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THREAD FOR CO-OPERATIVE STORIES

SenatorChickpea

The Most Kiwi Aussie of them all
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So the co-operative lists thread died, in no small part because I kept getting bored of the usual format and tried people's patience with increasingly eclectic and overwritten prompts.(1)


However, I think there's still interest for a thread of general round-robins, story games, co-operative interviews and the like.

My suggestion is that each person who starts one establishes:

1. A clear, simple set of rules- no more than a few sentences.
2. A clear starting prompt and title.
3. Establishes the end point.

That last one is important, because it helps prevent burn out.


I don't actually think the thread needs much more than that. Strictly as a matter of personal taste, I would encourage people to try and think beyond the political: set up alternate history games that deal with the arts, popular culture, social history, technology or something other than wars, kings and empires. Look for inspiration from beyond Western Europe, Japan and North America. However, that's just taste- if the right idea- and sometimes you absolutely know what your right idea is after all- if the right idea is about the Prime Ministers of the UK, go for it.


I'll start us off in the next post.







(1) You know what? I stand by them. Getting people to come up with eight works of art that depict the French Revolution in a world where it won interests me more than yet another 'Here's a list of Presidents, fill in the blanks.'
 
FIVE CLASSIC NOVELS OF REVOLUTIONARY BRITAIN


Rules:

1. A simple game to start us off: Take a famous book title, author and publication date and write a brief explanation of why it's a 'classic novel of revolutionary Britain.
2. I think the prompt and end point are clear enough.


1. "Swallows and Amazons," Arthur Ransome, 1930

When Ransome had covered the Russian Civil War on behalf of the Manchester Guardian, he had acted for the Secret Intelligence Service and even been a go-between for the nascent Estonian state. He never thought he would put any of those skills to use in his own country.

"Swallows and Amazons" is a deeply personal work, where the idyllic setting of Ransome's Lake Country is juxtaposed with the harshness of the revolution. It tells the story of two families and how the friendship of the children is tested by the political upheaval: as the book begins, the Walkers and Blacketts are 'Swallows,' birds darting about at their ease.

As the violence of the world gradually settles in, and some of the adult characters begin to harden- or to disappear in the night at the hands of the Royalists- the young Blackett sisters have to decide if they have it in them to become young warriors... 'Amazons.'

When you're a kid you cry when the boats sink; when you're an adult you cry when you work out what happened to Mary. Beautiful, and best read with the deceptively sweet illustrations of Ransome himself.
 
1. "Swallows and Amazons," Arthur Ransome, 1930

When Ransome had covered the Russian Civil War on behalf of the Manchester Guardian, he had acted for the Secret Intelligence Service and even been a go-between for the nascent Estonian state. He never thought he would put any of those skills to use in his own country.

"Swallows and Amazons" is a deeply personal work, where the idyllic setting of Ransome's Lake Country is juxtaposed with the harshness of the revolution. It tells the story of two families and how the friendship of the children is tested by the political upheaval: as the book begins, the Walkers and Blacketts are 'Swallows,' birds darting about at their ease.

As the violence of the world gradually settles in, and some of the adult characters begin to harden- or to disappear in the night at the hands of the Royalists- the young Blackett sisters have to decide if they have it in them to become young warriors... 'Amazons.'

When you're a kid you cry when the boats sink; when you're an adult you cry when you work out what happened to Mary. Beautiful, and best read with the deceptively sweet illustrations of Ransome himself.

2. “Brave New World,” Aldous Huxley, 1932

Written in 1932 and banned until 1985,Huxley’s satirical magnum opus (though he never considered it to be one) is considered by many to be one of most hard hitting depictions of both pre and post Revolutionary Britain,condemning the former for its ignorance and corruption and the latter for doing the same evils in different manner and even doing worse things than the older Britain.

Told through the eyes of Harry Crowne,the younger son of an upper class family of bankers and nicknamed Nitwit by those around him,the novel tells his life story from youth to adulthood and his inability to be his own man. Through out the novel,Harry is often a peon for others like his Conservative father and older brother,his Liberal sister and mother or his classmates,continuing to be misled by in the Revolutionary War by characters like the pig headed intellectual Sybil Webber (a satire of Sidney Webb, Minister of Culture),prone to lie and want to impose his views on to others,reactionary extraordinaire Sir Nigel Fetterwell or Second Lieutenant/Commisar Wilkins,an opportunist thug full of luck,but never of love.

Filled with great moments and characters that have come to define modern picaresque novels nowadays,the book also has great emotional moments. You start to hate Harry’s cad of an older brother Joseph,but end crying when he dies alone in prison camp,trying to help the other inmates survive. Wilkins makes feel loathe for him,bit you end some pity for him, especially during his now classic monologue about how he envies Harry for knowing how to love his fellow man.Above all,it’s a great book about sin that doesn’t try to preach anything to you.Merely asks you to show some compassion for time to time.
 
