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Anarcho-Occultist's Way Too Soon Wikibox Thread

Honest q: If SCOTUS is ruling that there are possible irregularities requiring a recount, why is Roberts swearing him in? The ruling was that an audit was required.
The ‘audit’ of votes was completed after the electoral college met and basically would’ve made trump win had it been accepted as legitimate
 
So it was more a stich-up than anything else? I honestly can't see Roberts cracking under pressure like that. At the very least, he's going to want more particularized evidence about specific states(and not say "sorry charlie, all the fraud you're allegeing won't flip the EC, I'm only ordering audits in districts where fraud is alleged that could plausibly flip the EC )
 
Generic DOOOOM on the Campaign Trail
"I refuse to concede that I lost this election, for I am a narcissist incapable of admitting defeat even though I kinda didn't want to be president at all. This was a rigged election, which I will prove with fabricated evidence!"
-President Donald Trump on Election Night, 2020

COURTS RECOGNIZE REALITY, CERTIFY OLD DEMOCRAT AS WINNER OF PRESIDENCY

TRUMP LEAVES OFFICE, PROTESTS BY SUPPORTERS GRIP NATION

VIOLENCE HAPPENS, SOME PEOPLE DIE BECAUSE OF KOOKY CONSPIRACY THEORISTS

NEW PRESIDENT STRUGGLES TO PASS AGENDA ITEMS BECAUSE REPUBLICANS ARE ASSHOLES

MORE VIOLENCE HAPPENS, FAMOUS PERSON GETS KILLED
-Headlines in Some Newspaper in the early 2020's

"Despite Trump losing, his supporters remain radicalized enough to resort to violence. White nationalism and/or conspiracy theories are gaining major traction among his former supporters, who are increasingly gravitating towards Scary White Nationalist Guy as their source of truth."
-Left-leaning journalist in A Left-Ishh Paper, 2023

"Hello, I am Scary White Nationalist Guy. I am tired of nonwhite people and non-Christians existing in this country, but I will not admit that I believe this openly. Instead, I will say I hate globalism and want to put this country first. I also may or may not believe in QAnon, Pizzagate, that 9/11 was an inside job, that the Earth is flat or that we are hiding aliens in Area 51. Hell, maybe I am Q. Those parts are not important though. All you need to know is I am running for president and I will win because I have the power of author fiat on my side."
-Scary White Nationalist Guy announcing his bid for the presidency, 2023

"As a respectable moderate Republican, I do not believe Scary White Nationalist Guy is a good choice for the presidency. He is not a respectable moderate and hates big corporations because he thinks they are run by the Jews. I owe a lot of my political success to those corporations so I have to oppose him, but I will also acknowledge that racism is bad if it gets me more positive press. Vote for me, not him."
-Respectable Moderate in a campaign stump speech in New Hampshire, 2023

"I do not believe Scary White Nationalist Guy is someone we want as our standard bearer. We only should nominate someone who embraces socially acceptable levels of racism, not someone who wants to create an ethnostate. Also I want to invade Iran and he does not."

"I hear your points, Wishy-Washy Republican, but allow me to retort: you, sir, are a cuckservative puppet of Israel."

"Alas, this will damage my campaign. Do not worry, however, I will ultimately endorse your campaign despite this exchange because I am an amoral politician who will go whichever way benefits myself politically."
-Exchange between Wishy-Washy Republican and Scary White Nationalist Guy at the first GOP debate, August 2, 2023

"Despite being an obviously insane candidate for office, Scary White Nationalist Guy is currently leading the polls. His supporters are all also scary. The Republican leadership cannot stop him at this time and he will likely triumph in the primaries. Even so, however, he will likely fail to win the election as he is insane. However, we ought to worry about him and his supporters engaging in acts of violence aimed at overturning the results should they lose."
-Different Left-Leaning Journalist in Slightly Further Left Publication, November 9, 2023

"I am firmly opposed to Scary White Nationalist Guy, obviously. I have to be. If I can't gain traction, I will support Respectable Moderate to stop him."
-Token Minority Republican, November 22, 2023

"I am obviously a bad person and since Scary White Nationalist Guy is also a bad person, I am endorsing him because I feel like it."
-Former President Donald Trump on Twitter, December 1, 2023

"We will work tirelessly to defeat any Republican nominated, but especially Scary White Nationalist Guy. I am a favorite of this website and so you will root for me far more than if I were a lame centrist presidential candidate. I want to implement universal healthcare and a Green New Deal and all that other cool stuff you like. But, realistically, you know that I cannot win given this is a dystopia. But you will be sad when I lose anyway."
-Beloved Progressive Candidate in a campaign appearance, December 9, 2023

SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY WINS IOWA

REASONABLE MODERATE WINS NEW HAMPSHIRE, WISHY-WASHY REPUBLICAN UNDERPERFORMS POLLS

SUPPORTERS OF SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY ASSAULT OPPONENTS WITHOUT ANY PUSHBACK, POLICE DO NOTHING

FBI INVESTIGATES OBVIOUSLY TRUE REPORTS OF RUSSIAN SUPPORT FOR SWNG OCCURRING ONLINE

HATED CELEBRITY ENDORSES SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY FOR NO REASON

BELOVED PROGRESSIVE CANDIDATE SECURES ENOUGH SUPPORT TO BECOME PRESUMPTIVE NOMINEE OVER GENERIC CENTER-LEFT OPPONENT

WISHY-WASHY REPUBLICAN ENDORSED BY REASONABLE MODERATE IN LAST MINUTE, DOOMED ATTEMPT TO STOP SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST

INTERNET IS FULL OF SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY PROPAGANDA

WISHY-WASHY REPUBLICAN CONCEDES DEFEAT, ENDORSES SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY SAYING 'I'M A COWARD'
-Headlines of Notable Moderate Newspaper With Strong Pedigree, January-June 2024

"I am now the nominee. This speech at the RNC is going to feature some generic conservative talking points. Tax cuts. Global warming is a lie. Strong national defense. Control our borders. But now I am going to say some scary shit. Maybe it's the 14 Words. Maybe it's WWG1WGA. Maybe I'll drop a racial slur or two. But this speech isn't meant to be realistic. It's meant to solidify that, yes, I am an absolute piece of shit. Yes, I will attempt to do evil things as president. And yes, my victory is inevitable because the mere fact I got nominated is proof this is a dystopia."
-Scary White Nationalist Guy at the RNC, June 15, 2024

"The military and police lean to the right. Due to this, they are overlooking Scary White Nationalist Guy's radicalizing of people to acts of violence or unwarranted aggression. This is very concerning. It could mean they help overthrow the government if Beloved Progressive Candidate wins. Don't worry, though, the FBI is immune to this."
-Respectable Centrist Journalist in Known Centrist Newspaper, June 20, 2024

"Hello, I am someone you are familiar with. Maybe I am a celebrity. Maybe I am a businessman. Maybe I am a politician-either a centrist Democrat or, worse, Tulsi Gabbard because this site hates her a lot. Either way, I am running for president. As to why? Because I can and there has to be some way to make Scary White Nationalist Guy win without winning the popular vote and this was the best way the author came up with. Fuck you all."
-A Narcissistic Asshole announcing his/her independent bid for the presidency, July 4, 2024

"Scary White Nationalist Guy is scary and a white nationalist. If he wins, many of us will die."

"These claims are uncredible. You are uncredible news. You are a disgrace and if elected I will make communism illegal and define communism as including any advocacy for universal healthcare."

"I am also here trying to #BothSides the debate."

