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AH Run-downs, summaries and general gubbins

After economic struggle and decades of imperialist war, the Estado Novo was finally overthrown in the 1974 Carnation Revolution. They were replaced by the Provisional Revolutionary Government of Portugal, led by a coalition of leftist and liberal parties dominated by the Portuguese Communist Party. Not long after, resistance to the new government began. The decade-long Portuguese Civil War that followed killed and displaced hundreds of thousands of Portuguese citizens. Finally in 1984, changes in government in both Moscow and Madrid led to the Andorra Accords, a tenuous peace and then, a few years later, the promulgation of a new constitution. Despite all odds, the new system has sustained itself to the present day. For though the bitterness of the civil war has not left the minds of the Portuguese people, the need for domestic cooperation in the face of international challenges is apparent to everyone in the Iberian republic.



The Portuguese Communist Party (Partido Comunista Português) has governed Portugal since the early 2000s. Since abandonment by Moscow, the PCP has moved away from Marxism-Leninism, instead endorsing a “Portuguese way to socialism”. After a couple terms in opposition, the PCP has returned as the natural governing party of Portugal, with strongest support among the working classes and in industrial centers. While the party has not reversed Portugal's relationship with the IMF or EU, it has continued to maintain neutrality in regards to NATO. Lisbon is widely considered to be Russia, China, and Venezuela's best friend in Western Europe. In recent years, working class support for the PCP has begun to erode in the face of growing austerity and ideological confusion.



The New National Union (Nova União Nacional) is the main opposition party in Portugal. They are the direct descendants of the old National Union of the Estado Novo and led the resistance against the Provisional Revolutionary Government throughout the civil war. Although no longer explicitly fascist, the NUN is a solidly right-wing party, maintaining close ties to business and the church. They are most supported by the upper and middle classes. During their decade in power, the NUN dismantled the state-dominated economic system of the country and implemented supply-side reforms under the advise of the IMF and World Bank. Today the NUN advocates for closer relations with the United States and European Union, with many factions endorsing a readmission to NATO as well as re-annexation of the Azores and Madeira.



The Social Liberal Party (Partido Social Liberal) is the third-largest party. Its membership composes mainly of the descendants of those liberals who broke with the Provisional Revolutionary Government during the civil war. Today the PSL maintains an ideological orientation essentially indistinguishable from the NUN, though they tend to be much more middle class and secular in nature than the former party.



The Six Star Movement (Movimento 6 Estrelas) is a blatant rip-off of the much more successful Italian Five Star Movement. M6E is much more explicitly fascist than the former, with many of Portugal's burgeoning neo-Nazi movement operating under its banner. Nobody is quite sure what the six stars stand for, but it's likely attacking migrant refugee camps is one of them.



And finally there are the Union of Portuguese Monarchists (União dos Monarquistas Portugueses) which formed out of a group of neo-monarchists expelled from the right-wing resistance movement after being accused of being a controlled opposition front group for the Communists. Although only a minority of UMP members continue to advocate for a re-establishment of the monarchy, and the open disavowing by the Duarte Pio, they are most noted for carrying portraits of the Duke of Braganza to nearly every major public demonstration in the country.
 
The Moskito Kingdom (map) has had a long history of struggle. For a little over a century, from 1844-1948, the Moskito Kingdom was a British protectorate. The existence of the Kingdom was opposed by Nicaragua and the United States. In 1952 Nicaragua invaded, leading to an insurgency that lasted for decades. In 1985 Nicaragua withdrew from the Mosquito Coast in order to put down an internal leftist rebellion. Since then tensions have been high between the two countries, and a number of border disputes have nearly escalated to war.

King Robert Henry Clarence III: Assumed control of the kingdom following independence, and is one of two reigning monarchs in the Americas (the other being Elizabeth II). Although extremely popular ill health means that he won't be on this Earth much longer, and his son is significantly less popular.

Christian Democratic Party: The Christian Democrats are the dominant party in the Moskito Kingdom, having ruled almost continuously since independence (with the exception of the years between 2000-2003). The party lacks a strong ideological bent, and is a big-tent establishment party. This is increasingly unpopular however, and worldwide economic recession that started in 2017 threatens to upend the system.

Liberal Party: The Liberals are the only other party to have run the Moskito Kingdom, albeit for only a short time. Their ideology is classical liberalism, although the party's right is dominated by right-wing populists. The party's current hope is that the recession will bring down the CDP, at which point the Liberals will win outright. But rather troublingly there is talk of allying with the National Alliance if they cannot achieve an outright victory (the Liberals believe they can control their far-right counterparts).

Labour Party: Traditionally the Labour Party has been Social Democrats, and they have long been the third-largest party in the country. But after being almost wiped out in the 2011 election the party's hard left faction came to dominate, and now it is a fully socialist party. The good news is that this has expanded their support amongst the poor, particularly those hit hard by the recession. Unfortunately a lot of party's middle class voters have left, unhappy with policies that they see as promoting the interests of the poor at their expense.