FIVE CLASSIC NOVELS OF REVOLUTIONARY BRITAIN

1. "Swallows and Amazons," Arthur Ransome, 1930

When Ransome had covered the Russian Civil War on behalf of the Manchester Guardian, he had acted for the Secret Intelligence Service and even been a go-between for the nascent Estonian state. He never thought he would put any of those skills to use in his own country.

"Swallows and Amazons" is a deeply personal work, where the idyllic setting of Ransome's Lake Country is juxtaposed with the harshness of the revolution. It tells the story of two families and how the friendship of the children is tested by the political upheaval: as the book begins, the Walkers and Blacketts are 'Swallows,' birds darting about at their ease.

As the violence of the world gradually settles in, and some of the adult characters begin to harden- or to disappear in the night at the hands of the Royalists- the young Blackett sisters have to decide if they have it in them to become young warriors... 'Amazons.'

When you're a kid you cry when the boats sink; when you're an adult you cry when you work out what happened to Mary. Beautiful, and best read with the deceptively sweet illustrations of Ransome himself.

2. “Brave New World,” Aldous Huxley, 1932

Written in 1932 and banned until 1985,Huxley’s satirical magnum opus (though he never considered it to be one) is considered by many to be one of most hard hitting depictions of both pre and post Revolutionary Britain,condemning the former for its ignorance and corruption and the latter for doing the same evils in different manner and even doing worse things than the older Britain.

Told through the eyes of Harry Crowne,the younger son of an upper class family of bankers and nicknamed Nitwit by those around him,the novel tells his life story from youth to adulthood and his inability to be his own man. Through out the novel,Harry is often a peon for others like his Conservative father and older brother,his Liberal sister and mother or his classmates,continuing to be misled by in the Revolutionary War by characters like the pig headed intellectual Sybil Webber (a satire of Sidney Webb, Minister of Culture),prone to lie and want to impose his views on to others,reactionary extraordinaire Sir Nigel Fetterwell or Second Lieutenant/Commisar Wilkins,an opportunist thug full of luck,but never of love.

Filled with great moments and characters that have come to define modern picaresque novels nowadays,the book also has great emotional moments. You start to hate Harry’s cad of an older brother Joseph,but end crying when he dies alone in prison camp,trying to help the other inmates survive. Wilkins makes feel loathe for him,bit you end some pity for him, especially during his now classic monologue about how he envies Harry for knowing how to love his fellow man.Above all,it’s a great book about sin that doesn’t try to preach anything to you.Merely asks you to show some compassion for time to time.



3. “The Swoop!” P.G. Wodehouse, 1923

Wodehouse was quasi-interned and placed under watch during the revolution and the early days, as the revolutionary government was never quite sure if he could be trusted but too many officials liked his books to send him to Dartmoor. With little to do, Wodehouse expanded and rewrote his 1909 comedy novella - parodying the first wave of invasion literature - to be about the much-feared foreign invasion that the government expected and warned about.

"The Swoop!" sees Britain invaded by a coalition of every foreign power the communists feared, then takes it to the extremes - one of the antagonists is Ireland's General Milligan, leading "twenty men, half a woman, and a dog" whose conquests get ever more ludicrously high. As British forces retreat from ever sillier battlegrounds, nine-year-old Comrade Clarence Chugwater of a working class schoolboy gang uses his tactical genius and "the spirit of the workers" to drive the foreigners out and save the nation. These actions feature over-the-top revolutionary rhetoric and gushing over what is, in most times, basic schoolboy pranks or the foreign army being quite dumb.

The book was not explicitly subversive but the sly comedy gave it a risque nature that no other literature in the early years could match. It would go on to spawn pantomimes, music hall performances, comic books, and posters throughout the 1920s, and forever after a youthful rising star in politics is called Chugwater.
 
FIVE CLASSIC NOVELS OF REVOLUTIONARY BRITAIN

1. "Swallows and Amazons," Arthur Ransome, 1930


When Ransome had covered the Russian Civil War on behalf of the Manchester Guardian, he had acted for the Secret Intelligence Service and even been a go-between for the nascent Estonian state. He never thought he would put any of those skills to use in his own country.

"Swallows and Amazons" is a deeply personal work, where the idyllic setting of Ransome's Lake Country is juxtaposed with the harshness of the revolution. It tells the story of two families and how the friendship of the children is tested by the political upheaval: as the book begins, the Walkers and Blacketts are 'Swallows,' birds darting about at their ease.

As the violence of the world gradually settles in, and some of the adult characters begin to harden- or to disappear in the night at the hands of the Royalists- the young Blackett sisters have to decide if they have it in them to become young warriors... 'Amazons.'

When you're a kid you cry when the boats sink; when you're an adult you cry when you work out what happened to Mary. Beautiful, and best read with the deceptively sweet illustrations of Ransome himself.

2. “Brave New World,” Aldous Huxley, 1932

Written in 1932 and banned until 1985,Huxley’s satirical magnum opus (though he never considered it to be one) is considered by many to be one of most hard hitting depictions of both pre and post Revolutionary Britain,condemning the former for its ignorance and corruption and the latter for doing the same evils in different manner and even doing worse things than the older Britain.

