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AH Run-downs, summaries and general gubbins

The Road to Rose Cottage, Part 2.

Party Rundown: 18th July 2022

Conservative: Whelp, following the Shipley by-election the tories are are a minority government! However as of the 5 seats they lost, two were to the SNP, two to the Lib Dems and only one to Labour. So Jeremy Hunt is hoping to wait out the next year based on the mutual loathing of the opposition parties.
Labour: WILL YVETTE COOPER RESIGN?! Sorry it’s a Pavlovian response at this point, its been over a year noWILL CHUKA UMUNNA RESIGN?!
Liberal Democrat: Polling technically puts a combined Liberal-Green alliance on 25%, above Labour. On one poll and not the in the same one poll Labour polled below 25% on. This is apparently how maths works.
Green: nope, I’m still stuck on this idea, lets decide this once and for all. Heads they form an electoral pact with the lib dems, tails we drop this once and forever. *finger in ear* I’m being told the left of the party object to the use of currency. Well its not like anyone listens to them any more.
UKIP: After the people’s Nige stood down and fucked off to TrumpTV I was hoping we’d be done with conspiracy theories of how Remain won the referendum. UKIPs head of Media Carl Benjamin has just made them more obvious and obviously racist.

National Parties
Plaid Cymru: Adam Price is stood in a stone circle undecided if he wants to curse the Welsh Labour party or the whole of the Conservatives.
SNP: Kirsty Blackman is telling Price to put a curse on Labour as it becomes apparent the by-election swings was Labour-SNP rather than the Tories.

Northern Irish Parties
DUP: *extremely @TheIO voice* minority Government! Pork for dayyyys!
Sinn Fein: Are probably writing their attack on the DUP-Tory link if they didn’t have a pre-made one ready.
UUP: Stuck in the awkward position or wanting to attack the DUP but be friendly to the Tories, despite having no MPs.
SDLP: Basically saying the same as Sinn Fein but with an added jab at abstentionism. Just another Sunday then.
Alliance: Naomi Long is STILL ALLIANCE LEADER. Lena! Come quick! She’s STILL HERE!


Minor Parties:
The BNP: Have gained a councillor from the Kippers because *checks notes* UKIP aren’t pushing for immigration reform hard enough, wow. (also I’ve just remembered the *checks notes* meme)
Left Unity: Tastycrats
Socialist Voice: Fingerlicans.
Socialist Worker’s Party: released party membership I think it says something about the SWP’s standing that they’ve failed to show any progress or growth throughout Miliband, Cooper and Umunna’s times as Labour leader.
National Health Alliance: Condemned the American Care Act that’s going through congress. I bet President Thune is shitting his (under)pants
Women’s Rights: I only know they exist because of their Twitter. If Twitter do go down the shitter its going to ruin these lists. Are apparently one person still pissed off at Labour backing the Tories policy on gender self-identity like its still 2020.
National Action: Yup, still illegal, somehow still a thing.
English People’s Party: NEW PARTY KLAXON. Hoping to do for England what the SNP did for Scotland. I look forward to losing them losing two English independent referendums and half of their seats within a five year space.

I'm stopping here. its 36 degrees in Cheltenham right now and I think the rats have melted. (this bit is in character)
 
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Alliance: Naomi Long is STILL ALLIANCE LEADER. Lena! Come quick! She’s STILL HERE!

*checks my current run-down* Yeah it's about Naomi Long. I love Naomi Long. I'm not even sorry.

My main question has got to be how, in this timeline, I ended up persuading other people to do rundowns sometimes. I had assumed that I must have died or something.
 
Government

Labour: Still not quite sure what to make of this latest scandal. On one hand, it was clearly stupid to appoint someone with that many skeletons in his closet to run something as teeming with lobbyist money as the Mountain Department. On the other hand, I don't see the replacement minister being much better. Isn't it glorious to have a workers' and peasants' government once more?
Countryside Alliance: Now that the referendum is definitely happening, Stenström and the leadership have wisely opted to keep their heads down to avoid splitting the party in half. Or more accurately, to avoid alienating the 7/8ths of their voters who speak Finnish and speeding up the SKP's road to dominance.
Greens: Having to shout from the rooftops just to remind people that they also exist.

