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Biaggi’s Other Opium Den

Kaiser Julius

Well-known member
I've retconned Dean's running mate to various as "former/current VP" came up twice and the L's aren't that desperate.

2005-09: Governor David Beasley of South Carolina/Governor Tim Pawlenty of Minnesota (Republican)
2004: President Bill Richardson of New Mexico/Governor Angus King of Maine (Democrat), Vice President Howard Dean of Vermont/various (Libertarian)
2009- : Fmr. Governor Olene Walker of Utah/Fmr. Vice President Al Gore of Tennessee (Democrat)
2008: President David Beasley of South Carolina/Vice President Tim Pawlenty of Minnesota (Republican), Fmr. Vice President Howard Dean of Vermont/Representative Cec Heftel of Hawaii (Libertarian)
 

gentleman biaggi

Based Slight Top
Pronouns
he/they is fine
2012 Campaign:
National Democratic-Prairie Republican Nomination:
(RNG 1-10): 8, Incumbent runs for re-election
(RNG 1-100): 69, no serious challenger

NDPR NOMINEE: Dave Freudenthal

National Democratic-Prairie Republican Vice Presidential Nomination:
(RNG 1-100): 4, Incumbent VP stays on ticket

NDPR VICE PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE: Wayne Allard

National Republican-New Democratic Nomination:
(RNG 1-5): 2, Governor
(RNG 1-50): 23, Michigan
(RNG 1-2): 1, Current

NRND NOMINEE: Rick Snyder

National Republican-New Democratic Nomination:
(RNG 1-5): 5, Cabinet Member [I’m assuming this is H.W.’s Cabinet]
(RNG 1-17): 8, Secretary of Labor

NRND NOMINEE: Lynn Morley Martin

Major Third Party?:
(RNG 1-15): 10, Reform
(RNG 1-8): 6, Kook Biaggi Chooses

REFORM NOMINEE: Jack Fellure

Major Third Party Vice President?:
(RNG 1-8): 4, Current or Former Vice President
(RNG 1-2): 1, Current

REFORM VICE PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE: cross endorse Wayne Allard

Campaign Developments Pt.1:
(RNG 1-35): 9, Boring Campaign

Campaign Developments Pt.2:
(RNG 1-35): 24, Economic Decline hurts incumbent’s chances
-5 to Fruedenthal in “Results”

Results:
(RNG 1-93, 1-40 = Opposition victory in Electoral + Popular Vote, 40-75 = Incumbent victory in Electoral + Popular Vote, 75-85 = Opposition victory in Electoral Vote ONLY, 85-90 = Incumbent victory in Electoral Vote ONLY, 90-91= Independent victory in Electoral + Popular Vote, 91-92= Independent victory in Electoral Vote ONLY, 92-93 = no electoral college majority): 44

FRUEDENTHAL WINS RE ELECTION

Third Party Results:
(1-30): 20, 10%
[
Presidents of the United States:

Barbra Cubin/Shirley Hufstedler (Plains Republican endorsed by “Majority Democratic”) 2001-2002
Barbra Cubin/Shirley Hufstedler (NDPR) 2002-2009

2000 Def. Dan Quayle/Ken Bentsen (National Republican endorsed by “New Democratic”) Lyndon LaRouche/Tim Johnson (Independent endorsed by “LaRouchist” Democratic)
2004 Def. Patty Murray/Rahm Emmanuel (NRND) Angela Davis/Lenora Fulani (Green)
Dave Fruedenthal/Wayne Allard (NDPR) 2009-0000

2008 Def. Elaine Edwards/Jane Dee Hull (NRND) Bobby Jindal/Jim Clyburn (Reform)
2012 Def. Rick Snyder/Lynn Morey Martin (NRND) Jack Fellure/cross-endorsing Wayne Allard (Reform)
 

gentleman biaggi

Based Slight Top
Pronouns
he/they is fine
2016 Election:
National Democratic-Prairie Republican Nomination:

(RNG 1-5): 4, Current or Former Vice President
(RNG 1-2): 1, Current

NDPR NOMINEE: Wayne Allard

National Democratic-Prairie Republican Vice Presidential Nominee:
(RNG 1-5): 3, Representative
(RNG 1-50): 43, Utah
(RNG 1-4): 1, UT-01
(RNG 1-2): 2, Former, no former Rep is alive, choose incumbent:

NDPR VICE PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE: Rob Bishop

National Republican-New Democratic Nominations:
(RNG 1-5): 1, Senator
(RNG 1-50): 32, North Carolina
(RNG 1-4): 1, Class II
(RNG 1-2): 2, Former

NRDN NOMINEE: Elizabeth Dole


National Republican-New Democratic Vice Presidential Nominee:
(RNG 1-5): 4, Current or Former Vice President
(RNG 1-2): 1, Current

NRDN VICE PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE: Wayne Allard

Major Third Party?:
(RNG 1-15): 7, Reform
(RNG 1-8): 8, Random Kook

REFORM NOMINEE: John Hinckley Jr.

Major Third Party Running Mate?:
(RNG 1-8): 5, Cabinet
(RNG 1-10, 1-2 = Bush Cabinet, 3-4 = Clinton Cabinet, 5–10 = Make up someone from the past 2 cabinets): 7

REFORM VICE PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE:
Alex Wolff

Campaign Developments Pt.1:
(RNG 1-35): 10, Boring Campaign

Campaign Developments Pt.2:
(RNG 1-35): 21, Assassination Attempt on Republican candidate
(RNG 1-100): 8, Assassination Attempt Unsuccessful
+5 for Republicans in “Results”

Results:
(RNG 1-103, 1-45 = Opposition victory in Electoral + Popular Vote, 45-85 = Incumbent victory in Electoral + Popular Vote, 85-100 = Republican victory in Electoral Vote ONLY, 100-110 = Democratic victory in Electoral Vote ONLY, 110-111 = Independent victory in Electoral + Popular Vote, 111-112= Independent victory in Electoral Vote ONLY, 112-113 = no electoral college majority): 99, Opposition Victory in Electoral Vote ONLY

