Maybe a bit of a quick turnaround, but the thing about FH is that the sell-by date is very low.
Forensicke
Political Career of Natalie Elphicke
2011-2019: Member, Conservative Policy Forum,
Conservative
2015-2017: Chief Executive, Housing and Finance Institute,
Conservative
2019-2024: Member of Parliament for Dover,
Conservative
def 2019: Charlotte Cornell (Labour), Simon Dodd (Liberal Democrats), Beccy Sawbridge (Green)
2020-2024: Parliamentary Private Secretary, Ministry of Housing, Communities, and Local Government,
Conservative
2024-
0000: Member of Parliament for Dover, Labour
def 2025: Mike Tapp (Independent), Penelope James (Liberal Democrats), Dan Friend (Conservative), David Kerr (WPB), Christine Oliver (Green)
def 2029: Rick Blackwell (Liberal Democrats), James Defriend (Reform UK), Simon Cullen (Green), Dan Friend (Conservative)
def 2034: James Defriend (Reform UK), Rick Blackwell (Liberal Democrats), Sam Brookfield (Green), David Kerr (WPB)
def 2037: James Defriend (Reform UK), Sam Brookfield (Green), Roben Franklen (Liberal Democrats), Mohammad Ejaz Aslam (Independent Conservative)
def 2041: Carol Comey (Reform UK), Aram Rawf (Justice), Roben Franklen (Liberal Democrats), Paul Brockley (British Alternative), Binface Numero Uno (Binface League)
2025-2029: Under-Secretary of State for Housing, Communities, and Local Government,
Labour
2029-2032: Shadow Secretary of State for Housing, Communities, and Local Government,
Labour
2032-2034: Shadow Secretary of State for Housing and Immigrant Settlement,
Labour
2034-2037: Shadow Secretary of State for Border Affairs,
Labour
2038-
0000: Leader of the
Labour Party
def 2038: Marsha de Cordova, Nick Thomas-Symonds, David Skaith, Gemma Bolton
2041-
0000: Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of England and Northern Ireland, Labour
def 2041: (Majority) Connor Tomlinson (Reform UK), Magid Magid & Tim Speers (Green), Max Wilkinson (Liberal Democrats), Jack Renshaw (British Alternative), Johnny Mercer (Conservative), Akhmed Yakoob (Justice)
BONG! A photo of Natalie Elphicke shaking hands with Sunak appeared on the screen. Something looked off about the colour balance--the shadows were exaggerated, the colours darkened.
"Nathalie Elphicke claims to be reasonable. A centrist. A safe pair of hands. But let's look at the facts."
BONG! Another photo of Sunak, in a polo shirt, at some conference, the colour balance still clearly screwed up--for heaven's sake, Sunak looked like he'd been up a chimney!
"Fact Number One. Elphicke served in the Cabinet of Prime Minister Rishi Sunak--the same Prime Minister who failed to do ANYTHING about the small boats! Instead, he dilly-dallied about doing the right thing, fired the only minister willing to stand up for Britain, and swanned off to Big Tech Land with his wife."
BONG! A shot of himself, this time, the usual photoshoot, him and Elphicke in hard-hats outside a new-build, laughing about something.
"Fact Number Two. Elphicke served in the Cabinet of illegitimate Prime Minister Kier Starmer, and was happy to obey his ditkats straight from the World Economic Forum. These included her duties building houses."
BONG! Elphicke again, shaking hands with someone outside one of the new-builds, and again that ludicrously poor colour balance had come back. He hoped someone had been fired for that blunder.
"As Minister of Housing, Elphicke tore up the London green belt for council estates, which were nearly all assigned to migrants and migrant-relateds rather than to the British natives who needed them. She claims to regret this lack of care, but how much does she really mind?"
BONG! It looked like Edinburgh, and--well, he'd retired, but yes, that was still Yousaf up on that stage. Even if that reddish filter and the awful colour balance made it hard to make out.
"Fact Number Three. After the Declaration of Scone, Elphicke voted no on sending the army to Edinburgh to put down the globalist Scottish government! Like most of Starmer's government, she happily let British native land go without a fight into the hands of an unelected extremist."
BONG! Natalie next to...someone. Honestly, he wasn't quite sure who that fellow was. He looked
vaguely familiar.
"Indeed, when Wales just recently betrayed Britain in a similar way, it forced out former colleague of Elphicke's Nick Thomas-Symonds--leaving a clear path for her as leader against staged opposition. It's curious indeed how events transpire in the favour of this alleged sensible moderate!"
BONG! Elphicke on the green benches, putting her hands up about something.
"Fact Number Four. Elphicke was just as happy to submit to the leadership of Wes Streeting. She claims to not have always agreed with his radical leftist stances--but her voting record tells a different story."
BONG! Elphicke with a rainbow lanyard.
"Voted against repealing the ban on reparative sexual and gender therapies--the same law she now pledges to uphold."
BONG! Elphicke in a benefits office.
"Voted against the two-track minimum wage system--the same system she now claims to wish to reform 'for a fairer deal for British natives'."
BONG! Elphicke and that bloke from Hunted having some kind of stare-off under a poor colour balance.
"Voted against the public protestor registry--the same registry she now attacks other party leaders for being on!"
BONG! That was her husband, wasn't it? And there he was in court...he vaguely recalled being briefed on something like that.
"Fact Number Five. When her husband was credibly accused of Epstein-style sexual behaviour, Natalie Elphicke was one of five MPs who engaged in the intimidation of a British judge, in an attempt to save his skin."
BONG! Some white woman with close-cropped hair, exiting a court, cheering crowds around her, head held high.
"Not only that, but when in Cabinet, Elphicke continued her globalist-esque campaign of smears against this public servant, conspiring to have her denied of her rightful place in the House of Lords and funnelling rumours to Labour-controlled media about her conduct on the bench. This typical cultural Marxist conspiracy has taken years to unravel!"
BONG! The camera refocused on what looked like live footage of some bearded chap behind a desk, leaning over an anachronistic microphone.
"So, who's the real Nathalie Elphicke? Is it the sensible moderate of the past year? Or is it the one we've seen up until now--the one who's woke on the real issues, woke on governing, and woke on the UK?"
He leaned forward, and at least this time there wasn't a bloody awful bong.
"We can't let Labour and the global economic establishment undo the progress of the last twelve years. Elphicke's woke agenda would send us back to the 2020s. This has been a party political broadcast on behalf of Reform UK--"
BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG!
"Keir?"
Keir Starmer pinched his nose, and waited until his vision cleared up from a solid white to the face of a nervous young staffer.
"Keir? Is everything all right? You sort of...zoned out for a second, there." The staffer picked up his phone, which had fallen on the floor. "Your alarm was going off, as well...I turned up the volume a bit, and I think that snapped you out of it."
"Oh yes. Fine, fine. I'm all fine, here." He said that a few more times to himself, experimentally, just to see if it started sounding better.
It wasn't real. The future couldn't be predicted. Dreams had no bearing on reality. The future wasn't set. He'd been stressed, lately, and this sort of thing happened to stressed people. He was a sane man, with a firm grip on reality. He shouldn't have had that third cup of tea. Prophecies weren't things that happened to people like him. He was a sensible, mature, grown-up politician who made decisions from the head, not the gut, and everything was completely fine.
"Boss, it looks like you've got a meeting in five with that MP who defected. Name of Elph--"
"Cancel it."
