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AH Run-downs, summaries and general gubbins

"Skyward's Rundown 100: 28/01/2020"

Major Parties

Labour Democrats: God, Dave the Chameleon is tenacious. He just won a majority after everyone was saying he was doomed to defeat. Yet another four years of the Lab Dems. Do people get sick of this vague soft-left neoliberal bullshit? Seems not.
Conservatives: Seems that quite a few of their newly-elected MPs were elected on a "Yellow Terror" campaign against the Prime Minister, alleging that he would sell Britain to China. Erm. Not a good look, Tories! And anyway, isn't Ige like, Japanese-Briton?
Greens: Not taking the loss of Zac in his marginal seat that well. He was supposed to be their shining knight on horseback, and now he's Just A Man.

Minor Parties

UKIP: Nikki taking them to 7 seats should really put them in major, but I refuse to acknowledge them as anything but minor.
Socialist: Having a leadership election that'll take them seven months. Ugh, that means I have to do this for the next seven months. Fuck you, BSP.
- Mark Drakeford: An "old hand" it seems, and a firm leader of the BSP in the Welsh Senate. Kind of boring though.
- Kim Coco Iwamoto: Vocal about turning the BSP to a stronger "social movement" and away from the old "workers' club". She'll get 11%.
- Becky Long: Apparently she's their leader in the Manchester Council. That'll be an upgrade from "Literal Celebrity" anyway, even if she is "who?".
Liberal: Seems that their website trademark has expired and someone has taken www.liberals.uk and turned it into a redirect to the Lab Dems site.

Regional Parties

Scottish: Still moaning on about how their Assembly doesn't get as much powers as the rest. Ugh. At this point I would support the calls some of them make for Scottish independence if it wasn't a joke supported by literally only 3% of Scots.
Plaid Cymru: Vaughan Gething has done a photoshoot with his 20 new MPs. That's nice. 20 votes for the Lab Dems in all but name.
Kū'oko'a: Since the freaking PM is from Hawaii, they're basically all but irrelevant. Good.
Aloha 'Āina: But those ones aren't. The Hawaiian Parliament voted through an AA MHP's bill to expand support for Hawaiian speakers. Nice.
Reform: Well, at least the www.hawaiireform.uk one haven't expired like their sister party's. That's something.
 
Yet Another "National Government" Future-History Scenario: This Time, Coronavirus!
  • Second Johnson ministry - Conservative majority - 2019-2020
  • Fifth National Government (Johnson III) - Conservative-Labour coalition - 2020
  • Sixth National Government (Sunak I) - Conservative-Labour coalition - 2020-2021
  • Seventh National Government (Sunak II) - Conservative-Labour-Liberal Democrat coalition - 2021-2022
  • Third Sunak ministry - Conservative majority - 2022-2024
  • Fourth Sunak ministry - Conservative majority - 2024-20??
Party Rundown

Conservative: Sunak! He's our man! Our second majority, and even more of a landslide than the first! Ignore Johnson being glum, he's the bastard who did nothing as people died, he's the past, Sunak is the future! The future is Conservative! Rebuild Britain! For the Many, Not the Few!

Labour: Fuck Starmer. He led us in coalition with the fucking Tories and lost us the Red Wall. Now time to rebuild with Richard Burgon and a renewed commitment to Democratic Socialism, Pacifism, Anti-Zionism and standing up for all workers of the world.

Liberal Democrats: *tumbleweed somehow appear in Britain as the camera pans over a weathered copy of 'The Quiet Death of Liberal England'*

SNP: Okay okay, we're now Opposition in Scotland. At least we're still stronger than the Red Tories, even if not the actual Tories.

Plaid Cymru: Hm. Tories now in government in Wales. Even Adam Price is at a loss for words. Oh dear.

[too soon to do this sort of thing? if so, i'll delete it].
 
Conservative: Sunak! He's our man! Our second majority, and even more of a landslide than the first! Ignore Johnson being glum, he's the bastard who did nothing as people died, he's the past, Sunak is the future! The future is Conservative! Rebuild Britain! For the Many, Not the Few!