Third Party Results
(1-30): 24, 10%

Presidents of the United States:

Barbra Cubin/Shirley Hufstedler (Plains Republican endorsed by “Majority Democratic”) 2001-2002
Barbra Cubin/Shirley Hufstedler (NDPR) 2002-2009

2000 Def. Dan Quayle/Ken Bentsen (National Republican endorsed by “New Democratic”) Lyndon LaRouche/Tim Johnson (Independent endorsed by “LaRouchist” Democratic)
2004 Def. Patty Murray/Rahm Emmanuel (NRND) Angela Davis/Lenora Fulani (Green)
Dave Fruedenthal/Wayne Allard (NDPR) 2009-2017

2008 Def. Elaine Edwards/Jane Dee Hull (NRND) Bobby Jindal/Jim Clyburn (Reform)
2012 Def. Rick Snyder/Lynn Morey Martin (NRND) Jack Fellure/cross-endorsing Wayne Allard (Reform)
Elizabeth Dole/Wayne Allard (NRND) 2017-????
Def. Wayne Allard/Rob Bishop (NDPR) John Hinckley Jr./Alex Wolff (Reform)
 

Kaiser Julius

Well-known member
Beat you to the finish...

2021- : Rafael Cruz Jr./Steve Beshear (Democrat)
2020: Dan Quayle/P.P. Smith (Republican)
2020 Election:
Democratic Nomination:
1: Senator
43: Texas
1: Class 1

Nominee: Rafael Cruz Jr.

Democratic Vice Presidential Nominee:
2: Governor
17: Kentucky

Nominee: Steve Beshear

Republican Nomination:
4: Former or Current VP

Nominee: Dan Quayle

Republican Vice Presidential Nominee:
3: Represenatative
45: Vermont

Nominee: P.P. Smith

Major Third Party?:
5: No

Campaign Developments Pt. 1:
32: Economic improvement hurts opposition party’s [Democrat] candidate

Campaign Developments Pt.2:
23: Economic decline hurts incumbent party’s [Republican] candidate

Results
52: Democratic victory in Electoral + Popular Vote
 

gentleman biaggi

Based Slight Top
Pronouns
he/they is fine
Alabama State Politics:

Governors of Alabama:
Roy Moore (Republican) 2003-2006
Roy Moore (Constitution) 2006-2011

2002 Def. Don Siegelman (Democratic) Charles Barkley (Write-In)
2006 Def. Steve Windom (Republican)
Don Siegelman (Democratic)
Joe Turnham (Democratic) 2011-2015
Def. Lynn Greer (Constitution) Spencer Bachus (Republican)
Randy Wood (Constitution) 2015-????
2014 Def. Charles Barkley (Independent) Joe Turnham (Democratic) Spencer Bachus (Republican)
2018 Def. Robert Vance (Democratic) Heather Whitestone (Republican)

Class II Senators:
Jeff Sessions (Republican) 1997-????

1996 Def. Roger Bedford (Democratic)
2002 Def. Susan Parker (Democratic)
2008 Def. Charles Graddick (Democratic) Bobby Allison (Constitution)

2014 Def. Kayla Moore (Constitution) Arthur Davis (Democratic)

Class III Senators:
Richard Shelby (Republican) 1995-2011

1998 Def. Clayton Suddith (Democratic)
2004 Def. Wayne Sowell (Democratic)
Roy Moore (Constitution) 2011-????
2010 Def. Richard Shelby (Republican) Simone De Moore (Democratic)
2016 Def. Walt Maddox (Democratic) Bill Pryor (Republican)


In 2002, Alabama Supreme Court Justice and hard right conservative Roy Moore was able to defeat established Republican representative Bob Riley in the Republican primary for governor. Moore’s campaign was mainly based around his massive support from the growing “Christian Right” and his constant attacks on President Gore’s liberal polices. While Moore’s victory in the primary was wildly celebrated by the far-right of the Republican party, few expected him to actually defeat incumbent governor Don Siegelman. Siegelman was quite popular among Alabama’s populace and many felt that Moore’s ultra-conservative policies and constant gaffes would cause the Republicans to drop the ball, but then something strange happened. In an attempt to rally pro-gun Republicans around him, Siegelman gained an endorsement from NRA allied actor Charleston Heston. However, Heston was notably campaigning for Republicans throughout Alabama, and many in the NRA declared that Siegelman had taken advantage of the old man’s Alzheimer’s, and forced him to apologize. The minor “scandal” helped create plenty of attack ads for Moore, who saw his poll numbers rise to tighten the election up. Then the election saw an even stranger incident. Charles Barkley, a noted moderate Republican and former basketball star for Auburn University, declared a write-in campaign in the state of Alabama, attacking Moore as a “crazy person” and Siegelman as a “scammer”. Barkley’s campaign would see a boost due to his celebrity status and “energetic” way of campaigning. In the end, Moore, due to the Heston “scandal”, a strong populist ground game, and Barkley allegedly splitting the vote from Siegelman (Barkley finished with 1.5% of the vote) was able to win by a razor-thin 0.11% margin with born Siegelman and Barkley swearing revenge.