"You are going to murder many people-"

"False. If you're not a WASP you aren't a person, therefore no people are gonna die. Also, if I lose, I will violently overthrow the government so I can become president anyway."
-Exchange between Beloved Progressive Candidate, Scary White Nationalist Guy and A Narcissistic Asshole at the first presidential debate, September 28, 2024

"I am a relatable Midwesterner. That means I have progressive tendencies and centrist ones, but am not also racist. Scary White Nationalist Guy is a racist who will not succeed in bringing your jobs back. So you should vote for Beloved Progressive Candidate."
-Some Midwesterner at a campaign appearance in Michigan, October 1, 2024

ASSHOLE TERRORIST MURDERS MEMBERS OF A MINORITY GROUP, SUPPORTED SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY ONLINE

SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY CLAIMS THAT MURDERS WERE 'FALSE-FLAG OR SOME SHIT'

DESPITE THE ABOVE, SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY'S NUMBERS REMAIN COMPLETELY UNCHANGED FOR SOME REASON

OBVIOUS RUSSIAN MEDDLING HAPPENS, REVEALING SOME SCANDAL THAT IS EITHER COMPLETELY FALSE OR IS NOT AS BAD AS BEING AN ETHNONATIONALIST

BELOVED PROGRESSIVE CANDIDATE'S NUMBERS DIP AS A RESULT OF THE MEDDLING-WTF?
-Headlines of That One Paper Your Dad Reads, October 2024

"And with most votes counted, we can confirm Scary White Nationalist Guy is going to win the presidency while losing the popular vote. Wow, what a truly original and unprecedented conclusion!"
-A Journalist Aware of the Fourth Wall on CNN, November 5, 2024

"I am in a secret meeting with my friends right now. I am gloating about my victory and confirming I will do evil things as president. However, you will not find out exactly what they are unless and until someone does a sequel presidents list or something."
-Scary White Nationalist Guy, November 6, 2024
1593145961480.png

Generic DOOOOOM Continued
"This wikibox gave the creator an undeserved sense of superiority because of how well it was received. For this reason, there is now going to be another wikibox. As a reminder, I am the president and I will now be mentioned doing specific crimes against humanity in the writeup. Also please ignore the 2016 in the infobox."
-Scary White Nationalist Guy, January 30, 2025

SWNG SUPPORTERS MURDER 13 MEMBERS OF CONGRESS DURING THE STATE OF THE UNION AS PRESIDENT CLAPS

EXECUTIVE ORDER REPEALING BIRTHRIGHT CITIZENSHIP UPHELD BY SUPREME COURT IN 5-4 RULING, 'DEPORTATIONS IMMINENT'

IN PRESS CONFERENCE, GUTLESS COWARD IN IT FOR POWER ALONE ANNOUNCES HE HAS ACCEPTED FASCISM, LEGALLY CHANGES HIS NAME TO 'FELLOW TRAVELLER'

MASS PROTESTS AGAINST SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY OCCUR IN MANY CITIES, SOME DECLARE COMMUNES BECAUSE CHAZ WAS A THING
-Headlines of Some Mainstream Media Outlet Who Cares, January-June 2025

"This fascist bullshit cannot stand. We must act to defend our country from tyranny, regardless of the risk to ourselves. We cannot be bowed by threats of violence."

"But you cannot stop me from committing a violence. Especially not while I shout a scary far-right catchphrase of some kind." *Gunshot*

"Oh no, I am dying. This part is very sad. "
-Beloved Progressive Candidate and Some Evil Bastard, June 6, 2025

"In just the first year in office, Scary White Nationalist Guy has radically changed America. He has had his scary and evil supporters murderer his opponents with no repercussions. He has also ordered violence against peaceful protestors, African-Americans, Hispanic-Americans, immigrants, Jews, Muslims, members of leftist groups, Native Americans, members of the LGBTQ community and other marginalized groups. Thousands of people have been imprisoned without trial and hundreds are believed to have been killed on his orders. Truly this is a dark time for our nation."
-Liberal Journalist Writing from Exile in a British Paper, January 25, 2026

"Dear liberals, if you didn't want to be sent to prison why did you demand better rights for prisoners?"
-Small Face Man on Twitter, February 17, 2026

SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY BLOWS UP GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE DURING RUSH HOUR, JUSTIFIES ACTIONS WITH STATEMENT: 'I WAS BORED AND THEY WERE ALL ANTIFA ANYWAY PROBABLY'

AMIDST CUTS TO HEALTHCARE FUNDING, CORONAVIRUS REAPPEARS SUDDENLY IN CALIFORNIA, GOVERNMENT TO DO NOTHING

VIDEO OF SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY SAYING THE N WORD IN CALL PROMISING TO DO WHATEVER VLADIMIR PUTIN TELLS HIM TO DO CAUSES 1% APPROVAL RATING DROP
-Headlines of Some Lucky Newspaper Not Being Censored, 2026

"I have spent nearly two years consolidating my power. I have caused death and misery to my enemies. Despite this, we will still be holding an election in 2028 because I am that confident in my success."
-Scary White Nationalist Guy, January 3, 2027

"I will fulfill the promise of Beloved Progressive Candidate. For this country deserves things that are good instead of bad. I am not as much of a favorite as Beloved Progressive Candidate was but I assure you I too am a great progressive choice."
-Liked Progressive Candidate announcing their bid for the presidency, March 17, 2027

"Look, I like nice things as much as the next guy. But we must be realistic. They will never happen. Things suck. And promising to radically remake America to make it not suck is going to make us lose. We need someone who is prepared to compromise with the people who elected a guy who wears a Klan uniform to the State of the Union. We need someone with experience, even if that includes experience in supporting Republicans like George W. Bush who were actually good. We need someone who is reasonable. You know-a lame centrist. I am that lame centrist and I am proud to be your lame centrist candidate for presidnet."
-Lame Old Centrist announcing his bid for president, April 19, 2027

"What we are seeing in the Democratic primary is overall a clash of the titans. Sure, Neoliberal Lady Cop and Meme Candidate have their fans, but in the end this is a clash between Liked Progressive Candidate and Lame Old Centrist. Liked Progressive Candidate is hearkening back to Beloved Progressive Candidate's campaign, targeting young voters as well as members of various groups Scary White Nationalist Guy has been trying to subtly exterminate. Liked Progressive Candidate has claimed her rivals are tools of the system that paved the way for Scary White Nationalist Guy to come to power and don't recognize how profoundly his regime threatens everyday Americans. Meanwhile, Lame Old Centrist is seeking the support of older Democrats and moderates who took until this year to realize that fascism is actually bad. He is claiming he is the only one with a real chance of winning and has claimed the harder left sentiments of Liked Progressive Candidate are going to DOOOOM the party even more than Scary White Nationalist Guy has DOOOOMed the country."
-Center-Left Journalist in Center-Right Outlet, October 17, 2027

SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY HOLDS RALLIES IN 3 CITIES, SUPPORTERS COMMIT POGROMS IN 2\

ATTACK HELICOPTER FIRES ON LIKED PROGRESSIVE CANDIDATE RALLY IN DES MOINES, CANDIDATE UNINJURED, 32 KILLED

LAME OLD CENTRIST PROPOSES TAX CREDIT SYSTEM OF REPARATIONS TO EVERYONE CURRENTLY IMPRISONED WRONGFULLY BY THE SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY ADMINISTRATION

LAME OLD CENTRIST NARROWLY LOSES IOWA, WINS NEW HAMPSHIRE

MEME CANDIDATE DROPS OUT, ENDORSES LAME OLD CENTRIST IN MOVE THAT ANGERS ZOOMERS WHO LIKED HIM FOR THE MEMES

LIKED PROGRESSIVE CANDIDATE NARROWS THE GAP AFTER SUPER TUESDAY, REPORT OF MASS ARREST OF AMERICAN JEWS BY US GOVERNMENT

LAME OLD CENTRIST MANAGES TO CLINCH NOMINATION, GLOATS THAT 'CENTRISM ALWAYS WINS BITCHES', PICKS SOMEONE KINDA COOL I GUESS AS VP
-Headlines of Your Dad's Favorite Newspaper, February-May 2028

"Insert scary rhetoric here. Ooooo spooky."
-Scary White Nationalist Guy at the RNC, June 19, 2028

"We must reject the politics of Scary White Nationalist Guy in favor of the politics that made Scary White Nationalist Guy possible. Oh no, this is another timeline about how centrist Democrats suck and can't win elections by having them lose easily winnable elections isn't it?"
-Lame Old Centrist at the DNC, June 29, 2028

"Look, I know Lame Old Centrist is a lame old centrist. But look at Scary White Nationalist Guy's approach to government. It is fucking terrifying. I am literally begging you to not make this a heavy-handed allegory for the grave errors of centrism. Please do not."
-Someone Kinda Cool I Guess on Meet the Press, August 17, 2028

"I am telling you all that the DNC is guilty of using fraud to ruin Liked Progressive Candidate's chances. Her supporters should refuse to support Lame Old Centrist in protest of this and instead support me, someone diametrically opposed to her ideas."
-Scary White Nationalist Guy on Twitter, August 20, 2028

"I do not agree with this and you better shut the fuck up you Nazi."
-Liked Progressive Candidate, August 20, 2028

"Look, it's been clear for a while Liked Progressive Candidate has been steadily selling out to the establishment. And I know that Scary White Nationalist Guy has his pitfalls, that's for sure. But you know? I can survive him. Maybe you can't but that's a personal problem. And I personally hate centrists more than fascists."
-Some Dumbass Podcast Host, August 22, 2028

"Scary White Nationalist Guy has done massive damage to America. He has alienated our allies. He has uprooted our institutions. He has made my donors very unhappy. He has committed human rights violations across the country. And, worst of all, he is an asshole."