National Alliance: The farthest right of the parties represented in Parliament, the National Alliance can best be compared to its counterpart in Italy. Which is to say that they're a mixture of fascists and right-wing populists who want to Make the Moskito Kingdom Great Again. The party's base is the military and those living on the border with Nicaragua, although the 2015 elections showed them gaining support amongst the middle class.
 
Winning the 40

Scottish Assembly Status Quo:

The Conservatives are about to crash out of Old Royal - Gove's wheeler-dealing gift of the gab wrote too many cheques his government couldn't keep, and global oil prices are too low to save him. A lot of the economic problems were around before he was First Secretary and, as the SNP like to say, Old Royal only has so many powers, but nobody made Gove be this unpleasant a person to look at.

Unfortunately for Labour, they were the last Assembly government which was also around for a stagnant economy and Laird has not been able to turn their fortunes around enough. The national party's big "Northern Power" push is having a negative impact as well, with polls showing a lot of Scottish voters feel that northern England is getting 'all the attention' at their expense. (Northern English find this very funny)

So to our shock and horror, the likely next government might be a Liberal/SNP coalition! While the SNP have steadily moved to the centre-left as Labour left it, this would still be a marriage of convenience for parties that should have quite different policies. However, Swinson and Yousaf have been meeting quietly and not-so-quietly for months, and Liberal & SNP councillors across Scotland have been collaborating semi-effectively - the SNP see a chance to get back into the government for the first time since the first Assembly's Lab-Scot coalition and the Liberals, the first time ever.
 
@Charles EP M. I always love your stuff. Next time I like something you write on twitter remind me I need to buy one of your books I'd really like to read some of your longer things

This is my little update on my Climate Crisis TL

2045

Major Parties
Conservative: The refugee settlements sex abuse scandal is bound to threaten the Torys. *Crickets* I'm sure a high ranking minister will resign any minute now.
Labour: Lisa Varney has finally had to resign from Labour, leaving the target constituency of Canterbury Central without a Labour candidate yet. What finally got her? Her comments about kink? The stuff about Islam? No, of course not. It's that she was a TERF in the 'teens. Going after marginalised groups is fine, but *clutches pearls* heaven forfend anyone be mean to vanilla white girls.

Third Parties
English Green Party: The Scottish branch of the English Greens are apparently running for a seat in Edinburgh. Can we persuade the Scottish Greens to come south? England could do with a left wing environmentalist party.
Liberal: Their last video was basically about how they need to beat the Libertarians to fourth place, even though they aren't actually competing in any marginal seats so a good Liberal result won't change anything about how the Libertarians do.
Libertarian: The leadership has explained that suppressing the Supremacist tendency would be a terrible affront to Free Speech, meanwhile the Supremacists has officially declared war on "The Melts in the Party" and are working on a "campaign of annihilation" and this is somehow not meant as an object lesson in the problems of libertarianism.

The Left: Are getting derided for the "tactical error" of making this election about the refugee crisis when this issue really doesn't resonate with voters - maybe, crazy idea, they actually care about the people involved?
Yorkshire Party: Put out a meme last week about how Adam Barker is the 24/7 slave of another Try MP, and the person who made the post still hasn't been fired. Apparently kink shaming is fine as long as the target is a Tory. Also note they didn't go after Keven Daniels - because being the dom is almost acceptable.

National Parties
SNP: Trying their best to push soft support for Reykjavik as a way to win some ground in the highand seats where they're still somehow relevant.
PSI: Their manifesto includes a promise of unilateral independence, entry into the Reykjavik Accord and Irish unity. And apparently these are the red lines. It is... hard... to see how they might be a valid coalition partner for Labour in the next government. But apparently they've also promised to do that so this can't end in disappointment.
Plaid Cymru: You can tell everything is all over for a party in power when they start producing "what have the [party] ever dione for us?" videos. Fun fact, the movie this sketch is based on is over sixty years old and was apparently set in Ancient Rome.
Union: We've had confirmation that the Union Party will be pushing for a referendum if they get into coalition. Unionists in Ireland supporting the unification of Ireland? This... I mean... this shouldn't be that controversial.
Sinn Fein: Have clarified that they support UDI and unification with Ireland - in that order. This makes a coalition with Labour basically impossible. I'm sure everyone is really glad they started showing up in parliament.
Fianna Gael: Have finally been allowed to form an "official opposition" with the Liberals, even though between them they have less than half the opposition seats but whatever. Whatever.
Scottish Green Party: The vote on whether to accept the Reykjavik Accord was uncomfortably close for the Deep Green non-interventionists. A number of whom were probably hoping it would go the other way so they'd have an excuse to join the invading southerners in the EGP.
Welsh Green Party: Are nearing a split on Reykjavik. Reyjavik. A geo-engineering protocol that doesn't even impact them. By now the WGP is basically held together solely by the fact that nobody outside of the party can understand their internal vendettas.
Green Party Northern Ireland: The EGP aligned ultras are so adamantly anti-geoengineering that they opposed someone painting their house white on the basis that it would interfere with the albido effect and at some point these people have to be purged or the party will start trying to bring back the witchcraft trials
Fianna Fail: About to have another leadership election as the party continues to fail to work out that they're just not a thing in Northern Ireland

