AH Run-downs, summaries and general gubbins

[Wolfram]

COLLECT THEM ALL: The Freedom State Quarters

This year's tranche of state quarters will honor the five states created from former slave states immediately after the Civil War, in order to provide a home and a protective government to freedmen and -women. (The ten guaranteed Republican Senate seats sure didn't hurt, either.) The National Freedom State Historical Education Fund is issuing a sheet to elementary and middle schools throughout the five states in question describing the ten quarters that will be in circulation by October:

• Amistad: Middle Passage NHS, Charleston, AM
  • Alternate: State outline, great blue heron
• Cimarron: Palo Duro NM, Randall County, CI
  • Alternate: State outline, leaping jackrabbit
• Guadalupe: Enchanted Rock NM, Llano County, GU
  • Alternate: State outline, post oak tree
• Liberty: Monument to the Union, Vicksburg NMP, Vicksburg, LI
  • Alternate: State outline, saxophone
• Rio Grande: Alamo NHS, San Antonio, RG
  • Alternate: State outline, prickly pear cactus

 

[Ares96]

Party rundown, September 2020

United Labour: What's to say? For a party that's been in government since Confederation, they sure are in government. Andersén mentioned something in his summer address about raising child allowance to help working mothers afford childcare, and who knows, it may just happen before the next election.

Citizens' Coalition: Who cares what's going on right now, these people still haven't gotten over the VSB Treaty. Maybe someday the right will enter the 21st century, and maybe then we'll have an election that's actually worth staying up for.

Democrats: For a party allegedly devoted to championing small business and economic freedom, the Democrats have been oddly quiet about the VSB Treaty. Could it have anything to do with the fact that every single agricultural supply business is making millions selling stuff to the USSR? Guess we'll never know!

Radicals: Oh look, a party of ideas! The Radicals don't have a class base, and that makes them the most moral force in Scandinavian politics! And let's all please ignore the fact that all the people saying this are white men with master's degrees!

Christian Coalition: Are really struggling for direction now that they can’t just point to West Germany or Italy and say “we want that”. I mean, never mind Communism, the Italians have abortion on demand now.

Communist Party of Scandinavia: Glory to the USSR! Onward to final victory against the capitalist-imperialist West! Long live Comrade Putin and the working Soviet people! (We're meant to have positions on Scandinavian politics? What? Why?)

Communist Party of Scandinavia (New Marxists): Down with the USSR! Crush the degenerated workers' state and liberate the working masses of Europe from Stalinist domination! Death to Tsar Putin and all his collaborators! (See above.)

New Direction: Nah, I'm not even doing a joke for these loonies. Honestly, when the top policy priority on your fax sheets is "the conquest of space", who's going to be bothered? I mean, as if anyone's against the conquest of space, anyway. What is this, the 1960s?

 

[varyar]

I'm wondering if there's a way for Alaska to stay Russian by way of an earlier gold rush - one that takes early enough that all the prospectors come from the west - Russia - instead of from Anglo North America. But that probably requires Russia to be in Alaska considerably earlier, and I'm not sure if that's plausible. Anybody more informed able to speculate on the matter?

 

[Tsar of New Zealand]

I'm wondering if there's a way for Alaska to stay Russian by way of an earlier gold rush - one that takes early enough that all the prospectors come from the west - Russia - instead of from Anglo North America. But that probably requires Russia to be in Alaska considerably earlier, and I'm not sure if that's plausible. Anybody more informed able to speculate on the matter?

I did some research on this for a vignette a ways back, and my read was that throughout the 19th century, Alaska is simply too remote from the Russian metropole - separated as they are by the Bering Strait, the worst bits of Siberia, poor-to-non-existent transport routes, and serfdom preventing an exodus of bright-eyed young miners - to allow for Russian settlement on a wide scale. The age of the steamship, the forced exiles to Siberia, and the grudging end of serfdom might allow for something post-1861, but at that point the much closer and better-connected U.S. and British North America are right there, which dooms them to a position like the Boer Republics vis-a-vis the uitlanders.

To give settlement a kick in the pants earlier on, getting Russia into Alaska pre-1800 isn't impossible - Bering's expeditions in the 1740s demonstrated an interest from St. Petersburg - but requires political will. This is difficult in a century where Russia's attention post-Peter Velikiy is divided between the febrile atmosphere at court and wading into wars with the Ottomans every other week.

