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No Longer at Ease project thread

UK election, 2031
"...Westminster left in panic following a bizarre cyberattack that hijacked display screens, with advertisements instead showing supposed anarchist propaganda for a total of four minutes uninterrupted. The Home office has yet to comm-"

"...Great Britain stands alone in the world. America is a lone wolf. Europe is in flames. Russia is at their own throats. The marxists in China are looming over the pacific-"

"...cocktail through the window of an independent homeless shelter in Milton Keynes has been identified as a member of several alt-right message-boards known for spreading false rumours of underground child trafficking opera-"

"...all this could've been avoided if Andy budged on the trans plank back in-"

"...fused to show up in court, implicated the glassing and assault of seven Youth Momentum members that left two in critical conditi-"

"...calling us that just shows they don't want to have any actual debate and just want to be angry. I don't want to say 'so much for the tolerant left' but-"

"...Sultana can't seriously be calling for universal rent control while she's living in Coventry! It's just more performative wokeness from another shitlib who hasn't even read theory-"

"...migrant worker camps in Pembrokeshire are all fake news, you degenerate soyjak-"

"...lmao go back to wanking to her feet pics ya wannabe fascist volcel-"

"...ever since the Scots voted to leave it's all gone tits up. I can't believe I'm saying this but I think I legit miss Nicola Sturgeon-"

"...is a common misconception. In practice, I have worked alongside people from every political spectrum. I find it impossible to have any kind of meaningful dialogue with anyone who is not willing to listen to reason, which-"

"...literally making a deal with a slightly-more-terrible Ellen Degeneres who's been running Hartlepool like her own little fiefdom..."

"...early projections seeing Batley and Spen once again firmly in Tory control-"

-then they came for me
and there was no one left
to speak for me


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Russian election, 2031
(credit to @Meppo for this one)

Shoygu got friendzoned, Dimon sleeps in dust,
And here we are stranded, put out to rust,
We hear of their calls, we yearn for their faces
No space to fly over the fraternal graves

"...even with the benefits in mind, Ukrainians and their despot Arsen I plainly insist on hysterically raving about our agreement with Berli-"

"...Vladimirov and Yegorov were Sobyanin's men, and Nikitin and Rotenberg were Piter men, and we know that Putin prefers Piter men above a-"

"...thousands have marched in St. Petersburg to mourn the death of Senator and Second President of the Russian Federation, Vladimir Pu-"

"...in accordance with his mandate, we hope to continue reforming Russia's administrative divisions to better reflect city growth trends and population diff-"

"...Cossack militias have clashed with Chechen fighters in Krasnodar, as Tsargrad has unfairly alleged that the Governor of Krasnodar Oblast was 'a puppet of-"

"...in short, the observed anomalies, in addition to the aforementioned reports of illicit funding, lead us to distrust the results of United Russia's 'preliminary vote' and their choice of Igor Rotenb-"

"...protests in Kurgan continue over the explosion at Shchuchye, which has been followed by the hospitalization of thousands of people, including children, due to-"

"...the provoca- the provocateurs-don, they want our Ingush brothers-don to forget their heritage, their historic ties-don, but-"

"...in response to recent proposals regarding European-style healthcare reform, the government of Yekaterinburg has allowed local LGBTQ organizations to hold their so-called 'Anti-Eugenics Parade'-"

"...the conflict between the elites of Moscow and Kyzyl continues to develop, as the former Head of Tuva has claimed yesterday that he had met with Konstantin-"

"...Who gives a shit about information? All these exposés and the only people who ever get arrested are the morons and the middle-ranks with golden toilets. Remember 2023? It's better to keep Google running than to let a bunch of bored plebs run a-"

"...inside you there are two wolves. One says that the Chinese can be stopped at the Urals, the other that the Mongols could reach Moscow in a matter of days-"

"...a three hundred strong unsanctioned Communist demonstration in Cheboksary has been put down by police yesterday-"

"...even with the recent arrests of independent observers, videos of brazen fraud, in addition to violent fighting in voting precincts, have become available to the world at lar-"

"...there was no politics in- there was no politics in the disbanding of Echo of Moscow, no. No, there's not- there's not a fucking purge. Yashin had gotten registered, that says 'purge of opposition' to you?-"

"...He was a God-fearing, true patriot, the best governor Nizhny Novgorod has known, and, frankly speaking, the best leader Russia never ha-"

"..,for some reason, courts have been slow to investigate the clear evidence of financial fraud and organization of PMCs on Malofeev's part despite direct orders from-"

"...Georgy Mikhaylovich Romanov had cast his vote in the Russian presidential elections this very mornin-"

"...after a recount, we can confirm that the Republic of Yakutia was won by... Ilya Yashin. We'd like to remind you that since 2030 Yakutia has been governed by former Navalny associate Anatoly Nogovitsyn-"

"...do you want it like in Paris, or in Miami? Do you want it like in Britain, where food is taken away from refugees and given to transgende-"

"...however, the results of the State Duma elections remain inconclusi-"

"...and if the people pretending to be lawfully-elected leaders of Russia do not recognize our ultimatum, then we shall depose this West-imposed sham syst-"