"You are a lame centrist."
-Lame Old Centrist and Scary White Nationalist Guy at the debates, October 19, 2028

IN FINAL WEEKS, POLLS TIGHTEN THANKS TO LAME OLD CENTRIST'S REPEATED LAMENESS

SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY PERSONALLY MURDERS GROUP OF OHIO VOTERS WHO SAID THEY WERE UNDECIDED OR LEANING TOWARDS LAME OLD CENTRIST, VOWS TO 'DO THE SAME TO THE REST OF Y'ALL'

YOUTUBE PSYCHIC PREDICTS APOCALYPSE IMMINENT IF SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY WINS AGAIN, RIVAL PSYCHIC PREDICTS THE SAME IF LAME OLD CENTRIST WINS

RALLIES HELD BY SCARY WHITE NATIONALIST GUY DWARF SIZE OF RALLIES HELD BY LAME OLD CENTRIST IN FINAL WEEK
-Headlines of Serious Political Paper, October-November 2028

"OK, let's get this over with. Surprise, this timeline hates centrist Dems and makes them lose an election they should have won easily! Scary White Nationalist Guy also killed so many enemies that he won the popular vote. Damn this is a depressing timeline."
-A Journalist Aware of the Fourth Wall, November 5, 2028

"Centrism sucks kids. Don't do it."
-Lame Old Centrist, November 11, 2028

"I will now launch a nuclear war. This way the author is unable to do another pointless sequel that is probably much worse than the original. The End."
-Scary White Nationalist Guy, December 3, 2028
Generic DOOOM Continued.png
 
Alan Moore Mage.png
Alan Moore is a British comic book writer, author and occultist best known for his role as the 77th Archmagus of the Order of Illuminated Seers. Moore, a practitioner of a syncretic magical practice he refers to as 'Glyconian magic', represents the first Archmagus to root his practice in the chaos magic approach rather than a more established tradition. Moore took over the Order in 2000 following the Millennium crisis, where he led a group of sorcerers in combating a mass demonic incursion into England. Moore's defense efforts were among the most successful of members of the Order, thus earning him the position of Archmagus quickly after Castenada's death in a clash against Huitzilopotchli. Moore, as Archmagus, has defended humanity from a number of supernatural threats, including the Awakening of Typhon in 2003, the attempted Lemurian revival of 2012, an attempted takeover of the US by the Antichrist Augustus Invictus in 2018,and the Legions of the Dead's attacks in the period from 2015 to the present. Moore has been unusually public in his role as Archmagus, largely as a consequence of continuing to write novels and comics despite his position, and has been credited with mainstreaming occultism in western society after decades of suspicion.
 

This is the skeleton of something really funny. I actually cracked up when I saw the Klan Hood vs Jesus vs Charlie Sheen wikibox, so I suggest you make some more wikiboxes and really flesh this out.

I was picturing you posting this on the other site, and starting out acting like you're being kind of serious (actually saying Josh Hawley instead of Scary White Nationalist Guy &c) and getting people into it as you get sillier and sillier and your wikiboxes get dumber.
 
Fear, Loathing and the Occult on the Campaign Trail, 2024
1594955429185.png

"I put a spell on you
And now you're mine.
You can't stop the things I do.
I ain't lyin'."
-Winifred, Hocus Pocus

"If you think any of this wonkinessis going to deal with this dark psychic force of collectivized hatred that this president is bringing up in this country, then I'm afraid the Democrats are going to see some very dark days."
-Marianne Williamson (OTL, June 30, 2019)

"They shall soon rule where man rules now. After summer is winter and after winter summer. They wait patient and potent, for here they shall reign again."
-H.P. Lovecraft, The Dunwich Horror

"Intolerance is evidence of impotence."
-Aleister Crowley (OTL)

"When my predecessor ran for this office, he said he was going to make America great again. What he actually did was make America hate again. What you have done is showed him an important message: that the power of love, now and forever, shall triumph over hate."
-Marianne Williamson's victory speech, November 2020

MCCONNELL ANNOUNCES FILIBUSTER TO BLOCK APPOINTMENT OF KANDER TO VA

DEMOCRATIC HOUSE BALKS AT WHITE HOUSE-BACKED REPARATIONS BILL, DEFEATS IT 259-176

BOLSTERED BY 'QANON' CONSPIRACY THEORY, POLL SHOWS 47% OF TRUMP VOTERS BELIEVE WILLIAMSON IS 'CLOSET SATANIST'

LEAKS FROM WHITE HOUSE INDICATE WILLIAMSON FREQUENTLY INDULGES IN RITUALS DESCRIBED AS 'BIZARRE' OR 'OCCULT'

MIDTERM ELECTIONS SEES GOP RETAKE HOUSE DESPITE CONTROVERSIAL CANDIDATES

CONGRESSMAN-ELECT INVICTUS DENOUNCES COMMERCE SECRETARY YANG AS 'FAKE AMERICAN'

SENATE REFUSES TO HOLD HEARINGS FOR SUPREME COURT VACANCY CAUSED BY DEATH OF GINSBURG

GUNMAN ASSASSINATES CONGRESSWOMAN OCASIO-CORTEZ AT CLIMATE PROTEST IN NEW YORK

DOW DROPS 500 POINTS AFTER WILLIAMSON DECLARES RENEWED COMMITMENT TO REPARATIONS BILL
-Headlines in CNN, January 2021-February 2023

"Most of the men and women onstage with me today are good people who would easily be better than the disaster that is the Williamson administration. The one exception might be Congressman Invictus, who rejects God, disrespects the memory of survivors of the Holocaust and would be an unmitigated disaster. A man who sacrifices goats has no business being the Republican nominee."
-Texas Senator Ted Cruz during the first Republican primary debate, June 19, 2023

"Oh God, oh God, OH GOD! It was all a lie..."
-Senator Ted Cruz shortly before collapsing in the middle of a campaign speech, June 24, 2023. He would die at the hospital of acute appendicitis that had somehow escaped the attention of doctors

"Madame President? What's with the-er, what are you doing down there? What is that supposed to be?"
"There are darker forces at work in this cycle than you know, Andrew. You may not understand what I'm doing, but if you knew you would be grateful. He must not occupy this office."
-Commerce Secretary Andrew Yang and President Marianne Williamson, June 26, 2023

"The Democrats like to demonize their opponents as intolerant white men. And I suppose we are-but by their definition, this country was built by intolerant white men for intolerant white men. This country reached enormous heights thanks to the leadership of white men. Perhaps that is the best source for leadership."
-Congressman Augustus Sol Invictus at a campaign rally in Iowa, August 17, 2023

"If Invictus is the nominee, I will seriously consider mounting a third-party bid against him. That's how strongly I am opposed to him being our standard bearer."
-Governor Larry Hogan, September 8, 2023

AMIDST ALLEGATIONS OF SEXUAL MISCONDUCT, HOGAN ANNOUNCES EXIT FROM THE RACE
-Headline in The Hill, September 13, 2023

"While Williamson has indulged in some rather bizarre behavior, leaks from those close to the Invictus campaign show that he is even stranger. Invictus staffers-who have requested anonymity-have expressed concerns that Invictus is misusing campaign funds to obtain a variety of rather esoteric things. These include antique books, several livestock animals and a number of rare plants. Most staffers are bemused by this behavior, but one staffer claimed to have walked in on Invictus performing a ritualistic sacrifice of a goat while chanting in an unidentified language. The only words the staffer said he identified were 'Williamson' and 'Slaanesh.'"
-Excerpt from an article draft by Dave Weigel. The article was never published as Weigel was killed in a car accident on January 3, 2024

INVICTUS SHOCKS GOP BY WINNING IOWA, NEW HAMPSHIRE AND SOUTH CAROLINA

JUDGE DISMISSES LAWSUIT BY PENCE CAMPAIGN CLAIMING VOTING IRREGULARITIES IN MULTIPLE PRIMARIES

HALEY DROPS OUT AFTER POOR SHOWING IN NORTH CAROLINA, URGES REPUBLICANS TO BACK COTTON OVER INVICTUS

TRUMP ENDORSES COTTON FOR PRESIDENT, DENOUNCES 'ANGRY AUSTIN' AS 'ANTI-SEMITIC' AND 'A COMPLETE MORON'