Minor Parties [confirmed over 5000 members]
Salvation: Everyone welcome aboard another ring around the far right roundabout! Same people as always, slightly different justification, same disputes with CPS and the Electoral Commission. They'll be shut down for discrimination and hate speech by next year as soon as one of their leaders inevitably accidentally says what they really think.
Communist Party of Great Britain: 50% inveterate old neo-Maoists. 50% police agents spying on Maoists, 50% Chinese government agents spying on the police who are spying on the Maoists, 50% intelligence agents spying on the Chinese Spies who are psying on the police spying on the Maoists. 1% that one guy with a blog who for some reason they all get on with even though he leaks everything.
The Land: Are you a deep Green type but sick of people bringing up reason and evidence in meetings? Do you enjoy the incoherent rantings of people who think contact lens computing is dangerous transhumanism, but feel these don't go far enough? Are you literally an anti-vaxxer oh Gods how are there still anti-vaxxers shouldn't they be as illegal as TERFs and Nazis? If so, The Land could be for you. Go to them. Please go to them. Nobody else wants you around.

Micro Parties [confirmed over 1000 members]
Anarchist Alliance:
Not banned yet, somehow. They're trying to do that Supremacist thing of being too big and public to just wipe out in a few dawn raids and so far... they're kind of still getting away with it? Kind of? Time will tell.
UKIP: Have won another court-case and can keep running. Which has nothing to do with the fact that their leader is a known snitch who has sent dozens of actually effective racists to jail. How dare you suggest that?
Transhumanist Party: Still basically a vanity project run by a couple of millionnaires but hey it works right?
 
That's good fun @Sideways. Particularly like your recurring thing about kinks being the next social war once trans rights become accepted.

Mind, it has become clear that your use of the word 'melt' means something different to how I'd use it (to refer to either a delicious meat meal or a tactless idiot) and I wouldn't mind having that explained.
 
That's good fun @Sideways. Particularly like your recurring thing about kinks being the next social war once trans rights become accepted.

Mind, it has become clear that your use of the word 'melt' means something different to how I'd use it (to refer to either a delicious meat meal or a tactless idiot) and I wouldn't mind having that explained.

Melt - a term Corbynistas use to refer to moderate leftwing types. Basically in the same tradition as anti Thatcher Tories being wets.

In my timeline though the term is now mostly used by Supremacists in much the same way. Fellow travelers who are insufficiently fascist
 
I do like this idea of fetishes being the next culture war and The X Agenda thing. What the heck are the acronyms and terms there?

Actually - @Tovarich could you halp me with that for my story pls? How do these terms sound to you?

I don't really want to call people without kinks "vanilla". It has a lot of connotations and I think the Kink community in this wrld will need to use neutral, clinical language as part of the political project of gaining mainstream acceptance.

Maybe:

People with kinks - Parasexual/Para

People without kinks - Orthosexual? Metasexual? Para- is a difficult word to have an antonym for. Adsexual and steal from the Latin? Basically means "close to" implying sexual interest through direct sexual stimulation rather than mood?

Names of fetishes probably wouldn't change much, though obviously there will be new options and some clarifications

I don't think there's an equivalent of TERFs. ITTL a lot of TERFs ended up arrested or with ruined careers even if those who were powerful before they were TERFs probably got off without any problems. The kink debate ITTL is rather muted. I mean, if you want to hate people for being different and put them in risk of death, there's a refugee crisis to over-focus on. Probably the Glinner equivalent would be called an adsexual supremacist - some older people might use KERF, but a lot of people just wouldn't get the historical reference by this point.

Are there existing terms I could use? I'll admit, this isn't my community. There are some very lovely kink people in the trans community, but overlapping a venn diagram doesn't make me an expert in other people's issues.
 
The mega-fans of the deal are calling it

A Chance At A Second Empire(s)

but the Brits still can't convince each other to sign up. Simple enough, two third-rate powers form a customs union and a common immigration & defence policy, and they both agree to not mention the War of 1914. The new 'United Nations of Britain and Germany' immediately becomes a second-rate power that can better bully smaller nations, sign more competitive free-trade deals with countries like Korea, the kaiser's son marries Princess etc. Both their Liberal and Co-Operative Parties are in favour...