Labour: Fuck Starmer. He led us in coalition with the fucking Tories and lost us the Red Wall. Now time to rebuild with Richard Burgon and a renewed commitment to Democratic Socialism, Pacifism, Anti-Zionism and standing up for all workers of the world.


omg on both of these

Tibby just recently you;ve been really good at hitting me at omg with this stuff
 
Conservative: Sunak! He's our man! Our second majority, and even more of a landslide than the first! Ignore Johnson being glum, he's the bastard who did nothing as people died, he's the past, Sunak is the future! The future is Conservative! Rebuild Britain! For the Many, Not the Few!

You've Always Had It So Good II: Empire Of The Sunak
 
Always had a hankering to write some AH poetry.

Lines Upon the Vogel Memorial

A hundred years since Sir Julius Vogel
We gather to extol the shrine
Built in honour of that mogul
And his Australasian Zollverein.

The finest fleeces that this century
Has seen, which shone like heady rays
The Aussie woolgrowers sent to we
Who had a surplus anyways.

Likewise with metals and with meat,
We kept afloat a grim free trade,
Swapping Plain-grown wheat for wheat,
Sent on a boat by Jim McLay.

Despite the profits made by hauliers
And the unions' dockers' dues
Less bold than Walter Raleigh is
The free-trade-mocker’s Muse.

For in the brave new Nineteen-Eighties
When the world turns full protectionist
The mood runs now to abdicate these
Deals which have perfection missed.

New Zealand wants for finished goods
Better to make them than import:
We’ll fell our undiminished woods,
Not Brisbane’s that we passim sought,
And next century shall ascend higher
Our secondary industries.

Kiwis, shed no tears for Empire:
In time they’ll pay our robust fees.
 
GeopoliticalAnalysis.com

Home>Forums>Politics>International

Second Cold War Discussion Thread III
March 20th, 2020


US and allies

United States of America: Americans have been told to leave Taiwan. Wait, no, that can't be right, I thought that America was supposed to defend Taiwan? Guess all the 12 year old WWIII fearmongers on here can finally shut up. Also, say goodbye to President Anderson's re-election chances. He won in 2016 on a platform of detente, and he will lose badly on the same platform.

European Union: The EU is more worried about Taiwan then the United States is. I guess this is them trying to prove that they, too, have a shared interest in combating the BLICSS alliance after they said they didn't want to intervene in Iraq to stop Qusay Hussain's gassing of Shia civilians in 2017 and shot down any chance of any intervention in Iraq. Maybe this is more important than Iraq. Maybe it isn't.

Seoul Pact: Pretty pissed off at how the US is handling Taiwan, and you know what? Can't blame them.

The Three I's (Iran, India, Israel): In non-Taiwan news - India's elections have concluded, and in a shock to nobody, nobody has won. Amazing that India, which was hit by 2/27 similar to how Israel was hit, can still hold elections (and still hold themselves together despite the fact that over five parties which hate each other control an equal amount of parliament), and yet Israel still remains under a military dictatorship and we just have to accept it whenever we hear of a massacre of Palestinian civilians.

OAS: Bolivian President Camacho has said that America should nuke China if those "dirty reds" invade Taiwan. Does he have an account here?

BLICSS

Brazil: Brazil hasn't come up in the news lately, but in the BLICSS acronym they come first, so I guess [goes on google], a legislator from the ruling Worker's Party has had a corruption scandal.

Libya: Saif ul-Islam Gaddafi has said that Libya stands with China. Don't know why (or if) anyone expected anything different.

Iraq (Ba'athist Government): Izzat Ibrahim al-Douri has threatened that if the west were to intervene in the civil war they would "face the same fate those 1700 did in Basra" before immediately shutting up (no, I will not argue over whether or not this was a CIA deepfake as some have been saying in the Iraqi Civil War thread). A high ranking Iraqi official taking credit for the Basra Chemical Attack may shut up conspiracy theorists, but its too late to intervene now that it has been nearly three years since that has happened.

China: Ah yes, China. Their leadership is presumably ecstatic now that it is clear that the US isn't willing to stand up for Taiwan. Guess we can do nothing but hope for the best for Taiwan, and hope they don't end up like Hong Kong.

Soviet Union: Roman Grebennikov, mayor of Volgograd, has said that since the US wasn't willing to stand up for the friendly Central Asian governments and instead threw them to the Khorasan Front wolves, that there is no way they are going to fight for Taiwan. Another soundbyte for the Republican Party's campaign in 2020, I guess...