COTTON STRUCK BY LIGHTNING AFTER VICTORY IN COLORADO, REPORTEDLY IN CRITICAL CONDITION

WITH VICTORY IN CALIFORNIA, INVICTUS DECLARED PRESUMPTIVE NOMINEE OVER MASS PROTESTS
-Headlines of CNN, January-June 2024

"He draws near now. All we can do is pray for light lest the darkness consume us."
-President Marianne Williamson reacting to the Republican National Convention, June 19, 2024

LIBERTARIAN NOMINEE JUSTIN AMASH ARRESTED FOR DRUNK DRIVING NIGHT AFTER TOWN HALL, CLAIMS TO HAVE BEEN DRUGGED

WILLIAMSON VOWS TO IMPLEMENT MEDICARE FOR ALL IN SECOND TERM AT DNC

JERRY FALWELL, JR. DISMISSES CONCERNS OVER INVICTUS' RELIGIOUS BELIEFS CITING INVICTUS' 'COMMITMENT TO RELIGIOUS FREEDOM'

IN OPENING OF DEBATES, INVICTUS PROMISES TO 'DESTROY BIG TECH FOREVER'

WILLIAMSON CLAIMS INVICTUS HAS 'DARKEST IMPULSES OF ANY PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE'

WILLIAMSON LEADS BY DOUBLE DIGITS IN POLLS GOING INTO ELECTION NIGHT
-Headlines of CNN, August-November 2024

"Slaanesh, Set, Nyarlathotep, Lucifer, I call upon you now. As you take the blood of my offering, so too shall I take the nation. And as I take the nation, you shall have more blood. This is my will, let it be so."
-Congressman Augustus Sol Invictus on Election Night, 2024

"I am supposed to congratulate you, I guess, Congressman. You won...barely. But know this: darkness cannot keep out light forever. Eventually love shall always win."

"Oh, that may be what they say to you, Madame President. But I think you'll see things differently soon. You see, I have friends. Powerful ones. That's how I got here. And soon...they'll be here too."

"...I will stop you."

"Best of luck with that." *Click*
-Conversation between President Williamson and Congressman Invictus, November 6, 2024
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Friends on the Other Side: Fear, Loathing and the Occult in 2020's America
"Don't you disrespect me, little man.
Don't you derogate or deride.
You're in my world now, not yours
And I've got friends on the other side!"
-Dr. Facilier, The Princess and the Frog

"I have prophesied for years that I was born for a Great War; that if I did not witness the coming of the Second American Civil War I would begin it myself. Mark well: That day is fast coming upon you."
-Augustus Sol Invictus (OTL)

"2025's summer solstice, in the house of white,
One can unleash an unholy light.
The blood of a king's son must be drained
In a cup that once housed a traitor's brain.
Next onto the hand of a killer of nine,
That is where you must draw the sign.
Break the seal and Hell will be
What stretches 'cross from sea to sea."
-Unknown seer, consulting with Augustus Sol Invictus sometime in 2014

"I can certainly understand the distaste many have for some of the president's proposed cabinet picks. However, as president, he reserves the right to nominate whoever he pleases and positions like Chief of Staff are outside the purview of Congress. To censure him for this is, in my view, inappropriate and unnecessary."
-Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell reacting to the appointment of Richard Spencer as Invictus' Chief of Staff, December 30, 2024

INAUGURATION DAY RIOTS KILL 32, INJURE HUNDREDS

SENATE REJECTS NOMINATION OF FLYNN AS DEFENSE SECRETARY BY 62-37 MARGIN

IN ABOUT-FACE, GOVERNOR KEMP DENOUNCES INVICTUS AS 'SATANIC MONSTER'

TRUMP FAMILY REPORTS BARRON TRUMP MISSING, OFFER $50 MILLION REWARD FOR RETURN

SUPREME COURT RULES INVICTUS' UNILATERAL ABOLITON OF FOREIGN AID UNCONSTITUTIONAL IN 8-1 RULING

FORMER PRESIDENT WILLIAMSON HOSTING PRIVATE 'RESISTANCE RETREAT' IN DEATH VALLEY ALONGSIDE KEY POLITICAL ALLIES, REPORTS SAY
-Headlines of The Washington Post, January-March 2025

"Now do you see what we are dealing with? Do you realize the scope of what we face? Invictus is no mere white nationalist thug, though he is that as well. There are forces at work beyond what you have traditionally perceive-benevolent and malevolent. Invictus is in league with the malevolent ones. And he plans to unleash them upon us. We do not have much time: the gate must not be opened."
-Former President Marianne Williamson to attendees at the 'resistance retreat' in Death Valley, March 3, 2025

"Awaken!"

"W-what? What's going on? Who are-Oh Lord!"

"Not quite. But you're close. My name is Michael. God has chosen you, Brian Porter Kemp."

"C-chosen me? For what?"

"To face the darkness. The man in the White House-he is in league with the forces of Hell. He intends to bring about the end times."

"And I am to stop him?"

"No, of course not. He must open the gate. Your job is to rally the righteous to take up swords against the darkness. I shall descend to assist when the time comes, but you must be ready to lead righteous men to fight the Devil's."

"I thought good Christians would get Rap-"

"That was incorrect. Your duty is to stand against the darkness here, on Earth. When you triumph-then and only then will the last judgement begin. That is your duty."
-A conversation between the Archangel Michael and Georgia Governor Brian Kemp, February 27, 2025

"W-Dad? But you-you're dead!"

"Heh, Randy, you've grown quite a bit. I'm told you went into the dirty business I got into as well."

"Tol-but you were there, Dad. I got started because of you!"

"Ah, you see, that hasn't happened for me yet. There's a very good reason I look younger than you right now-and it's not because I'm a ghost. May I come in? We have a lot to discuss."
-Conversation between former Senator Rand Paul and former Congressman Ron Paul, April 6, 2025

"Russian state media is reporting that whistleblower Edward Snowden was found dead earlier this morning in his room. Investigations have not concluded, but it is rumored Snowden's body was missing his head. Russian authorities have indicated they believe foul play may have been involved, including possible US intelligence involvement."
-Jake Tapper, May 1, 2025

"We have failed. The gate will open. There's only one alternative option left. We must prepare for the opening."
-Former President Marianne Williamson in a communique with key allies, May 3, 2025

"I am not sure we can rely on supernatural forces to defeat other supernatural forces. From what Marianne is telling us, all forms of magic are inherently unstable. Perhaps we need to consider alternative plans-Musk and Kamski have given me some new ideas for how we can deal with the gateway."
-Andrew Yang in an email to Hawaii Governor Tulsi Gabbard, May 7, 2025

INVICTUS ISSUES PRESIDENTIAL PARDON TO DYLANN ROOF OVER PROTESTS, INVITES MASS MURDERER TO WHITE HOUSE

SENATE MAJORITY LEADER MCCONNELL ACKNOWLEDGES ROOF PARDON 'WRONG' BUT EXPRESSES RELUCTANCE TO IMPEACH

HOUSE VOTES BY 431-2 MARGIN TO INITIATE IMPEACHMENT PROCEEDINGS AGAINST INVICTUS

ORDO TEMPLI ORIENTIS ISSUES PRESS RELEASE DENOUNCING INVICTUS, WHITE NATIONALISM AS ANTITHETICAL TO THELEMITE PRINCIPLES

AMIDST ONGOING VIOLENCE IN DC, INVICTUS AND KEY ALLIES RELOCATE TO UNDISCLOSED LOCATION IN WEST VIRGINIA
-Headlines of The Washington Post, May-June 2025

The day of the ritual had come at last. The president was there with a few others-mostly fellow followers of the path of darkness, but a few others were also present. Chief of Staff Spencer, Jason Kessler, Matthew Heimbach-the few people who were loyal enough to stand by him through this. Dylann Roof was also there, albeit as a source of sacrificial energy. And then there was-

"No! You can't-" Those were the last words of Barron Trump before Invictus ran his dagger through his throat. He waited for the blood to fill the skull that had formerly belonged to Edward Snowden. As he waited, he gestured to Roof.
"You know what comes next." Roof nodded and placed his hand on top of a rock beside the alter. Spencer brought down a machete. Roof barely offered a yelp of pain-Invictus had to respect that. With the skull filled, Invictus raised it before Roof's severed hand.
"I call forth the gate to the realm of the Beast. Let fire consume the land and the people burn. The Aeon of Horus ends today. Now is the time of the Aeon of Set." As he spoke, he drew the sigil on Roof's hand.