Told through the eyes of Harry Crowne,the younger son of an upper class family of bankers and nicknamed Nitwit by those around him,the novel tells his life story from youth to adulthood and his inability to be his own man. Through out the novel,Harry is often a peon for others like his Conservative father and older brother,his Liberal sister and mother or his classmates,continuing to be misled by in the Revolutionary War by characters like the pig headed intellectual Sybil Webber (a satire of Sidney Webb, Minister of Culture),prone to lie and want to impose his views on to others,reactionary extraordinaire Sir Nigel Fetterwell or Second Lieutenant/Commisar Wilkins,an opportunist thug full of luck,but never of love.

Filled with great moments and characters that have come to define modern picaresque novels nowadays,the book also has great emotional moments. You start to hate Harry’s cad of an older brother Joseph,but end crying when he dies alone in prison camp,trying to help the other inmates survive. Wilkins makes feel loathe for him,bit you end some pity for him, especially during his now classic monologue about how he envies Harry for knowing how to love his fellow man.Above all,it’s a great book about sin that doesn’t try to preach anything to you.Merely asks you to show some compassion for time to time.



3. “The Swoop!” P.G. Wodehouse, 1923

Wodehouse was quasi-interned and placed under watch during the revolution and the early days, as the revolutionary government was never quite sure if he could be trusted but too many officials liked his books to send him to Dartmoor. With little to do, Wodehouse expanded and rewrote his 1909 comedy novella - parodying the first wave of invasion literature - to be about the much-feared foreign invasion that the government expected and warned about.

"The Swoop!" sees Britain invaded by a coalition of every foreign power the communists feared, then takes it to the extremes - one of the antagonists is Ireland's General Milligan, leading "twenty men, half a woman, and a dog" whose conquests get ever more ludicrously high. As British forces retreat from ever sillier battlegrounds, nine-year-old Comrade Clarence Chugwater of a working class schoolboy gang uses his tactical genius and "the spirit of the workers" to drive the foreigners out and save the nation. These actions feature over-the-top revolutionary rhetoric and gushing over what is, in most times, basic schoolboy pranks or the foreign army being quite dumb.

The book was not explicitly subversive but the sly comedy gave it a risque nature that no other literature in the early years could match. It would go on to spawn pantomimes, music hall performances, comic books, and posters throughout the 1920s, and forever after a youthful rising star in politics is called Chugwater.



4. "The Appearance of the Men in Mauve" Arthur Conan Doyle, 1927

Already famous for his Sherlock Holmes works, Doyle was secure in his personal wealth, and he kept quiet during the pre-revolutionary suppression. However, he continued to work on the side as an advocate, trying to secure justice for individuals at risk, and it was witnessing a jury blatantly packed with opponents that helped to turn Doyle against the Royalists. He would be radicalized further after the Second Peterloo Massacre - though the government would try to suppress it, word nevertheless spread through the underground press, and outrage from this this led him to support the post-revolutionary government, even if merely in the sense of accepting the new status quo.

"The Appearance of the Men in Mauve" is the latest installment in Doyle's Sherlock Holmes series. In this, Holmes discovers groups of people - "men in mauve" - discreetly wearing mauve ribbons, lapels, and the like, and in conjunction with Scotland Yard he tries to determine what they are up to. However, as Scotland Yard is militarized and turned into an arm of the military, Holmes grows increasingly unhappy - first with interference, then with their authoritarian attitudes. When he discovers that the Men in Mauve are dissidents and would-be revolutionaries, rather than turn them in, he helps them cover up their tracks; while not helping them in their violent actions, he nevertheless tries to keep them from being captured.

This book was released after Doyle's death, as it was found with its papers. Doyle's notes show that he was unsure about publication, worried that it may be controversial. Nevertheless, though it did see much controversy for its views on the revolution, it is today a part of the Holmes canon.
 
FIVE CLASSIC NOVELS OF REVOLUTIONARY BRITAIN

1. "Swallows and Amazons," Arthur Ransome, 1930


When Ransome had covered the Russian Civil War on behalf of the Manchester Guardian, he had acted for the Secret Intelligence Service and even been a go-between for the nascent Estonian state. He never thought he would put any of those skills to use in his own country.

"Swallows and Amazons" is a deeply personal work, where the idyllic setting of Ransome's Lake Country is juxtaposed with the harshness of the revolution. It tells the story of two families and how the friendship of the children is tested by the political upheaval: as the book begins, the Walkers and Blacketts are 'Swallows,' birds darting about at their ease.

As the violence of the world gradually settles in, and some of the adult characters begin to harden- or to disappear in the night at the hands of the Royalists- the young Blackett sisters have to decide if they have it in them to become young warriors... 'Amazons.'

When you're a kid you cry when the boats sink; when you're an adult you cry when you work out what happened to Mary. Beautiful, and best read with the deceptively sweet illustrations of Ransome himself.

