easily argue for smaller states and extra-free markets when there's a mass of hungry crabs that want to eat you all.
1983 general election results (Wales)Well, when are you giving us the Welsh election results? That's what this was leading up to, right?
I think you've taken the Eldon League way too seriously.1945-1952: Clement Attlee (Labour)
1945 (Majority) def: Winston Churchill (Conservative), Archibald Sinclair (Liberal)
1950 (Majority) def: Anthony Eden (New Democratic), Megan Lloyd-George (Radical)
1952-1959: Anthony Eden (New Democratic)
1952 (Majority) def: Clement Attlee (Labour), Megan Lloyd-George (Radical)
1956 (Majority) def: Hugh Gaitskell (Labour), John Freeman (Socialist Labour)
1959-1965: Peter Thorneycroft (New Democratic)
1960 (Majority) def: Hugh Gaitskell (Labour), Stan Newens (Socialist Labour), Andrew Foutaine (National Front)
1965-1970: Evan Durbin (Labour)
1965 (Majority) def: Peter Thorneycroft (New Democratic), Andrew Foutaine (National Front)
1969 (Majority) def: Julian Amery (New Democratic), Peter Griffiths (National Front)
1970-1971: Edward Short (Labour)
1971-1980: Patrick Jenkin (New Democratic)
1971 (Majority) def: Edward Short (Labour)
1975 (Majority) def: Dick Marsh (Labour), Ronald Cartland (Reform)
1980-: Illtyd Harrington (Labour)
1980 (Majority) def: Patrick Jenkin (New Democratic), Christopher Brocklebank-Fowler (Reform), Neil Hamilton (Eldon!)
1984 (Majority) def: Peter Walker (New Democratic), Christopher Brocklebank-Fowler (Reform), Neil Hamilton (Eldon!)
1986 Party Poltical Rundown;
Labour: Illtyd Harrington has said he’ll be stepping down within the next year (because he’s old, brought back Democratic Socialism and wants to spend his remaining years with his boyfriend) so of course the Labour Party is filled with folks trying to big themselves up as much as possible.
The race seems to be divided between; Jim Sillars (the first Scottish Nationalist to become Prime Minister of Great Britain), the Left Candidate Margaret Beckett (I do love me some bland fiscal conservatism with my laundry list of Social Democratic goodies), Some Kiwi called Bryan Gould (Time To Yeet Ourselves Out Of EC and put all your stocks in BT) and Colin Phipps (running on a ‘hope the party see’s the beard and confuses me for Harrington).
Oh and there’s another fella, Neil something...
New Democratic: When your polling literally a point above Neil Hamilton, you know you’ve done something wrong. Maybe it’s because Peter Bottomley is about as fascinating as a bowel of rice pudding and he’s the third leader that the New Democrats have had, this year. Some people are suggesting that they replace him with a ‘I Like The Gays, But Fuck The Poor’ candidate Edwina Currie, But will this Old Boys Club go with that...of course not.
Reform: The Tory Radicals have been invaded by a new and more horrifying breed, weird bland Radical Centrist youth lead by Mr Ben Mandelson who wants to get rid of Keynesian Economics from the party...which was the entire reason the party was invented in the first place. Well if not Mandelson, then Fowler would be replaced by Peter Tapsell and it’s probably better that it was Mandelson.
Eldon!: Neil Hamilton recently did a campaign video in which he destroyed the Magna Carta with a flaming arrow, claimed he was a member of the Norman Yoke, chopped off a vague approximation of Illtyd Harrington’s head with a broadsword and said ‘Forward Into The Past’. Somehow this gang of LARPers will gain five seats because we live in hell.
Action!: Beatrix Campbell said that Nottingham City Council was ran by a paedophilic satanic cult and now this gaggle of Libertarian Socialists are being sued. Between this and the Redgrave’s running amock, I’m surprised they have one Parliamentary seat.
Social Democratic Federation: Dave Nellist and Lol Duffy really hope that no one reads up on them or how the party’s message is just ‘Parliamentary Trotskyism’ and literally Tariq Ali wrote there manifesto. Also Ron Davies is here because he wandered off from the Action! Conference and is too embarrassed to ask for help.
ECOLOGY: J.G.Ballard’s was doing so well and then he just had to mention that he thinks Nuclear Bombs are actually a good thing and now CND are threatening to pull out unless the party replaces there spokesperson.
OWEN FOR PLYMOUTH!: David Owen is now running as a Independent in no way affiliated to OFP who instead nominated Mike Hancock.
Pour out a drink for one of the greats.
Oh I know that there tongue in cheek, but it’s funny trying to imagine Neil Hamilton getting elected whilst wearing old school finery and carrying a broadsword. Anyway, Eldon here is a kind of ‘Monday Club but on steroids’ mainly but with more theatrics.I think you've taken the Eldon League way too seriously.
In Government:1970-1978: Ted Heath (Conservative)
1970 (Majority) def: Harold Wilson (Labour), Jeremy Thorpe (Liberal)
1974 (Majority) def: Harold Wilson (Labour), Jeremy Thorpe (Liberal)
1978-1985: Peter Shore (Labour)
1978 (Majority) def: Ted Heath (Conservative), John Pardoe (Liberal)
1982 (Majority) def: John Biffen (Conservative), Claire Brooks (Liberal)
1985-1991: Bryan Gould (Labour)
1986 (Majority) def: Timothy Riason (Conservative), Claire Brooks (Liberal), Jim Sillars (SNP)
1988 EC Referendum: Leave 43%, Stay 57%
1991-: Gloria Hooper (Conservative)
1990 (Majority) def: Bryan Gould (Labour), David Penhaligon (Liberal), Jim Sillars (SNP)
1993 Welsh Devolution Referendum : Devo 51%, Stay 49%
1993 Scottish Devolution Referendum: Devo 67%, Stay 33%
1994 Yorkshire Devolution Referendum : Devo 57%, Stay 43%
1995 (Majority) def: Derek Fatchett (Labour), David Penhaligon-Peg Alexander (Alliance), Margaret Ewing (SNP), ‘Lol’ Duffy-Valerie Wise (Socialist Labour)