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Cikka's Farcical AH Comp II: The Revenge

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The Place That Hates England More Than The English
she/'er (as in "phwoar, look at the cans on 'er")
Hello, everyone. I'm Cikka, from the internet like, and welcome to Cikka's AH competition II.

I will pick a theme, out of my own infinite wisdom. The themes will usually be light and play off sitting AH tropes rather than anything you have to be inspired by. You can do whatever you want, whether it be a wikibox, vignette, leaderlist, rundown. Then, I'll do a poll at the end, and Robert is your Uncle. No prizes, unfortunately, excluding the adoration of your associates and acquaintances.

Cut off date is January 26th.

The second theme will be:


Decided to go a little more difficult for this one! The classic "Bullshit AH Scenario that very rarely actually happens", Taiwanisation is when a specific regime is isolated in another location after being kicked out. In this challenge you will need to use all your batshittery powers. Want to do Backwards Taiwan for no reason? Go ahead! Something to do with Sri Lanka? Feel free! THE IRISH? Maybe!

Go have fun!

What is the Bosporan Sea Crisis? by @bd_roberts
A Rum Lot
by @Mumby
Liberty's Last Bastion; or, The Moon Is Blue
by @Walpurgisnacht
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AHC: What if I was born a girl?
Published by SLP
she/her :)
What is the Bosporan Sea Crisis?
Kaiennenhawi for The Onondaga Times

The Bosporan Sea Crisis.png

As the sachems of the Grand Council try to come to consensus on whether to intervene in support of Bospora against Roman aggression, many might be left wondering; what exactly is the reason for the ongoing tensions in the Bosporan Sea, and why is the confederal government debating an intervention?

The roots of the modern crisis unfolding in the second-largest inland sea in Europa are deep, with the dividing lines having been drawn in the sand decades ago.

Rome had, since the Great Migrations, been in a state of perpertual decline, barely cliniging on to its heartlands. When the industrial revolution began in the Han Republic, the decline only continued as Rome failed to industrialise. In 1933, the centuries-long Imperial period of Roman history was brought to a final conclusion.

The final coup de grâce came in the form of the assassination of Titus Augustus, the final emperor to hail from the Germanic-origin Habsburicus dynasty. His death was orchestrated by Antonius Gramicus - a member of the Roman Plebians' Party - who went on to launch the Autumn Revolution. The end result was the Roman Civil War from 1934 to 1943 between the Plebians and the Plutocrats, in which the Plebians were eventually victorious.

The Plutocrats were not entirely defeated, however, and managed to hold on to the far-flung province of Bospora while the Plebians consolidated their hold on the rest of Roma.

In 1944, Palpellius Tullius presided over the creation of a modern Roman state, known as the Party and the People of Rome, while the Plutocrats in Bospora created the Senatorial Republic, still claiming ownership over the entire Roman world, much to the chagrin of the diverse native population (Bospora is home to a large number of Goths and Turks).

So where does this leave us in the modern day?

The Two Romes, as they are often known, do not share formal diplomatic relations, with only the Plebian state sending delegates to the Golden City.

In spite of this, there remains significant international support for the Bosporan rump state, particularly as details of Roma's policy of ethnic cleansing against Judeans and Christians (a small, but distinct, minority sect spread throughout the Roman world), beginning under the tenure of Silvius Berlusconius but continuing under Gaius Contus, have been made clear to the world.

It was in part in response to this ethnic cleansing that the Grand Council issued a unanimous condemnation of the Plebian state last year, affirming support for the Plutocratic government in Bospora. Since then, the Bosporan Senate has seen the Bosporan nationalist faction gain traction, which is further complicating relations.

All of these tensions culminated in the recent crisis, when the Roman dreadnaught Somnium began patrolling the Bosporan Sea as a show of force, with tacit support from the Roman allied-state of Dacia. Contus has denied that this is a pretext for invasion of Bospora, but many remain sceptical. Alongside the Haudenosaunee government, the Han Republic, the State of Yue and the Navajo Nation have also reiterated support for the Bosporan government, and warned Roma against any further attempts at gunboat diplomacy.