However, going back this far gives you enough early PODs to construct a plausible reason for Russian colonial expansion east of Irkutsk. @Thande's Russo-Lithuanian Pacific Company in LTTW is one of the better takes I've seen on this, as it outsources the logistical headaches to a chartered company and has some OTL precedent in the East India Company.

 

[varyar]

Pontifical Navy MMXX

4 diesel attack submarines
Santa Maria
Santi Giovanni
San Paolo
San Pietro

1 amphibious transport dock
Madonna della Vittoria

2 destroyers
Immacolata Concezione
Cuore Immacolato
4 frigates
Suprema
Serena
Sapienza
Solidità
4 patrol boats
Roma
Bologna
Ravenna
Perugia

The Papal States, while primarily focused on land defense against Tuscany, Venice and the Three Sicilies, maintains a sizeable navy for the defense of Latin Christendom in the Mediterranean. The latest ship, Madonna della Vittoria, has been criticized as a light helicopter carrier of offensive nature, but the Pontifical Minister of Arms has denied it will be used in such a role.

 

[Turquoise Blue]

Party Rundown

172... 2020!

Tory Party: A mess as always, and always as factionalised as ever. Probably wouldn't have won last election if it wasn't for the poll tax outcry.
- One Nation: The faction on top since the collapse of the Moral Majority, they make up the party "centre" between its "left" and "right" [using French-speak]. Currently in a scandal for ignoring the science advisors when it comes to the coronavirus plague. But then, we all know Tories dislike science.
- Radicals: The wackos who somehow have an outsized influence. They somehow got the Tories to accept civil partnerships last election, as well as recently, forcing through a law [with the Whig corporatists] that implemented free food to all people below the age of 18 for the duration of the plague.
- Celtic Circle: The hyper-devolutionists, they regularly dominate Scotland and Wales and in the last Tory government succeeded at implementing Home Rule All Round, what they hailed as "the final hammer at parliamentary centralism". Often accused of having crypto-Jacobite leanings.
- Cavaliers: The most prominent of the hard-right in the Tory Party since the Moral Majority faction fell apart in the 1990s, they call for more authoritarian policies, although cannily shifting from the old calls for absolutism to a call for government above parliament. Who knows where they will go next, but they got the First Lady to accept a ban on immigration from the Germanies. The Whigs are bemoaning the ban favours Catholics. Who cares.
- Canaries: The real remnant of the Moral Majority, they're the ones who bang on about "Society in Danger", with their MPs and Lords often tearing into the latest social developments. They of course, hate the Radicals for arguing in favour of civil partnerships or giving stuff to "moochers". However, the two did come together to repeal the eugenic laws and ban abortion. The leadership is looking at stuff like that to keep the two from clashing it seems.

Whig Party: A mess like the Tories, even if less factionalised. Unrepentant on the poll tax, and tearing into the Tories for hating "progress".
- Reformers: The dominant faction for quite a bit, they're the ones most interested in stuff like economic development, and especially what they brand "efficient government". Known for clashing with the civil service a lot, lambasting them as "creatures who want to hinder the people's vote".
- Progressives: The ones who go further than the Reformers, they openly declare that the people have to be scientifically managed. The beating heart of the British eugenic movement, they herald the development of genetic manipulation as a positive good, and has lambasted the Tories for repealing their laws. One of their MPs declared that Britain has to drop its exceptionalism and accept the facts on the ground, that genes have to be managed. Oh yeah, and another one has labelled the Radicals' pushing through civil partnership as "legitimising a sickness that will be cured one day".
- Corporatists: The Whig "left", they argue that the economy has to be managed like a corporation, and reject the traditional Whig thoughts of the free market. The rest of the Party has never quite forgiven them for voting with the Tories on healthcare back in the 70s, enabling the creation of the British Committee on Public Health and National Welfare [blergh, what a long word, no wonder everyone calls it BCPH].
- Roundheads: For such a science-obsessed party such as the Whigs, their Roundhead faction sure does use very bad science. Climate change? That's just a Tory excuse to stop industry, and should be seen as one! Public welfare? That's deforming natural selection which should go ahead! The faction's leader was just recently suspended from the Parliament for deeming coronavirus "a natural correction to humanity's excesses" and declaring "only the weak will perish". You see what we're dealing with here? Even the Progressives think they're nuts. And that's an achievement!