Serbia: 20 Kosovar militants/civilians (depending on who you ask) were killed by the Serbian Army last week and Bosnia and Albania have both condemned it. Is this the start of the great Second Yugoslav/Fourth Balkan War that all the war nerds have been hoping for? No

Sunni Islamist Bloc

Khorasan Front: Really has got everything worked out for them since the peace deal in 2018. Apparently they have re-established themselves in Pakistani Sindh and have captured Ghotki. We will be seeing the fall of Saigon but on a much larger scale, but nobody will care.

Islamic Emirate of Arabia: They have failed in their attempts to try and get the Sunni Arab population of Iraq to defect from the Iraqi government and in getting the Sunni Kurds to defect from Peshmerga and declare their allegiance to the Salafists they're funding in Iraq, so now they're trying to arm the Salafists which are already there and see what happens. They should probably be more concerned about the Coptic separatists, but hey, what use is establishing a caliphate if Baghdad isn't a part of it?

Bangladesh: They probably should be happy that the Hindu Nationalists lost in India. Had they won we probably will be talking about Bangladesh and Taiwan in the same sentence. Their treatment of Hindus and Buddhists, which was already bad but has increased since the 2011 Islamist coup, isn't really something to ignore, and is one of the reasons the Hindu Nationalists were so successful in India's election.

Aceh: The head of their morality police was caught watching porn in his office. Presumably he will be given the same treatment that the morality police has given to those who've done far less. Or not. He is saying on twitter that he is a victim of a great Jewish conspiracy, which is to be expected.
 
ALL ABOARD THE AUSTERITY TRAIN, PRIVATISED CHOO CHOO!
(companion to this list )

Govt Parties (and S&C)
Conservatives (250) : They’re back in Power… just. Unable to undo the Voting Reform Act and the Transition agreement and the Lib Dems and Mods hold the sword of Damocles over any post-transition trade agreement.
Moderates (60): The Tories and the Mods are Like a couple who have split up but still meet up for the sex.
Lib Dems (55): Two roads diverged in a Pantone wood and we chose the one where they didn’t merge with the Mods

Opposition Parties
Labour (201): The notorious RLB failed to notice the poison symbol on the chalice Jez handed her huh?
Greens (19) : Actually hoping Labour pivot to the center-left. Becoming the Tories to Labour’s Moderates.
Reform (8): Take me to a TL where Nigel Farage has fucked off my Telly! I don’t care how, give Boris Johnson a majority in 2019, anything. We’ve left the EU and after a period of unemployment he’s an MP. Fuck you, Lincolnshire (sorry Bob) !

SNP (22): Nicola Sturgeon is holding a monkeys paw, having wished for a soft Brexit but now seeing desire for Indyref2 plummet
Plaid (11): Hey, shared electoral lists between the Greens, Plaid and Lib Dems make sense. They’re basically the same party

DUP(5): Building a voodoo doll of the moderates for robbing them of another S&C deal with the Tories
Sinn Fein (7): Taoiseach MacDonald is conflicted. On the one hand NI is still in the EU. On the other hand NI is still in the EU
Alliance (6): @Ulster is giving Alfie allll the treats while singing a chorus of "We love Naomi, we doo"



Predictions: Government implodes when the Libs and Mods vote against government’s agreement OR Patel bottles it and Reform surges.
 
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Fuchsia Red's American Party Explanations for Ignorant Foreigners

Alright, so we have a lot of parties now, it's 2080 after all! We're hardly the old party system of Democrats and Republicans! But as foreigners sometime pop in the thread asking "What's Gaia's Lament?" or "What the hell is a Municipalist?", a party rundown might be needed. I'm not as good as DaughterSideways when it comes to this thing, but I might as well try!

Circles
Basically all our parties are in six "circles". I'm going to order them from radical to establishmentarian, but I'm putting the fascists second-last because the fascists are basically just those that want the Old Ways back when America had the Right People in Charge, but not the Old Old Ways.

Green Circle
The greenies! Tends to get votes from the eco-communes up in the Appalachians and urban liberals in New New York, as well as Hawaii for some reason. They're divided in three parties, of varying associations with the eco-terrorists like the PPT that pops up in the news attacking some corporation or another for their supposed "crimes against the planet", including the murder of trillionaire Jackie Shears. However, the eco-terrorists are very popular in certain areas. Don't diss them in West Virginia for one.