The following years of Roy Moore’s career would be defined not by what he did as governor, but what the growing Constitution Party did. In 2000, Senator Bob Smith of New Hampshire ran for president on the Constitution Party line and due to his status as a sitting senator, was able to attract massive attention, especially after a messy Reform Party primary caused Pat Buchanan to endorse Smith. Smith finished with around 4% of the vote, an incredibly high result in a year where he, and Ralph Nader of the Greens, combined for nearly 9% of the vote. While the Greens would see a growing success in traditionally “Blue” states, the Constitution Party struggled. That was, of course, until they were able to get Representatives Virgil Goode and James Traficant to flip over either in 2001 (Goode) or 2002 after a harsh primary campaign (Traficant). The new “caucus” was joined by Bob Dornan of California’s 48th Congressional District, while Bob Smith, the party’s only senator, lost his re-election campaign in 2002. Then came Gore’s Iraq war push in early 2003 over Kurdish repression. Pat Buchanan was on the front lines of the campaign against the war, attacking Gore for his positioning, and stating that he would oppose any Republican nominee who supported the conflict or even the post-9/11 conflict in Afghanistan. Of course Republicans nominated Jim Gilmore, who had rose to national prominence after the attack on the pentagon. Buchanan took the nomination and with a strong conservative base from 2000 and some solid name recognition was able to put up a fight and gained a similar total to Smith’s in 2000. While Bob Dornan and Jim Traficant lost re-election, the Constitution Party was dealt a saving grace in 2006.

Well two saving graces.

The first came in late 2004, with the nomination of Alan Keyes to Deputy Secretary of State in the Gilmore administration. Keyes was a controversial politician, famous for his hard right and neoconservative opinions, and faced an uphill conformation process, but he was also famously despised by Buchanan, who was considering a more reconciliatory tone with the Republicans after Gilmore’s promises of a strong conservative agenda. Keyes’ nomination to such a high position (and the United States’ war in Korea alongside its wars in Afghanistan and Iraq and bombing campaigns all over Africa and the Middle East) made sure that Buchanan stayed within the realms of the Constitution Party.

The second saving grace came out of Alabama. Roy Moore had considered supporting Buchanan in 2004, or even joining the ticket if New York Mayor Rudy Guliani was nominated by the Republican Party. However, Guliani lost the primary to Gilmore, and Moore seemed moore (hehe) or less aligned with the Republicans going into 2006. That was, of course, until a primary challenge in the form of Steve Windom came along. Moore laughed off the challenge from the former Lt. Governor, after all he had dispatched him quite easily in 2002. However, Windom gained support from some high profile moderate Republicans in the state, and in a shocking upset, defeated Moore. However, Moore refused to take such a defeat lying down, running with the Constitution Party line and attacking the Alabama Republican party for “rigging” the election against him, Windom for being a former Bill Clinton delegate, and Siegelman for being “too liberal for Alabama”. Yet again, the Siegelman campaign, expecting an easy victory, was hit with a massive corruption scandal, leading to multiple calls for Siegelman to drop out while the Republicans picked up Democratic support. Despite this, Moore whipped his base up into a frenzy and in yet another upset, was able to defeat Windom in the general, leading to calls that Alabama should adapt a two round electoral system similar to Louisiana’s system. Still these calls were shut down by the Constitution Party, and surprisingly the Democrats, who saw a two round system as detrimental to both parties victory.

The story of Moore’s career still wouldn’t end, as in 2008 he was the Constitution Party’s nominee and was able to attain the highest national percentage of the vote in party history (6.82%), and in 2010 the “Moore Machine” found its way into the United States Senate with a victory over multi-term incumbent Richard Shelby.

Outside of Moore, Alabama returned to Democratic rule in 2010 with the election of Joe Turnham, the Chair of the Alabama Democratic Party, and a former candidate for House. Turnham surprisingly supported creating a two-round electoral system that would lead to his downfall in 2014, as Charles Barkley, returning to electoral politics with full ballot access, and Randy Wood, a strong ally of Moore and the Constitution Party’s 2010 Lt. Governor candidate, made it to the second round over him. The run off was an intense campaign with massive race baiting and attack ads filling the air as the two men battled to be elected governor. In the end Wood won with just over 8%. Barkley yet again refused to end his political career, and is considering a Republican or Democratic campaign for governor in 2022.

Outside of Moore and Wood, the fabled “Moore Machine” has largely flopped, as the party nominated NASCAR driver Bobby Allison and Roy Moore’s wife Kayla have both challenged Jeff Sessions, Alabama’s Republican Senator and failed to defeat the supposedly entrenched senator. Not only that, but the Constitution Party has never been able to hold a majority in either house of the State Legislature (despite nearly forming a coalition with the Republicans in 2013, before it fell apart due to mutual animosity). Still, the Alabama Constitution Party is one of the strongest in the United States, and is a major reason why the party has been able to maintain its national power.
 

gentleman biaggi

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he/they is fine
i think when it comes to the history of the modern southern democrats and how they completely collapsed, we tend to forget 9/11’s effects.

in 2002-2003 democrats lost winnable elections in georgia (twice), alabama, arkansas, tennessee, south carolina, and mississippi

maybe it would’ve only been a band-aid (especially since many of those senate seats would be up in 2014), but considering the voter suppression throughout the south and the collapse of all viability for southern democrats, maybe those victories do more than we’d expect
 

gentleman biaggi

Based Slight Top
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he/they is fine
fuck taylor gang - not a diss we are just not dickriders
2011 Underground Rappunk:

Barack Obama (Democratic) 2009-2014
Joe Biden (Democratic) 2014-2017

2008 Def. (with Joe Biden) John McCain (Republican)
2012 Def. (with Joe Biden) Mitt Romney (Republican) Mike Bloomberg (Americans Elect) Mike Gravel (Opposition)
Mike Huckabee (Republican) 2017-2025
2016 Def. (with John Thune) Joe Biden (Democratic) Gayle McLaughlin (Green) Justin Raimondo (Mista Thug Isolationism)
2020 Def. (with John Thune) Mike Bebe (Democratic) Jesse Ventura (Green-Mista Thug Isolationism)
Michael Flynn (Democratic) 2025-2033
2024 Def. (with Janet Napolitano) John Thune (Republican) Chuck Fager (Independent Democrat) Angela Walker (Green)
2028 Def. (with Janet Napolitano)
Doug Feith (Republican) Ross Mirkarimi (Green) Rand Paul (Libertarian) Kanye West (Kanye 2028)
Markese Rolle (Freedom) 2033-2034
Tulsi Gabbard (Nonpartisan) 2034-????
Def. (with Ehren Watada) Matt Dunne (Democratic) Tom Cotton (Republican)