Supporting parties

Finnish People's Party: Well, now that all their Christmases have come at once, their response is - shall we say unclear. There's disagreement within the party over whether autonomy is actually something to support, a small minority seem to feel it would only weaken the case for actual independence. As long as the Fatherland League still exists, that faction is always going to be manageable though, so we'll just have to wait and see.

Official Opposition

Nationals: Well, if they had no concrete path to take in opposition before, the referendum has certainly given them one. Now it's all doomsaying about how Labour can't even be trusted to keep the country from splitting in half, let alone manage the economy. They really ought to welcome the referendum - it's not as though Labour can ever win control of a Finnish regional government, so creating one would give them less economy to run off a cliff.
Liberals: Are saying basically the same thing as the Nationals, but less loudly and mainly from the Assembly rather than the Lords. So no change from the previous two centuries then.
New Alliance: Who decided we needed these people again? Ah yes, Vasastan. Why did I even ask.

Others

Fatherland League: (unnaturally high-pitched voice) WE ARE A LEGITIMATE POLITICAL FORCE! LALLIN LAPSET HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH US!

Swedish Coalition: They actually went and did it in the end. Five former National MPs, some youth league people, the wild child of the Douglas family, and some very lukewarm SvD editorial writers. An odd bunch, to be sure. And one more thing is for sure - what the Riksdag needs right now is definitely a tenth party.

Communist Party of Sweden: Still grumbling over the 3% threshold, still hovering just below it. They'll be fine come polling day.
Communist Party of Sweden and Finland: Are insisting on separate 3% thresholds on each side of the water if the referendum succeeds. As if that'll help them.
Communist Workers' Party: Have denounced the referendum as a tool of the bourgeoisie to divide the working class.
Communist Party (Marxist-Leninist): Not taking questions about the referendum, the threshold or the language question at this time. The bourgeoisie, on the other hand, they would not mind discussing at all.
 
*checks my current run-down* Yeah it's about Naomi Long. I love Naomi Long. I'm not even sorry.

My main question has got to be how, in this timeline, I ended up persuading other people to do rundowns sometimes. I had assumed that I must have died or something.

at this point you'd have been doing this well over five plus years. Maybe you're on holiday?
 
Is this thread for fictional or real party rundowns? Because these are all good but I'm struggling sometimes to tell whether some posts are real or not.
 
Further Progress; More Endeavour: Derby Election Special

South East Derbyshire Rural District Council Community Group: Were expected to do well considering the utter failure of the Gro-Ko to get anywhere in implementing Parish Councils. Picking up that Normanton seat on the third recount means they will, in fact, be running the council- which is going to be fun. Today's Octopus is... well it was Derby yesterday so *awkward*

Derby Labour Party: Lost the least from the utter disaster of the Gro-Ko. Mainly because most of their stronger seats were never part of the Rural Districts. Khan's already resigned, and the leadership battle is already looking bitter.

Derwent Rural District Council Residents Association: The mini-me to SEDRDCCG standing in the rural bits of the county Borough that used to be part of Belper RDC. Didn't do as well as their larger equivalent (probably due to the lack of Octopi) but will be helping to form the new Government. I can't believe I just typed that.

Social and Liberal Democrats of Derby
: Picked up 6 seats in the old Urban core but fell back in Littleover to the Octopi. Currently denying rumours they'll be propping the new council leadership as and when, so they'll definitely be doing that.

Conservative Association of Derby: After an utterly disastrous night, at least they can take consolation in the 60% vote share in Kedleston. Aaand... Lord Curzon's just defected to the SLD.

Ecologist Party: An unpopular Conservative party and rising environmental concerns are a perfect time to boost your voteshare by *checks notes* coming out against Parish Councils and announcing plans to give all powers over parks and grass verges to a new centralised body.
 
Constitutional Tsarism
11/1996

Tsar Paul II: Tsar Paul has been on the throne since 1980. While initially respected he has gained a reputation for corruption, and his anti-Semitic views are an embarrassment to many Russians. With the generally anti-monarchist Labour Coalition taking power it appears that the Tsar's days on the throne may be numbered.