- Gaia's Lament: The most radical of green parties, those are the ones that do Voluntary Human Extinction and insist all their nominees be sterilised to avoid any children. "Humanity is a virus" used to be a popular slogan of theirs. I think they nominated the actual leader of the Planetary Protection Taskforce once and lost all votes outside the eco-communes as she declared that if she was elected President, she would commit to destroying America's industry systematically so to ensure that America would be "sustainable".
- Soldiers of Mother Earth: The green party that while they do have ties to the eco-terrorists, avoid the radical stuff like VHE. They're very much green though, and dedicated to destroying American neo-capitalism in favour of eco-socialism and what they call the "Green Revolution". I think they really like the idea of agrarianism and making basically of America into eco-communes, like Gaia's Lament.
- Green Party: The "mainstream" [for what counts as mainstream] environmentalist party, they're often derided as "eco-lite" by the radicals. They are very clear in their denial of any connections with the eco-terrorists, and often votes in favour of tougher crackdowns on eco-terrorists. I think they have at times tried to sell themselves as "the only party that can both respect democracy and negotiate with the eco-terrorists". Which isn't much of a niche. If you like the eco-terrorists or think they have a point, you're gonna vote for the actual green parties.

Socialist Circle
"Socialist" in America basically just means "left, but likes unions", to be honest. It varies as a label, but the three here are all supported by unions and by cooperatives, which makes for strong fiscal support. The unions never can quite agree, though, on what they particularly want. This circle does great in the Midwest, especially when you get away from the Appalachians. And they can at times win Southern states, especially in Louisiana, where you basically have socialist governors for 12 years and counting. Oh yeah, and Alaska. That's a weird state.

- Communist Party: I think technically they're the "Communist Party of America (Marxist-Lincolnite-Reddite)". But nobody calls them that, not even the news. The actual Communist Party has to call itself the "Original Communist Party" now after a lawsuit. This one is big on calling for workers to control the means of production, and has in several states tried to push power from constitutional democracy to proletarian democracy via an assembly of soviets. ["Soviet" is a thing American lefties say to mean workers' councils. I think it's Russian in origin].
- Democratic Socialists: I think they're the oldest party in America. No, that's not the NRC, as much as they like to call themselves the "Grand Old Party". The Democratic Socialists of America [or DSA for short] likes to tout that it's the Party of Brace Belden, who was the first socialist president apparently. Odd, I thought that was like FDR? Anyway, President Belden was hugely popular in the socialist circle. His death the other year basically shut down the entire Midwest in mourning. The DSA has a huge pedigree, but not much lately to their name.
- Progressive Party: The moderates in the Socialist circle, they are known at times to work with other "moderate" parties to come up with a "grand bargain" that seems to piss off everyone not moderate. I think President Belden once called them "opportunist bandwagon jumpers" since they were the last on the left to hold on the label of "liberal" and refused to work with socialists until it was unavoidable. Of course now they deny that and insist they were always on good terms, pointing to examples of progressive-socialist cooperation... more than a century in the past.

Libertarian Circle
The libertarians are weird tbh. They do best in the West due to the West really liking the emphasis on "individual government" and whatnot. They also do well in suburbs sometimes, but that tends to be mainly either socialist or liberal depending on the particularities of the suburb in question. They're split in those that interpret "individual government" as either left or right. The two are basically wings of the same party and regularly work with each other, but there do exist times where the two split. Definitely a more coherent circle than normal.

- Municipalist Party: They're the "left" of the libertarians, apparently. Big on expanding the National Dividend [that's the American basic revenue], empowering local communities and decentralising laws, they do have some stuff they believe the national government should take charge on. Not a lot, but some. They basically made Colorado their stronghold over the last decade, all but making it safe Municipalist. Their governor got 52% last election!
- Libertarian Party: The "right" of the libertarian circle, and the one with the name everyone knows. Has a bit of a reputation for being the "illegal trafficking" party which basically makes them toxic to sensible voters. Unfortunately, that's a minority of Americans. Oh yeah, I should explain the "illegal trafficking" bit to non-Americans. Turns out the party was in the habit of trafficking heavily illegal drugs like tobacco, believing that because of some weird conspiracy theory that because some president in like, the 2020s refused to step down when his term was up, his successor and therefore all of the State's actions from that was actually illegitimate, including the ban on tobacco in 2047. Got basically all their leaders arrested.

