Blackentheborg
Dennis Skinner's molotov
- Location
- Grand Hotel Abyss
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Big Fat Eggs of Solid Fuck
1. Leaders of the Labour party 2016-onward
2015-2019: Jeremy Corbyn (Nutter)
Let me tell you the tragic tale of Jezza the Wise. The most elected leader in Labour history twice-over. Champion of the socialist left. Unfortunately very wishy-washy about Brexit. Sure, being skeptical of the free market is all well and good, but the tides have changed, Jeremy. You can try to revitalize the NHS all you want but people will absolutely get on you about how you opted for second referendum instead of outright cancelling the thing. Even when the food banks were raided and the armed forces were being rolled down Deansgate, Corbyn stood firm and said it was a more democratic process to let the people decide yet again, because that went so well last time. In spite of all the fuss, yeah, we would've been much better off with the Corbyster in charge. Ol' Comrade Corbyn. Wait, where was I going with this?
2021-2023: Kier Stramer (Gaitskellist)
The obvious replacement in the eyes of the Labour Elite, Stramer was a classic Labour leader, in the way that he was absolutely unremarkable in every way. He would listen to the centre instead of call them out, he would stay in line, and he definitely wouldn't ruffle feathers. This, unfortunately, relegated Labour back to being ineffectual, which some surprised them when the votes stopped coming in. It couldn't be for that Green Party, or the new leftist offshoot flavour of the month, now could it? No, people knew Labour. People liked Labour! They're not the ones out of touch, it's the kids who are wrong! No matter how many times he talked about how his parents gave him a 'socialist name', the voters just didn't Kier for him much. Haha, see what I di--ah forget it. They didn't win any elections, if that's what you're wondering.
2023-2027: Rosena Allin-Khan (Bevanite)
For the second attempt, the Brits tried learning a lesson from one of their former colonies. The New Zealand Labour party had been similarly relegated to uselessness, until they found their new leader in the form of the overtly charismatic Jacinda Ardern. She won them five general elections, even after bungling a whole lot of stuff. The UK Labour party found their Ardern in the form of Allin-Khan. Successor to Sadiq Khan (no relation) when he left his Tooting seat to become Mayor of London, Rosena seemed to ooze a likability the party had been lacking for a while now. Of course, just like Stramer, it eventually became apparent that she too lacked substance. Luckily, the further left corner of the labour party had just the gal.
2027-2033: Nadia Whittome (Nutter)
Former baby of the House of Commons, poster child for the Labour Left, and rambunctious as Tony Blair was when he was still nicking ciggies at the corner-shop, Whittome was electorally ferocious. There are countless youtube compilations of her tearing into Kassam and the Brexit Party, Mulready and the Cornerstone Party, even ol' Nukey and her Lib Dems when they tried to stray to far to the wavy-gravy centre. Keep in mind there was also an equal amount, if not more, of videos lambasting her as a hysterical leftist. But that lot have always been there, and they will continue to be. She could have agreed with Cleverly on every single policy and still be labeled a marxist. Ignore 'em. Reid almost singlehandedly brought back the Corbynite majority. Despite her popularity, she still wouldn't scrape up enough votes to become PM, and pressure from the inner circles eventually led her to jump ship to the Unite! camp. People are mean.
2033-20??: Eli Aldridge (Blairite)
And now we reach Young Eli, the Comeback Kid, who first became a household name when he won a micron-sized amount over Tim Farron's safe seat. He was running for office when he was taking his A-levels, so of course the higher ups like pinning him as the second coming. He still wouldn't get the honour of becoming PM, tho. But he is in with the coalition, tho. All he has to do is wait until the electoral balance tips again, away from this ungodly Greens/Unite! fusion, and finally Labour will be in the drivers seat again...
1. Leaders of the Labour party 2016-onward
2015-2019: Jeremy Corbyn (Nutter)
Let me tell you the tragic tale of Jezza the Wise. The most elected leader in Labour history twice-over. Champion of the socialist left. Unfortunately very wishy-washy about Brexit. Sure, being skeptical of the free market is all well and good, but the tides have changed, Jeremy. You can try to revitalize the NHS all you want but people will absolutely get on you about how you opted for second referendum instead of outright cancelling the thing. Even when the food banks were raided and the armed forces were being rolled down Deansgate, Corbyn stood firm and said it was a more democratic process to let the people decide yet again, because that went so well last time. In spite of all the fuss, yeah, we would've been much better off with the Corbyster in charge. Ol' Comrade Corbyn. Wait, where was I going with this?
2021-2023: Kier Stramer (Gaitskellist)
The obvious replacement in the eyes of the Labour Elite, Stramer was a classic Labour leader, in the way that he was absolutely unremarkable in every way. He would listen to the centre instead of call them out, he would stay in line, and he definitely wouldn't ruffle feathers. This, unfortunately, relegated Labour back to being ineffectual, which some surprised them when the votes stopped coming in. It couldn't be for that Green Party, or the new leftist offshoot flavour of the month, now could it? No, people knew Labour. People liked Labour! They're not the ones out of touch, it's the kids who are wrong! No matter how many times he talked about how his parents gave him a 'socialist name', the voters just didn't Kier for him much. Haha, see what I di--ah forget it. They didn't win any elections, if that's what you're wondering.
2023-2027: Rosena Allin-Khan (Bevanite)
For the second attempt, the Brits tried learning a lesson from one of their former colonies. The New Zealand Labour party had been similarly relegated to uselessness, until they found their new leader in the form of the overtly charismatic Jacinda Ardern. She won them five general elections, even after bungling a whole lot of stuff. The UK Labour party found their Ardern in the form of Allin-Khan. Successor to Sadiq Khan (no relation) when he left his Tooting seat to become Mayor of London, Rosena seemed to ooze a likability the party had been lacking for a while now. Of course, just like Stramer, it eventually became apparent that she too lacked substance. Luckily, the further left corner of the labour party had just the gal.
2027-2033: Nadia Whittome (Nutter)
Former baby of the House of Commons, poster child for the Labour Left, and rambunctious as Tony Blair was when he was still nicking ciggies at the corner-shop, Whittome was electorally ferocious. There are countless youtube compilations of her tearing into Kassam and the Brexit Party, Mulready and the Cornerstone Party, even ol' Nukey and her Lib Dems when they tried to stray to far to the wavy-gravy centre. Keep in mind there was also an equal amount, if not more, of videos lambasting her as a hysterical leftist. But that lot have always been there, and they will continue to be. She could have agreed with Cleverly on every single policy and still be labeled a marxist. Ignore 'em. Reid almost singlehandedly brought back the Corbynite majority. Despite her popularity, she still wouldn't scrape up enough votes to become PM, and pressure from the inner circles eventually led her to jump ship to the Unite! camp. People are mean.
2033-20??: Eli Aldridge (Blairite)
And now we reach Young Eli, the Comeback Kid, who first became a household name when he won a micron-sized amount over Tim Farron's safe seat. He was running for office when he was taking his A-levels, so of course the higher ups like pinning him as the second coming. He still wouldn't get the honour of becoming PM, tho. But he is in with the coalition, tho. All he has to do is wait until the electoral balance tips again, away from this ungodly Greens/Unite! fusion, and finally Labour will be in the drivers seat again...