Major Parties

Labour Coalition: A coalition of three left-wing parties, which has recently gained a majority in the Duma. The three parties are:
-Social Democratic Party: The main center-left party of Russia. Like the other parties in the Labour Coalition the SDP favors major expansions of Russia's welfare state and an end to the war in Bukhara, but it opposes holding a referendum on if the monarchy should be abolished. The other two parties are worried that the SDP might split, and there are already dark mutterings about how the party is going to betray the coalition.
-
Trudoviks: The largest party in the Labour Coalition; is solidly leftist but lies between the Social Democrats and the Marxists on the political spectrum. Trudovik party leader Grigory Yeslan is now Prime Minister, and has announced a "New Deal" that he says will bring Russia out of the current economic recession.
-
Marxist Party of Russia: Until recently the Marxists were a fairly small party, but economic problems and their opposition to the Tsar has led the party to rise in the polls. The Marxists demand the nationalization of several key industries, a dramatic shrinking of the armed forces, and a legalization of abortion and no-fault divorce. Some feel that the Marxists have betrayed their roots by entering into a coalition government, but the party insists that electoralism is the way forward.


Constitutionalist: Russia's oldest political party, dating back to 1902. After 46 years in power the party has lost its majority in the Duma, brought down by continued economic troubles, corruption, and the insurgency in Bukhara. Party leader Mikhail Sudoplatov has declared that the party will staunchly oppose the Labour Coalition's policies, and will protect the monarchy.

Velikaya Rossiya: Velikaya Rossiya occupies the far-right of mainstream Russian politics. The party holds onto the old values of Orthodoxy, Autocracy, and Nationality in an age where many consider these values outdated. Leader Igor Kasyanov made headlines during the election by claiming that if the Labour Coaliton won there would be "war in the streets," and several party members have been arrested for post-election violence.

Minor Parties

Liberal Democrats: The most recent election was a disaster for the Lib Dems, with only 1 of their 25 Duma members managing to win. Most people blame the party's backing of the war, and several rather inflammatory statements about Jews by the party leadership. Following the election a younger faction of the party has unseated the old guard, and now will have to rebuild the party.

Free Ukraine: The main Ukrainian independence party. With the victory of the Labour Coalition, which is sympathetic to the idea of more Ukrainian autonomy, the party hopes that it can push for devolution.

Muslim Civil Rights League: The MCRL's current campaign is ending the special status of the Terek Cossacks in the North Caucasus. Naturally Cossacks across Russia oppose this, and confrontation between the two have gotten violent.

Marxist Party of Russia (Plekhanovist): Broke with the Marxist Party of Russia over the issue of electoralism. The Plekhanovists don't participate in elections, but instead organize protests, strikes, and other forms of direct action.

Illegal and Paramilitary Parties:

Hizballah: At this point Hizballah controls most of rural Bukhara, although the Army has largely kept them out of the cities. Hizballah has declared that the Labour Coalition's victory is a sign that Russia is faltering, and soon all of Bukhara shall be under sharia law.

Organization of Ukrainian Nationalists: Party members Mykola Bondaruk was recently executed for his part in a plot to assassinate Tsar Paul II. Russia is currently negotiating with the Kingdom of Hungary on the extradition of the other members of the plot.

White Two-Headed Eagle: The movement's recent "Bring Back the Pale" march was carried out without government authorization and turned into a riot, causing 10 deaths. The end result was that even more of the movement's supporters are going to prison.
 
For Us, The Living

21.01.1995

The White House

President

Noah Burns (Constitutional Defense - Butlerian Group) - The first black President's term looks as if its going to make the awkwardness of his predecessor's time in office look like smooth sailing. Anderson may have been a reactionary Vice President, but it was at least a kind of reactionary we could understand. At least he has Congress on his side I guess.

Vice-President

Gordon Robertson (Christian Democratic) - After six years of condemning Anderson as a 'socialist turncoat' for serving as Commoner's VP, the evangelical finds himself eating his own words. I get why the New Founders decided to get rid of the Twelfth Amendment of the Old Constitution, but it doesn't mean anyone has to like it. Especially not Robertson.

Congress

Majority

Constitutional Defence - Butlerian Group - In a surprisingly good mood considering Robertson is going to be glowering at them constantly for six years, I suppose thats thanks to having a majority for the first time since... well since ever I guess.