Historians would call Barack Obama and Joe Biden the last true supporters of American democracy and freedom. While Obama’s more moderate politics (and race) hurt him enough to be primaried by former Alaska senator Mike Gravel and saw the Tea Party, America’s first real fascist movement since the 1930s rise to power in multiple states, and his refusal to support Mike Bloomberg in 2009 lead to the billionaire running a vanity “Americans Elect” campaign that spent over 4 billion dollars for 10% of the vote. Still, Obama succeeded, even as Mike Gravel and Jesse Ventura united the Libertarian, Green, and Reform Parties into the “Opposition Party”, defeating Mitt Romney who was hampered by weak turnout from the now ultra-conservative base of the Republican party and most of the moderate Republican vote being swallowed up by Michael Bloomberg’s billions. Obama seemed like he could survive the next two years on a solid platform of uniting a nation that seemed more divided than ever. Unfortunately for him, that didn’t happen. Wether it was an extremely controversial Secretary of Defense nomination in Chuck Hagel motivating the neoconservative wing of the Republican party or the left wing of the United States filling up the streets in support for a more equal financial system, Obama’s last year and a half was filled with constant controversy. Maybe he would’ve been able to unite the US again, but a group of white supremacists, furious at the world and at the first black president of the United States, killed president Obama in a rally in Louisiana.

All at once, the United States seemed even more shocked and broken than it had been since September 12, 2001. If 9/11 couldn’t break you, if a massive recession wiping out millions of citizens of the United States couldn’t break you, the true symbol of hope and unity that Barack Obama being killed with nothing but hate and spite in their hearts, broke you.

Then there was Joe Biden. Biden had always wanted to be president of the United States, even trying to be the “Liberal George Wallace” in his horribly unsuccessful 1988 presidential campaign. Biden represented a lot that Obama didn’t. An angry, aggressive, old man who had been pushed to victory by the mafia in his first major election seemed to be the Lyndon Johnson of the 2010s.

Well, like Johnson he was bouyed by an election victory following his partners death. Like Johnson, he began to increase surveillance on American citizens as Democrats became one to fear another attack like the one on the President’s life. This was likely for the best, White Supremacy is an evil that curses the world and deserves to be stomped out, but when this surveillance got turned onto some left wing political opponents or personal opponents of specific members of some agents of the government, things went down, and they went down bad.

Still, we wouldn’t know this until 2034, and there was still an election to be had.

Joe Biden expected an easy path to the nomination, but that was until Bernie Sanders, who had been threatened by Harry Reid in 2012 over running against Barack Obama, decided to lead the left wing charge against Joe Biden. Bernie was surprisingly successful, winning more than just some old coal states that hated Obama that Gravel was able to win in 2012.

But it wasn’t enough.

Much like how Obama failed to bring his hopes of uniting the country to reality, Sanders failed to unite the working class of the United States of all stripes that had been fucked over since 1979 with continuing ferocity to reality.

Bernie Sanders would simply go down in history as a more successful Pat Buchanan right? His history and his campaign would be a memory only held by random nerds on the internet.

You see you’d think so, but then a member of the Biden campaign, drunk on power, anger, and pure revenge broke into a Bernie staffer’s house and may have stolen some documents because that staffer broke his heart.

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves and entering the mind of an angry Irish Catholic incel, and it’s highly advised that you never ever do that.

Of course in the United States, there are two major parties, and in the Republican one, a wave of anger at the elite, the gays, and an establishment holding on to norms as hard as possible gave the American people Mike Huckabee, the popular Christian conservative ex-governor of Arkansas, ran on a similar wave of anger that Pat Buchanan rode in 1992 and 1996. Some moderates were angry, but they could go write in Lowell Weicker (now a governor) or whatever moderates do.

In moments of extreme darkness, little morsels of humor and joy pop out. Justin Raimondo was a strange morsel. After 2012, the third parties of the United States were upended by Gravel and Bloomberg, and in their absence a new political party was formed by Raimondo, a strong anti war activist who had worked on Pat Buchanan’s campaigns for president and had lead the pro-gay faction of the Libertarian party as an open gay man in the 1980s. Raimondo saw the continued US operations in Iraq and Afghanistan as a major indictment of the Biden administration, alongside Biden’s decision to invade Iran following...

Oh did I not mention Iran?

Well you see Joe Biden, strengthening the imperial powers of the United States responded to an attack on some ships in the Persian Gulf with an invasion of Iran, attempting to make himself seem stronger in a world weakened.

The Johnson comparisons never stop.

Well anyways, Raimondo was inspired by a 2012 underground hit album Mista Thug Isolation and decided that to appeal to the youth, he would name his new “isolationist” party after the album. Pretty funny right?

Yeah it took over the Libertarians place and polled over 10% in some polls.

Then there were the Greens, emboldened by their 2012 “performance” and furious at the Democrats and Biden for moving to the right after 2012 after their fears of another Bloomberg (who was dispatched in 2013) were able to win a house seat in California. That house seat was held by Gayle McLaughlin, who took her massive media profile after a 2014 upset to sweep a group of anti-vaxxers out of the party.

The 2016 Election was pure hell. Biden and Huckabee ran increasingly neo-Thomas Watsonite campaigns, with the only real difference being Bidens pushes for gay rights and reform of Taft-Hartley. Raimondo sat on a stage and defended Charles Lindbergh, and McLaughlin tried to get Bernie Sanders to endorse her as Harry Reid kept him on a ever-tightening leash. Still, Biden appeared to be winning, even as Iran spelled disaster and the Turks began protesting the United States for dropping a bili (I’m so hip) on the Kurds in the hopes of breaking the Iranians. Oh and then the left wing media just so happened to tell the world about the break-in to a Bernie staffer’s house. Republicans, as they usually do, grabbed onto the story, and expecting a new Watergate, ran it for hours on end. Of course, Biden had no knowledge of the incident beforehand, and would later be completely cleared, but you have to bring out the base somehow.