2. “Brave New World,” Aldous Huxley, 1932

Written in 1932 and banned until 1985,Huxley’s satirical magnum opus (though he never considered it to be one) is considered by many to be one of most hard hitting depictions of both pre and post Revolutionary Britain,condemning the former for its ignorance and corruption and the latter for doing the same evils in different manner and even doing worse things than the older Britain.

Told through the eyes of Harry Crowne,the younger son of an upper class family of bankers and nicknamed Nitwit by those around him,the novel tells his life story from youth to adulthood and his inability to be his own man. Through out the novel,Harry is often a peon for others like his Conservative father and older brother,his Liberal sister and mother or his classmates,continuing to be misled by in the Revolutionary War by characters like the pig headed intellectual Sybil Webber (a satire of Sidney Webb, Minister of Culture),prone to lie and want to impose his views on to others,reactionary extraordinaire Sir Nigel Fetterwell or Second Lieutenant/Commisar Wilkins,an opportunist thug full of luck,but never of love.

Filled with great moments and characters that have come to define modern picaresque novels nowadays,the book also has great emotional moments. You start to hate Harry’s cad of an older brother Joseph,but end crying when he dies alone in prison camp,trying to help the other inmates survive. Wilkins makes feel loathe for him,bit you end some pity for him, especially during his now classic monologue about how he envies Harry for knowing how to love his fellow man.Above all,it’s a great book about sin that doesn’t try to preach anything to you.Merely asks you to show some compassion for time to time.



3. “The Swoop!” P.G. Wodehouse, 1923

Wodehouse was quasi-interned and placed under watch during the revolution and the early days, as the revolutionary government was never quite sure if he could be trusted but too many officials liked his books to send him to Dartmoor. With little to do, Wodehouse expanded and rewrote his 1909 comedy novella - parodying the first wave of invasion literature - to be about the much-feared foreign invasion that the government expected and warned about.

"The Swoop!" sees Britain invaded by a coalition of every foreign power the communists feared, then takes it to the extremes - one of the antagonists is Ireland's General Milligan, leading "twenty men, half a woman, and a dog" whose conquests get ever more ludicrously high. As British forces retreat from ever sillier battlegrounds, nine-year-old Comrade Clarence Chugwater of a working class schoolboy gang uses his tactical genius and "the spirit of the workers" to drive the foreigners out and save the nation. These actions feature over-the-top revolutionary rhetoric and gushing over what is, in most times, basic schoolboy pranks or the foreign army being quite dumb.

The book was not explicitly subversive but the sly comedy gave it a risque nature that no other literature in the early years could match. It would go on to spawn pantomimes, music hall performances, comic books, and posters throughout the 1920s, and forever after a youthful rising star in politics is called Chugwater.



4. "The Appearance of the Men in Mauve" Arthur Conan Doyle, 1927

Already famous for his Sherlock Holmes works, Doyle was secure in his personal wealth, and he kept quiet during the pre-revolutionary suppression. However, he continued to work on the side as an advocate, trying to secure justice for individuals at risk, and it was witnessing a jury blatantly packed with opponents that helped to turn Doyle against the Royalists. He would be radicalized further after the Second Peterloo Massacre - though the government would try to suppress it, word nevertheless spread through the underground press, and outrage from this this led him to support the post-revolutionary government, even if merely in the sense of accepting the new status quo.

"The Appearance of the Men in Mauve" is the latest installment in Doyle's Sherlock Holmes series. In this, Holmes discovers groups of people - "men in mauve" - discreetly wearing mauve ribbons, lapels, and the like, and in conjunction with Scotland Yard he tries to determine what they are up to. However, as Scotland Yard is militarized and turned into an arm of the military, Holmes grows increasingly unhappy - first with interference, then with their authoritarian attitudes. When he discovers that the Men in Mauve are dissidents and would-be revolutionaries, rather than turn them in, he helps them cover up their tracks; while not helping them in their violent actions, he nevertheless tries to keep them from being captured.

This book was released after Doyle's death, as it was found with its papers. Doyle's notes show that he was unsure about publication, worried that it may be controversial. Nevertheless, though it did see much controversy for its views on the revolution, it is today a part of the Holmes canon.


5. "Mary Poppins Returns", Pamela Travers, 1930

The Australian-born Travers, already a poet and actress at the time, had the misfortune to briefly move to England right as the revolution kicked off and fled back abroad before, once the fighting ending, moving back (post-revolutionary Ireland being an unfriendly place for her). The shock of what Britain was actually like versus her family's tales, the shock of the violence, and the third shock of what it looked like after the revolution would all be put into her debut novel.

As with Travers, the nanny Mary Poppins had fled to Ireland as the revolution took place and as with Travers, she returns to find everything different: she no longer has to serve 'her betters' but also no longer has more status than other workers; her old employer Mister Banks has been killed in revolutionary violence, while the widow Banks is taking steps into autonomy and the children are left confused by the changes; Fred Smith the park keeper is now a party administrator, using that to inflict his bitterness; and Bert the local street artist is a celebrated but crippled veteran. Poppins is left trying to navigate the changes, dealing with what has been lost as well as what has been gained.