Opposition

Constitutional Defence - Washingtonian Group - With their Congressional Leader turned out in his own seat, the Washingtonians are uneasy about recent developments. Their stodgy 'non-partisan' conservatism has not exactly served them well over the last twelve years and then there's Traficant on the backbenches, thinking the unthinkable and probably doing it too.

Christian Democratic - Given they didn't exist six years ago except as a newsletter within the NDP, their Congressional presence is pretty alarming. They have to admit their disappointed at not being the Official Opposition tho, what with Robertson Actually Being In The White House. And if they hated Anderson's 'capitulation', they are going to despise the fact that Burns is not going to knock down the Butler Memorial in favour of a giant statue of Jesus.

Constitutional Defense - Heinleinian Group - There have been enough editorials comparing them with the CDP over the last four years for us to never have to worry about kindling for fires ever again. How helpful splitting with the Butlerians over the lack of progress in social reform since 1989 remains to be seen.

New Democratic - Yesterday was once tomorrow. Once upon a time these guys seemed like fascist lunatics, but nowadays they seem almost sane. And they do seem awful friendly with the aforementioned Traficant since the election results came through.
 
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For Us, The Living

21.01.1995

The White House

President

Noah Burns (Constitutional Defense - Butlerian Group) - The first black President's term looks as if its going to make the awkwardness of his predecessor's time in office look like smooth sailing. Anderson may have been a reactionary Vice President, but it was at least a kind of reactionary we could understand. At least he has Congress on his side I guess.

Vice-President

Gordon Robertson (Christian Democratic) - After six years of condemning Anderson as a 'socialist turncoat' for serving as Commoner's VP, the evangelical finds himself eating his own words. I get why the New Founders decided to get rid of the Twelfth Amendment of the Old Constitution, but it doesn't mean anyone has to like it. Especially not Robertson.

Congress

Majority

Constitutional Defence - Butlerian Group - In a surprisingly good mood considering Robertson is going to be glowering at them constantly for six years, I suppose thats thanks to having a majority for the first time since... well since ever I guess.

Opposition

Constitutional Defence - Washingtonian Group - With their Congressional Leader turned out in his own seat, the Washingtonians are uneasy about recent developments. Their stodgy 'non-partisan' conservatism has not exactly served them well over the last twelve years and then there's Traficant on the backbenches, thinking the unthinkable and probably doing it too.

Christian Democratic - Given they didn't exist six years ago except as a newsletter within the NDP, their Congressional presence is pretty alarming. They have to admit their disappointed at not being the Official Opposition tho, what with Robertson Actually Being In The White House. And if they hated Anderson's 'capitulation', they are going to despise the fact that Burns is not going to knock down the Butler Memorial in favour of a giant statue of Jesus.

Constitutional Defense - Heinleinian Group - There have been enough editorials comparing them with the CDP over the last four years for us to never have to worry about kindling for fires ever again. How helpful splitting with the Butlerians over the lack of progress in social reform since 1989 remains to be seen.

New Democratic - Yesterday was once tomorrow. Once upon a time these guys seemed like fascist lunatics, but nowadays they seem almost sane. And they do seem awful friendly with the aforementioned Traficant since the election results came through.

Constitutional Defense - Taken literally, America's dominant party since their foundation in the aftermath of the Crisis of 1968 and the establishment of the New Constitution. A broad tent party encompassing the centre-right to the left, they formed accordance to the new measures that limited the Presidency, ostensibly to prevent another mess like 1968 - this involved limiting Presidents to a single six year term, and revoking the 12th Amendment so second placed Presidential candidates would occupy the office of Vice President. For nearly 20 years, Constitutional Defense held the Executive virtually unopposed, which unfortunately fed into a phenomena similar to Groko in OTL Europe where dissatisfaction with centrist moderation has seen radical movements on the right emerge.

- Butlerian Group - By far the dominant strain of thought within Constitutional Defense, the heirs to America's socialist tradition, which does after all date back electorally to Smedley Butler's election in 1936. The Butlerians run a leftist gamut from European style social democracy to the distinctly American form of syndicalism. Environmentalism is a recent strain of thought in the Group but one they have embraced, and consider themselves the heirs to the Rooseveltian Progressive tradition of green politics. They also pursue a definitely Butlerian policy of 'enlightened isolationism', preferring to avoid foreign entanglements if at all necessary. They have been forced to compromise on their social agenda over the last six years as the New Democrats entered the White House, and that doesn't look to change any time soon.