So why the second referendum in Blighty? Here's how it goes:

- The conservatives in the country, particularly in the small towns, don't like the idea of sharing power with another country and the racist ones don't like the idea of Germans and Ostafrikans coming over (they already don't like West Indians and Princely Indians). Add in fear this prevents any independence from the Scottish nationalists.

- The Democratic Communist Party, and this was true for the Krauts too, don't like the idea of internationalist unions if they're not socialist or communist ones, and they'll use any argument on the left to get out of this.

- London, Aberdeen, and a few of the shiny 'new towns' like Milton Keynes are majority against because they have a good thing going on with their financial industries, tech, oil in Aberdeen's case etc - some of their businesses will get more cash, others won't.

- The Northern cities and many of the old ports really, really want this deal cos they think it will boost manufacturing and shipping, especially long-term with new foreign deals. Remember, Liverpool has the highest murder rate in the land.

- Farms are split between "get orf mah land, Kraut" and "get orn mah land, Kraut, I've stuck the English flag on this cow so now it's an exotic cow".

The first referendum was too narrow to be conclusive. The second may scraaaaaaape its way to an Aye, just like the German one did, but that's after not just a rush of extra propaganda by government & oppo, it was after a few bribes to key people (like a nice bung for oil industries to remain 'favoured' in any free-trade deal) and that has the German opposition, the DNVP, demanding a second referendum of their own as this Wasn't What Voters Voted For.

Realistically, the United Nations happens in the end but boy, this is not an auspicious start. Japan and America are definitely not quaking in their boots.
 

I wouldn't use "parasexual", I think the term "paralympic" is so entrenched in people's minds that first thought will be of sex for disabled people; which hopefully by the time of your TL is no longer considered weird.

Like @Artaxerxes says, "kink" is a bit broad.

Back in the late 80s, when I first dipped my toes shallowly into the 'kink world', conversation about whether we were an oppressed community, like gay people came up, and my answer was that we weren't.
And still aren't.

Having a kink does not effect your entire life like being gay and/or trans does, so whilst bad legislation like Section 63 (as it was) should be collectively opposed, nobody was trying to wipe us out from society.
We just don't need a political identity.

Bad legislation and moral panics could artificially recreate such oppression, and require collective identification, but I think your story would need quite detailed explanation of how that happened.
 
Something from the same world as the one piece of actual writing I've done on the forum:
The Kingdom of Caledonia, 2019

Legal Parties
The Caledonian League - Oh, look, they've won again. I'm sure the fact that the new seat boundaries are based on land area, not population, the mass voter roll purges and the banning of the AfD for sedition had absolutely nothing to do with that, no sirree. Iain Mac Griogair remains the longest-serving head of government in the world, to everyone's great surprise.
Catholic Association - Survived the mass-banning of the other AfD participants after the personal intervention of the Man in Rome, they've ended up as the largest opposition grouping and are *checks notes* currently voting for the expansion of funding to the farms programme. Oh Dear.
Francophone League - The only non-Caledonian party to do well out of the boundaries, Michel Aube now has a friend. To their credit, they voted against the farms, so expect them to go the way of the other linguistic minority party soon enough.
Independent-Celtic Christian - The Peninsular Prophet remains a law unto himself, having stormed home with a forty point majority, and was last heard of trying to introduce a bill to ban people from moving between provinces. It's insane, so expect it to be statute by this time next year.


Illegal Parties
Workers' Movement of Caledonia - Yes, the fake party that the League set up twenty years ago when they banned the actual WM have been themselves banned for opposing the government too much with their 'Alliance for Democracy' thing. What's the world coming to, when you can't trust your own puppets, eh?
Moderate-Reformists - Rabert Newlands hasn't been seen for the past three weeks, and the government is denying all knowledge of him. It's plausible that, at his age, seeing his party banned and Mac Griogair triumphant he may well just have died naturally, but, well, come on. They've disappeared people before.
Association for the Scotch Minority - Everyone's least favourite Duncan misread which way the wind was blowing, tried to break away from the regime, failed, and is now living in a camp in New England whilst they assess his asylum claim. I would not want to be in charge of that case.

Aonadh - The Caledonian League without the murders, depressingly they're the most likely banned party to achieve anything should intervention ever come.

Other Political Groups and Figures
King James XII & II
is still insisting he is not the King of Caledonia, he's quite happy with Scotland, thank you very much. Caledonia is insisting that he is the king of Caledonia, and keep making big deals about empty thrones and unwielded seals and such. How long until they dig up one of the madder ones in the succession - my bet's on one of the Malones - who'll go and be king instead?

Prince David, Duke of Rothesay continues to attempt to build an opposition in the Caledonian 2nd Estate, only slightly marred by his being on the other side of the Atlantic ocean.

Seas! killed thirteen people in an ironway bombing in Caladearg this week. Still no mention of them from the government.