In the November election, Huckabee was able to defeat Biden, even as empathy votes warred with vote splitting from the Greens and MTIs and anti-corruption votes.

I’ll spare you an insane in-depth analysis of the Huckabee administration. After all, he was the second coming of George W. Bush, a “dumb” southern politician who spent 8 years leveling multiple Middle Eastern countries, rolling back all hope at LGBT rights not limited to marriage (the new third rail), and setting up a massive state apparatus meant to destroy and divide all opposition.

Meanwhile Democrats created the party that would’ve existed had Wesley Clark won in 2004.

In a way, the Democratic Party is a liquid. As the container shifts, they shift with it.

But in a container meant to restrict them, what do Democrats do?

They go back to 1988.

If you don’t know, in 1988, the Democratic Party found approximately 50 thousand Texans to “roast” George H.W. Bush at the Democratic National Convention.

Maybe this tactic could be reused with Donald Trump and Michael Bloomberg in 2016 in an alternate universe....

Anywhoodles, if you remember 1988 at all, you’ll remember that Bush laughed off the screams of Dwight Hightower (based), Ann Richards (our last hope), and Lloyd Bentsen (that bitch), and proceeded to call Democrats a bunch of, well, let’s call them the way Lee Atwater sees them, abstract names.

Well in 2020, Democrats tried the same thing, nominating Mike Bebe, the newly-minted senator from Arkansas, who proceeded to say dumbass liberal shit like “Jesus wouldve been cool with gay people”, like anyone gives a fuck.

Of course, when everything is fucked up, you want someone to tell you things are fucked up. That is the appeal of Jordan Peterson and Matt Christman. It is also the appeal of Jesse Ventura, who returned to his old position of governor of Minnesota with an iron fist. He then spent an entire campaign yelling about the United States’ imperialistic missions, uniting the Greens and MTIers, and nearly outpolling Mike Bebe. Ventura’s popularity was mocked by pundits on the center left and right as the downfall of American intelligence. Of course they went back to fighting over which pro war ex Arkansas governor to support after breathing out a laugh about the governor who sounded like David Chapelle after 15 years of smoking and reading Noam Chomsky.

Maybe they just weren’t ready for the future.

Whatever, Huckabee still won and Democrats yelled at the left for “splitting”, wash, rinse, repeat.

No one ever learns.

After another four years of Huckabee rolling back civil rights, Democrats decided to do that themselves and nominate Michael Flynn, the Douglas MacArthur of the modern era, a man with decent enough consensus economic ideas but the most insane ideals on foreign and social policy.

But people want strongmen when they can’t get men of the people.

In an election between Michael Flynn and John Thune, there was no real choice. Thune was a boring Republican moderate, built in the mold of a thousand more just like him, to defeat the Senate Majority Leader of the opposing party. But Flynn, Flynn meant it all. Flynn went out and attacked everyone and everything, and to a Democratic establishment hurting after 2020, he seemed just right. Angry military brass? Why not? Of course there were two other options. Chuck Fager, a proud pro-life peacenik Democrat, ran as an “Independent Democrat” after finishing fourth in the Democratic primary. Still, Fager was able to outpoll the Greens, who ran a campaign lead by Milwaukee Sheriff Angela Walker, who had perused drug decriminalization and helped move the city back to the left wing. Neither were like Ventura, and neither attracted much attention past the 5% they both got in the general. Of course, Flynn won as the left wing peeled off, and entered the presidency ready to change it all.

Michael Flynn and his goons spent eight years completely destroying the world as the United States collapsed around them. A recession beginning in 2023 was fought by an exhausted Treasury department, while Flynn continued a seemingly unending war in Iran. Of course, that doesn’t do Flynn justice with his military policy.

Secretary of Defense Tulsi Gabbard, originally praised for her more isolationist beliefs spent 8 years massively increasing the military state as millions of Americans went unemployed. This peaked in 2029, when the military’s flailing system of offering bread and circuses to members of homes they themselves break finally gave in, and Flynn & Gabbard were forced to bring in the draft to whip everyone into shape.

Canada never looked better.

Of course Flynn destroyed some weak willed opposition that just couldn’t rig ballots like he could, and also Kanye West, now a Buddhist with good relations with an aging Jerry Brown who stole the ex-governors’ “Buddhist Economics” line in 2028, and as such the American people voted for endless war to continue as long as they got a man loud enough to lead it.

But you know what? America is fucking stupid. Not in the pithy liberal way, not even in the angry progressive/alt-right way. No America is stupid and it’s fucking beautiful. The only way to fight the stupidity that is the free market economy and American Imperialism is with stupidity of your own.

So fight.

Well one guy, Markese Money Rolle, more commonly known as SpaceGhostPurpp, and a friend of the man who begrudgingly inspired Justin Raimondo’s anti war action, was just fucking stupid enough to fight back. Yes, Rolle fused together a coalition between the Libertarians, Greens, Kanye 2024 line, and the dying remains of the Reform party with his support for drug legalization, “libertarian” beliefs on human sexuality[1], and rapper status + mental illness, to defeat a strong Democratic incumbent in Miami, Florida in 2024. Rolle would later state that he was inspired by Kanye and the now-deceased Raimondo’s campaigns to fight back against the establishment order.

Of course people laughed. Floridas gonna Florida.

But then you remember. The United States elected a dumb Southern sex criminal[1] to deal with the pain of a Reagan-Bush hegemony, they’ll sure as hell do it again to deal with the pain of the destruction of every single thing they hold dear.

When your home is foreclosed, your ballot is burned, your nephew is off in a distant war, your retirement fund is broken into, you stop caring.