Liberal Circle
"Liberal" in America basically just means "right, but likes the status quo of being a constitutional democratic republic". Do note that not all parties here like using the term "liberal". Especially the NRC, they refuse to use it, instead using "conservative". They do well in the South, but especially well in the Pacific Coast states and the North-East. Their safest state is basically Massachusetts, I think. That's definitely a very liberal state.

- Civic Democratic Alliance: They're the ones that say they're the party of FDR and all, being the actual legal continuation of the old Democratic Party. They like to emphasise "moderate cooperation" and "rising above old partisan divides". I'm not sure what they actually believe in apart from that, to be honest. Do they even have an ideology, or are they just the party of people who bemoan that politics has ideology in it?
- Our Tomorrow: A party funded by a multitrillionaire to promote unity between the CDA and the NRC. It just managed to split the liberal circle even more. The trillionaire died before she could change her will which gave all the money to Our Tomorrow. It's half a genuine political party trying to advocate "liberal-conservative fusion", half just a bunch of people keeping the facade going to keep the money. And yes, people do vote for this.
- New Republican-Constitution Party: The legal continuation to the old Republican Party. It likes to say it's the party of Reagan. It doesn't quite like to say that it's the party of Hawley, for obvious reasons, although they do derive more ideology from him than from Reagan. Vocally against socialism, it still rejects the liberal branding, calling liberalism "a mental disorder". The CDA and NRC's centuries-old feud continues and ensures the liberal circle is divided as ever. That's one thing you can count on in American politics, Dems and Reps hating each other.

Fascist Circle
Technically the "Nationalist Circle" according to political commentators, but fuck that. They're fascists and everyone knows it. They tend to do well in the White South and some parts of the Plains and pick up scarily lots of voters elsewhere. I won't spend a lot of words here because, ugh.

- American Nationalist Union: The """"moderate"""" fascists, they're nevertheless the ones clinging more to the idea of America being a white country and heavily dog-whistling against African immigrants, saying they will never "integrate" in American society. They're "moderate" because they don't openly desire the destruction of the constitution and the establishment of a "Volkstate". They do, though. They just think it can be slowly chipped away, slowly, one liberty after another until America wakes up and we're under the jackboot.
- American National People's Vanguard: They're rather odd. They think America should be organised under a system that's basically stolen from some old communist country, but with the one party being of course the ANPV. They want it to be an one-party totalitarian state, and basically openly admits that. Their ideology is "National Integrated Vanguardism" or something. They are big on the idea of America being a multiracial state, as long as all people unite behind the Flag and the Lost Greatness of America, unlike the more white-power ANU.

Monarchist Circle
To understand why America has significant monarchist politics, you have to understand the '50s and the great trauma it dealt on American culture as a whole. Some people basically came away from that with one conclusion set in their minds - America was a mistake. To those people, who proudly called themselves "Tories", America erred fatally when it rebelled against the English Crown. And that America will only find salvation and national stability when it returns to the fold and crowns King George VII as the rightful Monarch of America. Really nuts thinking, yeah, but it was popular once. Nowadays, this has cooled down, but there's still strong "Tory" communities scattered around America.

- New Tory Party: The main banner-holder of the Monarchist circle, it's mostly broad-tent, but tends right-wards. It depends on where the communities are, honestly. Some of them aren't that much different from the CDA and would be comfortably liberal if it wasn't for the monarchist belief, while others fit well within the ANPV, only that they want the Supreme Director to be a crowned head, not some jumped-up commoner. The New Tory Party tends to emphasise the aspects it can agree on, namely the crown, and a general discomfort with socialism.
- Social Monarchist Union: While the New Tories are firmly not in favour of socialism, the SMU is. Primarily based in Midwestern "Tory" communities, it fused monarchist beliefs with Midwestern liking for socialism to form a very bizarre ideology called "Monarchical Socialism", which basically argues that the ideal political system is an implementation and furthering of socialism, but with the monarch as a "guiding, stable hand". Some theorists, buried deep within their papers, even hypothesise the idea of "Absolutist Communism" where the state withers away to nothing but the King. Most of the SMU doesn't even touch that idea, though, and heavily deny ever planning on anything like that.