Aibhlin nic Leod is the latest anacritic breakout star of the regime, thanks to that creepy brigade of apologists who think the lower-level functionaries of murder-states are hot.

Mairi Ros is still dead. Which means everyday, another 'radical thinker' on ThoughtCloud gets to say how she'd've been perfect and stopped the killing but otherwise kept a nice little despotism going. Fuck's sake, where're the peacebringers when you need them?
 
So I heard you guys were fans of WGBP.

What if Gordon Banks had Played?

18th February 2019: Party Rundown
His Majesty's Government
Social Democrat:
With the loss in last week's by-election the coalition government is down to a majority of three. Kinnock II: Electric Boogaloo is proceeding as swimmingly as always.
Liberal: Taking into consideration the coalition's recent loss and their disastrous polling in the recent BBC poll I can only imagine that Ed Davey is tugging his collar harder than Geoffrey Howe was when he was sitting in those Powellite cabinet meetings.

His Majesty's Most Loyal Opposition
One Nation:
Michael Gove's defection to Reform marks the third such since 2017's election. If you think you can smell blood don't worry, that's merely the political career of George Osborne.

Other Parties (In Parliament)
Socialist Labour:
Trying as hard as they can to not address the fact that their leader was bamboozled into an interview conducted by Lyndon LaRouche, in the wake of the latter's death.
Reform: How mad is Nigel Farage at the coalition government? He's so mad that he's going to tear into Stephen Kinnock in a viral Chatter post. He's so mad that he's going to praise Margaret Thatcher. wait what
Green: Considering the whole mess this became, especially online, I think we could at least take notice in how quickly Sian Berry sacked the spokesman who ReChatted the anti-semitic post from one of the National Front splinters.
SNP: All things considered they're probably doing the worst of all the major parties, what with the allegations of rape against the man who's been their party leader for 25 years.
Plaid Cymru: The whole ordeal with Salmond could actually make them 'the main secessionist party.'

Other Parties (Not In Parliament)
Conservative:
Currently can't fathom why Nigel Farage is getting so much hate for praising Margaret Thatcher.
Powellite National Front: Their newly elected party leader (the guy whose Chatter-handle is 'cumbria') just got banned from Chatter. Nice.
Pure National Front: Oh boy.
Communist: Kinda pissed about the Marx grave thing, as you might expect.
Libertarian: Rand Paul is coming to speak at some party run event next month. That's actually kind of a big deal.
American Statehood Now!: Already getting a protest ready for when President Biden comes around in May.
MI5 Truth: Party leader occupied with telling his Chatter followers how Airey Neave "really died."
 
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The most significant parties in the UGB and basically a rundown of them. There's a lot of small and funny parties, but considering how much of a clusterfuck this Britain is already, and considering how much levels of election you can get... Yeah.

From left to right [not by size] we have...

There's the Communist Party of Great Britain. Very Eurosceptic, has tied itself to Scottish and Welsh left-nationalist parties, quite a few of them Have Views on stuff like "identity politics", but the leadership has tried to quiet them down because well, their allies. They have gained quite a bit, especially with younger voters, which adds more reason for the people With Views to be quiet. They aren't though.

The Independent Labour Party is as left-wing as ever, the days of Maxton are quite over. But their leader Mark Drakeford, originally elected as a safe pair of hands after the leadership of Ian Lavery was brought down by a financial scandal, has proved himself unpopular even with left-wing voters, and there's the mutterings that he's Just Not That Good and a new election should be happening. While he is MP for Cardiff South and bound to be re-elected, the ILP isn't looking so hot in the polls.

Which should be good for the Globalist Alliance, right? That is, if they can just recover from their own scandal. Namely, a combination of antisemitism and transphobia has tainted the party in a lot of their voters' eyes thanks to reporting from liberal media. President Mike Woodin is also not in the best of health, so the "president's party" isn't getting much benefit now. Amelia Womack has resigned as co-leader over a series of antisemitic chirps and the party scrambles to find a replacement. And the "Turquoise Tendency" very much wants to get back to control of the party, and it knows just the person to do so. Enter Elizabeth Truss.

Surprisingly enough, the bland and milquetoast Social Democratic Party is doing well. The ILP and Globalists going through unpopular periods have made many go "fuck it, I'll back Ed" and to their leader Ed Miliband leading a bit. The traditional media isn't kind to the man they call "Red Ed", with many negative comparisons to his "statesmanlike" brother, and even the murmurs that he plotted his brother's downfall from power somehow. And social media isn't kind to the chap either, with many deriding him as a clone of his brother or that he's just putting a slighter redder coat of paint on a very neoliberal party. Still, they're doing good in the polls.

To be or not to be? That is the question for Bethan Sayed, leader of Cynghrair Cymru and one side of the bizarre division that has engulfed British politics. Should a strongly left-wing separatist become President of all Britain when Mike Woodin well, is no longer? While some mutter that she's at least not the White Fox and the last time a Welsh woman assumed power, she did well, many especially in English petit-bourgeois circles have been outraged at the sheer thought and has rallied behind the Agriculturalist attempt at changing the succession law. Oh, and the party itself is doing well, but that's really an afterthought to you know, The Question.

