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Least favorite alt-history story?

Yeah, we found out she was pregnant back in December. Still feels unreal.

Wait until getting the baby in your arms. I mean, for real. And be warned, right from the beginning, even within the first six months - and even if they can't feed themselves, walk, speak, or going to the toilet - kids are already LEARNING and OBSERVING. Like crazy.
...
And then this little baby will be aged six, within the blink of an eye. Asking every single possible question about every possible matter, learning things faster than raptors and skynet combined. Mine is presently self-obsessed with bus stops, tramway doors, road signs, streets names, english language, maths (addition and substractions and multiplications), AC/DC, and plenty other things. It is amazing, how many things can fit into such small little heads. My mind is blown.

Geez, is 2014 so far away, really ?
 
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Sorry am I missing something?

Robert Perkins (with the username robertp6165) was a notable user and TL writer on the other place. He was a neo-Confederate who constantly defended that horrible regime, and he even wrote a TL (The Black and the Grey) about the Confederacy becoming a racially inclusive utopia. He died, and in his honour the Robert Perkins Award was created. The Confederate flag was originally the background of the award’s design, until the awfulness of that was pointed out.
 
Robert Perkins (with the username robertp6165) was a notable user and TL writer on the other place. He was a neo-Confederate who constantly defended that horrible regime, and he even wrote a TL (The Black and the Grey) about the Confederacy becoming a racially inclusive utopia. He died, and in his honour the Robert Perkins Award was created. The Confederate flag was originally the background of the award’s design, until the awfulness of that was pointed out.

Gotcha. I didnt know that about him.
 
Stock up on sleep. You'll need it.

Training exercises:

1. Take the contents of your wallet. Throw it away. Children are expensive.
2. Being violently woken up every two hours at night.
3. Tread on sharp, painful objects in the form of toys.
4. Get used to the child discovering games like "climb to the top of the slide, and jump off, confident that Daddy will catch you before you hit the ground."
5. You know those television programmes you used to like?
6. Discover the joys of whatever the modern equivalent of the Tweenies and Postman Pat are.
7
. Discover the true meaning of the phrase that a baby is an alimentary canal with a mouth at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.
8. Discover that going anyway by car involves more equipment and planning than the invasion of Normandy.


3 - There was a great french song recently, with the catchphrase "marcher sur un Playmobil" (= to step on a Playmobil). D'OOOOH !!!

6 - Paw patrol. must.die. God how I HATE the silly thing. Stupid servile dogs.

7 - and 8 - Hell yes, and hell, yes, again. Geez.

Point 7 - Dear God... here is a pretty good one.

My 4-year-old kid had just learned how to use a potty. And toilets. Except that... my mother home is as huge as a castle and the toilet is, for a kid, as remote as Vladivostok or Ultima Thule. Ok, so we usually gave the kid a potty. Alas, that fateful day, we tragically forgot the potty.
And the poor kid found he did not had enough time to reach the toilet. So he faced an impossible dilema... and solved it in his own, unique way. Without telling anybody. And he returned sleeping, just like that, not at all annoyed by the smell of... well, you know.

then my wife went to awoke him. And i heard exactly this

"Oh ça pue la dedans, il a ch... oh non, j'ai marché dedans !!"

"Dear god, that room smell, did that kid ... OH DEAR, I STEPPED STRAIGHT INTO IT."

The kid had shit on the floor and bravely covered the thing with a towel. Creating a booby trap my wife fell straight into. I nearly suffocated in laughter.
 
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Training exercises:
9. Expect everything potentially dangerous in your house to be experimented with: electrical outlets, cutting implements, the buttons of the gas stove, saucepans full of hot contents, the list goes on.

10. Only wear clothes that can withstand getting stained with food, vomit, and assorted bodily fluids.
 
9. Expect everything potentially dangerous in your house to be experimented with: electrical outlets, cutting implements, the buttons of the gas stove, saucepans full of hot contents, the list goes on.

Curiously mine was never a daredevil of that kind. He was a cautious kid even before he walked.
Worst thing he did, was to the metallic heater: he managed to removed the rotating button for the temperatures. And fracking hell, me and my wife had a hard time putting it back into place. How he removed it in the first place, remained a mystery. He was pretty proud of this feat... for a very short time at least.

10. Only wear clothes that can withstand getting stained with food, vomit, and assorted bodily fluids.

My kid had that annoying habit to burp small amount of milk right on my wife clothes... when she was already late for work. Every morning of every single day of the first six months we put him at a nanny.
This drove my wife crazy.

It was a bit like a NASA countdown go / no go checklist going bad.

Crew to Capcom: car keys ? GO
Crew to Capcom: flat keys ? GO
Crew to Capcom: food and clothing and toys and everything else for the baby ? GO
Crew to Capcom: Wife ready - GO
Crew to Capcom: Baby ready - GO
Baby - BURPS !!
Crew to Capcom - Oh NO- NOT AGAIN !! Capcom, we have a NO GO here. Wife ready is NO GO, I confirm, NO GO.
Capcom to ground team and launch base - Advise ASAP to proceed with launch or not.
Ground team - Well proceed with launch, we cannot wait, the window to planet workplace is closing fast.
Capcom to crew - Roger. Crew, apply MCU procedure - Minimal Clean Up. And GO for launch.
Crew to Capcom - MCU procedure applied. GO !
 
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I wish many congratulations to you and your fiancee, Matt. One brief comment on your current proforum life, and suddenly everyone is swapping soviet on how to raise a baby to the age of a toddler. I am - laughing - so - hard. My boss at my workplace has recently become a grandmother. She showed the grandson to everyone who came to the Community Cafe a fortnight ago. He is called Finlay Bilbo MacLean. He has his first illness - a sore throat - now, unfortunately. But he will likely recover soon.
 
Any story with Bundy ascending into politics by the late 70's now has a big credibility issue... it is called Blondie, and Debbie Harry. If her story is true, and with Blondie ascent into super stardom paralleling that of Bundy political career, sooner rather than (OTL) later (1989 when the monster was mercifully fried on an electric chair) Harry may have some rememberance of that horrible guy and his car... imagine how whacky could the entire story go.

https://www.dazeddigital.com/music/...londie-face-it-memoir-serial-killer-ted-bundy
 
Now, of course, that needs to be a story, Ted Bundy's rise to Political Office X gets national attention and Harry brings this up.

Which considering the time, probably has a lot of police society saying "I can't believe that woman Blondie is spreading lies about Big Ted, this is why REAL victims aren't listened to"
 
I have a horrifying mental image of Ted'll Fix It

"Well, I mean, there were the rumours of course, but we all assumed that they were false. After all, if they were true, someone would come forward, surely? Then of course, it turned out that those rumours were all false. The skeletons that the man actually had in his closet were, err-... well, literal skeletons."
 
The Two Georges. Why does a union of North American and Britain have to be portrayed as technologically way behind the current day? And why are there always zeppelins instead of planes? And cars use steam engines instead of regular gas. What if an alternate reality was technologically up to date in a parallel universe?
 
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