Tried to do this cursed party system.

 

[Skaven]

Tried to do this cursed party system.

I'd say this would drive me to drink but there's a decent chance this world has made that illegal.

 

[Time Enough]

1996 United Kingdom general election

Democratic Labour (Paddy Tipping) - 274 seats, 37.3% votes
Conservative (Richard Alexander) - 244 seats, 33.9% votes
Alliance (Matthew Taylor) - 46 seats, 8.3% votes
Anti-Federalists (Michael Meadowcroft-Katy Hoey) - 40 seats, 7.3% votes
Red & Green Alliance (Nina Temple-Caroline Lucas) - 12 seats, 3.8% votes
Socialist Action (Liz Davies)- 11 seats, 2.6% votes
Scottish National Party (Margaret Ewing)- 10 seats, 1.3% votes
Social Democratic Labour Party (Paul Arthur) - 8 seats, 1.3% votes
Ulster People’s Party (David Trimble)- 7 seats, 1.1% votes
Scottish Commonwealth Party (Margo MacDonald) - 2 seat, 0.6% votes
Democrats (John Alderdice)- 2 seats, 0.3% votes
Plaid Cymru (Glenys Kinnock)- 1 seat, 0.3% votes
Ulster Democratic Unionist Party (Ian Paisley)- 1 seat, 0.2% votes
Speaker - 1 seat, 0.1% votes

Prime Ministers of Great Britain:
1991-1993: Nicolas Scott (Conservative)
1991 (Coalition with UPP) def: Roy Hattersley (Democratic Labour), Simon Hughes (Alliance), David Owen-Peter Shore (Anti-Federalists), John Peck-Sara Parkin (Red & Green Alliance), Dave Nellist (Socialist Action), Gordon Wilson (SNP), Paul Arthur (SDLP), David Trimble (UPP)
1993-1996: Richard Alexander (Conservative)
1996-: Paddy Tipping (Democratic Labour)
1996 (Coalition with Alliance) def: Richard Alexander (Conservative), Matthew Taylor (Alliance), Michael Meadowcroft-Katy Hoey (Anti-Federalists), Nina Temple-Caroline Lucas (Red & Green Alliance), Liz Davies (Socialist Action), Margaret Ewing (SNP), Paul Arthur (SDLP), David Trimble (UPP)

Return of Labour!:

13th of June 1996

"After there 1986 Election defeat against the Conservative's the Democratic Labour party has been struggling to defeat the nascent Conservative party having finally gaining control after there election routs in the aftermath of the 1975 Coup. Much emphasis has been placed upon MMP and the ensuing successes of the Red & Green Alliance and Socialist Action in courting the Left Wing vote for the decline in the DLP's fortunes. However under the merry soft left leadership of Paddy Tipping who has climbed up the ranks quite rapidly since the failure of Hattersley, Tipping a former democracy activist during the Stirling period has with his genial charm has managed to win the DLP a large quantity of there lost seats. Entering into a coalition with fellow former Democracy advocate and Centre Left stalwart Matthew Taylor the plan is to bring about a new Welfare state that provides for the people in a way that the old Post-War Consensus and the Foot-Scott years failed to achieve"

Inspired by the @Techdread list thing, POD is David Stirling's GB75 group is launched and essentially causes a coup in 1975, the subsequent collapse in authority leads to a Labour-Liberal coalition in 1978 once the coup collapses in disrepair. Paul Arthur is my Grandad's brother and was a prominent member in the People's Democracy movement and now teaches politics in Belfast.