For a terrifying second, it seemed as though it had not worked. But then the sigil began to glow. Roof's severed hand began floating. The sky began to turn orange.

And terrifying laughter echoed through the grove.

"I tried to warn you all! I told you the elites were just a bunch of Satan-"
-Last words of Alex Jones in a broadcast of Infowars, June 23, 2025

"Why are you doing this, Andrew? I'm the only reason Hell hasn't enveloped the whole planet yet!"

"I'm sorry, Madame President, but as long as anyone is using magic-I'm not convinced the world will ever be safe. Good intentions mean nothing here."

"I suppose you intend to ally with Kemp then."

"No more than you plan to join with Landrieu and her zombies. And I'm not joining the Paulites either, even if their technology is fascinating. We're going to start something new."

"And if that cannot stand up to Invictus?"

"Then we die as men, not witches or warlocks."

"Very well, if that's what you truly want. I do wish you the best still."

"Same to you, Madame President."
-Conversation between Marianne Williamson and Andrew Yang, June 27, 2025
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Strange Angel

President Parsons 2.png
Jack Parsons is one of the more colorful figures to hold the presidency in history. Parsons, prior to entering politics, was involved in two key passion projects: American rocket scientist and the occult. Parsons helped found the Jet Propulsion Laboratory during the 1940's and assisted in developing rockets during the Second World War. Meanwhile, Parsons additionally was an acolyte of Aleister Crowley and a practitioner of the religion of Thelema. Parsons attributes his choice to enter politics to the successful completion of a ritual known as the Babalon Working alongside fellow Thelemite L. Ron Hubbard. This working, seeking to conceive a 'moonchild' to usher in a new aeon, succeeded in leading to Parsons' first wife Helen Parsons-Smith getting pregnant. While the marriage subsequently collapsed thanks to Hubbard absconding with her that same year, Parsons reportedly had visions of an amazing destiny for the newborn child, but also came to believe he had to pave the way for it to occur. Parsons determined the best way to do so was enter politics.

Parsons' first bid for office in 1950 against California Governor Earl Warren ended in failure, but proved to be a surprisingly close race for one pitting a known occultist against an established and well-liked Republican. When Parsons challenged Senator Knowland in 1952, his victory proved to be a major upset. Several in Washington condemned him as 'Satanic' and Senator McCarthy went further by accusing him of being a communist. However, Parsons proved surprisingly capable in defending himself and his reaction to McCarthy accusing him of being a communist was one of the most eloquent denunciations the senator experienced before his career was ended. Parsons proved to be a thoroughly left-wing Democrat, pushing for civil rights legislation and expansion of the welfare state.

In 1960, Parsons was a favorite son candidate in the primaries, but failed to win against another Californian favorite son, Pat Brown. Parsons became an early supporter of John F. Kennedy on the basis of a shared interest in expanding space exploration, his belief the young Kennedy would usher in an era of change and the shared experience of practicing a faith that made one a popular target of the reactionaries. However, in a narrow race, Kennedy would be defeated by Vice President Nixon. Nixon's administration saw Parsons gain increased stature as a key opponent, pressing Nixon on the failure to pass civil rights legislation, the 1961 invasion of Cuba and the president's personal corruption. In 1964, Parsons managed to seize the Democratic nomination thanks in part to the willingness of the DNC to select him over Dixiecrat George Wallace. Wallace mounted a third-party bid in retaliation, but despite Wallace flipping much of the south, Parsons triumphed comfortably in the electoral college.

Parsons' administration was rather consequential. His 'New Age for America' proposals created a national healthcare system, environmental protection laws and programs to alleviate poverty. The New Age for America also increased funding for education, the arts and scientific research. Parsons additionally withdrew troops from Cuba despite the objections of hawks and signed comprehensive civil rights legislation. Parsons was also president when the US landed on the Moon in 1970. This is not to say his administration was controversy-free or totally successful. The tail-end of his term saw a major increase in inflation occur, nearly triggering hyperinflation before the Federal Reserve implemented a tighter monetary policy. Parsons additionally alienated much of the US foreign policy establishment by having a fairly conciliatory attitude towards the USSR. In addition to negotiation of arms reductions treaties, this included Parsons saying that 'Soviet influence in Eastern Europe is natural and, for the time being, necessary', an incident that would have likely cost him election had he not said it in 1969 after winning his second term. Parsons also alienated many US allies due to his personal eccentricity and he was dogged by rumors that he was carrying out devil-worship and human sacrifice in the White House (the 1968 third-party campaign of Edwin Walker was almost entirely rooted in promoting this conspiracy theory on the basis of 'an anonymous patriot' supposedly within the White House). While Parsons did continue to carry out occult rituals in office, they were far less dramatic than the ones that had characterized him in the 1940's, instead being largely rooted in trying to 'cross the Abyss' via meditation and astral projection.

Historians have generally ranked Parsons as a good president but falling short of a great one due to his eccentric tendencies, foreign policy naivete and the inflation crisis. Nevertheless, Parsons has left a major impact on the American welfare state and laid the groundwork for much of the contemporary Democratic Party's economic agenda. Parsons has been credited with the rise of new religious movements from 1965 onwards, with faiths like Thelema, Wicca, Setianism and various neopagan faiths all taking off and gathering significant followings in the years since. The 'moonchild' Parsons and Hubbard 'invoked' (or that one of them fathered), Aleister Parsons-Smith, would go on to serve as Governor of Florida in the 1980's and was the Democratic nominee for president in 2000, but was defeated. However, Parsons-Smith went on to serve as the Secretary of Commerce in the O'Malley administration and is a rumored choice for vice president to Joaquin Castro in the 2020 election.
 
Cactus Jack.png
Oh boy, here we go. Another timeline where FDR gets shot by Giuseppe Zangara before taking office and leaves the presidency to ol' Cactus Jack. You know what that means: misery and doom, a worse Great Depression, maybe even an Axis victory in World War II if you really want to stretch it. It's all downhill from he-wait, hold on I'm being handed a note.

What? What?!? What do you mean John Nance Garner is considered one of America's greatest presidents? He was a conservative Texan! What do you mean he passed most of the New Deal and what he didn't pass was stuff that the Supreme Court ruled unconstitutional anyway? And didn't try to pack the Supreme Court? And the Depression actually alleviated for good sooner than in OTL? That makes no sense!

And now you're saying Garner paved the way for LBJ to become President in 1957? And Johnson ended up making even more Great Society stuff including universal healthcare? Wow, that...that's odd. Surely this can't last.

Oh, OK then.

So....yeah, President Garner: not as dystopian as one might expect. Not totally rosy (he's not exactly racially enlightened for instance), but he's solid. Who would've thought?
 
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John F. Kennedy was an American author active from 1950 to 1981. Kennedy was born in 1917, the second child of future ambassador to the United Kingdom Joseph P. Kennedy, Sr. and Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy. The Kennedy family besides John would be best known for their role in politics-his older brother Joseph P. Kennedy, Sr. served as president of the United States from 1965 to 1969, his brother Robert Kennedy was a member of the US House of Representatives from 1959 to 1983 and a perennial presidential candidate who ran in every Democratic primary from 1976 to 2012 and his youngest brother Edward 'Ted' Kennedy was Mayor of Boston from 1974 to 1980. John, on the other hand, was more interested in literature and writing than politics (though he supported his siblings' campaigns and was a staunch Democrat for the whole of his life). Kennedy began as a writer of short stories and journalistic articles, but first found literary success with his 1955 novel No Man's Island. Inspired by his brother's stories of the Second World War (John had enlisted but been discharged following an injury during his initial training in 1941), the book detailed a surreal experience of the fictional Patrick O'Malley being stranded alone on a remote island in the Pacific. The book received praise for subverting the expectations of a Robinson Crusoe-type story: instead of working to survive, O'Malley 'did the only thing he could: go mad' and much of the book is clearly delusions brought on by isolation, starvation and sickness. The book's success brought Kennedy into the limelight and he became a highly successful author. His other notable books include Camelot; a subversive take on the Arthurian mythos where King Arthur is a highly deformed and often sick man owing to his dynasty being inbred a la many real life royal families and Merlin is more akin to Grigori Rasputin than a wise mentor, For Want of a Nail; an alternate history where Imperial Germany won World War I and the world proves to be shockingly similar, with a Cold War between an ultimately communist Germany that dominates Europe and the US being little different than the real Cold War and The Law of Life, his last book where an unnamed man in his thirties is taken by a 'guardian angel' to see his past and future selves whom he often fights over values (the titular 'law' being that one will change over time inevitably). Kennedy died in 1981 from complications due to Addison's disease, but his works are still considered classics of postmodern writing.
 
