The Tamar Test Thread... Thing

[Tamar]

This heat is cooking my brain

 

[Tamar]

For some reason (read: a friend challenged me and because I'm an angsty bitch I got really into it) I've gotten into writing and performing poetry this year, and well, I have this test thread that I never do anything with, so here's the stuff I actually feel comfortable sharing.

( to @monroe and @Beata Beatrix, both of whom have had really really useful feedback for me)

Spoiler: Poem 1

Breathe in.

At long last, winter's claws retract
And patches of green start to break out
Cordoned off like some freak display
But not for much longer, spring is here.

Somewhere among all the barren trees
All sprouting from deep dark dirt and mud
Two frogs lie in a tender embrace
They'll never be caught in a lie.

A creature has come to bother them all
Cordoned off from herself, she flails
She might just let black smoke devour her whole
She's too cruel to burn alone.

What is she to our happy couple?
A chemical spill that'll burn them down?
Or a pervert here to spoil their fun?
Did they even notice that she came by?

The green shoots aren't looking for a muse
And the crows have better things to gossip
Her howls are loud but no match at all
For the lake's eternal vow of silence.

For a moment, there's a stand-off no one asked for
Will she play around with matchsticks?
She carries names around with her, will she carve them into wood?
No, our creature knows she's beaten.

She walks up to the edge of the water
And she looks to the fungi for help
Harsh words reluctantly ooze out her lips
And fall down into the lake, to drown.

Our creature's destructive intentions defused
She can leave the woods to their silence
Someone will try to finish the job, no doubt
But never again will it be her.

Breathe out.

Spoiler: Poem 2

why should I follow you?
sink under the waves, let moss grow over me
in meandering, malignant company
just 'cause you can't imagine anything else?

why would I ever scurry in the small hours
with all the other little lesbian freaks
why would I chase a red lipstick mark
or yearn for glorious nations

my disgrace shall be gorgeous
my revenge a life's work
come and beg if you want
I don't care anymore
I am totally unmoored now
and it's all I ever needed

why do you need me to be a victim?
why does that arouse you?
look to me then look to you
God knows who is a parasite and who is not

 

[NotDavidSoslan]

For some reason (read: a friend challenged me and because I'm an angsty bitch I got really into it) I've gotten into writing and performing poetry this year, and well, I have this test thread that I never do anything with, so here's the stuff I actually feel comfortable sharing.

( to @monroe and @Beata Beatrix, both of whom have had really really useful feedback for me)

Spoiler: Poem 1

Breathe in.

At long last, winter's claws retract
And patches of green start to break out
Cordoned off like some freak display
But not for much longer, spring is here.

Somewhere among all the barren trees
All sprouting from deep dark dirt and mud
Two frogs lie in a tender embrace
They'll never be caught in a lie.

A creature has come to bother them all
Cordoned off from herself, she flails
She might just let black smoke devour her whole
She's too cruel to burn alone.

What is she to our happy couple?
A chemical spill that'll burn them down?
Or a pervert here to spoil their fun?
Did they even notice that she came by?

The green shoots aren't looking for a muse
And the crows have better things to gossip
Her howls are loud but no match at all
For the lake's eternal vow of silence.

For a moment, there's a stand-off no one asked for
Will she play around with matchsticks?
She carries names around with her, will she carve them into wood?
No, our creature knows she's beaten.

She walks up to the edge of the water
And she looks to the fungi for help
Harsh words reluctantly ooze out her lips
And fall down into the lake, to drown.

Our creature's destructive intentions defused
She can leave the woods to their silence
Someone will try to finish the job, no doubt
But never again will it be her.

Breathe out.

Spoiler: Poem 2

why should I follow you?
sink under the waves, let moss grow over me
in meandering, malignant company
just 'cause you can't imagine anything else?

why would I ever scurry in the small hours
with all the other little lesbian freaks
why would I chase a red lipstick mark
or yearn for glorious nations

my disgrace shall be gorgeous
my revenge a life's work
come and beg if you want
I don't care anymore
I am totally unmoored now
and it's all I ever needed

why do you need me to be a victim?
why does that arouse you?
look to me then look to you
God knows who is a parasite and who is not

I like these two poems. They have the genius of Shota Rustaveli (since your username is Tamar) and the style of Grégorio de Matos, a 17th-century Brazilian baroque poet known for his scathing social critiques.

 

[Sideways]

For some reason (read: a friend challenged me and because I'm an angsty bitch I got really into it) I've gotten into writing and performing poetry this year, and well, I have this test thread that I never do anything with, so here's the stuff I actually feel comfortable sharing.

( to @monroe and @Beata Beatrix, both of whom have had really really useful feedback for me)

Spoiler: Poem 1

Breathe in.

At long last, winter's claws retract
And patches of green start to break out
Cordoned off like some freak display
But not for much longer, spring is here.

Somewhere among all the barren trees
All sprouting from deep dark dirt and mud
Two frogs lie in a tender embrace
They'll never be caught in a lie.

A creature has come to bother them all
Cordoned off from herself, she flails
She might just let black smoke devour her whole
She's too cruel to burn alone.

What is she to our happy couple?
A chemical spill that'll burn them down?
Or a pervert here to spoil their fun?
Did they even notice that she came by?

The green shoots aren't looking for a muse
And the crows have better things to gossip
Her howls are loud but no match at all
For the lake's eternal vow of silence.

For a moment, there's a stand-off no one asked for
Will she play around with matchsticks?
She carries names around with her, will she carve them into wood?
No, our creature knows she's beaten.

She walks up to the edge of the water
And she looks to the fungi for help
Harsh words reluctantly ooze out her lips
And fall down into the lake, to drown.

Our creature's destructive intentions defused
She can leave the woods to their silence
Someone will try to finish the job, no doubt
But never again will it be her.

Breathe out.

Spoiler: Poem 2

why should I follow you?
sink under the waves, let moss grow over me
in meandering, malignant company
just 'cause you can't imagine anything else?

why would I ever scurry in the small hours
with all the other little lesbian freaks
why would I chase a red lipstick mark
or yearn for glorious nations

my disgrace shall be gorgeous
my revenge a life's work
come and beg if you want
I don't care anymore
I am totally unmoored now
and it's all I ever needed

why do you need me to be a victim?
why does that arouse you?
look to me then look to you
God knows who is a parasite and who is not

These are legitimately really well written