Electoral College
Our president is elected via this weird system. Non-Americans are probably familiar with it via watching our election nights. It's basically a winner-takes-all system apart from some states that do proportional, congressional district breakdown or instant runoff. The last time anyone got a majority was when President Skála ran unopposed back in 2060 due to the Social Crisis. Normally that sort of thing doesn't happen at all. You are expected to have parties be eliminated one by one in the election college voting one by one. The circles tend to back their own in that.

Some electors may decide that none of the remaining choices are worth their time and declare their vote to be "present", which basically means it's counted, but not for any of the candidates. The rounds go on, normally something like eight rounds, before a majority is decided, often with only two or three candidates left. If the "present" votes deny a majority with two candidates left, the state parties that originally won the electors are handed full control and are expected to decide rather rapidly who to cast the votes for after a round acknowledging their renewed electors.

If this second "last round" still has no majority, most likely by some state parties deciding to maintain the "present" voting, the Governors of the state in question are handed control and are expected to make a decision who to back. The third "last round" is the furthest any election has been, but there is constitutionally procedure for a fourth one in which the House of the People selects the nominee.

This is pretty messy, yeah, and I think it was cleaner before the convention of 2052 or so that established America's new multi-party democracy.
 
This is one of the best lists I've read in a while.

Turns out the party was in the habit of trafficking heavily illegal drugs like tobacco, believing that because of some weird conspiracy theory that because some president in like, the 2020s refused to step down when his term was up, his successor and therefore all of the State's actions from that was actually illegitimate, including the ban on tobacco in 2047. Got basically all their leaders arrested.

Even in the future, US Libertarians gonna Libertarian.

Like the nods to the existence of a new generation of Politibrits.
 
Couldn’t quite work out the fine details of the TL for this but here goes.

Whatif.com Party and Politics Rundown. New Years Day 2020

Comments: only 3 weeks until 25th Anniversary of the Great Accident Commemorations

Government Parties

Left Alliance-
Democracy ’06:
The second coming of the Party of Skinner is continuing apace. Ignore the massive flight of money ignoring New Canary Wharf and going towards President Clinton’s New New York Project
Labour: Eddie Izzard has two buttons, one marked “We hate D06 and the PM in particular” one marked “We like being in government,” and he cannot pick which to press.
Green Alliance: Is too happy about the new wave of London reconstruction having so many solar panels to make too much of a noise about D06 and Labour’s proposals for the next wave of emissions targets. This entry is quite long winded, but factual.
Plaid Cymru: Are also there. Leanne Wood looks happy as Minister for Wales. Which is nice.
SDLP: On the one hand the SDLP want to do better, on the other hand Colum Eastwood might have competition for his role as NI Secretary



His Majesty’s Most Loyal Opposition:

Conservative Coalition
One Nation:
Bill Hague wants to look Prime Ministerial and above partisan politics ahead of the anniversary, also wants the PM to fuck it up in front of King William.
British: *flips a coin* Heads they call for Parliament to be moved back to London, Tails they say how too much money is being spent on rebuilding London.
Liberal: Dan Hannan made a gaffe by calling them the “25th anniversary of the Great Accident Celebrations
UUP: Are hanging on as the DUP slowly remove their fingers from the ledge.



Others with Commons Representation

Liberal Democrats: Once again repeating the words “No One Alliance gains a majority” like a mantra while looking for some friends who aren’t the Alliance.
SNP: Confirmed despite worries about its safety, their commemorative events will be held at the Lanarkshire crater. You’ve all heard the tasteless jokes about the King, I’m hardly a royalist but fuck that noise.
Party For Wales: Are Still Kicking themselves over joining League of Regions rather than the LA.
Radical: Grant Morrison is still an MP, Grant Morrison still hates being an MP. Grant Morrison still refuses to rejoin D06
Alliance: Are also there and squeezing the Lib Dem's hand reassuringly.
Sinn Fein: I’m going to fit these folks with an alarm that periodically reminds people to a) their existence and b) the LoR
DUP: The seeming bastard child of the LoA and the CC kicked up a fuss about the PM visiting Dublin, obvs.


Parties with Sitting Lords and Senators Only

National Front: Lord Griffin is Pinning another medal to his jacket for his self-proclaimed actions post-accident, no doubt. At least the NF have fucked off from the commons.
 
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