 

[Time Enough]

Days Like These: An ATLF Rundown:

2012-2018: Theresa May (Conservative)
2012 (Coalition with Lib Dems) def: Peter Hain (Labour), Chris Huhe (Lib Dems), Douglas Carswell (AFL), Caroline Lucas-Natalie Bennett (Green), Dave Nellist-China Meville (Socialist Movement)
2016 (Coalition with Lib Dems & AFL) def: Jon Cruddas (Labour), Ed Davey (Lib Dems), Douglas Carswell-George Galloway (AFL), Natalie Bennett-Adrian Ramsay (Green), Michael Lavalette-Frances Curran (Socialist Movement)
2018-2019: Stephen Crabb (Conservative)
2019-: Monica Lennon (Labour)
2019 (Coalition with Greens & The Movement) def: Stephen Crabb (Conservative), Ed Davey (Lib Dems), Diane James-George Galloway (AFL), Maggie Chapman-Rosi Sexton (Green), Frances Curran-Sakina Sheikh (The Movement)

In Government:
Labour: Oh thank god, the first Labour Leader who doesn’t call themselves a Gouldite or a Livingstonite (sorry Cruddas doesn’t count, he leaned way to hard on his Dagenham seat). Lennon seems to be proposing lots of new nice Social Democratic things and generally seems to be bringing the Labour kicking and screaming into the 2020s (hey free period products for all, fucking ace). Sorry folks, you can’t be wanking over your ‘Socialist Superhighway of Info’ anymore or stanning Ken Livingstone now that he’s been exiled to Left fucking Unity.

Green Party of Britain: Took a real Left Wing swing in recent years (Thanks Bennett, also hey Icke is gone now good stuff), but hey at least we’re getting that sweet, sweet Green New Deal (and also it gobbled up RISE too that's good). Maggie Chapman and Monica Lennon are Scottish, Democratic Socialist, Left Wing and Fun so we have nothing to worry about...oh shit who gave Sharar Ali a fucking cabinet position.

The Movement: Left Wing Populism at it’s finest though it did really well with all those seemingly dejected by the Labour of McDonnell, Hain and Cruddas and also it did well with the young (and Sleafod Mods, I bet Curran was begging for that one). It’s also not having a internal squabble over Trans Rights like the other two, though it’s younger membership and the fact that Jules Joanne Gleeson is LGBT+ spokesperson (and List MP, good stuff) probably helped there.

Opposition:
Conservative: Well the Clarkeites are out I guess, which is good. Come on forward...Anna Soubury...Who the fuck is that? Wait, wasn’t she the person that lost the Direct Mayorship to Nick Palmer?

That just raises further questions on the Conservatives capacity for Government.

Liberal Democrats: Ed Davey is stepping down because if more than one politician from Nottinghamshire is a leader of a major political party then the universe implodes or something. So the choices are Christine Jardine as the ‘Radical’ option, Sarah Teather as the ‘Continuity Davey Option’ and David Laws on as ‘How Do You Do, My Fellow Liberals’ candidate.

Anti-Federalist League: George Galloway and the AFL has never accepted Russian Gold, never ever...well okay there was that one time but that was five years okay. Also we’re not Right Wing, we’re Syncretic, get your facts straight, we have many Left Wing members...like...Katy Hoey, okay yeah.


Parties with List MPs:
Socialist Alliance: Micheal Lavalette is pissed that Frances has made her own Far Left Party (With Blackjack and Electoral Success) but hey at least he and China Melville can still ramble about Revolutionary Socialism in Parliament like the Marxist version of Statler and Waldorf.

Scottish National Party: Looked like they were going to become massive, then SalmondGate happened and now there being squeezed by Movement, Greens and Lib Dem’s again. Good work, Mrs Cherry, hope your proud.

Social Democratic Party: The reboot of the reboot of the reboot of Owen's Continuity Party, when he fucked off to the AFL, mainly it’s Alan Sked, a very confused Frank Field, Jason Zadrozny and a signed picture of John Cartwright. God remember when the SDP was Pro-Europe?

Plaid Cymru: Threatening to push a Independence Referendum through the Assembly again...sure okay. God give us back the dream team of Price and Wood, Bethan Sayed is shite.

The Others:
Veritas: Well given that Kilroy Silk finally lost his List seat last election we finally won’t have to hear his terrible opinions on Muslims, the EU, Bryan Gould (which have all the energy of an ex wining about there former partner) and NeoLiberalism. God remember when he and Nigel Farage were going to, destroy the establishment. Fun times.

Left Unity: Can’t decide whether it will be Ken Livingstone’s train back to political relevance, a platform for Harpal Brar to shout about Trans people, the British strand of the Arab Socialist Ba'ath Party or an actual Socialist Party.