Up in Scotland, the Scots Independent Party is not in good moods. Michael Russell is facing increasing calls to resign and hand over to a younger candidate in a new leadership election. And it seems that he is inclined to, especially as he just lost power last year to a coalition that seems to doom any future chances of a SIP government. But even in Scotland itself, they're not the primary Celtic nationalist party on everyone's lips, thanks to The Question. Which has irked Sippers quite a bit, especially as they get uninformed voters saying "Ay, can I vote for that nice Bethan woman for Chancellor of Scotland?".

The Liberal Party is well, doing fine. Sure, Zac Goldsmith has switched parties again and went back to the Globalists for the second time, but he was always a gadfly who took President Churchill's quote about ratting a bit too much. Nick Boles as leader and Deputy PM is... forgettable? Hard to be remembered when you've been in government for donkey's years. And Andrew Adonis has been talking about becoming the nominee of the Government against whoever is the primary left candidate. Which has made some on the left quite nervous. Surely they want to be seen as open to working with the SDP?

Minette Batters and the Agriculturalist League is juggling a few things at the moment. There's that annoying President Rubio talking about withdrawing from the CoN and setting up an "Euro-American Sphere" or whatever silly name he wished to call it. Now obviously America is an ally, but yeah, Britain can't put up with every silly idea from there. The second one is the Unionists going harder and harder in their calls for a EF referendum. Which the Agriculturalists would have begrudgingly agreed to in the days of Pym, but now? With farming trade with Europe as high as ever? No way, Jose. And the third is The Question, which we all know their stance.

What is the point of the National Party? Such is the question being presented. The Liberals have the centre-right middle-class, the Agriculturalists have farmers and the Unionists have the social conservatives. But what does the Nationals serve? Still, maybe we're just too harsh, especially as they did have a good year. Ruth Davidson is still the most popular female politician in the UGB after all, even more popular than the PM! And conservatism always needs a house that isn't another party, no matter how much the Unionists claim they're the true conservative party. Nonsense, that's the Nationals!

A modern populist party or a party that defend British traditions? The Unionist Party seemingly can't choose, as the leadership switch back and forth from Suzanne Evans (2013-15 and 17-now) and Jacob Rees-Mogg (2015-17), both with wildly different perceptions of what the Nationals should prioritise and where's their voters should be from. With Evans in charge, Rees-Mogg is sulking on the backbench and there's murmurs that if the polls dip yet again, he'll strike once more. And not helping matters is Neil Hamilton all but openly wanting his leadership back. Can the party, torn apart by three leaders, ever unite?

The one thing Hamilton, Evans and Rees-Mogg can agree on, at least in public, is that the Free England Movement is a bunch of fascists and that their voters should just quietly vote Unionist. But even as the FE marches continue to be surpassed by antifa ones, their MPs continue to talk of "defending English values". Of course, not even them would openly declare themselves white supremacist, even if Nick Griffin say the party should adopt the Fourteen Words into its platform. Robin Tillbrook painstakingly makes it clear that to him, everyone living in England is welcome in his party, even as his membership increasingly disagree.

With the left in disarray leading to milquetoast Milibandism on the rise, the centre divided and incoherent and the right having a good year, it can be hard to recall that the localist movement is also growing quite well. Sure, people wouldn't call Idle Toad a party, but lots of Idle Toad-allied localist groups have won seats in councils and devolved assemblies, up to the point where the Lord Lieutenant of Yorkshire has to rely on Yorkshire First as part of his coalition. And of course, we can't forget that Cornwall just elected a very nationalist government either. Those are interesting times for Britain.
 
So I heard you guys were fans of WGBP.

What if Gordon Banks had Played?

18th February 2019: Party Rundown
His Majesty's Government
Social Democrat:
With the loss in last week's by-election the coalition government is down to a majority of three. Kinnock II: Electric Boogaloo is proceeding as swimmingly as always.
Liberal: Taking into consideration the coalition's recent loss and their disastrous polling in the recent BBC poll I can only imagine that Ed Davey is tugging his collar harder than Geoffrey Howe was when he was sitting in those Powellite cabinet meetings.

His Majesty's Most Loyal Opposition
One Nation:
Michael Gove's defection to Reform marks the third such since 2017's election. If you think you can smell blood don't worry, that's merely the political career of George Osborne.