"...due to deepfakes of unclear origin, many citizens of Moscow have unfortunately believed the ludicrous claim that the city police was stocking up on-"

"...the Heads of Crimea and Sevastopol have conspired to prevent their countrymen's will - which had clearly chosen Malofeev - from being recognized-"

"...the word is stronger than steel, the word is stronger than concrete-"

"...Anton Furgal, limping from the after-effects of lead poisoning, was reportedly received 'with exaltation' by the people of Khabaro-"

"...in alarming news, the so-called 'March of the Black Hundreds' has successfully stormed the building of the Moscow City Duma, despite the city police's cutting-edge equipment-"

"...Anastasia Vladimirovna did not flee Moscow, thank you very much-"

"...autocracy is a cancerous tumor on the body of Russian civilization. Down with Tsarism, long live the repu-"

"...Rejoice for Russia, for its true authority will be restored in place of the imposter cabal-"

"Do not panic. Everything is in control. The Russian government is secure."


Bozhe, Tsarya khrani,
Sil'nyy, derzhavnyy,
Tsarstvuy na slavu, na slavu nam!


2031 blackentheborg box.png
 
The Caliphate
...The sun on the meadow is summery warm.
The stag in the forest runs free.
But gather together to greet the storm.
Tomorrow belongs to me...

"...interior reports staying many high-ranking members of the military are "concerned" with their withdrawal from the Greater Caucasus could-"

"...no, you can't -- no, listen, which of these is more of a problem? These rowdy muslims, or this madman gassing our citizens? We control Chechnya, Vladimirovich made sure of it when-"

"...well Jim, this can all be linked back to the ongoing climate wars erupting all over the globe. In Russia alone, the need for petroleum in the wake of the North Sea crisis has lead to countless-"

"...truck bomb detonated outside Russian military headquarters in Khankala, killing several members of the 18th Guards Motor Rifle Brigade in the blast-"

"...where the corpse of ISIS and the Taliban cast its shadow, we Mujahideen grew in the shade. We will emerge from the shadows and claim our rightful vengeance on the Great Bear. We will kill your men and **** your women. Your children will be-"

"...no, neither me or Comrade Bondarenko have been negotiating the vindication of a Chechen State Council. This is undoubtably misinformation of the Black Hundreds to further defame the movement. Excuse me-"

"...should've wiped out these greasy холки́ when they first tried steal what is ours! Rotenberg's party of crooks and thieves has once again shown that they are too weak to lead us. They truly are cucked soy-eating Betas amongst Sigmas-"

"...BREAKING: Impromptu roadblocks installed across Ossetia and Ingushetia-"

...Allāhu lā ’ilāha illā huwa
Al-ḥayyu l-qayyūm
Lā ta’khudhuhu sinatun wa-lā nawm
Lahu mā fī s-samāwāti wa-mā fi l-’arḍ
Man dhā lladhī yashfa‘u ‘indahu ’illā bi-’idhnihi...


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The Cannibal Kings
CW: Mentions of gore

"...well, Jim, I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest. After years of climate crises, political extremism and subconscious trauma, young people will undoubtedly be looking for answers, especially from an stern authority figure. Look at Trump and his cult of personality, for example-"

"...little being known about him before suddenly bursting onto the philosopher scene, Osennykh Ilyich is ranked alongside other celebrity cultural theorists like Peterson, Žižek and-"

"...information garnered from the Ministry of Social Protection uncovered a bizarre mix of Egoism and esoteric religious practices similar to that of Aleister Crowley and his Abbey of Thelema-"

"...inside you there are two wolves. One says that the leader of the pack must be followed without question, the other wants nothing more than the leaders throat to be ripped out with his teeth-"

"...massive successes with people on the fringe right-wing isn't something I worry about. It's a new fad. I don't care that they claim to be magic or whatever-the-fuck, it's just another label on the same tin-"

"...they claim there are shortages of wheat, of barley. Their imports rot in docks while greedy men horde imaginary money. Friends, they, in their blind arrogance, have missed a near-infinite food source yet untapped-"

"...reports of sporadic gunfire deeper into the mountain range worries locals-"

"...no, listen to me! You don't--listen, damn it! They aren't coming back from patrol! None of them! Those wizard fucks are killing my men and--"

"...with smaller domestic incidents being linked to the movement as it grows in international popularity, including the murder of a purported domestic abuser in the French city of Nice, noted for the corpse missing it's-"

"...how long until Malofeev gases them too, huh? You can clipchimp me all you want, I said what I said, deal with it. God, you delusional Vaush fans in chat are all so triggered by literally anything I-"

...Баю-баюшки баю
Не ложися на краю
Придёт серенький волчок
И укусит за бочок...


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"...should've wiped out these greasy холки́ when they first tried steal what is ours! Rotenberg's party of crooks and thieves has once again shown that they are too weak to lead us. They truly are cucked soy-eating Betas amongst Sigmas-"

Not nitpicking about this quote, I actually find it funny, but I'm just trying to imagine the kind of person who would use both "party of crooks and thieves" and alt-right lingo in the same sentence – I see the Russian diaspora has brought with it some new fads to political Twitter?

more seriously though, could you tell me where did you find холки́ specifically in the meaning of "derogatory name for Chechens"? Because I can't.