- Washingtonian Group - Once proud and mighty, the successors to the Republicans and Progressives, the Washingtonians find themselves marginalised and outdated, and while they maintain their position as the official oppostion, this is mostly due to tribalism and a general mistrust of the parties outside Constitutional Defense. In Europe, they would probably fit comfortably into the category of Christian democracy, but those words carry a different connotation in America. The Washingtonians are more interventionist in their foreign policy though they continue to regard America's business as the Western Hemisphere and anything outside of that as secondary.

- Heinleinian Group - A splitter from the Butlerians, the Heinleinians are so-called for the first Constitutional Defense President and base their beliefs less on what he did as President and more on his writings and beliefs since and before. Most notably they are social libertarians and this is the reason they split. When the New Democrats managed to displace the Washingtonians from their comfortable position, they entered the White House and what followed was six years of social ossification, not really any reverses no real progress either. The Heinleinians are frustrated by the Butlerian leadership's willingness to compromise on these matters. Have few opinions on foreign policy but their general idealistic outlook means they are more fond of liberal interventionism.

Christian Democratic - Just as the Heinleinians split from the Butlerians for their lack of social progress, the CDP split from the New Democrats for their lack of social conservatism. The NDP almost certainly would have banned abortions and forced gays back into the college if they could, but they were in no position to do so, as Constitutional Defense closed ranks against them in Congress. The CDP is now in the same position as their predecessors but are rather better as explaining why women are still in the Army than the NDP ever was, blaming it on the socialist elites. The CDP is economically centrist, meaning they are OK with Butlerian economic policy as long as it is not Godless Communism. And as fore foreign policy they are also mostly isolationist but are paradoxically also gun toting militarists.

New Democratic - Long hobbled by their association with Long and Carto, the NDP reformed and shifted toward the centre until they came second at the 1988 Presidential election. And once there all they did was stop things from happening. Tend to be economically conservative, positions easily shot down by the increasingly Butlerian majority in Congress, but their social conservatism halted any progress initiated there either. Six years of failure to compromise saw the more reactionary chunk of the party cleave away and form the CDP. The rump that is left is more liberals and indeed has more in common with the Washingtonians. As the Butlerian's enhance their grip over Constitutional Defense, the two marginalised liberal-conservative parties increasingly align.
 
I thought I'd do this as background to my ongoing FH TL

2029

Major Parties
Labour:
With petrol costs reaching 4 pounds a litre Labour has a difficult choice to make - do they do something to help the people who can't afford new cars but need to get around, or do they keep pushing for those environment targets?
Conservative: Graham Linehan wrote for the Daily Mail calling the Conservatives the party of free speech. It's funny the extent to which this sentence wouldn't have been a fucking car crash for the Tories like five years ago.
Liberal Democrat: Asking for an extra penny on income tax for education is good, but when you can't explain what it's for without using words like "holistic" "ontology" and "communification" it starts to sound like money down the drain.
Green: Think punitive Planet Wrecker taxes on residents without solar panels are great. It's a shame that in Green controlled urban councils like Oxford they're mostly paid by residents whose landlords have illegally dodged putting the panels on the roof.

National Parties
SNP:
Are trying to attack Labour on the left by *checks notes* arguing Garden Taxes should target residents not owners.
Plaid Cymru: The Welsh Foreign Office thing is basically the ultimate gimmick from a government that's looking increasingly panicked about having a landslide majority and no policies.
Scottish Green Party: They're debating prison abolition at conference they're literally doing it they're going to discuss prison abolition. I mean, it'll be sent back without a vote but it'll be discussed.
Welsh Green Party: Basically two parties and it's really weird when the English style deep Greens and the celtic fringe eco-socialists have to work together.