Other Parties (In Parliament)
Socialist Labour:
Trying as hard as they can to not address the fact that their leader was bamboozled into an interview conducted by Lyndon LaRouche, in the wake of the latter's death.
Reform: How mad is Nigel Farage at the coalition government? He's so mad that he's going to tear into Stephen Kinnock in a viral Chatter post. He's so mad that he's going to praise Margaret Thatcher. wait what
Green: Considering the whole mess this became, especially online, I think we could at least take notice in how quickly Sian Berry sacked the spokesman who ReChatted the anti-semitic post from one of the National Front splinters.
SNP: All things considered they're probably doing the worst of all the major parties, what with the allegations of rape against the man who's been their party leader for 25 years.
Plaid Cymru: The whole ordeal with Salmond could actually make them 'the main secessionist party.'

Other Parties (Not In Parliament)
Conservative:
Currently can't fathom why Nigel Farage is getting so much hate for praising Margaret Thatcher.
Powellite National Front: Their newly elected party leader (the guy whose Chatter-handle is 'cumbria') just got banned from Chatter. Nice.
Pure National Front: Oh boy.
Communist: Kinda pissed about the Marx grave thing, as you might expect.
Libertarian: Rand Paul is coming to speak at some party run event next month. That's actually kind of a big deal.
American Statehood Now!: Already getting a protest ready for when President Biden comes around in May.
MI5 Truth: Party leader occupied with telling his Chatter followers how Airey Neave "really died."
I really like that alternate name for Twitter - seems obvious now but I don't think anyone else has thought of it till now.
 
The most significant parties in the UGB and basically a rundown of them. There's a lot of small and funny parties, but considering how much of a clusterfuck this Britain is already, and considering how much levels of election you can get... Yeah.

From left to right [not by size] we have...

What a glorious mess.
 
(loosely inspired by Other Ideologies 3:)

The Jacobite Uprising won control of Scotland, even if England couldn't be taken, and James VIII takes the thrown with French backing - Prince Charles marries the young Princess Henriette as a sign. When the War of Austrian Succession ends, Britain and France compromise in that Scotland will remain an independent kingdom but at the price of losing a large chunk of itself to England ("South Scotland"), where the protestants move in a steady flow.

This uneasy status quo ends with the Eight Year War, which sees the Kingdom of Scotland forcibly rejoined to England - except for the 'province' of South Scotland - and Henrietta fled to France with Charles's son who is also called Charles. The rump House of Stuart bums around first France, then the rest of Europe after the Revolution (Britain won't let the scion back in), then off to Scotland on a failed Jacobite Rising II during the Napoleonic Wars and around and around until they're punted to Mexico to run a client empire in the 1860s. Westminster considers this to mean they're finally rid of the buggers - especially when the Mexican Empire starts to fray - until the election of 1873, two years after the infamous rout at Dorking...

The Whigs are going to win, of course. Of the various parties created since Tory and Liberal died a death at Dorking, the new Whigs have the advantage of being the ones nominally in power and the ones with MPs people have heard of and the ones with a recognisable name. Who cares that they're now a conservative, protectionist force and not like the original Whigs? They've got a grip of the food shortages and negotiated Germany into handing Liverpool back.

But there's two parties that are standing out for me:

The Workingmen's Association, who are not communists because that bounder Marx was a bloody Kraut (and no longer International since the British section was cut off by events). They have a lot of policies like the communists had but no, no, these are good English assocists. The big deal here is they're very, very popular with both urban and rural working classes. They not only blame the last two years of deprivation and failure, and decades of poverty besides, on a failed ruling class and money system, they promise a wonderful solution of nice things. Certain powers that be laugh nervously that the Workingmen could certainly never get far.

The Party of Stuart is doing extremely well in Scotland and catholic communities further south. What do they believe? They believe in bringing back the House of Stuart from its Brazilian exile, no matter than the Stuarts got Scotland beaten bloody and failed to hold Mexico. What else do they believe? Law, Order, Standards, Strength. Prince Jimmy coming back will somehow do all these things. The party's men in their green army shirts give speeches and shame places of ill repute and definitely do not suggest the King has suspect German blood. And they're pro-any-church, which is a nice change.

Both parties are full of mad bastards and are doing well because they can promise something to a desperate land. Hopefully the Whigs will handle this well. Let's really hope.

---

1879:

Allowing James to come back and be made "Duke of Scotland" was a mistake. The PS were demanding a lot to keep the Whigs propped up but in retrospect, granting north Scotland a mini-parliament would be less corrosive. Having some power and responsibility could have exposed all their flaws before their Scottish base. Instead, the alternative sop of James being back means half the country is, and they're actually saying this, thinking the King needs to be replaced with someone 'more British'. Meaning not German, because Duke James speaks English and Scots with a French accent and his wife speaks it with a Mexican accent and his daughter Juanita doesn't speak it at all.

But his presence, all that youth and exotic experiences abroad and all that, and all the propaganda of the wonderful old Kingdom of Scotland, well, that's boosting the PS considerably. A lot of the clergy is with them now too. The Whigs aren't going to be the main party now.

