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Kung Fu Antipopes and Other Strange Stories

varyar

giver of existential dread
Patreon supporter
Published by SLP
Location
Western New York
My latest collection of genre short stories is now available in Kindle and POD. If you're like me, and I know I am, it might appeal to your interests.


Kung Fu Antipopes is the latest collection of short stories from Paul Leone, the author of The Mysteries of Zillah Harvey and The Hungry Dead of Yü-ching, gathering together thirteen tales that range across the sci-fi, fantasy and horror genres - and more!

Encounter werewolves in the icy-cold depths of Alaska, an enigmatic biker drawn into a bizarre mystery in a rural setting, the brutal fate of a colony at the far edges of space, antediluvian enigmas in North Africa, and a twisted nature spirit that inhabits an entirely different world.

From the streets of New York City to the depths of outer space, let Kung Fu Antipopes take you on a journey that will demonstrate, once and for all, that our universe is far more dangerous than we could ever begin to comprehend.

"Leone is a hugely talented author able to deliver innovated, engaging and action-packed tales across multiple genres" -
The Sci-Fi and Fantasy Reviewer
 
A free preview - the first story in the collection.

***

Kung Fu Antipopes

Once upon a time…


It is a hot day in Sicily, boiling hot, and they have come from all corners of Christendom.

Brother Matthew looks around, marvelling at the tremendous diversity of spectators. Franciscans, Dominicans, Benedictines, and members of a dozen orders that Matthew, a Franciscan himself, does not even recognize. Some of them may be from the East, Orthodox believers of various stripes or the last sad echoes of Outremer in the Holy Land. Yes, that fellow, the tall man with the scar; he bears the garb of a Hospitaller. Matthew is impressed. He has rarely seen those fabled Knights of Rhodes, but their bravery has travelled to all four corners of Europe.

And then there are the laity, nobles and merchants and even a few peasants from every country Matthew can name. English, French, Scottish, Venetian, Portuguese, and on and on. At his side, in fact, is a French noblewoman, Marianne Vienneau, the Countess d’Aubert, who has come for mysterious reasons of her own. A grudge, perhaps, a vendetta to settle. Brother Matthew sees the sword that hangs at her side, and instinctively knows she has used it and used it well.

But the lady warrior is far from the most striking figure present. That honor falls either to a gigantic Ethiopian with arms like tree trunks, or else to the three Turks, silent and deadly Janissaries, given leave to attend, but stripped of their scimitars and daggers.

Just in case.

A murmur runs through the crowd, preceding the heralds and courtiers now emerging from the two great tents at either end of the tournament green. Banners flutter in the breeze, banners bearing the great and holy symbols of the Church – the Cross of Redemption, the Crown of the Pontiff, the Two Keys of Peter – and behind them march deacons, priests, monks, bishops, archbishops, cardinals and, finally, one at each end, the two men claiming the title of Pope.

Matthew turns and looks first at Boniface IX, the noble and sage Bishop of Rome. He is old, this priest, but his eyes are clear and he walks with no limp. They say he survives only on water and the Eucharist, the holy diet of an ascetic. His retinue parts and Boniface bows in each direction, to thunderous applause. Matthew looks and sees that three parts of the audience are on their knees, as he is: a sign of the favor given to Boniface in this time of schism.

Then he turns again and looks at the so-called Benedict XIII, or Cardinal de Luna, the wily Aragonese who has also claimed the title of Pope. He has come from Avignon with a small army of followers, many of whom sit in the stands and bend their knees on cue when their Pope raises his hands in benediction. If not for de Luna's retinue, Matthew suspects, few would now be genuflecting.

And then the two Popes, he of Rome and he of Avignon, pass the fence and enter the green center of the tournament ground. The man who leaves on his feet will be the true Pope, consecrated by divine favor as revealed through triumph in battle.

Benedict and Boniface face each other. Matthew wonders what they say, but their whispers do not carry very far. There is a curt exchange of bows, and then they step back two paces.

The mediator, a Greek monk of great wisdom (and one who has no stake in this schism, being a schismatic himself in the eyes of the Church), puts his hands together for a moment, then claps.

And it begins.