Northern Ireland
Sinn Fein:
Every new think piece about how Sinn Fein will definitely never end their abstention policy just makes me more and more certain that Sinn Fein are going to end their abstention policy
DUP: Still going forward with their Supreme Court appeal against gender self-ID. Given that they couldn't persuade their own MLAs to all back the petition of concern I think they're fucked on this
Alliance: Are struggling with the Gaelic certification scheme. They're basically the party of unionists who think they're neutral and the question of the Ulster Scots supplement and how much value it should have is never going to go away until the UK gets into the same ISO standard as the EU and can therefore sit down with Ireland and discuss this, so, this'll roll on forever.
UUP: The party of neutrals who think they're unionists have actually made great progress on the Gaelic suplement to Ulster Scots, which is probably just going to piss off the DUP more.
Green Party Northern Ireland: Want to introduce mandatory solar panels of rented property which... they should probably do before Westminster forces the issue and turns this into abortion all over again.
SDLP: Were there too.

Regional Parties
Libertarian: Chelmsford County Council has passed a motion that they will not report hate speech, calling the new hate laws a violation of the British Declaration of Rights and Values. Fun fact, the Libertarians supported repealing the ECHR and the HRA, which might have legally given them a leg to stand on.
Women's Equality Party: Despite campaigning for the Hate Laws for years they're suddenly being very quiet because some of the party's significant donors are very afraid of what might happen next time they get on the G&T and accidentally tell people what they really think.
Yorkshire Party: Just basically a lot of running round by one lady trying to win a personal vote over a whole MMP region.

Minor Parties [confirmed over 5000 members]
UKIP:
Reeling somewhat from the news that Nigel Farage thinks they've closed down.
Alliance for Restoration: Their councillor in Chard has been arrested for sexually harassing an amputee on a bus and this is a good week for them compared to usual.
The Left: The first party to have a multiples representative and the councillor's association is furious.
Christian People's Alliance: Sharing a report on the True Costs of Homosexuality and it's about the worst thing ever.
 
The People’s Democratic Republic of Australia

Election Saturday 27 October 2018, and its aftermath

Government:

The Party: At the last biennial congress in Brisbane in July of this year, the Council of Deputies re-nominated the Dear Leader J. Winston Howard the Elder, for his eighteenth successive term as President. He, in turn, appointed each of the Deputies to fill 150 of the 151 seats in Parliament.

In his speech for the re-opening of Parliament, the Beloved Father J. Winston Howard the Elder welcomed the news of 37 years of uninterrupted economic growth, and that he asked the MPs to pass an enabling act for all citizens to enjoy at least two meals a day, with meat at least once a week, and named meat at least once a month.

Opposition:

United Australia: The leader and sole MP of the United Australia Party, Clive F. Palmer, thanked the citizens of Australia in giving his party a clean sweep in the latest elections, winning every available seat.

In his inaugural speech, he said that he looks forward to being an effective voice for the Loyal Opposition, and that he hopes, with the blessing of the Sun of the Nation J. Winston Howard the Elder, to create a dinosaur theme park greater than any which the world has ever seen, hosted inside the full-size replica ship, Titanic II.

Non-Parliamentary Parties:

Labor: The leader of the party, the outgoing MP Kevin Rudd, thanked the voting public for the trust they had showed in the last election by electing him to Parliament. He said that he would continue to strive to better the lot of unemployed workers through his personal efforts even now that he was no longer in the legislature. At present he is the only person on the official roll of the unemployed.

Constitutional Monarchists: The leader of the Constitutional Monarchists, Earle Duke, issued a statement saying that he would continue to encourage the World Leader of the 21st Century, J. Winston Howard the Elder, to accept the crown.

Nationals: No representative of the National Party was available for public comment after their failure to win any seats in Parliament at the last election. The party later issued a statement denying the rumours that this was because they had been too drunk in premature celebration of their expected victory in the election; this was surprising because up until that point no-one had known of the existence of those rumours.

Sex Party: The leader of the Sex Party, Anne Ominous, said that she was gratified to see how many citizens had voted for Sex, that she looked forward to her role as the alternative opposition, and that she was ready to tackle the proposition of a parliamentary career. When questioned whether she meant prospect rather than proposition, she replied that either worked.

Help End Marijuana Prohibition (HEMP): The leader of HEMP, Nigel Freemarijuana, commented that he looked forward to continuing his role as head of the government-in-exile for occupied Nimbin, and that the Invincible and Triumphant General J. Winston Howard the Elder would have the full support of him and his government-in-exile in the event that war with the southern enemy resumed. When questioned what he meant by full support, he said that both members of the government-in-exile would offer a joint statement in support of the cause.

