"So, we better get started. First, with our exit poll, which even now I can't reveal until Big Ben strikes ten. Remember, this is an exit poll, very carefully calculated. Not necessarily on-the-nail, but here it is."
Big Ben strikes ten.
"10 o'clock - and we are saying: the Conservatives will win a landslide majority. And here are the figures which we have - quite remarkable this exit poll - the Conservatives on 400, that's up 160 since the last election in 2010. That would be their best result since 1931 when they were part of the National Coalition. Tony Blair for Labour... 231 behind him on 169, down 125 from the last election. That would be Labour's worst result since the 1931 election, and considerably worse than the result in 1983 when they were led by Michael Foot and faced a strong challenge from the SDP/Liberal Alliance. And the other parties; the Liberal Democrats and the Green Party. Look at the Green Party! 48 for Natalie Bennett, that's up 41 seats in just one election for the Green Party. I should clarify at this stage that this is the Green Party of England and Wales, not the Scottish or the Northern Irish parties, who are not expected to pick up any seats. Nick Clegg, for the Liberal Democrats, on eight, that's down 79 from the last election. UKIP, we're saying, on three, treat that with caution because it's a new entry in a sense in this game; its difficult to work out in places where UKIP hasn't stood before what it'll be like, but that's what we're saying at the moment, three for UKIP. So that's the remarkable scene that our exit poll is revealing. We shall discover when the first results start coming in how accurate it is, but if that is the story, it is a quite sensational story. Nick?"
"Sensational David, an extraordinary night, if, if that exit poll is right. But it would need to be extraordinarily wrong for Labour to win this election. Just even as you were reading out those figures, you sensed cries of joys from Conservatives, gloom and existential dread on the faces of the Labour Party, ecstacy amongst the Green Party of England and Wales, absolute misery amongst Liberal Democrats. The Conservatives talked of winning a majority, very few of them ever believed they would be projected a result anything near this, they certainly many of them didn't believe they would reach 400 seats. But if that exit poll just shifts a bit as we go on, they might drop into the 390s, possibly the 380s. Though this is just an exit poll, I will say again it will have to be very, very wrong for the Conservatives to not be forming a majority government at this stage. In a sense, this exit poll for the Labour Party represents a form of extreme torture. It harkens back to when Tony Blair, back in 1997, led them to a similar result to unseat the Conservatives, led by John Major. Now, eighteen years later, Tony Blair it looks like will be sending them into the abyss."