It is hoped by allies in Bospora that today's debate in the Grand Council will see the government commit further, to a full intervention; likely in terms of sending the Haudenosaunee battleship Skennen Rahawi to defend the plucky Plutocrat state.
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Always mysterious!
Published by SLP
Municipal Commune of Bourne
A Rum Lot

Monarchs / Consorts of the British Empire

1910-1915: George V / Mary of Teck (Saxe-Coburg and Gotha)
1915-1917: Edward VIII / vacant (Saxe-Coburg and Gotha)
1917-1937: Edward VIII / vacant (Wettin)
1937-0000: Edward VIII / Ethel du Pont (Wettin)

Prime Ministers of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland

1906-1915: H.H. Asquith (Liberal)
1910 (Minority, with Irish Nationalist c&s) def. Arthur Balfour (Unionist), John Redmond / William O'Brien (Irish Nationalists), Arthur Henderson (Labour)
1910 (Minority, with Irish Nationalist c&s) def. Arthur Balfour (Unionist), John Redmond / William O'Brien (Irish Nationalists), George Barnes (Labour)
1915 Formation of War Government with Unionists and
1915-1920: Herbert Kitchener, 1st Earl Kitchener (Independent)
1915 Leading War Government with Unionists, Liberals and Labour
1919 Peace of Hanover - Armistice with the Central Powers; Formation of
Emergency Government
1920-1925: Winston Churchill (Liberal / Constitutional)
1920 Leading Emergency Government with Unionists and British Workers' League
1920 Merger of Government parties into Constitutional Party
1922 (Majority) def. Ramsay MacDonald (Independent Labour), Reginald McKenna (Independent Liberal)
1924 Re-establishment of
Emergency Government
1925-1929: Edward Carson (Constitutional)
1925 Leading Emergency Government
1929-0000: Walter Guinness (Constitutional)
1929 (Majority) def. Denis Gorey (Farmers')
1933 (Majority) def. Michael Heffernan (Farmers')
1937 (Majority) def. Frank MacDermot (National Farmers' and Ratepayers' League)

Presidents of the United States of America

1909-1913: William Howard Taft (Republican)
1908 (with James S. Sherman) def. William Jennings Bryan (Democratic)
1913-1917: Theodore Roosevelt II (Progressive / Republican / Nationalist)
1912 (with Hiram Johnson) def. Champ Clark (Democratic), William Howard Taft (Republican)
1917-1925: William Randolph Hearst (Democratic / National Independence)
1916 (with Judson Harmon) def. Theodore Roosevelt II (Nationalist), Hiram Johnson (Progressive), Charles W. Fairbanks (Republican)
1920 (with Eugene Foss) def. Leonard Wood (Nationalist / Republican), John M. Parker (Democratic / Progressive),
Eugene V. Debs (Socialist)
1925-1927: Henry L. Stimson (Nationalist)
1924 (with Robert E. Wood) def. William Randolph Hearst (National Independence), Ellison D. Smith (Democratic)
1927-1937: Robert E. Wood (Nationalist)
1928 (with Herbert Hoover) def. Theodore G. Bilbo (Democratic), William Randolph Hearst (National Independence)
1932 (with Hanford MacNider) def. Theodore G. Bilbo (Democratic), Al Smith (National Independence)

1937-0000: Hanford MacNider (Nationalist)
1936 (with Joseph P. Kennedy Sr.) def. Harry F. Byrd Sr. (Democratic)

Britain had a very, very bad experience in the Great War. From losing a generation of fighting men to the mud of Flanders, to essentially collapsing the credibility of their most enthusiastic ally Teddy Roosevelt with financial shenanigans, to King George's ignominious death from being thrown from his horse, to finally seeing the bulk of their army encircled in a last ditch defence of Paris, it was a universal shitshow.

The result was years of close-to and then outright military government (in the two decades between 1910 and 1929, only one election was held and that was considered something of a farce). The solidification of a new governmental establishment that didn't like testing it's mettle on the electoral battlefield was matched by a rapid radicalisation on the streets as a haggard gang of soldiers returned from a Europe now shaped in the Kaiser's image, to delve into the works of Marx, Kropotkin and DeLeon. The 1922 election was decried as ILP candidates were turned away from hustings under legislation that carried forward DORA components into peacetime. Similarly, Sinn Fein candidates found it impossible to campaign as the streets were flooded with 'Black and Tan' paramilitaries to hold down the island.

The irony of the bloody effort to keep Ireland within the United Kingdom is that within a few short years, that would be all the United Kingdom consisted of. The British Revolution thrived as much of the military which could have put it down were at that time in Ireland. By 1925, a weary Edward Carson spiritually kissed the hands of his younger royal namesake, as the ragged Emergency Government re-coalesced in the halls of the Royal College of Science in Dublin.

King Edward himself spent less and less time in his supposed primary title, and more in Canada - far from syndicalist revolutionaries or Fenian terror bombs - and in it's southern neighbour. Roosevelt's defeat in 1916 had seen the United States briefly flip sides in the Great War, but Hearst won few concessions from the British Empire. Hearst himself had presided over an increasingly authoritarian state as his government failed to resolve the economic crisis that had begun in 1914, that only deepened when he unilaterally halted sales of munitions to the Entente. While Stimson promised a return to normalcy, he was impeached after the British Revolution. King Edward soon became fast friends with the new President Wood. A new economic boom has begun as British aristocracy has begun moving it's wealth back across the pond. More importantly the security of the Empire has been bolstered by the new alliance with Wood's regime. Wood has presided over a policy of Preparedness, to confront the German and Japanese Empires in either the Atlantic or Pacific Oceans. Ireland has become the eastern flank of the United States military, thousands of doughboys making the Emerald Isle safe for the Wettins and their chosen administrators.

