On July 10, 1820, 16-year-old George Bailey Bibb became the second King of Alabama when the Alabama river swept him up and deposited him at its confluence with the Cahaba River, where a rowboat awaited manned by a man bearing glue and a five-shilling coin, which was unceremoniously applied to the forehead of the new King George. To explain how this happened, we must first return to the royal election the previous September.
The vote stood tied, 25-25, as the fifty-first elector, Count William of Washington, was missing. He was known to be rabidly against King William, largely because he believed that he should be the most important William in the state, and King William was significantly more important than he was. It was thus assumed that he would vote for Williams, as Williams' first name was not William, and thus he was not William, but Williams, which was different from William. What stood between Williams and the crown was the fact that Count William was, as has been said, missing.
Count William was eventually discovered to be in the nearby town of Cahawba, where he had been taken hostage by the townspeople. They were concerned that, if Williams was elected king, he would move out of the river, which would hurt tourism. Before the other electors could write down the count's vote anyway, a delegation arrived from Mississippi with a message for the king, telling him to fall off his horse and die. This meant that when the king heard this message, he would fall off his horse and die.
Count William, upon hearing this, declared his vote for King William, and volunteered to bring the message to the king personally. As soon as King William was declared reelected, Count William took the note, waded into the river to bring it to him (as he was on duty being in the river), and was promptly swept several miles downstream. When the message was finally relayed to King William, he did not die, as he was not on a horse.
The legislature, meeting in October, set to figuring out what else needed to be done. It was decided that the King needed some good advisors, people who could advise him, and who could be found indoors on any given day and not in the middle of the Alabama River. As such, the Assembly and House of Counts met together to do some appointing.
On October 27, it was decided to throw a couple more people at the House of Rares to accompany John Crowell. On the first ballot, former anti-William Assembler William King was chosen, on recommendation by Count William, who figured that King could not be the most important William in Alabama if he was in Charlottesville and not Alabama, because the most important William in Alabama had to be in Alabama, or else they wouldn't be the most important William in Alabama. John Walker, fellow former Assembler, was a distant runnerup. Thomas Crabb, failed candidate for Count of Cotaco just a few months earlier, got two votes, one of which came from Count Gabriel of Madison, a budding figure who had been elected count of the biggest county in the kingdom with the highest margin of any contested comital election that year (nearly 60%).
The first ballot for member of the House of Rares
Another ballot was held, and most of the legislators voted for Walker, as he had been runner up anyhow. Crabb was a distant second place. Count Gabriel and an Assembler voted for George Phillips, who probably existed. Finally, an Assembler from Lawrence voted to give William King a second seat in the House of Rares.
The second ballot for member of the House of Rares
After a cabinet was constructed for King William, a variety of ministers were chosen, but including a map for every one would make this post way too long. Here is a list instead:
- Thomas Rogers was elected Minister of Affairs with 54 votes to John Campbell's 16.
- Samuel Pickens was acclaimed Minister of Truth with 70 votes.
- Jack Ross was acclaimed Minister of Money with 71 votes.
- Carter Harrison was acclaimed Minister of Keeping King William Off a Horse So He Doesn't Fall Off and Die with 56 votes; two more were for random candidates.
- William Peacock was elected Minister of Nothing with 36 votes to George Shackleford's 16 and Fianagin's 2.
At this point, the voting was adjourned for the day due to legislative attrition. When the legislature met the next day, the following ministries were filled:
- Henry Hitchcock was elected Minister of Figuring Out the Holy Caribbean Judicial System with 45 votes, with 14 votes for D. Sullivan and 10 votes for John Jones.
- Abner S. Lipscomb was elected Minister of Coming Up With More Things to be Minister Of with 63 votes, with 5 votes for Henry Toulmin.
- Reuben Saffold was acclaimed Minister of Sandwiches with 68 votes.
- Henry Webb was acclaimed Minister of Being Named Henry with 70 votes.
The vote for Minister of Pointless Divisiveness had four ballots. Here is the map for each ballot, because I made them and I need to do something with them in order to get reimbursed:
The first ballot
The second ballot
The third ballot
The fourth ballot
- Clement C. Clay was acclaimed Minister of Comedic Juxtaposition with 68 votes.
- John Gayle was acclaimed Minister of Door-to-Door Salesmen with 69 votes.
- Constantine Perkins was elected Minister of Fundraising with 44 votes, 22 going to Sion Perry.
- Peter Martin was elected Minister for Birds and Mustelids with 69 votes.
- The ballot for Minister of Something went on for two ballots, as follows:
The first ballot
The second ballot
After the ministers were shoved into the cabinet, a bunch of county judicial liasons were also elected, but I cannot be bothered to go through them all. Seven counties were also provided for, to be formally organized primarily when they could be allotted formal representation after the upcoming census.
In May of 1820, negotiations began with Mississippi regarding the border dispute. It was decided to, very roughly, split the disputed land down the middle with a straight line, effective July 9. This would also signify a return to full diplomatic getting along. The day after the compromise went into effect, King William waded out of the river and got on his horse, confident that he was no longer bound to falling off his horse and dying. He immediately fell off his horse and died, and his son George inherited the position of King.