So when a media figure you hate points to the guy wanting to give you weed to ease the pain of living in a broken system, who wants to open up the government, and who wants to end those useless fucking wars, as a mentally unstable fifteenth rate celebrity, you might ignore them.

When that celebrity forms his own party and calls a old foe an anti-gay slur you might not care.

When the two major parties nominate a soulless Arkansas demon who shot down protesters as governor and yet an even more soulless demon who made his money at Google selling your data to a neckbeard at the state department, you might look at that celebrity, and you might support them even more.

Fuck it man.

When Youngstown was sold out we admitted we didn’t care about globalization.

When those airline strikers were fired we admitted we didn’t care about anyone but connivence and greed.

When the government was caught selling arms to someone it was fighting against to fund militias killing children, we admitted we didn’t care about anything but violence.

When the government that promised to be nicer and put on kids gloves systemically ignored a terrorist organization so hard that it lead to 3,000 people died, we admitted that we only cared about looking good.

Every horrific moment since then, is just breaking you down.

You live on a stolen country given to you by a genocidal system of European expansion.

It was united because one half the country craved the money slavery wrought.

And with that unity and that land you bomb 35 countries a day.

So what’s one more vote for a stupid Miami rapper?

Well according to Michael Flynn, everything.

Rolle was known for his intense issues with mental health, and was attacked as such by both parties. Of course it didn’t matter, but when he started releasing information on how Huckabee and Flynn restricted American liberty in such a way that Richard Nixon would be proud, the powers that be saw his mental problems as a detriment to power.

I’m no conspiracy theorist, but Gabbard’s expansion of the military state and predisposed issues within the Rolles issue gave Gabbard, who was incredibly popular with military brass and supported by ex-President Flynn, the ability to take over extrajudicially.

Gabbard’s takeover in a “Constitutional Coup” was simple, the cabinet declared Rolle mentally unfit for office, the house elected Gabbard, and then proceeded to impeach Rolles vice president.

Ever since then Gabbard’s been fighting mass protests but still, it seems that the status quo has been strengthened, even if Rolles was legitimately mentally unfit President.


The End


[1] THIS POST IS IN NO WAY AN ENDORSEMENT OF SGP’S PERSONAL LIFE, PEDOPHILIA AND HOMOPHOBIA ARE OBVIOUSLY WRONG, I AM NOT DEFENDING IT
 

gentleman biaggi

Based Slight Top
Pronouns
he/they is fine
2011 Underground Rappunk:

Barack Obama (Democratic) 2009-2014
Joe Biden (Democratic) 2014-2017

2008 Def. (with Joe Biden) John McCain (Republican)
2012 Def. (with Joe Biden) Mitt Romney (Republican) Mike Bloomberg (Americans Elect) Mike Gravel (Opposition)
Mike Huckabee (Republican) 2017-2025
2016 Def. (with John Thune) Joe Biden (Democratic) Gayle McLaughlin (Green) Justin Raimondo (Mista Thug Isolationism)
2020 Def. (with John Thune) Mike Bebe (Democratic) Jesse Ventura (Green-Mista Thug Isolationism)
Michael Flynn (Democratic) 2025-2033
2024 Def. (with Janet Napolitano) John Thune (Republican) Chuck Fager (Independent Democrat) Angela Walker (Green)
2028 Def. (with Janet Napolitano)
Doug Feith (Republican) Ross Mirkarimi (Green) Rand Paul (Libertarian) Kanye West (Kanye 2028)
Markese Rolle (Freedom) 2033-2034
Tulsi Gabbard (Nonpartisan) 2034-????
Def. (with Ehren Watada) Matt Dunne (Democratic) Tom Cotton (Republican)

Historians would call Barack Obama and Joe Biden the last true supporters of American democracy and freedom. While Obama’s more moderate politics (and race) hurt him enough to be primaried by former Alaska senator Mike Gravel and saw the Tea Party, America’s first real fascist movement since the 1930s rise to power in multiple states, and his refusal to support Mike Bloomberg in 2009 lead to the billionaire running a vanity “Americans Elect” campaign that spent over 4 billion dollars for 10% of the vote. Still, Obama succeeded, even as Mike Gravel and Jesse Ventura united the Libertarian, Green, and Reform Parties into the “Opposition Party”, defeating Mitt Romney who was hampered by weak turnout from the now ultra-conservative base of the Republican party and most of the moderate Republican vote being swallowed up by Michael Bloomberg’s billions. Obama seemed like he could survive the next two years on a solid platform of uniting a nation that seemed more divided than ever. Unfortunately for him, that didn’t happen. Wether it was an extremely controversial Secretary of Defense nomination in Chuck Hagel motivating the neoconservative wing of the Republican party or the left wing of the United States filling up the streets in support for a more equal financial system, Obama’s last year and a half was filled with constant controversy. Maybe he would’ve been able to unite the US again, but a group of white supremacists, furious at the world and at the first black president of the United States, killed president Obama in a rally in Louisiana.

All at once, the United States seemed even more shocked and broken than it had been since September 12, 2001. If 9/11 couldn’t break you, if a massive recession wiping out millions of citizens of the United States couldn’t break you, the true symbol of hope and unity that Barack Obama being killed with nothing but hate and spite in their hearts, broke you.

Then there was Joe Biden. Biden had always wanted to be president of the United States, even trying to be the “Liberal George Wallace” in his horribly unsuccessful 1988 presidential campaign. Biden represented a lot that Obama didn’t. An angry, aggressive, old man who had been pushed to victory by the mafia in his first major election seemed to be the Lyndon Johnson of the 2010s.

Well, like Johnson he was bouyed by an election victory following his partners death. Like Johnson, he began to increase surveillance on American citizens as Democrats became one to fear another attack like the one on the President’s life. This was likely for the best, White Supremacy is an evil that curses the world and deserves to be stomped out, but when this surveillance got turned onto some left wing political opponents or personal opponents of specific members of some agents of the government, things went down, and they went down bad.