Back and forth the battle goes, and the pattern emerges in only a moment. Boniface employs a mix of the techniques of St. Matthew the Evangelist, endurance and patience, and, of course, St. Peter, Prince of Apostles, who stands firm in the face of all blows. Benedict, too, employs a trace of the style of St. Peter, but mostly favors the lethal attacks taught first by St. Simon the Zealot.

“Attack and defense. Sword and shield,” Brother Matthew notes.

Lady Marianne nods, watching intently as the two rivals do battle below. She knows as well as Matthew that the fighters are evenly matched. Victory will go to the fortunate, the one favored by God, as was intended when the challenge was given by Boniface and reluctantly accepted by Benedict.

The fortunate or the treacherous!

Benedict suddenly strikes a strange blow, slapping Boniface in the chest with the palm of his hand.

“Five Perditions Exploding Heart Technique!” Matthew groans.

“The dog!” Marianne hisses.

Boniface staggers back and falls to his knees.

A thousand Christians hold their breaths as the fate of Christendom, of all the world, hangs in the balance. Benedict smiles wickedly and flicks his wispy white beard.

“Wait,” the Pope of Rome says.

A thousand Christians wait.

Boniface calmly rises to his feet and calmly dusts off his tunic. His serene smile is mirrored by the shock on Benedict’s face. And then the Pope of Rome strikes with his fist, hitting Benedict first in one wrist and then the other. The crack of breaking bones rings out loud as a bell.

“Second Heavenly Key Technique!” Matthew gasps, astonished beyond measure.

“But… how…” Benedict gasps, staring first at his broken wrists and then up at his saintly rival.

Boniface clasps his hands together and bows his head.

His kung fu is the best. Deus Vult.
 
trilogy_of_terror.jpg
 
Thank you! My artist and designer do great work :)

The one complaint I have is that the Hungry Dead and Kung Fu Antipopes covers could probably use different subjects on them (The Governess of Greenmire is ideal and I have no issue with that). For a horror-action collection, showing Soviet commandos fighting horrors is going to be more accurate and eye-catching than someone reading a book, and a sitting witch just doesn't have the appeal of seeing two people in papal clothes engaging in fisticuffs.

I don't want to sound more critical than I am-the actual formatting and art is excellent. I'm also biased in that I'm used to garish pulp covers. But I felt I should give my opinion.
 
The one complaint I have is that the Hungry Dead and Kung Fu Antipopes covers could probably use different subjects on them (The Governess of Greenmire is ideal and I have no issue with that). For a horror-action collection, showing Soviet commandos fighting horrors is going to be more accurate and eye-catching than someone reading a book, and a sitting witch just doesn't have the appeal of seeing two people in papal clothes engaging in fisticuffs.

I don't want to sound more critical than I am-the actual formatting and art is excellent. I'm also biased in that I'm used to garish pulp covers. But I felt I should give my opinion.

That's fine! I'm glad you shared your thoughts.

My thinking for Hungry Dead was I wanted to showcase all the stories in the collection, and doing so by the medium of having each one be represented by an object in Elise Cooper's (the titular Governess of Greenmere) study seemed the best way to do that. As for Kung Fu Antipopes, I didn't want to repeat the same concept (not least because some of the stories would be hard for Elise to get physical objects from, what with being set in the future or in alternate worlds), so I went with an image of the main character of three stories in the collection.

In hindsight, though, you're right, I should have gone with something more dynamic in each case. I'll definitely do that for the next book, a revised edition of one of my old Vatican Vampire Hunter novels from about 12 years ago. Thanks!
 
In hindsight, though, you're right, I should have gone with something more dynamic in each case. I'll definitely do that for the next book, a revised edition of one of my old Vatican Vampire Hunter novels from about 12 years ago. Thanks!

Circling back to this, I'm starting to develop the cover with my usual artist and the basic idea is three of the vampire hunters geared up, searching an abandoned subway tunnel with the implication ultra-violence is about to ensue. I wish I had a sketch to show off, but I haven't gotten one yet.
 
Circling back to this, I'm starting to develop the cover with my usual artist and the basic idea is three of the vampire hunters geared up, searching an abandoned subway tunnel with the implication ultra-violence is about to ensue.

Sounds good. (And the XCOM player/lover in me loves the premise of highly trained/equipped humans fighting monsters, so the story also sounds good!)
 
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