"...BREAKING: Impromptu roadblocks installed across Ossetia and Ingushetia-"

honestly knowing Kadyrov they'd be installed way earlier 😛

All in all, I'm very glad this series has a proper thread now.
 
Kurdistan and the Rojavan Front
"...as the North Sea Crisis becomes bloodier, all eyes are on the Middle East to shoulder world demand for oil production-"

"...the conditions in west Asia are absolutely prime for more socialist uprisings, the same kind we've seen so far in the Red Corridor and the Phillipines. A crimson tide is flooding the continent to the point China, who still famously touts itself as a communist country despite the failure of "Global Market NuEconomics with Militant Characteristics" that Haifeng tried to-"

"...US President Price mulls fleet withdrawal from the Mediterranean Sea as the Syrian Civil War approaches it's Crystal Anniversary-"

"...while the murder and partial consumption of several Saudi businessman has been linked to the Cult of Vyriy, many have speculated that the violent anti-capitalist revolution could spread further into the Eurasia-"

"...Yavaş, Çelik, İmamoğlu, Şahin, all wannabes, pale imitations of Erdoğan. If it weren't for their dealings with China, the Ba'ath Party would be wiped off the-"

"...usually go on some sort of ethnic cleansing crusade when things get bad. Look at what China did to the Uyghurs, and what the Saudis did to the Shia, and what Russia's been doing to-"

"...consider it ironic that it was women, some with headscarves, some without, that drove Asa’ib Ahl al-Haq from the Taurus mountains. We just never considered that those very same women wouldn't stop there and go after the Tahrir al-Sham-"

"...be they Houthi or PFLP, they are comrades all, and we welcome them to learn the teachings of Apo as we did-"

"...good for them. No, really, I think what they're doing is good. I'm all in on autonomy for the Kurdish people, and that's not just because I fought with the YPG, it's because I consider myself a decent human being. And Syria was pretty cringe, we all know it. Does anyone here actually have a question about my campaign?-"

Dagîr kerî dil pir le qîn
Dirrindey bê wîjdan û dîn
Natiwanî wakey Kurd nebîn


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Communist India and Fundamentalist Pakistan
"...as the climate crises worsen, water wars and crop blight has ripped hundreds of thousands of families from their ancestral homes in the Middle East, combining into what many are calling the "Migrant Hypercrisis"--"

"...how many of those "farmers" are actually connected to the Lashkar-e-Taiba, I ask you? How many of these "student protesters" are truely that and not just deep cover for some mujahideen? I tell you now, many of these radicals are affiliated with drugs and pornography, while the unions that claim to be for the working men are really in the pocket of the D-Company--"

"...human rights activists drawing attention to the growing amount of young men in Pakistan further drawn to religious extremism as conditions worsen, especially in the wake of Saad Hussain Rizvi party's surprising victory in the last general election. But let's be honest, what else is new? It's the middle east--"

"...refused to meet with Prime Minister Revivo, in a move many in the G10 are calling 'cut-and-dry religious discrimination'. Rizvi, who has solidified his party's position on the extremist right-wing--"

"...they stole their power from Bishnoi, and now Thackeray seeks to steal your power too! Will you lay down and let him take it? Or will you stand and fight?!--"

"...in another series of politically motivated killings, the heads of three Reuters reporters were found on the doorstep of the National Herald building in New Delhi--"

"...in fragile times, the expectation arrives more and more at the foot of the man, under pressure of societies expectations of machismo and his provider status. He seeks desperately to prove himself, and when these times become more desperate, so does he--"

"...OUT OF THE TREES! THEY'RE COMING OUT OF THE--"

"...today releasing a joint statement condemning the manslaughter during last week's violent coup in India, with several UN representitives going so far to call the situation "a bloodbath"--"

"...our comrades in the Phillipines were an invaluable ally in the battle against the corrupt BJP. India's destiny is now in the hands of its 1.62 billion citizens. Your money will go to the peasants and farmers, the backbone of our nation, and not the pockets of corrupt officials--"

"...don't care if he was just a 15 year old! We shouldn't care that he was a member of the volcel community or that he was subbed to Tim Pool! We really shouldn't! He still killed three Indian nationals on a Facebook live broadcast and boasted that he 'gutted the communist race-traitors'--"

"...who's fault is it that you have no drinking water? There is not one culprit! The Americans, the devils, they've conspired with the k***s and Hindus to work against you! Look at what their CIA has done to our neighbors! Syria is no longer there, replaced by this Kurdistan, this mockery!--"

"...all eyes on the Red Corridor as Naxal tank columns appear to be mobilising towards the Wahga Zone in Punjab--"

Cold Start Response protocols are now in effect.
Jo garajte hain, woh baraste nahi.


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Everyone's favourite potential nuclear war is back at it again!

Not sure how strictly plausible it is (he says, glancing up at Russian Cannibal Warlords) but Communist India is based and farmerstrikespilled. Here's hoping they go for Kerala over Naxalbari.
Technically it’s more Communist Punjab by the looks of it.
 
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