Still, we wouldn’t know this until 2034, and there was still an election to be had.

Joe Biden expected an easy path to the nomination, but that was until Bernie Sanders, who had been threatened by Harry Reid in 2012 over running against Barack Obama, decided to lead the left wing charge against Joe Biden. Bernie was surprisingly successful, winning more than just some old coal states that hated Obama that Gravel was able to win in 2012.

But it wasn’t enough.

Much like how Obama failed to bring his hopes of uniting the country to reality, Sanders failed to unite the working class of the United States of all stripes that had been fucked over since 1979 with continuing ferocity to reality.

Bernie Sanders would simply go down in history as a more successful Pat Buchanan right? His history and his campaign would be a memory only held by random nerds on the internet.

You see you’d think so, but then a member of the Biden campaign, drunk on power, anger, and pure revenge broke into a Bernie staffer’s house and may have stolen some documents because that staffer broke his heart.

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves and entering the mind of an angry Irish Catholic incel, and it’s highly advised that you never ever do that.

Of course in the United States, there are two major parties, and in the Republican one, a wave of anger at the elite, the gays, and an establishment holding on to norms as hard as possible gave the American people Mike Huckabee, the popular Christian conservative ex-governor of Arkansas, ran on a similar wave of anger that Pat Buchanan rode in 1992 and 1996. Some moderates were angry, but they could go write in Lowell Weicker (now a governor) or whatever moderates do.

In moments of extreme darkness, little morsels of humor and joy pop out. Justin Raimondo was a strange morsel. After 2012, the third parties of the United States were upended by Gravel and Bloomberg, and in their absence a new political party was formed by Raimondo, a strong anti war activist who had worked on Pat Buchanan’s campaigns for president and had lead the pro-gay faction of the Libertarian party as an open gay man in the 1980s. Raimondo saw the continued US operations in Iraq and Afghanistan as a major indictment of the Biden administration, alongside Biden’s decision to invade Iran following...

Oh did I not mention Iran?

Well you see Joe Biden, strengthening the imperial powers of the United States responded to an attack on some ships in the Persian Gulf with an invasion of Iran, attempting to make himself seem stronger in a world weakened.

The Johnson comparisons never stop.

Well anyways, Raimondo was inspired by a 2012 underground hit album Mista Thug Isolation and decided that to appeal to the youth, he would name his new “isolationist” party after the album. Pretty funny right?

Yeah it took over the Libertarians place and polled over 10% in some polls.

Then there were the Greens, emboldened by their 2012 “performance” and furious at the Democrats and Biden for moving to the right after 2012 after their fears of another Bloomberg (who was dispatched in 2013) were able to win a house seat in California. That house seat was held by Gayle McLaughlin, who took her massive media profile after a 2014 upset to sweep a group of anti-vaxxers out of the party.

The 2016 Election was pure hell. Biden and Huckabee ran increasingly neo-Thomas Watsonite campaigns, with the only real difference being Bidens pushes for gay rights and reform of Taft-Hartley. Raimondo sat on a stage and defended Charles Lindbergh, and McLaughlin tried to get Bernie Sanders to endorse her as Harry Reid kept him on a ever-tightening leash. Still, Biden appeared to be winning, even as Iran spelled disaster and the Turks began protesting the United States for dropping a bili (I’m so hip) on the Kurds in the hopes of breaking the Iranians. Oh and then the left wing media just so happened to tell the world about the break-in to a Bernie staffer’s house. Republicans, as they usually do, grabbed onto the story, and expecting a new Watergate, ran it for hours on end. Of course, Biden had no knowledge of the incident beforehand, and would later be completely cleared, but you have to bring out the base somehow.

In the November election, Huckabee was able to defeat Biden, even as empathy votes warred with vote splitting from the Greens and MTIs and anti-corruption votes.

I’ll spare you an insane in-depth analysis of the Huckabee administration. After all, he was the second coming of George W. Bush, a “dumb” southern politician who spent 8 years leveling multiple Middle Eastern countries, rolling back all hope at LGBT rights not limited to marriage (the new third rail), and setting up a massive state apparatus meant to destroy and divide all opposition.

Meanwhile Democrats created the party that would’ve existed had Wesley Clark won in 2004.

In a way, the Democratic Party is a liquid. As the container shifts, they shift with it.

But in a container meant to restrict them, what do Democrats do?

They go back to 1988.

If you don’t know, in 1988, the Democratic Party found approximately 50 thousand Texans to “roast” George H.W. Bush at the Democratic National Convention.

Maybe this tactic could be reused with Donald Trump and Michael Bloomberg in 2016 in an alternate universe....

Anywhoodles, if you remember 1988 at all, you’ll remember that Bush laughed off the screams of Dwight Hightower (based), Ann Richards (our last hope), and Lloyd Bentsen (that bitch), and proceeded to call Democrats a bunch of, well, let’s call them the way Lee Atwater sees them, abstract names.

Well in 2020, Democrats tried the same thing, nominating Mike Bebe, the newly-minted senator from Arkansas, who proceeded to say dumbass liberal shit like “Jesus wouldve been cool with gay people”, like anyone gives a fuck.

Of course, when everything is fucked up, you want someone to tell you things are fucked up. That is the appeal of Jordan Peterson and Matt Christman. It is also the appeal of Jesse Ventura, who returned to his old position of governor of Minnesota with an iron fist. He then spent an entire campaign yelling about the United States’ imperialistic missions, uniting the Greens and MTIers, and nearly outpolling Mike Bebe. Ventura’s popularity was mocked by pundits on the center left and right as the downfall of American intelligence. Of course they went back to fighting over which pro war ex Arkansas governor to support after breathing out a laugh about the governor who sounded like David Chapelle after 15 years of smoking and reading Noam Chomsky.