Satanic Panic 2: Electric Boogaloo
"My choice to replace Senator Harris in the US Senate is Representative Eric Swalwell. Representative Swalwell has been fighting for his constituents throughout his time in Washington and I am sure he will bring that same energy into the US Senate."
-Governor Gavin Newsom, December 7, 2020

NEWSOM SCHEDULES SPECIAL ELECTION FOR MAY 3RD

6 DEMOCRATS FILE FOR CANDIDACY IN 15TH DISTRICT, FORMER ASSEMBLYWOMAN BAKER SOLE REPUBLICAN IN RACE

POLITICAL COMMENTATOR SCOTT ADAMS MAKES LAST-MINUTE FILING FOR HOUSE RACE

IN PRIMARY, ADAMS AND BAKER MAKE TOP TWO OVER SCATTERED DEMOCRATIC OPPOSITION
-Headlines of The Tri-Valley Herald, January-April 2021

"The lunatic left does not want to admit many of the problems in our country. And none of those problems are as big as the problem of Satanic cults abusing children. If elected, I will make sure these cults are investigated and crushed and any Democrats tied to them are pressed for answers on the matter."
-Scott Adams in a video posted on his Twitter account, April 17, 2021

"While we have many disagreements with Assemblywoman Baker, she is nontheless a beacon of bipartisanship and sanity compared to her opponent."
-The Democratic Party of Alameda County in a press release, issued April 19, 2021

SCOTT ADAMS (I)-51.8%
CATHARINE BAKER (R)-48.1%
-Results of the California 15th District Special Congressional Election, 2021

"The triumph of Adams in the special election to replace now-Senator Swalwell is less shocking than it might appear. Adams, while embracing right-wing beliefs and conspiracy theories, remains officially registered as an independent and listed as such on the ballot. This likely means, in addition to generally lower Democratic turnout and a base of right-wing local Republicans, Adams may have won a number of Democrats and Independents who believed him to be more moderate than Baker due to lack of knowledge of his actual beliefs. While likely a fluke, it nontheless remains troubling that Adams, a conspiracy theorist who has promoted beliefs associated with QAnon, will be entering Congress."
-Excerpt from the Vox article 'How Scott Adams won', published June 17, 2021

IN FIERY SPEECH, ADAMS CALLS ON DEMOCRATIC COLLEAGUES TO 'DISAVOW SATANIST TIES'

ADAMS 'COMMENTS GO VIRAL ON SOCIAL MEDIA

REPRESENTATIVE GREENE DEFENDS ADAMS, VOWS TO 'SUPPORT HIM IN THIS FIGHT'

WHITE HOUSE 'REFUSES TO DIGNIFY' ACCUSATIONS BY ADAMS OF BIDEN BEING FUNDED BY SATANISTS

ADAMS HECKLED BY MEMBERS OF THE SATANIC TEMPLE AT TOWNHALL IN DUBLIN
-Headlines in The Washington Post, July-September 2021

"Make no mistake: the Satanists want to take away your children, force them to bow before their foul god and subject them to all kinds of horrors."
-Representative Scott Adams in an appearance on OANN, October 2, 2021

"No we don't, you're thinking of Christians."
-The Church of Satan on Twitter, October 2, 2021

3 COLLEGE STUDENTS ARRESTED FOR SUSPICION OF MURDER IN SAVANNAH, GEORGIA
-Headline of the Atlanta Journal Constitution, December 2, 2021

"It appears from the early stages of our investigation that the 3 suspects may be involved in a Satanic cult. This remains unconfirmed, but rest assured that the truth will come out and the perpetrators of this heinous crime will be held accountable."
-Georgia Attorney General Christopher M. Carr, December 20, 2021

"This is just the beginning, mark my words. This trial will show there is a whole network of Satanists in this country ready to kill and abuse your kids."
-Representative Scott Adams on Twitter, December 20, 2021

"The accusations that the three college students arrested on suspicion of murdering 12-year-old Carl Sampson are secret Satanists is, as far as can be discerned, baseless. Independent of their potential guilt (which is a matter for further investigation), one of the three students arrested, Mary Carson, does not have anything that could be construed as ties to Satanism aside from association with the other two. Eric Morris, 21, is, based on testimony from those who know him, a practitioner of Wicca. Many Wiccan rituals make use of the imagery of the pentagram, which is likely the source of alleged 'Satanism' by Morris. Meanwhile, the third suspect, 22-year-old Walter Hernandez, has even more spurious 'evidence': he posted a picture on social media reading Anton LaVey's The Satanic Bible with the caption 'Certainly better than the original lol.' The 'Satanism' of Anton LaVey is atheistic and anti-theist rather than the motivator of the sort of ritual abuse that the Georgia government has insinuated and the likes of Representatives Adams and Greene have openly accused the suspects of."
-Excerpt from the Vox article "Why the right is saying the Savannah murder suspects are Satanists, explained', published January 2, 2022

"I don't want to assume anything-these three may very well be guilty. But I also know too well that it is very easy for you to, for political reasons, end up railroaded by the justice system and serve time in prison for a crime you didn't commit."
-Damien Echols on YouTube, January 7, 2022

TRIAL DATE FOR MORRISS, CARSON AND HERNANDEZ SET FOR MAY 2ND
-Headline of Savannah Morning News, January 12, 2022

"I look forward to seeing the Savannah Satanists punished for their crimes against this country and our children."
-Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene, January 12, 2022

"We will be providing legal counsel to the so-called 'Savannah Satanists' in the name of religious freedom. The widespread insinuations and open accusations of Satanism on the part of these three are baseless and threaten their rights to a fair trial."
-Georgia ACLU President Jack Kennedy, January 17, 2022

POLL SHOWS 27% OF THE US, 52% OF REPUBLICANS BELIEVE ACCUSED SAVANNAH SUSPECTS ARE SATANISTS

BIDEN CONDEMNS 'DESIRE TO RAILROAD' IN SAVANNAH TRIAL, CALLS FOR PEOPLE TO 'LET THE JUSTICE SYSTEM WORK'

ADAMS' CLAIM THAT 'SAVANNAH SATANISTS' WERE HARRIS VOLUNTEERS DEBUNKED BY FACT-CHECKERS

CLASH BREAKS OUT IN SAVANNAH BETWEEN QANON SUPPORTERS AND ATTENDEES OF 'STAND FOR JUSTICE' RALLY IN SAVANNAH

DEFENSE TEAM FOR SAVANNAH ACCUSED POKES SIGNIFICANT HOLES IN PROSECUTION'S CASE IN FIRST DAY OF THE TRIAL

FAKED IMAGE OF A PENTAGRAM AROUND SAMPSON'S BODY CIRCULATES ACROSS SOCIAL MEDIA AS TRIAL ENTERS FOURTH DAY, CALLS MADE FOR PLATFORMS TO TAKE IT DOWN

AFTER NEARLY A WEEK OF DELIBERATION, JURY FINDS ALL 3 SAVANNAH DEFENDANTS NOT GUILTY
-Headlines of the Washington Post, January-May 2022

"Our legal system has spoken. There is not sufficient evidence to conclude that these three are responsible for the tragic murder of Carl Sampson. Rest assured, we will continue to figure out who is actually responsible for killing this promising child."
-Georgia Attorney General Christopher M. Carr, May 30, 2022

"This is a catastrophic failure of our justice system! These three Satanists just got away with butchering an innocent, Christian child. We must fight to protect our children!"
-Representative Scott Adams on a livestream, June 1, 2022

ERIC MORRIS, MARY CARSON SHOT BY GUNMAN ON VISIT TO UNIVERSITY OF ATLANTA-SHOOTER POSTED IN SUPPORT OF QANON ON SOCIAL MEDIA
-Headline of the Atlanta Journal Constitution, September 2, 2022

COTTIE PETRIE NORRIS (D)-73.6%
SCOTT ADAMS (I)-26.3%
-Results of the California 15th District Congressional Election, 2022

"Despite Adams' defeat in the 2022 midterm elections, his brief time in Congress was enormously consequential. Adams' position in public office plus his preexisting platform enabled him to convince a large swath of the country that Satanists were lurking everywhere ready to harm their children. This cannot solely be placed at the feet of Adams-the preexisting QAnon conspiracy theory certainly had laid a lot of that groundwork-but it was ultimately Adams' deranged accusations and fanatical claims made in and after he lost office that would create a climate of paranoia in much of the United States in the 2020's. While the accused in Savannah were able to avoid being punished for false accusations, the same cannot be said of the St. Louis Duo, Nathan Carmichael, Robert Clark or Michaela Johnson, all of whom were convicted of murder and/or sexual abuse on grounds later recognized to be spurious and rooted in the claims that they were closeted Satanists."
-Excerpt from Witch Hunt: The Second Satanic Panic, published 2037
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Q is a comic book villain first appearing in The Storm arc of Marvel Comics. In The Storm, Q initially appears to be an anonymous poster on a message board spreading rumors that the US government, SHIELD and various superheroes are in fact engaged in Satan-worship and child abuse. While initially dismissed, large numbers of people become convinced that Q is telling the truth, forcing various heroes to defend themselves against attacks by random civilians. An investigation by Miles Morales and Kamala Khan ultimately reveals that Q is website owner Jim Watkins, who turns out to be a member of Hydra. Upon being discovered, Q uses his ability to manipulate minds over the Internet to foment chaos across the country, but is ultimately defeated thanks to the intervention of Doctor Druid.