British People’s Party: Nigel Farage says that he will bring Britain back to it’s glory days any day now. But given how Silk and Galloway are more popular than him and that the People’s Party is losing members really I doubt this. Oh well, he can at least wander around the beaches of Britain and shout at the tides.

Renew: Think that this whole, NeoLiberalism thing that Gould took out back and shot in the head wasn’t a bad crack actually. Mainly this party consists of Labour former folks who keep on rambling about the ‘Third Way’ and Conservatives who are annoyed that Clarke didn’t just merge Britain with the EU. Why yes, there doing weirdly well on the Councillor scene, though Chris Leslie is increasingly a dead weight.

 

[Time Enough]

SPRING TIDE..:

1992-1993: Albert Reynolds (Fianna Fáil)
1992 (Minority) def: John Bruton (Fine Gael), Dick Spring (Labour), Desmond O'Malley (Progressive Democrats), Proinsias De Rossa (Workers), Collective Leadership (Green)
1993: Dick Spring (Labour)
1993 (Coalition with Workers & Ind. Fine Gael) def: Albert Reynolds (Fianna Fáil), John Bruton (*Fine Gael), Alan Dukes (Ind. Fine Gael), Desmond O'Malley (Progressive Democrats), Proinsias De Rossa (Workers), Collective Leadership (Green)

In Government:
Labour: Can it be? The dream of Irish Political Pundits and generally the Irish people in general that the end of the constant battle between Fianna Fail and Fine Gael have now finally occurred. Dick Spring is Taoiseach and Mary Robinson is President and finally nice progressive, European Social Democratic things can happen, fucking yes...the only problem is that the Rainbow Coalition only barely has a majority and to get it Mr Spring has to work with the fucking Workers Party, can't wait for awkward questions about that.

Independent Fine Gael: Alan Dukes bit the bullet here, but Bruton wasn't going to budge over not being Taoiseach so fuck it, Dukes wanted some form of power again, Ireland wanted Spring and the possibility of a Fine Gael/Fianna Fail coalition would be career suicide for Fine Gael. So Dukes is now packing it in and supporting Spring. Though given how messy things are going for Dukes and his gaggle of supporters, there's a strong chance they may just become a new party or something, Renua I've heard is being bandied about I've heard.

Workers: Huh, well this wasn't expected but now we're here. The creaking remains of the Workers Party still exists for now it seems as the 'Third Way' EuroCommunists awkwardly pal around with Stalinists, Nationalists and Social Democrats and generally try and do good things. There have been rumblings of a possible Democratic Socialist/EuroCommunist split in the future but I'm sure that's just heresy...

And by heresy I mean Pat Rabbitte keeps saying the quiet part out loud.

Opposition:
Fianna Fáil: See Reynolds probably thought his party was going to be the one to implode after the last few years but then Fine Gael fucking imploded and now Fianna Fáil has just abruptly become the prominent party of the Right and now it can heal at it's own pace as everyone laughs at Fine Gael's misfortunate. So Reynolds can fix up Fianna Fáil at his own pace so it doesn't Fianna Fail at the next election...

(*Kneecapped by the Provo's*)

*Fine Gael: Well John Bruton has egg on his fucking face, Enda Kenny is gunning at him and he's leading a rather rump organisation of about two thirds of it's original strength. So now Fine Gael is entering talks with the Progressive Democrats to see if they would like to have a merger or something, of course it's on the PD's own terms because the fun never stops for Mr Bruton. It is fun to laugh at him though.

Progressive Democrats: Laughing themselves all the way to the bank, the Right's implosion has caused them to gain votes from disgruntled FF and FG voters, they'll probably dominate any alliance there in with the broken FG and all in all they're little niche of Irish politics is about to become a bit bigger for them. Desmond O'Malley won't stop being smug about it.

Green: Generally working with Dick Spring on Green Issues and some Public Transport stuff and that's it really, though some of there Left Wing folks wants to join the Rainbow coalition to help the whole 'Progressive Nice Things' happening.

 

[Time Enough]

*All the Irish Members proceed to beat me with pool cues or something*

 

[neonduke]

Big Dick energy

 

[Time Enough]

Big Dick energy

 

[Bolt451]

Spoilers for 2015 of "Ready for Government" TL in my sig.