Maybe they just weren’t ready for the future.

Whatever, Huckabee still won and Democrats yelled at the left for “splitting”, wash, rinse, repeat.

No one ever learns.

After another four years of Huckabee rolling back civil rights, Democrats decided to do that themselves and nominate Michael Flynn, the Douglas MacArthur of the modern era, a man with decent enough consensus economic ideas but the most insane ideals on foreign and social policy.

But people want strongmen when they can’t get men of the people.

In an election between Michael Flynn and John Thune, there was no real choice. Thune was a boring Republican moderate, built in the mold of a thousand more just like him, to defeat the Senate Majority Leader of the opposing party. But Flynn, Flynn meant it all. Flynn went out and attacked everyone and everything, and to a Democratic establishment hurting after 2020, he seemed just right. Angry military brass? Why not? Of course there were two other options. Chuck Fager, a proud pro-life peacenik Democrat, ran as an “Independent Democrat” after finishing fourth in the Democratic primary. Still, Fager was able to outpoll the Greens, who ran a campaign lead by Milwaukee Sheriff Angela Walker, who had perused drug decriminalization and helped move the city back to the left wing. Neither were like Ventura, and neither attracted much attention past the 5% they both got in the general. Of course, Flynn won as the left wing peeled off, and entered the presidency ready to change it all.

Michael Flynn and his goons spent eight years completely destroying the world as the United States collapsed around them. A recession beginning in 2023 was fought by an exhausted Treasury department, while Flynn continued a seemingly unending war in Iran. Of course, that doesn’t do Flynn justice with his military policy.

Secretary of Defense Tulsi Gabbard, originally praised for her more isolationist beliefs spent 8 years massively increasing the military state as millions of Americans went unemployed. This peaked in 2029, when the military’s flailing system of offering bread and circuses to members of homes they themselves break finally gave in, and Flynn & Gabbard were forced to bring in the draft to whip everyone into shape.

Canada never looked better.

Of course Flynn destroyed some weak willed opposition that just couldn’t rig ballots like he could, and also Kanye West, now a Buddhist with good relations with an aging Jerry Brown who stole the ex-governors’ “Buddhist Economics” line in 2028, and as such the American people voted for endless war to continue as long as they got a man loud enough to lead it.

But you know what? America is fucking stupid. Not in the pithy liberal way, not even in the angry progressive/alt-right way. No America is stupid and it’s fucking beautiful. The only way to fight the stupidity that is the free market economy and American Imperialism is with stupidity of your own.

So fight.

Well one guy, Markese Money Rolle, more commonly known as SpaceGhostPurpp, and a friend of the man who begrudgingly inspired Justin Raimondo’s anti war action, was just fucking stupid enough to fight back. Yes, Rolle fused together a coalition between the Libertarians, Greens, Kanye 2024 line, and the dying remains of the Reform party with his support for drug legalization, “libertarian” beliefs on human sexuality[1], and rapper status + mental illness, to defeat a strong Democratic incumbent in Miami, Florida in 2024. Rolle would later state that he was inspired by Kanye and the now-deceased Raimondo’s campaigns to fight back against the establishment order.

Of course people laughed. Floridas gonna Florida.

But then you remember. The United States elected a dumb Southern sex criminal[1] to deal with the pain of a Reagan-Bush hegemony, they’ll sure as hell do it again to deal with the pain of the destruction of every single thing they hold dear.

When your home is foreclosed, your ballot is burned, your nephew is off in a distant war, your retirement fund is broken into, you stop caring.

So when a media figure you hate points to the guy wanting to give you weed to ease the pain of living in a broken system, who wants to open up the government, and who wants to end those useless fucking wars, as a mentally unstable fifteenth rate celebrity, you might ignore them.

When that celebrity forms his own party and calls a old foe an anti-gay slur you might not care.

When the two major parties nominate a soulless Arkansas demon who shot down protesters as governor and yet an even more soulless demon who made his money at Google selling your data to a neckbeard at the state department, you might look at that celebrity, and you might support them even more.

Fuck it man.

When Youngstown was sold out we admitted we didn’t care about globalization.

When those airline strikers were fired we admitted we didn’t care about anyone but connivence and greed.

When the government was caught selling arms to someone it was fighting against to fund militias killing children, we admitted we didn’t care about anything but violence.

When the government that promised to be nicer and put on kids gloves systemically ignored a terrorist organization so hard that it lead to 3,000 people died, we admitted that we only cared about looking good.

Every horrific moment since then, is just breaking you down.

You live on a stolen country given to you by a genocidal system of European expansion.

It was united because one half the country craved the money slavery wrought.

And with that unity and that land you bomb 35 countries a day.

So what’s one more vote for a stupid Miami rapper?

Well according to Michael Flynn, everything.

Rolle was known for his intense issues with mental health, and was attacked as such by both parties. Of course it didn’t matter, but when he started releasing information on how Huckabee and Flynn restricted American liberty in such a way that Richard Nixon would be proud, the powers that be saw his mental problems as a detriment to power.

I’m no conspiracy theorist, but Gabbard’s expansion of the military state and predisposed issues within the Rolles issue gave Gabbard, who was incredibly popular with military brass and supported by ex-President Flynn, the ability to take over extrajudicially.

Gabbard’s takeover in a “Constitutional Coup” was simple, the cabinet declared Rolle mentally unfit for office, the house elected Gabbard, and then proceeded to impeach Rolles vice president.

Ever since then Gabbard’s been fighting mass protests but still, it seems that the status quo has been strengthened, even if Rolles was legitimately mentally unfit President.


The End


[1] THIS POST IS IN NO WAY AN ENDORSEMENT OF SGP’S PERSONAL LIFE, PEDOPHILIA AND HOMOPHOBIA ARE OBVIOUSLY WRONG, I AM NOT DEFENDING IT
how the fuck did any of you people read this and not tell me to shut the fuck up
 
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