The Workingmen's Association are on course to become the second-largest party in Britain. This could go anywhere.


1889:

Election has been postponed due to the King's death. The Workingmen are not happy. Lots of talk about this being a Royalist scam to exploit the tragedy to avoid any pushback against their sabre-rattling with Ireland. Surely not. They have to know if we do anything to the Protectorate of Ireland, the Germans will invade again.

The new Queen Jane seems a lot more quiet and private than her dad, but we're told she's giving great advice to the Prime Minister.


1891:

The election is soon, now the war's over and we don't have to worry about the Germans. Election for us, anyway, the Irish Dail was dissolved.

Lot of arrests on the Workingmen's Association. The Royalists haven't told us much about the Queen in the last month but she's there somewhere.


1892:

The papers are saying the Royalist parliament was riddled with traitors, going against the Queen's will. The Privy Council had to act fast and is reforming now the "Traitor Ten" are in the Tower. PM McReady, who I'd never previously heard of, will get things fixed and then we'll get another election. The Queen wants us to have security and prosperity.

The photos of the Queen.... did she look like that before??
 
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Major Parties

Democratic: Well, someone just got completely dogged on during the midterms. Looks like America actually cares more about Taiwan than their own climate problems.
  • Bert Clements: Now, while we tend to look down on the Democrats, it’s obvious that Clements is a different man than Morrison. While Morrison would hide away during a crisis, Clements is yelling as loud as he can to get people distracted.
  • Ella Sokolov: Well, well, well, if it isn’t the Democratic Party tradition to immediately try to screw with the president after a bad midterm. It won’t shock me if we see some oil companies desperately donating to Clements soon.
Republican: Our great national governing party, the GOP, are ready to bring us back to the days of Generalissimo Miller. Just look at how excited Chris McDaniel is to embarrass everyone around him now!
  • Morris Washington: Oh yes, I absolutely believe the news media when they say that Republicans will support a president who is not only black, but a Rastafari.
  • Braden Knight: Knight seems like a nice guy if you ignore that there’s a 99% chance of nuclear armageddon if he takes office. And that he likely watches hentai more than anyone else in DC.
  • Bruce Wainwright: Interestingly enough, it seems that the Labo(u)r Republicans might be the kingmakers here. Wainwright seems like a decent guy if you set aside his rampant transphobia.
  • Ben Shapiro: Fuck you.
  • Duncan Paul: Oh my giddy aunt, another Paul running for President! 2052 might not go as well though, given that if you look up “Duncan Paul” on Google it gives you a 1970s Paul Simon song.
  • Jack Dalton: Friendly Looking Young Male Conservative™ doesn’t understand that this isn’t the GOP of 2000, and he’s not going to get any traction. Best of luck to him though, he’s the only man there with some sense.
  • Madeline Baker: Baker seems to be taking the approach of making voters confused if her ads are for a presidential candidate or a gym.
  • Dennis Dunlap: I know this sounds rude, but is anyone else genuinely concerned for Dunlap’s mental health?
Coalition Parties

Southern Heritage: The “Congress of the Second Confederacy” has been set up to meet on December 20th, where their delegation in the state and national assemblies will meet up. Of course, there will be great honoring of eternal president Trump, the biggest Yankee ever known to the human race.

Bee Hive: They’ve done unusually poorly this time around given the strength of their coalition partners. This is likely because of growing liberal support and the numerous anti-clerical candidates sprouting up. It says something about Utah and Idaho that we talk about them as if they’re still in the 16th century.

Democratic Socialists of America: There’s been talk that certain DNC elder statesmen are trying to get the party disaffiliated and ban certain DSA members from the Democrats. It’s ironic that the party is interested in ratting out all their members who actually managed to get things done.

Minor Parties

Liberation: Kylie Walton is still running for president. News at 10.

New Deal (Green): They’re already trying to get Madame Sokolov to run under their ticket, but that makes too much sense for a party which has 10% of its members involved in various sex cults.

Libertarian: Through some miracle or another, former President Istvan (remember him) got elected to be mayor of some small town in California without campaigning. The transhumanist commune is here to take over the world any minute now.

Socialist Alternative: The Trots have managed to make huge gains in their Cascadia stronghold due to the Democrats collapsing, with Oregon electing a SA governor (who had the Republicans’ support oddly enough). At this rate, they’ll back Washington over “bourgeois Walton” in 2052.

Prohibition: One of their city councilors was arrested after threatening to shoot up a place where potheads were allegedly meeting up. Minor parties really being out the best in people.

Serve America Movement: Are still blaming President Morrison over the Formosa Crisis for not launching an offensive against China. And you wonder why these people have faded into irrelevance since the Gabbard administration.

Black Power Alliance: Have already begun to call Morris Washington an Uncle Tom.

Education: Are taking credit for a minor increase in funding to the DoE by the Clements administration they had literally nothing to do with.
 
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