At the time, censorship had been relaxed and so Travers' could present a sympathetic Mr Banks and a Fred Smith who was abusing his position. This led to the book being informally banned in some council areas and threatening letters arriving at her house, even as it became a huge seller and one of the first post-revolt British books to be exported - to which Travers, being a notoriously hard-edged woman, responded with a new novel about an Edwardian author being harassed by sneering royalist censors.
 
CRUNKED PRESENTS: FIVE CRIMES THAT WOULD BE UNBELIEVABLE IF THEY HADN'T HAPPENED


Rules:

1. Write a clickbait article on an unlikely-but-real crime in an AH, moving on from the 1950s forward through time.
2. Obvs. we're ending with five of them


1. The Wormsley Common Gang break a whole house

Ah, the 1950s, the good ol' days when men were real men, everyone went to church even if they were Hindus, and kids lacked those foul video games and amused themselves with [checks notes] demolishing buildings.

In Wormsley Common, London in 1954, a gang of eleven-year-olds - imaginatively named the Wormsley Common Gang - got bored and were talked into destroying an old house, and we don't just mean breaking stuff in it but the enterprising young lads figured out how to knock out the water pipes so it would bring down the whole thing. Look, there was only one TV channel back then and it was 95% cricket.

This led to a police investigation that took the fuzz a taxing twenty minutes because it turns out small children are terrible at covering up big crimes. They all blamed a mythical Moriarty figure called T who'd talked them into it, like a priest blaming Satan for his thoughts towards your sister. But then four months later, an enterprising councillor for Wormsley Common noticed that the son of local building Harry Trevorson, who was developing the street as part of the Attlee government's New Jerusalem New Homes plan (refering a hymn so don't comment with antisemitism ahahaha oh god you will), looked a lot like the descriptions of the notorious T.

It turned out Graham Thomas, owner of the house pile of bricks, was unsure about selling and the house's value was too high for Trevorson's plan anyway, so he and his charming young son figured out a plan to bring the house down deniably and then swoop in. Trevorson went to jail and the Labour government ordered an inquiry into how much crime was going on in the NJNH plan (SPOILER: lots, which was great for the Tory's in the next election...)
 
CRUNKED PRESENTS: FIVE CRIMES THAT WOULD BE UNBELIEVABLE IF THEY HADN'T HAPPENED

1. The Wormsley Common Gang break a whole house


Ah, the 1950s, the good ol' days when men were real men, everyone went to church even if they were Hindus, and kids lacked those foul video games and amused themselves with [checks notes] demolishing buildings.

In Wormsley Common, London in 1954, a gang of eleven-year-olds - imaginatively named the Wormsley Common Gang - got bored and were talked into destroying an old house, and we don't just mean breaking stuff in it but the enterprising young lads figured out how to knock out the water pipes so it would bring down the whole thing. Look, there was only one TV channel back then and it was 95% cricket.

This led to a police investigation that took the fuzz a taxing twenty minutes because it turns out small children are terrible at covering up big crimes. They all blamed a mythical Moriarty figure called T who'd talked them into it, like a priest blaming Satan for his thoughts towards your sister. But then four months later, an enterprising councillor for Wormsley Common noticed that the son of local building Harry Trevorson, who was developing the street as part of the Attlee government's New Jerusalem New Homes plan (refering a hymn so don't comment with antisemitism ahahaha oh god you will), looked a lot like the descriptions of the notorious T.

It turned out Graham Thomas, owner of the house pile of bricks, was unsure about selling and the house's value was too high for Trevorson's plan anyway, so he and his charming young son figured out a plan to bring the house down deniably and then swoop in. Trevorson went to jail and the Labour government ordered an inquiry into how much crime was going on in the NJNH plan (SPOILER: lots, which was great for the Tory's in the next election...)

2.Former British Army officers rob a bank with stolen military equipment

“There’s never such a thing as a perfect crime” is often a classic clique that pedantic twats everywhere like to say just as much as megalomaniac criminals try and fail to do said perfect crime.Well,one group of criminals nearly proved that you can theoretically do the perfect crime. Nearly.

The criminals in question? Former retired and disgruntled army officers,angry that their country wasn’t grateful enough to them for killing Jerries and Red Malayans and saving the Queen and the Empire,wot wot. Their leader? Lieutenant Colonel Hyde who,like them,had a particular sense of entitlement that military people have and wanted to get back at an ungrateful nation and civilian population who just didn’t understand that THEY were heroes and DESERVED BETTER,DAGNABIT,and they were gonna get back at them.