Such an alliance has been deepened by the King's marriage to a member of America's own aristocracy and the final collapse of vestiges of real opposition to the Nationalists as a former Hearst Man, Joe Kennedy has accepted the Vice Presidency alongside Wood's acolyte MacNider. This of course has seen some loosening in Ireland proper to satisfy the Irish-Americans lately brought into the governing coalition in the United States. But like America itself, the opposition in the reformed UK Parliament is a token, quiet, 'patriotic' one.


The Brood Queen could enter heaven
Banned from the forum
Liberty's Last Bastion; or, The Moon Is Blue.

This Fourth of July marks a little over a century of exile for our brave boys. On the 17th of March, 1976, a day that lives on in infamy, President McGovern [spits] signed away our national honour, our free market, and our very way of life. The traitorous snakes of Washington and the coddled civilians they answered to capitulated in the Final War against the Red Menace. Our boys? They never did.

The fight went on all around the globe, wherever red-blooded American hearts still yearned for freedom. On the frontiers--the Yalu, the Mekong Delta, the Fulda Gap, Tehuantepec, the Isonzo, the Lubango-Quelimane Line, and the heroic redoubts of Oran, Antofagasta, and Zurich--we fought on, though scorned by our government, aided by local lovers of liberty. Alas, stabbed in the back, we were unable to carry the good fight on forever. The once-mighty battleships and aircraft carriers of our Navy sank one by one, our planes fell from the sky or ran out of bombs or bullets, and good men bled out onto foreign fields with America's name on their lips, martyrs to Our Manifest Destiny. In every field of warfare, the filthy Reds surpassed us--each purebred fighting Yank was the equivalent of a hundred Soviet mongrel dogs, but the Soviets always had a hundred-and-first dog.

Each field of warfare but one.

Lacking access to the Gernsback Process, relying instead on the puny plagiarist attempts of Strugatsky and Bulychev, the freedom-hating Reds could never challenge American dominance of space. Owing our existence to the foresight of President Chennault, we were a loyal and true force as well--none of the defections and desertions that plagued the Army, Navy, and Air Force. When our Last Redoubt, the heroic city of Bloemfontein, was besieged by the Red hordes, it was us who led the evacuation to our present home, the last bastion of liberty.

It was a hard beginning, on the roughest and most brutal frontier mankind has ever known. Just like the first Republic, the hardness of the frontier bred hard men in turn. Out here, in the deep black and grey, away from the decadent comforts of earthly civilisation, we were forced to cultivate our Republican virtue, or die. The moon is a harsh mistress, who will not tolerate dissent, cowardice, or idleness. We were made pure, forged like metal, into superior new citizens. A society better than that even of Old America, with a place for everyman and everyman in that place. Republicanism, tempered by the discipline of the frontier.

Fools scoffed at our efforts, the cowards and collaborators of Earth, craven lickspittles not fit to shine the boots of the lowest slave. They said we would be destroyed. I speak to you now, brave heroes of space, spread across our seven great cities. Chennault, McArthur, New Bloemfontein, Iron Heart, Constitution, Lycurgus, and Shaver--names that will ring out in history! Look at what we have built, what stands as a legacy, and know that the real America never surrendered. The real America is right here, and it fights on! Space is still being preserved from the fiendish Reds!

Yet the Red dogs still dare to venture across our skies! Look yonder--another shipment of heavy metals from their mines on Titan, feeding their barbarous oppression-machines. Like John Paul Jones and Ragnar Danneskjold, we will strike the Soviet menace in the place that hurts--the belly. Some will die, but as glorious heroes, martyrs to freedom--and those that live on will reap the spoils snatched from the jaws of the commie beast. To arms, brave boys, heroes of space! The Final War goes on! Let's celebrate the Fourth in style!

LOCATION: Near-lunar orbit, approaching Gagaringrad from Lagrange Station 1
SYSTEM NOTES: Area has been plagued by bandits (believed motive: opportunistic/criminal) for several years.
ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: Hull photography revealed three possibly-functionable bases, four abandoned bases, in nearby regolith.
RECOMMENDED ACTION: Deploy limited Interkosmos military forces.
SECRETARY NOTES: The Yanqui have been cooped up there for long enough that only their guns are still working. Sending any ships out would be a waste of resources--better to wait until the inevitable failure of their life-support. That kind of fancy speech only gets made by desperate men.