Shooters: No representatives of the Shooters were available for public comment after their failure to win any seats in Parliament at the last election. Their press secretary issued a statement that they were too busy patrolling the banks of the Tweed in case the demilitarised zone turned out not to be.

Australian: The leader of the Australian Party, Robert C Katter II, issued a statement saying that he regretted not winning election, but that he trusted the wisdom of the voting public and the perpetual guidance of the Dear Leader, who is a perfect incarnation of the appearance that a leader should have, J. Winston Howard the Elder. He said that he intended to spend his next two years in opposition promoting the growth of the native Australian ethanol industry and researching the crocodile problem in northern Australia, and noted that the latter problem often followed the former.
 
The People’s Democratic Republic of Australia

Election Saturday 27 October 2018, and its aftermath

Government:

The Party: At the last biennial congress in Brisbane in July of this year, the Council of Deputies re-nominated the Dear Leader J. Winston Howard the Elder, for his eighteenth successive term as President. He, in turn, appointed each of the Deputies to fill 150 of the 151 seats in Parliament.

In his speech for the re-opening of Parliament, the Beloved Father J. Winston Howard the Elder welcomed the news of 37 years of uninterrupted economic growth, and that he asked the MPs to pass an enabling act for all citizens to enjoy at least two meals a day, with meat at least once a week, and named meat at least once a month.

Opposition:

United Australia: The leader and sole MP of the United Australia Party, Clive F. Palmer, thanked the citizens of Australia in giving his party a clean sweep in the latest elections, winning every available seat.

In his inaugural speech, he said that he looks forward to being an effective voice for the Loyal Opposition, and that he hopes, with the blessing of the Sun of the Nation J. Winston Howard the Elder, to create a dinosaur theme park greater than any which the world has ever seen, hosted inside the full-size replica ship, Titanic II.

Non-Parliamentary Parties:

Labor: The leader of the party, the outgoing MP Kevin Rudd, thanked the voting public for the trust they had showed in the last election by electing him to Parliament. He said that he would continue to strive to better the lot of unemployed workers through his personal efforts even now that he was no longer in the legislature. At present he is the only person on the official roll of the unemployed.

Constitutional Monarchists: The leader of the Constitutional Monarchists, Earle Duke, issued a statement saying that he would continue to encourage the World Leader of the 21st Century, J. Winston Howard the Elder, to accept the crown.

Nationals: No representative of the National Party was available for public comment after their failure to win any seats in Parliament at the last election. The party later issued a statement denying the rumours that this was because they had been too drunk in premature celebration of their expected victory in the election; this was surprising because up until that point no-one had known of the existence of those rumours.

Sex Party: The leader of the Sex Party, Anne Ominous, said that she was gratified to see how many citizens had voted for Sex, that she looked forward to her role as the alternative opposition, and that she was ready to tackle the proposition of a parliamentary career. When questioned whether she meant prospect rather than proposition, she replied that either worked.

Help End Marijuana Prohibition (HEMP): The leader of HEMP, Nigel Freemarijuana, commented that he looked forward to continuing his role as head of the government-in-exile for occupied Nimbin, and that the Invincible and Triumphant General J. Winston Howard the Elder would have the full support of him and his government-in-exile in the event that war with the southern enemy resumed. When questioned what he meant by full support, he said that both members of the government-in-exile would offer a joint statement in support of the cause.

Shooters: No representatives of the Shooters were available for public comment after their failure to win any seats in Parliament at the last election. Their press secretary issued a statement that they were too busy patrolling the banks of the Tweed in case the demilitarised zone turned out not to be.

Australian: The leader of the Australian Party, Robert C Katter II, issued a statement saying that he regretted not winning election, but that he trusted the wisdom of the voting public and the perpetual guidance of the Dear Leader, who is a perfect incarnation of the appearance that a leader should have, J. Winston Howard the Elder. He said that he intended to spend his next two years in opposition promoting the growth of the native Australian ethanol industry and researching the crocodile problem in northern Australia, and noted that the latter problem often followed the former.

Thanks for bleaching my mind
 
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