Spoiler

Right. Here's my first draft of the Clegg-Burnham cabinet as it first formed in October 2015

Obviously I'm open to corrections and expansions. These are based on OTL MPs. if folks think certain Labour Mps would've lost their seats to the Lib Dems, Tories or others or there might be OTL Lib Dem 2010 candidates who might've ended up in cabinet, feel free to suggest them

Prime Minister, First Lord of the Treasury - Nick Clegg
Deputy Prime Minister, Minister for the Cabinet Office- Andy Burnham
Chancellor of the Exchequer, Second Lord of the Treasury - Danny Alexander
Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs - Yvette Cooper
Secretary of State for the Home Department - Lynne Featherstone
Leader of the House of Commons and Lord President of the Council - Tom Brake
Secretary of State for Justice, Lord Chancellor - Simon Hughes
Secretary of State for Defence - Vernon Coaker
Secretary of State for Education- Stephen Twigg
Minister for Women and Equalities - Jo Swinson
Secretary of State for Health - Norman Lamb
Secretary of State for Work and Pensions - Douglas Alexander
Secretary of State for Business, Innovation and Skills - Vince Cable
Secretary of State for Transport - Mary Creagh
Secretary of State for Energy and Climate Change - Ed Davey
Secretary of State for the Environment, Food and Rural Affairs - Dan Rogerson
Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government - Maria Eagle
Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport - Ivan Lewis
Secretary of State for International Development - Michael Moore
Secretary of State for Scotland -Alistair Carmichael
Secretary of State for Wales - Chris Bryant
Secretary of State for Northern Ireland - Lorely Burt
Chief Secretary to the Treasury - Angela Eagle
Chief Whip in the House of Commons - Don foster
Minister without Portfolio- Harriet Harman
Leader of the House of Lords- Jim Wallace, Lord Wallace of Tankerness
Minister for the Constitutional Convention- Martin Horwood

 

[Time Enough]

Secretary of State for Defence - Vernon Coaker

Huh, inspired choice, I approve (odd to see Nottinghamshire MPs in cabinets).

Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport - Ivan Lewis

Hahaha, oh fuck me.

 

[Bolt451]

Huh, inspired choice, I approve (odd to see Nottinghamshire MPs in cabinets).

He'd been Shadow defence sec for a while IOTL at this point. Then after posting it I remembered someone here was from Nottinghamshire

Hahaha, oh fuck me.

TBH it was him or Harman and I was feeling like a dramatic little soandso.

 

[Wolfram]

Party Rundown, December 2020
Republic of Sitka

Major Parties:

	Pro-intervention	Anti-intervention
Socialist	All-Russia Social Democratic Party: With their actual voters stuck inside for the winter and (more importantly) most of their stans, on account of not being in Sitka, not, the party actually has to act like a normal political party for normal people. They mostly just seem to be getting their voters to call their delegates to support the new labor bill. Granted, the bill does have a weird section about union paramilitaries, but, you know, two steps forward, one step back.	Movement for Ecology and Socialism: Second name change in two years, what is with these guys? Biggest news is that V. P. Khikhchiy won the runoff election for Party Treasurer, in theory meaning that all the major party offices are held by actual First Nations people instead of rural or suburban white fanboys. In practice, it doesn't matter that much because the communes are wildly overrepresented. But hey, at least Prohibition might get passed! [It won't.]
Liberal	National Liberal Party: "I Can't Believe It's Not Conscription" had another major setback today after one of the barracks for National Service workers at Khotsnovu just up and collapsed with people inside. K. A. Pavlova is, naturally, blaming it on Russian sabotage.	Party of the Future: I no longer love Sitka's technodystopian future. It seems to mainly consist of public-private partnerships with foreign firms, labor alienation but woke, vague social progressivism, and A. G. Vidal's shiny, shiny, teeth.
Conservative	League of the North Star: For a party so deeply Orthodox, it's painful and deeply entertaining that G. M. Romanov just can't make it sound like it's not a sex cult.	People's Party: Sometimes I think about how the dual leadership structure came about. E. A. Pavlichenko getting elected to the leadership, but because the party was so fundamentally sexist, they just couldn't understand the concept of a female leader. And then she spent six years fighting her own party, started a war, and won Kenai and the Aleutians. And now D. D. Dolgorukov is meeting with Steiner and Díaz and the other Big Men of North America, and F. M. Solovieva is opening the Yakutat Public Library's new central administration building.