Thus Colonel Hyde came up with a plan:why not use their military skills and show those blasted civilians how to properly rob a bank? Everyone else did it,why not them? Hyde and the others did everything perfectly,to the point where future criminals looked up to them as models. Perfect knowledge of all the routes and banks in the City of London and everything timed like clockwork? Check. Disguising as other army officers and rigging the phone lines of a military base? Check. Stealing military equipment,have half of the lads pretend to be Irish,profit from the army brass and its prejudice and have it all be blamed of the IRA? Check,check and double check. Come the day of the robbery,everything went without a hitch and the League of Gentlemen (the name no one but Hyde referred them as,because of course he would) performed the greatest heist in the history of Britain til that point. All evidence of the robbery connected to them destroyed.

So. What went wrong then?

Wellllll,it turned out that the police did manage to track them,but only by accident.Turns out a kid outside the bank had been collecting license plate numbers (a common hobby at the time because the only fun things to do in 1960 outside of that were reruns of Robin Hood and Superman and voting Liberal) and by absolute perfect cosmic coincidence,the same policeman who once wrote down the number and address of Hyde’s rented warehouse he accidentally visited once and his car also happened to be near the scene of the crime and well,it’s easy to see the conclusion. Hyde and his gang were all arrested because the universe hated seeing them be successful,the Minister of Defense resigned due to them having easily robbed a military base and pedantic twats everywhere smiled and were smug to be proven right.
 
CRUNKED PRESENTS: FIVE CRIMES THAT WOULD BE UNBELIEVABLE IF THEY HADN'T HAPPENED

1. The Wormsley Common Gang break a whole house


Ah, the 1950s, the good ol' days when men were real men, everyone went to church even if they were Hindus, and kids lacked those foul video games and amused themselves with [checks notes] demolishing buildings.

In Wormsley Common, London in 1954, a gang of eleven-year-olds - imaginatively named the Wormsley Common Gang - got bored and were talked into destroying an old house, and we don't just mean breaking stuff in it but the enterprising young lads figured out how to knock out the water pipes so it would bring down the whole thing. Look, there was only one TV channel back then and it was 95% cricket.

This led to a police investigation that took the fuzz a taxing twenty minutes because it turns out small children are terrible at covering up big crimes. They all blamed a mythical Moriarty figure called T who'd talked them into it, like a priest blaming Satan for his thoughts towards your sister. But then four months later, an enterprising councillor for Wormsley Common noticed that the son of local building Harry Trevorson, who was developing the street as part of the Attlee government's New Jerusalem New Homes plan (refering a hymn so don't comment with antisemitism ahahaha oh god you will), looked a lot like the descriptions of the notorious T.

It turned out Graham Thomas, owner of the house pile of bricks, was unsure about selling and the house's value was too high for Trevorson's plan anyway, so he and his charming young son figured out a plan to bring the house down deniably and then swoop in. Trevorson went to jail and the Labour government ordered an inquiry into how much crime was going on in the NJNH plan (SPOILER: lots, which was great for the Tory's in the next election...)

2.Former British Army officers rob a bank with stolen military equipment

“There’s never such a thing as a perfect crime” is often a classic clique that pedantic twats everywhere like to say just as much as megalomaniac criminals try and fail to do said perfect crime.Well,one group of criminals nearly proved that you can theoretically do the perfect crime. Nearly.

The criminals in question? Former retired and disgruntled army officers,angry that their country wasn’t grateful enough to them for killing Jerries and Red Malayans and saving the Queen and the Empire,wot wot. Their leader? Lieutenant Colonel Hyde who,like them,had a particular sense of entitlement that military people have and wanted to get back at an ungrateful nation and civilian population who just didn’t understand that THEY were heroes and DESERVED BETTER,DAGNABIT,and they were gonna get back at them.

Thus Colonel Hyde came up with a plan:why not use their military skills and show those blasted civilians how to properly rob a bank? Everyone else did it,why not them? Hyde and the others did everything perfectly,to the point where future criminals looked up to them as models. Perfect knowledge of all the routes and banks in the City of London and everything timed like clockwork? Check. Disguising as other army officers and rigging the phone lines of a military base? Check. Stealing military equipment,have half of the lads pretend to be Irish,profit from the army brass and its prejudice and have it all be blamed of the IRA? Check,check and double check. Come the day of the robbery,everything went without a hitch and the League of Gentlemen (the name no one but Hyde referred them as,because of course he would) performed the greatest heist in the history of Britain til that point. All evidence of the robbery connected to them destroyed.

So. What went wrong then?

Wellllll,it turned out that the police did manage to track them,but only by accident.Turns out a kid outside the bank had been collecting license plate numbers (a common hobby at the time because the only fun things to do in 1960 outside of that were reruns of Robin Hood and Superman and voting Liberal) and by absolute perfect cosmic coincidence,the same policeman who once wrote down the number and address of Hyde’s rented warehouse he accidentally visited once and his car also happened to be near the scene of the crime and well,it’s easy to see the conclusion. Hyde and his gang were all arrested because the universe hated seeing them be successful,the Minister of Defense resigned due to them having easily robbed a military base and pedantic twats everywhere smiled and were smug to be proven right.