Q is subsequently arrested and imprisoned, but is briefly broken out by the League of Supervillains and recruited into their ranks. Q is among the first members of the League to face off against Deadpool and is seemingly killed. However, Q returns as the central focus of the three-volume series The Trial of Q , where he has Jennifer Walters as his defense attorney. Q has, since his confrontation with Deadpool, seemingly lost his mental powers, but over the course of the arc Walters realizes he has regained pieces of them and has been attempting to manipulate her into taking pity on him. When this ruse fails, an enraged Q bombards Walters with disturbing images and past traumas, but she manages to break free from his mental sway and knocks him unconscious. Q has not appeared directly since, but in passing has been noted as being left paralyzed from the neck down and is currently imprisoned.
 
BASED MITCH.png
Mitch McConnell is the senior Senator from the US state of Kentucky and the Senate Majority Leader since 2009. McConnell first entered politics via an internship with Republican Kentucky Senator John Sherman Cooper, who McConnell continues to cite as a key influence on his overall views. McConnell switched parties in 1974, allegedly out of disgust at the Nixon administration, and proceeded to be elected to various local offices before winning the 1984 election. McConnell, as leader of the Senate Democrats, has been widely criticized by Republicans for supposed abuse of Senate procedures and obstruction of the policies of the Cruz administration. However, Democrats have comparatively favorable views of McConnell, viewing him as playing a key role in shepherding through major accomplishments of the Obama administration (a belief furthered by Obama's own claims in interviews). McConnell was reportedly considered as a potential vice presidential pick by Democrat nominee Beto O'Rourke as a bid to offset O'Rourke's comparative lack of experience, though O'Rourke ultimately chose to go with Representative Barbara Lee instead.
 
ERROR-TIMELINE CORRUPTION DETECTED
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TEMPORAL ORIGIN: OCTOBER 1968
CORRUPTION SOURCE: GEORGE CORLEY WALLACE

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TEMPORAL ORIGIN-NOVEMBER 1963
CORRUPTION SOURCE: GEORGE CORLEY WALLACE

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TIMELINE CORRUPTION DETECTED
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CORRUPTION SOURCE: GEORGE CORLEY WALLACE

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ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO LOGOUT MR. WALLACE?

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A̴̡̢̧̧̛̛̰̗̮̙̙͍͕̟̬͙̭͇͖͓̪̻̞̺͎̪̰͇̫̤̠͖͉̝̗̙̬̼̣̤̯̪̹̥̻̹͓͕͓͚͓̲̯̼͇̪͉͉̠̦̹̩̪͔̼͖̲̠͈͕͚͙̜̫̦̱̤̻͚̤͔̓͛̉̅̒̈́̓̓́͛̔́̾̌͋̂̒́͐̅̋̃̃̽̀̽͂̀͌̽̈̈́̇̋̾̉̊̈̈́̔̑́͑͋̅́̈́͒̓̌̈́̆̓̋̀̓͗̈͗̈́̍͂̈́͆̾͌̓̏͘̚̕̕̚͘̚̕͘͘͜͝͝L̸̢̨̻̞̦͕̲͖͇͚͍͓̦̺̮̩̟̞͔̗̰͇̣͍̘͎̦͈̪̣͕͈̜̆̈̐̎̐̇̏̎͌͌̑͌͒͊̄͊͌͊́̏͂͋̈́̌͆͑͆̾͒̈́̂́̇͆̇̐̅̈̂̒́̐̕͘̕͜͜͜͜͜͝͝͠L̸̨̢̛̜̹̬͍̟̳̲̖̘̖͕͙̩̜̗̱̹̯̩̖̦̼͍̝̞͚͙̲͍̟̥̬̥̒͑͒́͋̎͂̓̈̒̐̀́̃̓̾̽͒̎̽̎́̔͗̀̊́͆̔̔͗͒͊̓͊̊̓͋͑́̿̓̍͂̊̓́͂̎̎͌̋͌͂͒̐̔́̀͋̓͒̔̐̄̉̔̆͋̊̈͗͌͊͂̓̅͘̕͘̚̚͘͝͠͝ͅ ̵̨̧̭͚̦͚̻̦̱͙͉̰̟͕̲̤̼͎͚̣͈̳̼̺͕̫̪̟͎̠̦͈̯͕̪̹͙̗͛̅̕͜I̶̧̡̡̡̧̩̟̭̥̙̼̝̹̩̫͖͔͎͚̭̟̗͎̩̘̭̝̹̹̣̦̼͆͛̾͆̀͛͑̌̀̄̈́̐͋̎͑͐̈́̃̋͌̂͌̿͛͆́̆̾͂̐̈́̅̆͆͊̐̍͗̇͑̄̈́̆̇̈́̓̅̿̚͘͝͠͝ͅŞ̵̢̧̢̛̝̣̯̣̰͙͉̘̖̟͍̤͔̼̱̲͈̦̖̟͖̜̲͎͔̺̞̫͍̺̱̦̬͖̥̟̟̯̥̠̘̘̂̃͛̋̍͆̑̆̅̆͌̌̉̐̇̄̑̾́͆̈̉͋̑̏̓̽͌̀̓͐̒̑́̍̒̋̈͋̈́̇̆̂́̆̏͋͑̂̏̓̂͛̌͂̓͊͗̂̒̏͆͋̆̈́́̽̀̆̓͋̚̚͘͜͠͠͝͝͠͝ ̴̨̧̨̢̡̢̢̨̡̨̝̳͍̣̩͔̝̹̤͕̞͚̤̜̥͈̞̝̮̣̞͙̮̯̗̗̥̦̝̗̳̖̝̥͔̬͙̪̙̟̤͇͈͖̖͔̬̺̝͖͈̘̹̖̩̝̼͔̖͚̬̬̲̟̬̥͖͎̞̜̳̳͖̯͔̖̣̠̳̩̯͖͔̲̞͓͙̞͖̞̜͕͎̘͔͇͈̹͇͓͖̜̻͖̗̊͂̄̄́̊́̾̐̉͌̄̄̾̎̋̇͂́̉̈́̅̾̇͆̒̆̉̔̀̎͊̍̃̀̈́̇̇̌̈́́͛̈́̀͆͋͛̓̀͑̂̎̎̄͋̈̇̾́̅͌̉̐͜͜͜͝͝͠͠͝͝͝͝W̶̢̡̢̛̛̛̹̞͎̩̫̳̥͈͔̺͉̪̪̱̗͈̦̤̼̪͎̘̥̺̯̠̻͍̱̞̹̯̦̻͙͍̤̖̺̘͕̥̜͍̝̣̹͈̙̩̫̠̲͉͓̩̜̲̟̫͍̱̪̬̜̫̖̲̰̹̬̽̐̈̃̇̔̽̿̃̐̒͛͐̄̄̉̈́͗͂͐̀̈́̈̂̈́̔̔́̽̅̃̾̇̒͐͂͒̿͑́͑̿͐̎͋̔͒̈́͐͋̏̎͂̀͛͗̉̈́̈̎̾͘͘̕͜͜͝͠͠͝͝͝͝͠͝Ă̵̡̨̢̢̢̨̨̛͔͙͉͕͖̹̝̮͓̲̬̟͕͎̹̤͚͖̯̹̤̬̺̝͖͙̭̖̩̗̬͍͈͈͉̩͖͉̮̙̥̦͇̩͈̫͖̘̤̼̬̪͔̺̮̻̩͚̯̦̘̻̟͔̬͈̪̭͙̻͙̥̦̻͉͓̺̭͚̗̱̼̣̺̤͔̙̯̰̖͙͙̯̤̹̺͉̖̝̮͍̜̱̭̪̜̰̼͉̦̗̬̋͂̓̃̑̀̀͛̏̽̄́̊̈͌̂̇͆̓͛̍̆̏̈́͑̏̂̂̈́͌̈̿̐́́̈́͒̆̓͐͆̿̊̓̆̓̿̽̃̏̓̀̿̿̍̇͑̏̊̋͒̉̑̄͋̒͐̇̑̿͑̽̿͗͌͋͆̈́̋͌̊͛͂́͆̍̄̃̉̇̽̾̄̈́̿̄̋̐̎̓̚̕̚͘̚͘̕̚̕͘͘̚̕͘͘͜͜͜͝͝͝͝͠͝͝͝͝͝͝ͅL̷̡̡̡̢̡̛̛̛̛̛̟̜̭̹̤̖͈̗̗̠̻̭̖͇̼̬̳̤̤͓͔̬̙͉̹̦̥̖̻͓̮̲̠̰͉̰̻̻̜̗̪͔̼͇͓͉̫̘͐̏̑̐̈̄̾̎̀̆̌͒̄̄̈̋̿͆̿̊͌͌̄̉̑̾͐̓̅͑̉̀́̀̌̇̋̔̒̐͐̒̈̆̈́̅̀̅̈́͆̒̈́͋͐̉͗̌̔̽̎̉͐̾̉̆̉̇̎͑̂̓̂̈́͑̆̂̋̔̆̂̒̊̊͂̾̑̾͑̉̾̍̈́̓̚͘̚͘͘͘͘͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͝ͅĻ̶̛͍͙̤̯̭̮͇̅̽͐̊̑̓̔͆̏͗͂͂̔̌̍͂̿͋͐̔̍͛̿̽̑̌͌̀́̈́̆̋̂̈́̌͊̑͐͑̏͗̑̀̉̀̎́̀̉̈́͂̒̊̉͐͛͑͆̈́̔̎̈͗̈̂́̽̽͛̈͆̋̓̈́̉̚̕͘͘̚͠͝͝͝Ä̷̝̣̤͓́͆̄̐̅̓͌̍͑̏̌͗́̏̓̈́̌̋̓̀̽́͊͛̓͌̎̒̃͒̈́͗̇̇̅͌̚͘͜͝͝͠͠͠C̷̡̨̧̛̛̼̯̮̩͉̠̖̯̟̻̣̜͔̖̯̦͇̭͕̰͈̱̳͕̺͖̗̰̞̫̪̭̦̩͚̗̭͇̙̺̪͎̬͇̭͉̝̰̥̼̝̖̪̟͍̻̟̲̲̰͉̰̬͂̈́͂͛̈́͆̈́͋͒̋̎̎̊͂̾̃̉̓͒̔͗̊̌̓́͌̊́̔̀͑͐͛̽̏̽̀̈́̊̓̅͒̅̀̔̀́͒͌̒̈́̔͆͗̑̐̈́̒̅̈́͒̎̔̏̎͘̕̕̚̕̕̚̕̚͜͝͠͠͝ͅE̸̢̨̧̢̡̨̢̧̪͉͇̺̙͙̬̗̹̜̜̩͖̝̩̞͇̬̬̤̳̤͍̬̰̫͖̻̪͇̮͖͉͖̞͈͖̳̖̙̳͈͇͔̹͇̤̟̖̰̞̞̔̿͌̄͘͜
 