 

[Ares96]

Oh look, tables.

That's neat.

 

[Kaiser Julius]

2020: Oliver Letwin (Reform) vs Alex Johnson (Labour) vs Chris Williamson (RESPECT) vs Nigel Farage (Unionist)

In Government

Centre: Under the new leadership of the Member for West Dorset's perm, Centre is having trouble living up to its name. After nearly losing the previous election to the Unionists, they seem to be moving further to the right with the recently established Homeland Security Minister Priti Patel as their personal attack dog. The days of the Portillistas are long gone and the bolting of the social liberals mean Labour may be set to make a comeback after Mandelsons crushing in '08.

Opposition

Labour: The party appears to have rebuilt itself out of the squabbles between the Sons of Mandel and RKS Thought. Following the orthodoxy of Peter Hitchens and the do-nothingism of Liz Kendall, Al appears to have roped the party into an inclusive, social libertarian paradise. Whether he actually believes in it or his promise to maybe form a coalition with RESPECT is another matter.

RESPECT: Trying to marginalise the left of the party after the furore of the Starmer Inquiry? Big mistake, Pete. Now we have 12 years of Intersectional Thatcherism (and currently just Sectioned.) And what's this I hear about Fearless Leader facing allegations of Anti-Semitism?

Unionist: Be Ian Paisley. Get into a scrap with Kilroy-Silk over the failed Good Friday Referendum. Decide to take your Democratic Unionist project to the mainland. Use a stockbroker called Nigel as your point-man. Anne Widecombe gets the Tory right in her divorce from Michael Howard. Form an agreement as joint leaders of the new Unionist party. Wait for dissatisfaction with the Coalition/Centre to crack. Letwin panders to you after you nearly cost Centre the election. Profit!

 

[cikka]

The 2020 Labour Party (Hell) Leadership Election

Ah, Here we are again. After former leader Robert Mellish (Fmr. Gov, Realm of the Castle of Bones) was torn apart by the spores of a fungal demon, the Hell Labour Party has been without a leader.
In their place, four main contestants have emerged in this competitive race to the top.

George Brown (Reasoning for Damnation: Relentless Sexual Harassment, Exploitation of Vice (Alcohol))
The frontrunner for the election has emerged to be 1960’s deputy leader George Brown, who continues to yell his attachment to greater rights for lesser demons over the screams of the damned. The unfortunate thing is that he’s finally broken his alcohol addiction, on account that the only drink we have down here is Blood mixed with Antifreeze, which may not even extend to his palate.
Tony Benn (Reason for Damnation: Exploitation of Vice (Nicotine))
Despite multiple protests and appeals to The Lord up in the Other Place, Benn’s damnation continues, as do his leadership contests, which have been going non-stop every time the leader steps in a patch of Blood Sand or something. He supports a wide range of policies to make Hell a better place, such as draining the flesh lake for a regular lake, and perhaps making a deal with The Dark Lord Satan for worker-controlled Torture Factories.
N’Gcjaovlyk, Ender of Days, Producer of Miseries, Slayer of the Holy (Native)
The only native candidate in the leadership election, Jay, as he’s been nicknamed, is pretty reasonable for a hellspawn, supporting cutting down the torture schedule and a transition from the Damned to the Damning. Most people don’t trust him because of his role in speaking dark thoughts to that lady who tried to shoot Gerald Ford, but once you get past that he’s a pretty stand-up guy.
Oswald Mosley (Reason for Damnation: take a fuckin guess mate)
This guy. This fucking guy. Having jumped between every Party in the infinite abyss, he’s somehow ended up here again. Using his “experience” as an “advisor” to Satan as a selling point (from what I heard he mostly got him coffee), he talks about himself as the “Nationalist” candidate, and how we should all work hard for our Dark Lord yada yada. Nobody knows why he still tries.
Anyway, that’s all for this week. Vote for Jay. Hail Satan, etc.

Spoiler: i'm sorry

Blame @Turquoise Blue, they encouraged me