3. Students rob the British Museum with posh accents.

The 'Holborn Heist' or 'Russell Square Robbery' is probably the most famous crime on this list. In Britain it's remembered as the iconic scandal of the 1960s, the perfect symbol of decolonisation and post-war Britain's grappling with its lost place in the world. It's remembered as the humiliation that brought down the Crossland government and gave a fillip to the most dangerous wing of the Tory Party. It's remembered for the shameful violence in which it ended.

In the rest of the world, it's mainly remembered for being really fucking funny.

It's true that by the standards of the modern day, no museum in the world had good security in 1968. There were no lasers, no motion sensors, no metal detectors. Probably any determined crew could have stolen something from the Louvre, or the Met, or the Uffizi if they had enough luck and funding.

However, it took a society like Britain's for a man in a nice suit with a cut-glass accent to steal one of the prize treasures of the British Museum by asking nicely. To this day, the identity of 'Daniel Sea' is disputed. The 'Powell Inquiry' found that he was probably a foreign spy- Soviet or American or French, pick your bugbear. In 2003, the Biafran journalist Nanmdi Kanu published a book based on the anonymous testimony of the supposed thieves that 'Sea' was an Australian student at Cambridge who'd been paid in beer. For despite the later mythology, the handsome young white man posing as the 'Stanley Fellow of Sahelian Studies' was the henchman, not the leader of the heist.

It was the 'cleaners' who dutifully packed the Benin Bronzes into crates while Sea bullshitted his way through a conversation with the curators about the temporary exhibition that was going to tour the UK as part of Crossland's Sharing Britain cultural campaign. The thieves had even gone to the trouble of staging a week long showing of the 'Forgotten Masters of the Regency'- read: various watercolours hocked from charity shops- in a disused gallery in Bath and invited the press, who provided the cuttings that fooled the Assistant Curator who had quietly rung up to check on the people loading up the museum's treasure.

It was a full day before it became clear that the Museum had been robbed, and by that time the Bronzes were across the Channel. A week later, Special Branch raided what they thought was a safehouse- and ended up murdering two Kenyan students in a grotty flat. Six months later, when the Nigerian Civil War ended in the recognition of the Republics of Benin and Biafra, independence day in Benin City was marked by a very special art exhibition....
 
CRUNKED PRESENTS: FIVE CRIMES THAT WOULD BE UNBELIEVABLE IF THEY HADN'T HAPPENED

1. The Wormsley Common Gang break a whole house


Ah, the 1950s, the good ol' days when men were real men, everyone went to church even if they were Hindus, and kids lacked those foul video games and amused themselves with [checks notes] demolishing buildings.

In Wormsley Common, London in 1954, a gang of eleven-year-olds - imaginatively named the Wormsley Common Gang - got bored and were talked into destroying an old house, and we don't just mean breaking stuff in it but the enterprising young lads figured out how to knock out the water pipes so it would bring down the whole thing. Look, there was only one TV channel back then and it was 95% cricket.

This led to a police investigation that took the fuzz a taxing twenty minutes because it turns out small children are terrible at covering up big crimes. They all blamed a mythical Moriarty figure called T who'd talked them into it, like a priest blaming Satan for his thoughts towards your sister. But then four months later, an enterprising councillor for Wormsley Common noticed that the son of local building Harry Trevorson, who was developing the street as part of the Attlee government's New Jerusalem New Homes plan (refering a hymn so don't comment with antisemitism ahahaha oh god you will), looked a lot like the descriptions of the notorious T.

It turned out Graham Thomas, owner of the house pile of bricks, was unsure about selling and the house's value was too high for Trevorson's plan anyway, so he and his charming young son figured out a plan to bring the house down deniably and then swoop in. Trevorson went to jail and the Labour government ordered an inquiry into how much crime was going on in the NJNH plan (SPOILER: lots, which was great for the Tory's in the next election...)

2.Former British Army officers rob a bank with stolen military equipment

“There’s never such a thing as a perfect crime” is often a classic clique that pedantic twats everywhere like to say just as much as megalomaniac criminals try and fail to do said perfect crime.Well,one group of criminals nearly proved that you can theoretically do the perfect crime. Nearly.

The criminals in question? Former retired and disgruntled army officers,angry that their country wasn’t grateful enough to them for killing Jerries and Red Malayans and saving the Queen and the Empire,wot wot. Their leader? Lieutenant Colonel Hyde who,like them,had a particular sense of entitlement that military people have and wanted to get back at an ungrateful nation and civilian population who just didn’t understand that THEY were heroes and DESERVED BETTER,DAGNABIT,and they were gonna get back at them.