1987

The old man was cold. He was often cold—prison wasn’t exactly known for being a warm place. Especially this shithole. The nostalgia he had for the White House wasn’t just about the power he used to have or the things he could do with the office, it was also just a much more comfortable residence than this cell. It was nice having a bed to sleep in instead of a cot. It was nice having the luxury of turning out one’s own lights and not having lights out whenever the warden felt like it. It was nice to be free.

As he often did when he was cold, the former president of the United States tried to remember things. He could remember his wife—a woman he loved dearly. They had their fights on occasion, sure, but they’d always made up after. He thought about his daughters. He thought about that day over a quarter century ago where he placed his hand on the Bible and uttered those fateful words. How everything seemed so full of hope and promise as he addressed the American people. He knew not all of them had supported them—it had been a close race after all. A few thousand votes flipping in Illinois would have been all it took to change the outcome.

But as he usually did when he thought of the past, he couldn’t help but think about what had led to him being trapped in here. If it hadn’t been for that damn Bay of Pigs fiasco maybe things wouldn’t have ended up this way. Maybe if it had gone according to plan or he had torn that plan up in front of those fucking generals instead of launching it, the crisis wouldn’t have happened in the first place. The Reds parking missiles that could hit the country in only a few hours was of course not a tenable thing. But he was a realist first and foremost. Not the sort who would want to launch a war unless absolutely necessary. Kruschev had been open to making a deal, but then…

“You have demonstrated you are unfit for the duties of the presidency. You will come with us or face the consequences.” No amount of cynicism on his end could have prepared him for that fucker LeMay to bring a bunch of soldiers into the room where they were meeting. Nor for half the Joint Chiefs to get gunned down in front of him.

“You fucker…” He had croaked. The fire in his voice had left him when faced with the specter of execution. “This is a goddamn coup is what you’re doing! I am the president of the United States-“

“Not anymore.” LeMay retorted. “If you won’t give the orders needed to protect the country, than someone else will. And they have already been given.” He sounded downright gleeful, the sick bastard.

“You’re going to end the world you know.” The president had managed as his captors began dragging him from the office—his office. LeMay hadn’t responded to that.

The old, now-jailed president had to admit that may have been an overstatement. He wasn’t exactly privy to what was happening out there from his guards, but the world hadn’t ended. From the sound of things, they’d bombed the Reds back to the Stone Age albeit at a significant cost. But the country had survived—at least on paper. In practice, the old man had seen glimmers of a shift—they’d put up a portrait more befitting a Hitler or Stalin than a President in the warden’s office, first of LeMay and then of some fellow named McDonald about five years ago or so. He had no idea who the guy was or what his rule looked like. He also had no idea what had become of his family when they’d dragged him to this cell. In the first few years of captivity he’d imagined some sort of daring escape. The next ten years, as his body tended to get sickly, he had hoped for death. He’d even attempted suicide at one point, only being stopped by the sheer pain of the process leading to him yelping and getting help—he still didn’t know why they’d bothered keeping him alive to be honest. He’d lost the right to utensils after that and still hadn’t gotten them back. He’d mostly accepted his lot now though.

As he thought that, he was suddenly roused from his thoughts by a popping sound. Bullets? They sounded like the ones he’d heard in those first few years, when things outside were by all accounts unstable. He heard shouting too now. What was happening? He tried to peer out through the slot that was his one window to the outside world but couldn’t see anything except a guard running past. The gunfire got louder over the next few minutes, seeming to draw closer. After a few minutes, the gunfire died down. The old man stopped peaking out the window and sat down, wondering what that was all about. It took another few minutes huddled in his cell before he heard the thumping of footsteps—heavy ones. They sounded like the boots of soldiers, marching almost rhythmically. Maybe they’d decided to finally finish him off and were taking care of anyone objecting. The old man briefly glanced around the room to see if there was anything he could use as a weapon. Only a tray leftover from dinner seemed to be an option and the old man shrugged.

“It was bound to happen eventually.” He muttered to himself. The only thing that he was really feeling was curiosity about why had it taken this long. Maybe if he asked he’d get some kind of explanation if his killers were feeling generous. The bootsteps drew closer and closer as the old man breathed heavily. The door to his cell opened and a pair of men entered. “What took you so goddamn long?”

“Apologies, Mr. President. It was hard to coordinate after the War.” The old man realized now the two men did not look like the soldiers he was used to. They looked more like—what was the word they had described Castro and friends with before they came to power? Insurgents! They looked haggard and their clothes were not a uniform. “You are him, right? The President?”

“Which one?” The ex-president laughed. The two men didn’t laugh with him. One of them pulled out a picture. It was the old man back when he was young and speaking to the nation.

“This one. Is this you?”

“Yep. Who are you two? Why are you here?”

“We are the Liberators. We’ve liberated a lot—today we’re liberating you in particular.” The man who spoke—the second who had entered—extended a hand to the elderly ex-president. “From what we’ve heard, you’ve still got about two years to serve, Mr. Nixon. And we need you now more than ever."
Nixon's Back aroo.png
 
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