Thus Colonel Hyde came up with a plan:why not use their military skills and show those blasted civilians how to properly rob a bank? Everyone else did it,why not them? Hyde and the others did everything perfectly,to the point where future criminals looked up to them as models. Perfect knowledge of all the routes and banks in the City of London and everything timed like clockwork? Check. Disguising as other army officers and rigging the phone lines of a military base? Check. Stealing military equipment,have half of the lads pretend to be Irish,profit from the army brass and its prejudice and have it all be blamed of the IRA? Check,check and double check. Come the day of the robbery,everything went without a hitch and the League of Gentlemen (the name no one but Hyde referred them as,because of course he would) performed the greatest heist in the history of Britain til that point. All evidence of the robbery connected to them destroyed.

So. What went wrong then?

Wellllll,it turned out that the police did manage to track them,but only by accident.Turns out a kid outside the bank had been collecting license plate numbers (a common hobby at the time because the only fun things to do in 1960 outside of that were reruns of Robin Hood and Superman and voting Liberal) and by absolute perfect cosmic coincidence,the same policeman who once wrote down the number and address of Hyde’s rented warehouse he accidentally visited once and his car also happened to be near the scene of the crime and well,it’s easy to see the conclusion. Hyde and his gang were all arrested because the universe hated seeing them be successful,the Minister of Defense resigned due to them having easily robbed a military base and pedantic twats everywhere smiled and were smug to be proven right.

3. Students rob the British Museum with posh accents.

The 'Holborn Heist' or 'Russell Square Robbery' is probably the most famous crime on this list. In Britain it's remembered as the iconic scandal of the 1960s, the perfect symbol of decolonisation and post-war Britain's grappling with its lost place in the world. It's remembered as the humiliation that brought down the Crossland government and gave a fillip to the most dangerous wing of the Tory Party. It's remembered for the shameful violence in which it ended.

In the rest of the world, it's mainly remembered for being really fucking funny.

It's true that by the standards of the modern day, no museum in the world had good security in 1968. There were no lasers, no motion sensors, no metal detectors. Probably any determined crew could have stolen something from the Louvre, or the Met, or the Uffizi if they had enough luck and funding.

However, it took a society like Britain's for a man in a nice suit with a cut-glass accent to steal one of the prize treasures of the British Museum by asking nicely. To this day, the identity of 'Daniel Sea' is disputed. The 'Powell Inquiry' found that he was probably a foreign spy- Soviet or American or French, pick your bugbear. In 2003, the Biafran journalist Nanmdi Kanu published a book based on the anonymous testimony of the supposed thieves that 'Sea' was an Australian student at Cambridge who'd been paid in beer. For despite the later mythology, the handsome young white man posing as the 'Stanley Fellow of Sahelian Studies' was the henchman, not the leader of the heist.

It was the 'cleaners' who dutifully packed the Benin Bronzes into crates while Sea bullshitted his way through a conversation with the curators about the temporary exhibition that was going to tour the UK as part of Crossland's Sharing Britain cultural campaign. The thieves had even gone to the trouble of staging a week long showing of the 'Forgotten Masters of the Regency'- read: various watercolours hocked from charity shops- in a disused gallery in Bath and invited the press, who provided the cuttings that fooled the Assistant Curator who had quietly rung up to check on the people loading up the museum's treasure.

It was a full day before it became clear that the Museum had been robbed, and by that time the Bronzes were across the Channel. A week later, Special Branch raided what they thought was a safehouse- and ended up murdering two Kenyan students in a grotty flat. Six months later, when the Nigerian Civil War ended in the recognition of the Republics of Benin and Biafra, independence day in Benin City was marked by a very special art exhibition...


4. Otaku defraud the world with subpar cosplay

Saban Entertainment had landed a hit show with Bio-Man, blending Japanese super sentai footage with footage of American actors pointing off-screen and yelling "that's a monster", so everyone wanted their own copy. Tokyo groaned under the weight of Western businessmen looking for cheap Japanese scifi, and the Japanese, sensing yen in them thar hills, upped the prices. Which meant a deep dive for anything cheap. So when the ABC Network found Sheriffman Team, this seemed a godsend: it was cheap, it was run by a small company they could shove around, it was cowboy themed so they wouldn't need to lie "samurai? No no these are good ol' American things".

There was just a teensy problem, which is Sheriffman Team was eleven otaku (or "neeeeerrrrrrrds" to laymen) running a scam. They'd identified that America was sending some people who could barely speak Japanese and were eager for the slightest hint of a deal, and identified that Yanks thought all Japanese scifi shows were slapdash cheap crap (unlike America's glorious Buck Rogers In The 25th Century of course). Costumes were pieced together in the dead of night out of fancy-dress cowboys suits and spraypainted biker gear; company stationary was knocked up from their father's offices; prostitutes were hired to be 'secretaries' and 'assistants' and the Pink Sheriff; and a mix of deliberately terrible English and ill-fitting suits were used to imply "Lupincorp" really needed the money.

ABC handed over $300,000 as a downpayment and after eleven weeks of silence & "this number is not recognised but in Japanese", they realised - uh oh.

One of the otaku would blab about it on a usenet group, which would eventually lead to a very bemused article in a 1996 SFX. Nobody has ever found out the real identities of the gang though we guess with $300k, they could pay most people who found out to "never find out".
 
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